Why so many girls invest too much time/years on bfs that won't commit?

[Anonymous]

I've heard the same story for ages since the 1990's (even earlier too); the girl either already knows the relationship isn't progressing or the man himself already told her ''I don't ever want kids or marriage, take it or leave it'' from the beginning and she's still wasting time with him, still with the ''but if he's with the right girl, he'll soften his stance'' mentality. Meanwhile he's happily getting all the chocolate, her years slipping by and pretty much she'll find herself in these two common (bad) positions:

- Another single, childless 30+ year-old woman... her fertile years are almost over by then

- Another single mother of 2-3 kids from different ex bfs... her market value is reduced greatly; very few men will take her serious and raise children not his

There are still serious men out there that will grant her what she's looking for, sacrifice their freedom and place her needs/years on top of his desires/unlimited time. They might not move on to sex quickly but will expect the woman to put other things to the tables, besides just looks, other useful qualities. They usually ask for similar traits too.

So honestly, why are so many girls investing too much time on bfs (even when the guy was straight forward from day 1) that won't ever commit?

Updates

1 y

If a man told me he never wanted kids, I don't care how attractive he is. I'm running towards the exit door in seconds.

[MrOracle]

These delusional women really BELIEVE (simply because the WANT it to be true) that they'll be able to change his mind. That NEVER actually happens, yet those women absolutely will not listen to anyone - and often her friends and family try to warn her, but she isn't hearing it.

The best part is: when she FINALLY accepts that it's never going to change, she blames the MAN, even though he told her from the beginning what the deal was. Why? Because those women can absolutely NEVER accept responsibility for ANYTHING, no matter what. That's why they live in delusion - they think if they blame everything on everyone else, that everyone will just go along with it.

[Asker]

yeah that's their fault for allowing themselves to be strung along. They chose that man and chose to be in that position. If a man told me ''I never want marriage nor kids'', I'm stepping out the door in seconds. I wouldn't even waste another minute with him, much less weeks. Years? No way. I would get bored so fast, faster than those delusional women.

[Anonymous]

Why do women always look at relationships as some kind of perpetual construction project. Only women think of relationships as making or needing “progress.” Towards what? What is the end goal here? Is there even one to meet?

I suspect women can’t not think like this because you’ve got that biological clock ticking, telling you to find a mate and pop one one out before your ovaries shrivel up. With guys we just think, “Yeah she’s cool and I enjoy spending time with her.” We don’t think “our relationship isn’t progressing!”

Its like when women want to know “what are we.” I thought we were hanging out having a good time. Are you on a schedule? Do you have some kind of milestones to meet in the relationship? Wtf. “Progress.” 🤦‍♂️ Just enjoy your time together instead of planning out your life.

[Asker]

Because it really goes against our biology. Those two positions I've just listed are bad for a woman that wants commitment and kids. Yes there are women that never want kids and are happy with just a boyfriend. Those women exist. My aunt is one of those. She never had urges for kids.
However, in my post I'm referring to women that do want to form a family with a husband. It's about finding a stable, permanent provider that will be there for their kids. She can't be forever into the ''I'm just having a great time and great sex'' phase forever. She doesn't have all the time in the world to be dating boyfriend after boyfriend, all ending in break-ups. Men and women are simply different creatures with different purposes, different advantages and disadvantages.

[BlueScorpio]

Cause that's the whole point of a relationship? If you're not trying to grow and progress with the person your involved with then what's the point of being with them? Would you waste 5, 10 years at a job that worked hard to progress in knowing its never going to promote you or at least give you raises when that's what you're expecting?

[Opinion Owner]

@BlueScorpio Grow and progress?

Do you have a checklist? How do you know you’re “growing and progressing”? Surely you must have a chart, some kind of list or instructions to follow? 🤷‍♂️ 🤔

[Xoxocutekitty]

1) depending on when they meet a guy, they may not be thinking about marriage, so never think to set a timeline.

2) some guys do grow up with their partners. Women are happy to 'wait' and see if their man does grow up too. Bar hopping at 27 is a lot more fun than bar hopping at 32. Even men start feeling too old for post college venues, and they start wanting property and families when they see their buddies getting them.

3) some women would rather be unhappy in a relationship than take the risk of being single, alone, or dating at square 1.

[BlueScorpio]

Cause they put a lot of time and effort into that relationship and just don't want to throw it away so suddenly. It requires starting over and a lot of people are afraid to start over and be alone again cause dating and relationships take time to build. And some do hold out on hoping thinking he will change his mind or that they can change him, basically projects which never pan out well for them.

[Asker]

Yet in the end, being single is better than being unhappy and miserable in a relationship that's not going where you want it to be.

[QuietVerbena]

Hope springs eternal. I don’t agree with your analysis of market value (I don’t believe in reducing relationships to an economic model) but I agree with you that if a girl wants a committed relationship she shouldn’t waste her time on a guy who won’t commit.

[Asker]

By saying her maket value is reduced it means she's really screwed. In the first case scenario (single, childless woman 30+ years old), she has a very limited time to do the process of getting into another relationship and succeed in finding a man that will commit quickly.
In the 2nd case (single woman with 2-3 kids of different ex bfs), she was a 30-40% chance of finding a decent man that will accept her and her kids... and still grant her commitment.

[QuietVerbena]

Women can find love in their forties. Plenty of divorced men out there.

[Asker]

yes I know but I'm referring to women that wanted a family early on and ended up wasting time on men not giving them commitment

[QuietVerbena]

In that case I totally agree with you

[dustybiker]

Same reason so many young woman of the 90’s purposely became pregnant thinking that would change a young man they wanted and make them commit. They learned it did no such thing.

Young woman often think they can change a man.

Men are who they project to be. Ask them point blank. They will tell you. They aren’t confusing. You can’t change them, they can only do the growing and maturing thing in their own time.

[JSmuve]

Because she doesn't think she can do better. He might check off a lot of boxes, he might make her vagina tingle in ways no other man has before, or she might not have a lot of dating options. Whatever the reason, she's too emotionally invested in the guy to leave.

[Asker]

Sadly, she's the one that's throwing away her youthful years. By the time she gets out of that ''oh my love of my life'' lustful moment, she'll be shocked to see she's now in her 30's and she gained nothing from all that, nothing but a kick in the curb once a break-up happens.

[JSmuve]

Well she can seek solace in the fact that she has more value than the women who spent their 20s sleeping around and now want to settle down and have kids in their 30s but can't find a decent guy

[Asker]

Not really. Both women have the same end result:
They're in their 30's and still have a limited time to find a decent man that will commit.
A woman that slept around in their 20's and a woman who slept years into a dead-end relationship still wasted time.

[Asker]

They both still wasted time on sex and a man/men that won't commit.

[JSmuve]

Yes, but the one that didn't sleep around will have an easier time finding a guy to accept her than the ones that did sleep around. Sure, they put themselves in the same situation, but one will have an easier time getting out of it

[sheikalana]

Deep down they have some hopes that one day the guy is going to change.

[Luopio27]

Perfect answer.

[Asker]

She can't keep hoping all she wants to but she's back into reality when it's all just hope and dreams.

[Asker]

She can

[Heolurt]

Why commit to a female who can easily leave and be given half of their hard earned stuff and money? Why commit when men are constantly told how useless and unneeded or unwanted our gender is? There's not anything about committing to a female that works in favour of the male, Hell females can't even take accountability and only ever blame men.

[Asker]

The very last sentence in your paragraph is actually right. Yes, those women aren't taking any accountability when selecting men that don't commit and staying with them. It is partially her fault for even allowing herself to get stuck along for years. She indeed still chose him and agreed with his agenda.
As for me, why should I agree to be some man's eternal girlfriend and just live together with him. Just like you said commitment isn't in your favor, agreeing to his agenda isn't in my favor either. Biological, nope we don't have time to be dating forever and living with boyfriend after boyfriend for years.
Eventually a group of people have to unite and work on finding a ground that works for both genders, that would favor both.

[UniquelyBasic]

Probably just lack of communication from the start. People should be upfront about what they want and ask the proper questions on a first or second date to decide if its going to be a waste of time.

[Asker]

Yes exactly. If a man told ''I never want kids'' I'm running out the door in less than a second. I'm out already. I wouldn't even waste another minute with him.

[Asker]

yet many girls that want marriage and kids still give him the time of the day... wow... that's stupidity

[hahahmm]

Simple. Feminists taught women that they can have everything they want in life. So those women think they can do whatever makes them FEEL good and there won't be consequences that they don't like later on.

[242plusInfinity]

Because they are desperate. That's what desperate people do. If they knew there was a million fish in the sea they would leave but they dont know that. They know it intellectually but it is not a belief. That's why women hold on.

[U4ea0]

In these situations it is usually the girl's fault. She has probably had a promiscuous past and he knows about it. He isn't going to marry a slut.

[Asker]

Or her fault for even allowing herself to be strung along. No one held a gun to her head and told her to continue staying with him for years.

[Asker]

She always had the exit door when she was still in her 20's.

[Jay3344]

Want of intimacy or similar ideas for the relationship - no kids or marriage. Maybe she likes the status of having a boyfriend or hates to be alone. There’s plenty of reasons

[Asker]

Nope. Those women in those stories always wanted kids and marriage but they let themselves stay strung along and really think the man will change his mind somehow. Delusional.

[Ryan1979]

For some reason they feel that man will change his mind. Women like to fix broken men which is the other reason.

[FilmGuy93]

They hold onto the hope that he will think she's worth changing for.

[Asker]

and sadly by the time she wakes up from fantasyland, she already wasted precious fertile years.

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah... it's a shame that so many women get sucked into those situations.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they match all their checklists except for that one thing and work on changing it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

There are in fact women who don't want kids.

[Asker]

In that case it's ok and cohabitation is suitable for her. Yes there are women that don't want kids and that's fine. However, the stories I've heard are from women that want kids and marriage and the man they've invested and spent years with don't and they keep endlessly waiting for that proposal they'll never get.
Too many ''We've been together for 6+ years, when is he going to propose'' or ''He doesn't believe in marriage but I want that, what do I do'', etc stories. It's not ok when people aren't on the same page. Someone that doesn't want marriage and kids shouldn't be with someone that wants that.

[Asker]

A woman that wants commitment shouldn't waste too much of her time/years on a man that won't give her that.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'll give endless commitment, time. and affection to a woman who doesn't want kids and shares my hobbies and interests.

People who date or marry someone who isn't their mental clone are dumb.

[TheSpaceGnome]

As for why, as with most stupidity, I don't know why people do it.

[Asker]

The last statement is just perfect. Why would a woman that wants kids and marriage date a man that doesn't want nor believe in those things? That's like dating a religious fanatic trying to convert you while you're an atheist. Nope. That relationship was never meant to be and should've have gone past a date. They should've gone their separate ways from day 1.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Agreed, I avoid religious people like the plague. And I refuse to date someone who is my mental opposite.

Some people are gullible and desperate. But you can't change a person.

[Anonymous]

They like to think they can change them.