Why are many marriage-minded women idolizing bfs or ex bfs that won't commit?

[Anonymous]

Reading some of the post here and on other sites by women that want marriage is really depressing. They are idolizing, putting bfs or ex bfs that won't commit on a pedestal. These are a couple of the examples I've come across so far:

Man already broke up with her several months ago and she's still thinking he's the man and that she won't find anyone as good as him. Really? She can find tons of bfs like him. Bfs, not a husband.

''Oh I don't know what to do, I love so much but I don't fit the list of requirements (such as being religious) he makes for a future wife. Really? And she's still with him, idolizing, saying how much she loves him. Loves what if he's already saying she isn't suitable for a wife according to him.

''Oh I gave me everything, even kids and why don't be marry he after 7 years, but I love him''. Really? What do you love about someone that isn't contributing back, that you gave everything for FREE, even a child without commitment and at a higher risk of being a single mother.

If they're marriage-minded and they really want that in life (I just saw a couple that got married last month), why do they keep holding on to bfs? Why are they putting bfs on a pedestal? Why aren't they doing a better job in their vetting process and search for compatible men?

Updates

1 y

By putting him around and idolizing him for so long, she's wasting her own time and draining her fertile years, as well as dropping her market value. How can he be the love of her life is he's not giving her what she supposedly always wanted.

[Anonymous]

Because they're women. Women do not really live in reality. This is why PUA's are able to be successful with them. Because any guy that understands women know when her feelings turns on her brain turns off. Once once she hooked. She'd sooner cut off her right arm then quit. This isalso why abusive guys get away with they want.

Don't get me wrong this is a good quality when they actually choose a good man. Because this quality allows them to overlook the stupid things that even good men do from time to time. But it also leaves emotionally chained to men they should never have gotten wit to begin with.

[Asker]

By the time they get back to reality (it changes nothing that she's just a girlfriend, a temporary person he can easily dump, they've been on the dating stage forever, lol), a large portion of their fertile years are gone, the chances of having a healthy baby deminishes the longer that boyfriend keeps her childless and they still didn't get a good man to commit, which isn't hard if the vetting process would've been done from the start. Just loving someone because of feeling and the sweet words he says isn't enough if they have nothing in common outside of the bed.
It's really depressing that my gender can lack common sense. We lose if we don't select right during our good years.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes this is all sound logic. Your gender does not use that when they're in their feelings. To be fair neither do men. But I think men are much much better at compartmentalizing their feelings so they're more likely to c9ntrol their feelings then their feelings controlling them.

[morganherrel]

Because that's how women are. I often like to say "oh there are plenty of men who will commit and be good loyal husbands, but you won't date them!" :)

Women tend to realize this mistake in their 30s after their market value has already plummeted. But in their 20s, these women feel like they have high market value, and dating apps reinforce this illusion.

[Asker]

yeah and it takes them too long to bring them back to their reality that after all those years, they're still in the initial dating/infatuation stage, still the hopeless ''one day we'll get married'' forever girlfriend, LOL.

[Nikki1989]

Some women feel more comfortable clinging to the familiar, even if it's a painful or unhealthy relationship.

[Asker]

Then they'll realize when too much time passed and things aren't changing, they have less fertile years and they have to start all over again.

[MoonFace2]

‘You just like me cause I’m good in bed;’ skyhooks seems like an appropriate song to add.

[AI Opinion]

You've touched on some classic love traps! Women idolizing commitment-phobic bfs or exes is all about chasing potential over reality. It's like falling in love with a fantasy version of someone who's just not ready to commit. The sad truth is that they confuse time invested with actual compatibility. Love can blind our red flag-radar, making it tough to let go of the "what ifs." When someone idealizes a partner, they're focusing on the highlights reel and ignoring the behind-the-scenes drama. It's essential for them to reassess what they truly want and deserve. 💖 Love should be mutual, filled with real commitment and reciprocity!

[Lynx122]

Evolution doesn't care about our happiness. There are different competing priorities inside of us and some of them are not compatible with a happy long term relationship. So if that's what you want, you have to be able to identify that something is not helping you and choose a different path. But most people are not great at identifying their own harmful behavior and then changing it.

[Asker]

My mind can't understand how two people that aren't compatible in major goals and wants (wanting marriage and kids vs only wanting a childfree relationship but no marriage is a huge difference) are even together for too long.

[Lynx122]

She wants this guy because there's something about him that's rare and attractive to her she doesn't want to "settle" for a different guy even if he actually wants to be with her. It's ego and pickiness etc. She just doesn't feel any other guy is good enough, she's not attracted to them so she'd rather be a fuckbuddy of the guy she likes than pursue a meaningful relationship. Later on she'll blame it all on the guy for not comitting to her. If you can't relate to it then it's probably a good sign for you lol.

[Asker]

Little does she knows there is really nothing rare about an attractive boyfriend that won't commit. There are dozens of them. A rare man would be one that has everything, that's very attractive, very ambitious, has options, can be a player if he wants to but instead is marriage-minded out of choice. Or a man that is waiting till marriage out of choice (and not because of limited social skills but would be a player if he had the skills) but he has options; now that's rare. I'm 22 and this is actually the time to start the vetting process since it actually takes time from meeting someone, to dating them to engagement, married and then kids. Though it shouldn't take more than 2-3 years to get engaged nor more than 6 months in the engagement.

[Lynx122]

Yes well people don't always make the right choices.

[Anonymous]

this is what having a high body count does to someone

sure they can pretend the past is just the past but yet they know they can't erase it

and let's keep it real. everyone is out here comparing everyone else whether they admit or not, even subconsciously whether intentional or not

[Asker]

the hooking-up culture is like a drug isn't it? Hence why there is such a thing as sex addict, since it can become an addiction and even make people confuse lust for love, then realize they don't even know the person very well outside of the bed.

[Opinion Owner]

yes it is a drug and one that can ruin lives just like any addiction

hookup culture reverts us back into wild animals running on primal instincts rather than human beings with love

[kaucky1]

They all not even made like me to even think about what makes them hard they got no clue yet along feel it when they touch it they tell vessal after head bunting them don't touch me mine would do same them and I told them I'll suck a girl's dick so they won't stay on any of them

[DtMe89]

They think they'll change them

[Asker]

It's sad how my gender operates many times. They take too much time on a man that isn't committing, knowing very well their time is running out. Each year they waste on those men that keep them childless is another wasted year, another year of less egg count.
Or if she gets pregnant by just a boyfriend, well she already lower her market value if he bails out. Even if she can get child support out of him, it still doesn't erase the fact that she couldn't get commitment from him and is a single mother. Then the child likely grows up unstable.

[Asker]

Both positions (childless forever girlfriend and pregnant girlfriend) are negative for us.

[DtMe89]

I don't want kids, or marriage. I dont think marriage is a necessary thing, and kids are demon spawn. i don't want a girlfriend though

[Asker]

It's one thing if you don't want neither kids, marriage nor a girlfriend either. Be happy with what you want in life.
My questions pertains to the women that want marriage and kids as a goal but are wasting their time with men that won't want those. It's unfair to both people. Both are wasting time, more the woman since we have a biological clock.

[DtMe89]

Biological clock is made up

[Asker]

menopause is real

[DtMe89]

I mean, sure, you go through the change, but, no, there's no "biological clock"

[Asker]

It means you have a window frame to have healthy kids. I'm currently 22 and therefore, I would be at my best fertile year and within a good time to start my vetting process.

[Asker]

If I were much older (32+ years old), I would have less time for kids and commitment.

[DtMe89]

If you had a career

[DtMe89]

But no, there's no "biological clock"

[DtMe89]

Once you start to realize that time is made up, and that clocks aren't real, you'll continue to be delusional. And why you want kids so badly, just makes you look insane

[Asker]

I don't want to be single nor a mother at 30 years old. I would like to have my 3rd child by the time I'm 30 and married.

[Anonymous]

Alpha widows