Is it a red flag 🚩 ?

[Justonecindy]

I’ve been married for 8 years with my husband. He never wanted to use condoms until now. We can go months without touching each other. He keeps bragging how men find him attractive instead of women. Lately he’s been super jealous. He had almost 5 thousand dollars and I asked to lend me 1000 and he said I don’t have that money anymore plus you make good money. I’m independent never ask for a penny but I pay for all the bills and groceries and he just gives me his tips for the gas.

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm not sure if "red-flag" applies exactly... but everything you wrote here sounds... like a marriage that isn't going well (to put it mildly).

All of the things you list here are definitely problems. Like significant problems that indicate a fucked-up, twisted dynamic that seems to have developed between you two (over the course of... I'm not sure how long exactly).

There is quite a lot in here. Every one of these things seems to each imply a larger problem behind it (e. g. a lack of intimacy, or a lack of trust, lack of communication, lack of being 'on the same page' financially, and the whole... you worry that he's secretly gay thing.')

To me, one of the most significant things about the condom thing is the CHANGE. If he didn't want to use them before, then what is responsable for the change?

While we're at it: Maybe I'm a bit dim, but... may I ask: What specifically do YOU worry is the reason for him all-of-a-sudden wanting to use condoms? I can clearly see that this is a problem, but I am not quite sure what exactly you're thinking. This is a weird thing for a husband to do in ANY circumstances that I can think of.

Are you, for example, worried that he's cheating and all-of-a-sudden worried about giving you an STI? I can't help but think that it would be way... less dumb for him to wear condoms while cheating, rather than wearing them with his wife... who naturally will have some questions about it.

Or are you worried that he is 'half-checked-out' of the marriage, and (all-of-a-sudden) knows, for certain, that he definitely does not want to get you pregnant, since he isn't necessarily thinking of a future for the "two of you"?

Those are the two possibilities that come to my mind... yet... both of them seem unlikely (which is why you don't hear of husbands doing this... even if husbands do cheat and/or 'half-check-out of marriages').

So, may I ask you to please spell-out exactly what you're worried about with the condom thing? (sorry!)

It's clearly an odd thing to do, and it really isn't something a husband can do with no explanation. An explanation is totally required here (from him I mean).

Also... you worry your husband is secretly gay? I don't know what he says or how often he says it... but, it's kind of a big-deal to think your husband is attracted to men...(and by implication, not attracted to you). I assume that there are other things contributing to you worrying about this? I think this is something you have to somehow come to a satisfactory conclusion about. It's messed-up for you to be worrying about this. That indicates some things which need to be "worked-out" between you two.

The "lately" part of his 'super-jelousy' generally is not good. Again it's the "change" that's significant. A jelous guy is a jelous guy. But "all-of-a-sudden" jelousy... that could indeed be projecting.

And if you've been married for several years, I would think that you two would have worked-out something more "joint" when it comes to the finances. It surprises me that the 5 thousand dollars was "his" and you asked to "borrow" some. I was equally surprised to hear that the bills and grocery costs are "yours" (minus gas money).

This sounds like a marriage in trouble for sure. Whether it's "red-flags" or not... these are serious problems that you and he are going to need to TALK ABOUT honestly and openly with each other. Otherwise, I cannot see how a marriage would be able to last with all the unspoken questions, resentments, lack of intimacy etc.

You two need to have a serious talk about your marriage, your (and his) concerns, and your future. Good luck 🙂

[Light909090]

Bragging about men finding him attractive woah 🤯 Put your foot on the gas pedal because your boyfriend Is Ha Gayyyy

[Pinay_ako]

Sorry but he sounds like he’s having somewhere else.. probably with another man 😬 . And he should be paying bills too! Not give you hand outs. This is one ☝️ giant red flag. Time to go, you have a whole lot of life ahead of you. Hugs

[Guy13]

Yikes…does he work Bar/Restaurant ⁉️ Tip comment…?

[Justonecindy]

Sushi.

[Guy13]

Sorry for upsetting you (Dislike) in first post BUT since I made an effort I might as well tell you…. hopefully it will not upset you further ‼️🤷🏻‍♂️
Wow, I too would be very startled. Do you guys share passwords etc.
Honestly, I’ve heard of this happening before and I rent to the guy that left his family and children to live with a guy.
I called him since my first post and he read your story. What he said is that from what he read on your post that your husband is seeing a man BUT he is a good guy trying to protect you medically from STDs. He said that he did same thing when he fell in love with Eric.

It was not my intention to upset you in the first or this response. Since I contacted him, I thought I would tell you…I would want to know.
Best‼️

[nawtee_me]

Awe monkeypox... sounds to me like he may be switch hitting...

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Big red flag. Husband is probably screwing around with other dudes.

[spartan55]

Sounds more like a rainbow 🌈 flag to me.

[dreamstar72]

No it’s a bright red one

[Googlemyahoo]

Don’t have joint account that’s strange

[Anonymous]

A red flag of what?

[Smashingdoozy]

Uh yes.

[BLP11520]

Red flag? I think so