Like at first I was a lovesick guy paying for everything trying to impress her. Then after we lived together for a few years we started doing everything 50/50. We did that for years. Once we decided to have a baby I switched to being a provider. She took a two year leave from work and I took on a second job. I was paying for everything including her new car payments and insurance and all of our other bills, and I split everything that was left over with her.. She stayed home with our baby and we had a very traditional little family life going for a few years (It was a great time). Then eventually she went back to work, I had to cut back my hours at work and share the childcare duties. Then we started doing things 50/50 again.
No, we were together for 15 years from 2001 to 2016. Unfortunately after she went back to work she took a job in different town and we had less and less time together. Then my dad got sick and I was busy with work, running my dad back and forth to the city for appointments, taking care of his farm, and taking care of our son. My wife and I just saw each other for moments a day when passing our to each other and when one of us was leaving for work. The way we had stayed together for many years is because we were always inseparable and we spent so much time together. Once our lives became more complicated and we were both working and using social media, and too busy for each other, our relationship slowly but surely fell apart. When your spouse is literally spending more time with their co-workers than you it's a dangerous thing (Especially if they're attracted to each other). They bond with the co-workers and online "Friends" rather than their spouse in some cases.
Yeah she cheated with her co-worker and I didn't find out about it for a long time. She was having sex with both of us and it was a messed up situation. Our marriage ended terribly, and because we had been so close for so many years we really struggled to let go of each other. we did hook up and try to get back together and salvage our family a few times, but it was never the same. I couldn't trust her anymore and we had to live apart and coparent. I met another woman and I started ignoring my ex-wife when she would text me and try to get back together. Then after that relationship ended I missed my ex-wife again and I tried to text her but she was in another relationship and not interested anymore so whatever. I really don't need her like I used to, I just see our old wedding pictures and stuff and it's hard to accept that now she's just somebody that I used to know ( Like the song lyrics) lol.
I"m gonna tell you an old saying : " a marriage will never work out when your own self interests come head of that of your partner's. "
and this saying is perfectly applicable to your situation.
I knew of a chinese couple who were able to stay married 30 years despite the husband lived in china while the wife raised 3 kids in america. the wife and kids would travel back to china to visit the husband every year for 30 years. One day the wife who was in her 60s got cancer in america, the husband traveled all the way from china to america to care for her during her last years of her life. Their marriage never phased though they weren't together for so long.
But such a thing is more common in Asian culture than American culture.
@Haha456 I don't understand. I took care of my wife and child for many years and basically sacrificed all of my own interests for her. I lived life like a poor man while I gave her everything. Then I took care of our child way more than she did so she could work and blow all of her money on clothes and trips. I spoiled her to be honest. As far as the couples who live in separate countries and call that a marriage, somebody else is having sex with them all those years while they're apart. Don't kid yourself.
she cheated on you because you both never had any time together. you put your job over your marriage. there are couples out there who refuse job promotions just so that they can spend more time seeing each other at home. Spending time together is the backbone of a relationship / marriage. if you both never see each other, never do anything together, you both might as well be single
@Haha456 The reason we drifted apart and we didn't have any time for each other is because my father got sick and I had to help him on his farm as well as take care of my mother, and work, and take care of our child while my wife worked. There was no other options for me. I put everyone else first, and you also aren't acknowledging my ex-wife's shitty, slutty, disrespectful behaviour in this. I did't cheat, she did, but yet you're gonna act like I'm responsible for everything she chooses to do as well.
you or her could have switched jobs where your schedule would've been more compatible with hers. because it doesn't matter how much you want to deny it, not spending time together chronically for many years causes a lot of issues. your wife was not a slut, there was a good chance she was lonely and many of her needs weren't met.
your marriage has to be your number 1 priority above your parents, above your job, above how much money you make. if i were married to someone who was never home , never free on weekends, barely ever saw, it will only be a matter of time before i leave the marriage
@Haha456 First off I never denied that us spending time apart contributed to our problems. You think you're a genius you fucking copied your whole opinion from the opinion I already stated on this thread. Now you're repeating it to me, so that's annoying for starters. You think you just came up with something new.. Secondly, We were together for over 15 years!! Who the hell are you to judge my relationship? Some relationships just run their course and we couldn't, and didn't want to change anything. Third, Yes my ex is a total slut, you have no idea, you don't know her so take that sexist all women are innocent and just needed more attention crap somewhere else. You would have to walk a mile in my shoes before you can come here and think you know the situation and the people involved.
it doesn't matter how many years you have been together, if its 5 years or 15 years. Marriage will always need time, effort and dedication. You just fucked up but can't admit it. Your marriage was doomed to fail regardless of her cheating on you or her divorcing you. You're just using the excuse that she cheated in order to avoid taking ownership of what you've done wrong.
@Haha456 Who the fuck do you think you are? Let me guess, someone who's been married for 2 years, has no kids and thinks she's got it all figured out. Get the fuck out of here. Call me after you've accomplished what I have in life then maybe I'll listen to your crap.
@Haha456 Because a 15 year relationship isn't nearly as simple as you think. My ex and I not spending as much time together anymore was just one of the MANY FACTORS and issues that lead to our relationship ending. That's why I say, unless you actually know the people in the relationship it's very annoying to listen to some woman with no experience try to to tell you what happened. You weren't there.
do you realize that spending any time together for a very long time is already enough for a divorce? this is serious. it doesn't matter if its a 4 yr relationship or a 15 yr relationship. I don't have to be there for 15 years to understand why your wife wasn't happy being married to you. I wouldn't have stayed in a marriage where I never had the chance to see my husband.
do you realize that not**** spending any time together for a very long time is already enough for a divorce? this is serious. it doesn't matter if its a 4 yr relationship or a 15 yr relationship. I don't have to be there for 15 years to understand why your wife wasn't happy being married to you. I wouldn't have stayed in a marriage where I never had the chance to see my husband.
@Haha456 Not that it's any of you damn business but my ex wife is a total narcissist and like I said, there were many issues including the fact that she was physically abusive towards me. You don't know the whole story or how many times I left her, but went back because I didn't want to leave our child alone with her. You don't know anything about our relationship. It was good, bad, and ugly at times so just cool it with playing psychologist here.
My fiance makes twice as much as I make, he pays for most things, so I am able to put most of my income into savings. I like this because first, I or we have a lot more savings than a lot of people our age, second it takes pressure off me to stay in a job if I don't like it, I work for a corporation but I kind of want to become a kindergarten teacher at some point.
My wife and I have been married for 50 years and it has never been mine and hers it has always been ours. No separate checking accounts, one common till, financial mistakes are our fault and the repair is our responsibility. Hopefully we learn from that. I have to admit that toys came late in the game but., but remarkably all the musical instruments and sailboats were purchased by her. All the home revisions were done by us. the girl loves demo.
My opinion of 50/50 is that the proposition is fair. But if you are in a trusting and loving relationship it is more like 100/100. The problem with relationships that a 100/100 is that if someone cheats there is going to be some serious disappointment. Maybe 100/100 is a thing of the past. In this day and time monogamy is rare. It is possibly better to not lose yourself in another.. Note: In 2009 I was 59.5 years of age and like so many people my age, separated from employment. My first thought was not about my retirement.(I aam fairly easy to entertain) But my wife had expectations of travel. That is what hurt the most. Having to come home and tell her that in all likelihood there was to be no travel.
I’d be happy to go 50/50 with someone… but that’s gotta be 50/50 on like everything (bills, chores etc). If a man is financially providing for me I’m more than happy to take on the household duties, food shopping etc (as long as he can catch the spiders, we’re cool)
Most Helpful Opinions