Would you expect your partner to give up their career to live with you?

[nspencer]

In my opinion there should at least be a compromise of some sort or it could lead to resentment. What do you think?

[WonderBell99]

No, absolutely not. I would never sacrifice my financial independence or career for anyone, and I would not expect my partner to give up his career for me either. There could be a compromise, but are you aware that there is a possibility that this compromise could ALSO potentially lead to resentment in the long run?

If someone is not able to find a work-life balance, it is best they do not date until they figure it out. If they either work too much and we are not able to spend much time together, and it is impossible for them to change it, I would simply break up with them and wish them well as they would not be the right fit for me.

Why would they need to give up their career to live with me?

[nspencer]

That’s a great way of looking at it also!

[WonderBell99]

I read your reply to another user who has opined on this question. Always remember that many relationships are temporary. People come and go in life, but you should never take such a risk as giving up your career to live with someone. You could have your career and STILL be able to date someone. Sharing space is not as big or important as having a career.

[WonderBell99]

And remember to not beat yourself up about it. We all make mistakes, it would only be a mistake if you don’t learn from it. You only learn when you make a mistake once. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a good job soon enough.

[nspencer]

Thank you☺️ And yeah it definitely was a learning experience and I hope so!

[DeltaRecon]

My wife and me divorced years ago. She recently gave up a good paying job to move and be back with me. We also got married again. I know she resents me every so often but she just finally got a new job doing the same thing and seems to be getting happy again. I never wanted her to give up her job, but it was impossible for me to leave mine. I basically told her it was her choice if she wanted to get back together and that I can’t give up what I was making especially since it was helping provide for our kids. I also told her I didn’t want her to resent me if she decided to move. I give her everything I can to try and make up for it until she feels stable again. I love her for all she has sacrificed to be back together again.

[nspencer]

Nice I feel like you both handled it maturely and learned to appreciate each other for any sacrifices the other made. The problem I think we had is that in my field that I went to school for for 6 years there just really wasn’t any jobs in my field or they were really really scarce so it took me some time to find anything. I feel he was a bit impatient with me. We didn’t have any kids and I was always coming to see him every weekend til I could secure some sort of job where he was. He ended up buying a house when I still didn’t have any leads which I thought could have waited but he really wanted to do it I guess. I kind of resented that a bit. And then down the line I was told he was falling out of love cause I hadn’t moved in with him. I finally at that point found something not where I should be at but at least somewhat in my field but by then the relationship just wasn’t salvageable I guess. Basically I was told someone fell out of love with me cause I didn’t choose him over working at like a Walmart when I have a masters degree. And when I did sacrifice that job I guess it still wasn’t good enough for him🤷🏼‍♀️

[nspencer]

Masters of Science degree I should say not like management or something like that

[DeltaRecon]

I do understand where he is coming from as a man. I too bought a house for us to move in. The wife hates it. She wants to sell or rent it out and find something else in a few years. So we are fixing it up to live in for right now and then eventually will find something else. I made sure we had a place somewhat big enough for the family without paying rent which was what I bought the place for. No hard feelings on my end for her wanting to find another place together. Together is all I cared about. Maybe if you all had found some middle place to get a home and sell the other one or rent it out.

I do understand the whole fall out of love thing. My wife got really distant when she moved here and it started making me get distant. Luckily I decided not to go down the same rabbit hole she was trying to take me down and decided to be patient and still show her the same love regardless of how I was feeling. She eventually snapped out of it. And we are now growing closer together because of it.

If he isn’t showing it. Maybe you need to just show the same love regardless of how he is feeling and keep communicating. Even if you don’t feel like being loving, remember what you both loved about each other. Guess Fake It Til You Make it. But only for say 90 days and then sit and talk. I know it sucks. It’s a huge transition. Maybe ask him to talk to some friends or family about how he is feeling also and have him pull his head out of his ass.

Hopefully you both make it work. Maybe find another home. In the end he just wants to be with you and has probably been feeling rejected. Let him know you love him and don’t want him to feel rejected. Let him know what you’re feeling. If he really loves you and probably still does. He will understand.

[nspencer]

Maybe he doesn’t really like to compromise so who knows. We aren’t married or anything like that so I don't know how I’m feeling at this point. Thanks for your input from a man’s perspective 🙂

[caring__1]

You're right about compromise, though most people see compromise as a scorecard that needs to be even and don't understand true compromise. Balance is very important in all aspects of life. Whenever a potential partner prioritizes his/her agenda without considering how it might impact you, that potential dissipates rapidly. It's about discovering what makes sense to both, not what makes sense to one. Laying guilt trips or other types of manipulation is a major red flag. Healthy relationships focus on how our choices positively impact our partner; they're not about any sense of entitlement. I would never be interested in my partner losing anything that is meaningful to her. I can always find a way to work around it.

[kylee2437]

Nope. Career comes before sharing space. If you can’t accept his career, you don’t belong with him.

[savagewolf22]

But she has a point if you want to be with someone than you have sacrifice something...

Even in your answer you're saying "if you can't accept his career"

That's also a sacrifice. No?

[kylee2437]

@savagewolf22 so why can’t she sacrifice moving to a town close to where he lives and works? Sharing space is not as important as having a career

[savagewolf22]

What if she has a career? Lol.

[kylee2437]

Then I guess it’s not going to work out for her is it?

[savagewolf22]

So basically you're saying girl's need to sacrifice... not boys? 😂

[kylee2437]

No what I am saying is what she wants (living together at the very moment) may or may not affect her life especially because it’s what SHE wants. If you want something, YOU need to sacrifice and Jamie arrangements for YOUR wants to work

[kylee2437]

And make arrangements *

[savagewolf22]

Ma'am that was I'm saying...
There is always give n take.

by the way nice profile pic looking gorgeous

[kylee2437]

Right, but if she wants something , she should sacrifice more because she wants it. It’s kind of like if I want a guy to buy me flowers and the guy I’m with doesn’t do that, then why am I dating a guy that doesn’t buy me flowers instead of finding a guy I don’t need to beg to do that?

[kylee2437]

And thank you ☺️

[savagewolf22]

You're absolutely right ma'am...
🌹 🌹 For you 😘

[nspencer]

All are valid points. Also to add what if she had a masters degree with 6 years of school that she worked hard for and couldn’t find a job in his area for years🤔 I would say if no compromise can be made it should be a you know what we aren’t going to work situation. What I wish I did honestly. Sad part is I eventually did give up my career to be with him cause he said he was falling out of love and broken by it all and guess what we broke up anyway🤦🏼‍♀️ Haha

[savagewolf22]

Sad...

But girl remember never give so much importance to others.

Always you come first.
Use mind not heart even in relationship.

I hope you're doing good now.

[kylee2437]

@nspencer I think rule of thumb is love shouldn’t be this hard. It’s a good time to focus on yourself and find a job. I’m in college right now myself, and I give props to anyone that finishes especially to a point of getting their 6 year! Once things get into place for you, you will find love while not even looking and better yet, anything that is worth chasing you won’t need to give up so much of yourself.

[nspencer]

Thanks ☺️ I agree I’ve been focusing on myself first for now at least.

[Avicenna]

Absolutely not, unless we decided that it would be best for our children for her to stay home with them (by that I mean children who are our biological children together, not ones from other partners).

[Guy13]

I would not care either way.

[bigmatt98]

His career was there before you and it will be there after you. You can not ask someone to sacrifice the life they build for themselves for you!

[nspencer]

I know! I had this done to me and then they used it against me that I didn’t give up my job to be with them right away😅 Sad part is I ended up giving up my career and it just blew up in my face and no I’m just picking up the pieces. I learned the hard way and of course I did it to myself but yeah never again! I do agree too that if a compromise can’t be reached it’s a relationship that prob isn’t going to work.

[Anonymous]

Nope. You go girl. Earn that money. Smash that glass ceiling. One finger salute to the patriarchy. Because you're worth it.

We shall live the glorious make believe life of double income and lots of holidays, we shall become weapons of mass consumption, and want for nothing except one another.

And my god it shall be glorious.

[FilmGuy93]

Expect? No, but given the money I make, I'm kind of guessing that's what would naturally happen anyway. It's gotta be the lady's choice.

[JustinTheGreat]

Not at all. I would never expect someone to make a life changing decision like that for me

[Havthrills]

Nope. It's up to her, but wouldn't expect it

[Anonymous]

Nah I don't even sacrifice my sleep for others... forget career.

[OddBeMe]

absolutely not. obvi its ok to expect them to hear out your desires etc. but its 50/50.

[Brando10222]

Of course not lol! How selfish of you!

[exitseven]

I don't know what I would want in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Of course not.