Told my partner who I have had sex with only once that I wasn't quite ready to continue the sexual relationship & his response was questionable. help?

[anonpabo]

so i told him that i didn't want to continue the sexual relationship because im not sure if im ready or not. we were both each others first times for starters. his reaction to what i said was understanding but then he kind of went quiet afterwords. when i said i love him, he said "i love you too" which ik doesn't seem wrong, but he has never once said that. he always says "i love you more" and we have a little playful fight about it. im not sure how to think about the situation

Updates

1 y

we went back to normal after in a little less than an hour. he promised he was okay and that if it was what i wanted he would respect that. i made sure to assure him that it was not because i wasn't attracted to him anymore or didn't love him, it was just simply because im not ready :)

[caring__1]

He could feel he was a disappointment to you. If you want him to stick around, make sure you clearly state what you like about him and what you value in the relationship. Share how his being in your life has impacted your life. You can also share how your shared physical experience felt and how it impacted you. Just don't leave him hanging... wondering how he might have messed up. There's nothing wrong with saying it felt good, yet the guilt is eating you up. Let him know you want to be intimate with him again, as it felt wonderful, but you first need to work on eliminating the guilt that's eating away at you.

[anonpabo]

i did everything you said when i told him the problem first :D thank you for the answer

[caring__1]

You're welcome. Let him know you want to understand how this is impacting him... seeing his experience through his eyes. The male ego tends to be very fragile, so any sign of disappointment can hit them hard. Be supportive of what he is going through, and he'll, hopefully, work through his issue, just like you're working through yours.

[caring__1]

He may also be feeling guilty for hurting you physically or mentally and think he was selfish to only think about his own desires and not consider how it might impact you. We tend to pull away when we are beating ourselves up.

[D_Bone_Steak]

For me the whole point is to have sex. If the chick doesn't want that with me then what is the point? That dude is probably feeling some major rejection.

[anonpabo]

a real relationship isn't all about sex

[D_Bone_Steak]

Any relationship should share some common interest. It could just be me, but outside of sex I don't really share a lot of interests with chicks. I hit the weights, play hardcore metal, and yeah... the usual chick isn't exactly going to fit in with all that. So it's usually just the sex.

Sometimes I'll run into a chick that likes guns or at least something of common interest, but if the sex isn't involved it turns into just a friendship pretty fast.

[Avicenna]

It's hard for him not be unhappy about it, and that's totally understandable

[Anonymous]

Well he lost you for sex (and love?). Now he's gonna have to get it elsewhere and it's gonna take him a lot of time and effort.

[anonpabo]

he did not lose my love at all & if he truly loves me like i do him, he won't need to get it anywhere else

[Opinion Owner]

Well i love some girl but she doesn't Even like or trust me and guess what? I'm looking to get it elsewhere. I'm not wasting my time.

[anonpabo]

if she doesn't even like or trust u then she isn't gonna care if u get it from someone else

[Opinion Owner]

Right? And I'm saying he's gonna have to do the same.

[anonpabo]

but he knows that i love him and trust him with everything in me

[Opinion Owner]

And you have put a halt to this because you are not ready. Fair enough but do you think he'll wait it out?

[anonpabo]

i was his first time and we had sex once, he's not that desperate for sex like some people are

[Opinion Owner]

If you say so

[BarryLiverstone]

He feels hurt by you