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If a boyfriend says ''If you love me, you would move in with me,'' that's 100% manipulation right? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(25-29) 
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Just like everyone else. I also think it's manipulation when he says those words. Let's say that you did move in with him. Then he knows those words worked on you before and will use the same tactic again. Stand in what you believe in and don't let anyone change your ways. Let us know how the break up goes, I'm a little curious lol.
I'm sticking to waiting till marriage, no cohabitation at all. I already told him my stance from the very beginning and he's been trying to change me, pressuring me into somewhat I don't want.
I'm actually break up. I've wasted 10 months of my time. I don't want to waste more time.
in your case, yeah. you've only been together for 8 months. it'd be different if it was years.
If it were years then I would already want to be married with kids. I told him from the beginning that I'm dating to get married (I'm not dating to be someone's eternal girlfriend), that I'm a virgin waiting till marriage. I broke up hours ago today. It really sucks I've wasted 8 months of my time with someone I'm not compatible with.
"If it were years then I would already want to be married with kids." it's not that easy. shit happens, life gets in the way... you have to be more realistic.
No it's not that easy but I don't want to waste 5-6 of my best years for nothing. I hate when people date for even 10 years, only to end up in break-ups and them not being the person you have kids with. That's a disadvantage to our own fertile years.
and then the other disadvantage is would you even be able to afford it?
Yes I do work. Two incomes it good to support a family.
yeah i know but there are some people with two incomes also that can't afford a baby because of that which makes them have to wait longer. just a heads up...
True. That's why a good planning is always needed. I just think that if someone has been in a relationship for 4+ years, there has to be planning and savings. That's too long for them to be unprepared and not know where the relationship goes. Too many years spent on nothing is senseless.
Yes. Get well soon. I know you will. With hobbies and loving friends/family. You also seem to be a healthy minded individual.
Thank you. My parents and best friend are actually happy I got rid of him. They never liked him. I'm now definite sure it was for a good reason.
You're only 18-24, so it's not wasted. If you're not having sex, then to avoid worrying about wasting time in the future, you should be allowed to date more than one guy at once, until one of them wants to actually marry you.
well of course it's manipulation. that's quite normal in a relationship too. both bartner try their best to manipulate their in such a way that their relationship is moving in a direction they are hoping for. you just gotta identify as his wish and expectation for a relationship. you don't have to agree with it.
Yes, that's manipulative. It's a strong sign that not only should you not move in with him, you should stop dating him.
yes I'm breaking up. It sucks that I've still wasted 8 months of my time.
You'll know better next time. Be glad you don't have a child with him.
"If you love me, you..." is almost always manipulation.
Yes that doesn't sound like love to me. I've never said those things to him. I hate being given conditions like that. I'm breaking up today. My parents and best friend don't like him at all.
Anything prefaced with “if you love me, you would…” is blatantly manipulative. As far as I was concerned, it was an instant end.
Definitely manipulation. Stick to your boundaries, girl, if he's not respecting them and trying to guilt trip you into moving in with him, than that's a massive warning sign.
See update. I just broke up. Yet I still wasted 8 months of my time.
Don't see it as a waste. I'm sure you learnt a lot which you'll be able to use the next time you date/ get into a relationship. Everything is a lesson learnt, and further growth as a person x Good for you for not taking it from him <3
Yes 100And 50% . It would have been cool if would have just said.
I have an idea tell me what you thing. Move in with me ... so make you think how many other things has he manipulated you with
I broke up but it sucks I still wasted 8 months of my time. I'm dating with intention, not dating just to date. He knew that from the very beginning and tried changing me. I hate that.
I think I would have done the same thing because just in the way that you said it I could feel him saying it to you and I was just thinking&%#÷_>^%@=%;dude blew it
He's definitely showing a very controlling, manipulative nature... Red Flag.
Yes it is. He wants to guilt you into moving in together. He's not being considerate of what you want. He's selfish.
You can do better.
Well he want sex , it's definitely clear from his side. In a relationship guys want that , it can be understandable for 4-5 months but no sex after 8 months isn't a relationship , you are in a friendship and you are taking advantage of him emotionally. He tried to compensate it with some physical gain.
It's no one's fault, You two aren't compatible anyways.
He did knew very well he was dating an old-fashioned virgin and that I wouldn't give sex till marriage. I told him that from the very beginning (I don't like misleading and say things straight forward) and at first he said ok. Then he's trying to change me. What part of waiting till marriage and no moving in together did he not understood?
If someone tells you from the start what they want and you don't agree with it, then the obvious thing to do is break up and find someone compatible, not pressuring nor trying to change someone.
Now I'm going to break up because I've just wasted 8 months of my time and so did he.
People behave like that way , you are probably less experienced in dating. Men's options are less in dating. They have to agree to female terms and then try to change it in their way too , otherwise most women will only be friend with them and take advantage , it's called the reality of dating.
Sometimes that work for some men and sometimes it doesn't. If you aren't compatible it's better to part ways. Any experience is not waste of time , people learn
Well if he would love you, he would respect your wishes and boundaries lol
No he is right, u seem like u don't love him so stop lying to yourself and leave
Why should I live with just a boyfriend? When he met me, I made it clear that I was a virgin waiting till marriage and don't move with a boyfriend. He knew who he was dating so him trying to change me makes no sense. I don't want to be someone's live-in girlfriend. I want to be someone's wife with kids.
Okay i got u now, he clearly doesn't want what u want, its been 8 month already and he should have known what he wants by the first 3 month, so i suggest u move on with your life to someone else with your same goal
Not just manipulation, almost sounds like emotional blackmail
It wasn't wasted. He taught you that love shouldn't be conditional. As Ariana Grande says, "Thank U, next!"
Honestly i know u hate that but if I were u I’d jump at the chance because my parents are abusive
100% manipulation. Only move in when you feel its the time to do so. Right now he's demonstrating abuse and control. No decent guy will ever do that and respect your wishes.
Thank you. I just broke up today hours ago. Well I'm back to being single again. It's hard finding a good, old-fashioned guy that won't pressure me for sex, that holds similar values to me.
Im one of many you're looking for. ;)
One of the warning signs I see is isolation which is a textbook example of a mental/emotional abuser does in seeking control of you. You were smart to reach out.
Saying "if you love me" followed by anything is definitely manipulative behavior and a red flag of you not beeing fully compatible.
See update.
It sucks I've just wasted 8 months of my time.