If a boyfriend says ''If you love me, you would move in with me,'' that's 100% manipulation right?

Question

We've been dating for 8 months but from the very beginning, I told him that I'm old-fashioned, still live with my parents and do not do cohabitation.

Shortly after the 5th month of dating, he started insisting for me to move in with him. I told him no. Then just yesterday, he suddenly said ''If you love me, you would've already moved in with me, it's normal, everyone does it''. Then he added ''I can understand the no sex part, fine. But not moving in with me, if you love me you would do it''.

I'm getting manipulated right? I don't like getting put conditions. I feel very uncomfortable and hurt. Why is he insisting to live with him? I don't want to. He knows I'm old-fashion but it's like he's trying to change me.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sex til marriage is stupid. I’m sorry. But we are mortals. Can die at any second.

You think you’re saving yourself for the “RIGHT GUY”. WAKEUP there’s no right guy. Even the ones who simp for you and drool over you who seem to be all sweet and friendly with you, could end up being narcissistic and sociopaths. And yes I mean those unattractive ones.

Its a matter of luck. You were ALREADY in a relationship. That’s practically a high rank already. Marriage is dangerous and almost always harms men. Have you not been paying attention?

How long we’re you in that relationship for?

Most people tend to have sex before marriage, to make sure Their partners satisfy them.

What if you don’t like the way that it feel? what if he’s not big enough? What if he moves weird? What if his moves are weird? What if his semen look weird? What if his banana look weird? What if his juice smell?

These are things you neeed to take into account.
Im sorry but sex after marriage is just absurd to me. And the people convincing you that it’s better, as a group of no-sex, no-drive, cockolds.

and if “YOU” don’t have a high sex drive. That honestly means that you’re not as healthy.

🤷🏻‍♀️
Id be ecstatic 🤩, if my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. I’d have daily sex.

jillybeanns · Accepted Answer

100% manipulation. You made the right choice by leaving him. That shows that you have high self esteem. Kudos to you. ❤️

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

how did you end up dating a hard headed knucklehead that doesn't listen?

i'd say not manipulation, but he's definitely not giving on what he wants and it's not comfortable as you stated a boundary. he's crossing it and not caring about your value. is there a value collision? This is so why girls have to be trained by parents to have high self esteem, as you are demonstrating. True of guys as well. So the psychology of it... who knows. maybe it's a control thing, or pride. Like... why doesn't he care about what youa re saying. you'll have to dig into him to figure out why and that may be a beast to get the answer. I can only guess... the answer is "the wookie wookie". who knows...

aren't relationships with other humans fun... it's those pesky brains and hormones that cause all the trouble.

Grond21 · Accepted Answer

I just found this question. I'm glad you broke up with him. He sounds like a real sleaze bag and like you have learned a valuable lesson that will protect you going forward.

coachTanthony · Answer

Yeah because in his mind the sex part will come sooner if you both live together. He sounds like a greedy bastard lol

jennifer_bloom · Answer

If he tries to force you to move in with him, he will probably demand or force sex from you if you move in with him and might even rape you.

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah, it's definitely manipulation

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Living together probably leads to sex.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Manipulation? No, it doesn't appear to me. You can't read his mind, so you can't assume he's thinking about sex with you more and that's why he wants you to move in with him. I just think, it'd a weird thing to break up with someone over and I don't know how successful you'll be in the future with dates if you break up from something so insignificant with this. Just like you're "traditional" he may be think you're not as invested in him if you don't even want to move in with him. Also, what do you mean by "traditional." I think you ought to have communicated more with him and came to some mutual understanding because it doesn't sound like manipulation to me. I think it sounds like taking the worst interpretation of what someone says rather than the best. I think your boyfriend deserved the benefit of the doubt.

Charlesbrandonf · Answer

You love and you should love yourself more than you love anyone which is good. Don’t let anyone manipulate you. Your life your body your everything. Don’t do anything that you’ll regret in your life. Many people will come and go and give experiences (some May be good some May be bad) and you’ll have to live with this experiences your whole life.
Do something that’ll create movements that you’ll cherish later.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

It's manipulative and he's clearly ignoring your boundaries.

No one should ever have to say, if you love me, you'll do x y and z. Unfortunately with the concept of virginity, it'd pretty zero sum, a one and done sort of deal.

If he respected and cherished you, he would be willing to wait and would understand instead of trying to make it about what 'he gets out of the situation.'

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Definitely manipulation, but you should (if you haven't done so already) try living on your own first before living with someone. Roommates or solo if you can afford it.

Worst thing anyone can do is move out from parents and right in with someone else when they get married or just to live together.

I wouldn't say it was wasted time though, you learned and grew from the experience.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Yeah he was setting up for sex. First he wants you to over in, then it would be sleeping in the same room/bed, then eventually he would try to coach you into sec. Definitely a set up. Glad you broke up.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Definitely manipulation. “If you love me, you would….” Is definitely a manipulative sentence, no matter what the “you would…” ends with.

Ria_300 · Answer

Yes he's clearly trying to manipulate you.
If HE loved you he would not insist or pressure you. Just because something is normal for everyone else doesn't mean you have to it of you don't feel comfortable. He clearly isn't taking ur feelings into a consideration.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

Personally, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to move in with me after a set amount of time.
I need to know how they live day to day & if it's going to work out as a "roommate" situation. I'd be incredibly pissed off to marry a guy, move in & realize that he's a messy house mate, while expecting me to clean all his filth.
Honestly you two are better apart since neither of you seemed to be on the same page regarding how the relationship was to work & progress.

Raphaëlle · Answer

Seems like you've already discussed it so it should be clear to him that you don't want to move in yet. He should accept that and maybe bring it up at a later time. I know some people want to evolve or move forward in their relationships by moving in together but if you don't want to, don't do it.

Adam1978 · Answer

Wait why would he want to move in with a girl if there is no sex yet. It's manipulation but its also a bit true, if you really saw him as the love of your life you would do anything that would make that goal come closer. It's he that really shouldn't nag you and accept that you don't feel the same way. He seems desparate. Most guys would have left you by now.

Anon_ymous_Man · Answer

100%

Most statements that start with "If you loved me you would..." most of the time are used for manipulation.

Now the exception would be, if you were being abusive or if you were to cheat on him or you were just flat out being a bad partner & he were to say "If you loved me you would be loyal to me & not go sleep with other men" or "If you loved me you would stop telling all my secrets to people when I trusted you enough to be vulnerable"

When its that ^^^^^^^^^^^^ then its not manipulation.

If he's trying to use that statement to make a major choice that greatly effects your personal life solely for him to feel better or benefit from. Its manipulation. If he's trying to use that statement to get you to self reflect on why he feels unloved & what you're doing that he feels is unfair or unjust treatment. Then you should listen and he's probably not manipulating you.

nspencer · Answer

He’s definitely not respecting your boundaries, which is going to lead to a toxic relationship I would say. I don’t know if I would call it manipulation it could be but it’s definitely a problem and you guys might just not be compatible. He might value living together sooner rather than later but you don’t, which I don’t blame you by the way lol.

Oigit · Answer

Women and men can be really good at that. Those kind of demands are the kind that should make you cut off contact with your partner and move away if you currently live with them. Because people that make such demands are doing it out of desire or need to control their partner.

hahahmm · Answer

Yes. But if I had a dollar for every time a woman said, "If you love me you would ___" to me I'd be worth 2 billion dollars.

Anyhow, if you want traditional, check out my mytakes on topics like 'better man', trust, better women and so on.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

Yeah it’s definitely manipulative. You told him from the beginning that you’re not moving in with him, if it was a problem for him then he shouldn’t have continued the relationship. You can’t just expect your partner to change boundaries that they set from the beginning 🤷‍♂️

RiseofArtemis · Answer

First of if you want to know if you both are compatible to have a long-lasting relationship and even marriage you need to move in with him. You can't find out how he is if you only see him a few hours a day. You need to know what he does every day, every week every month. You need to know how his behavior is at home to know if you really can live together. Couples in the past spent a lot of time together at their parents home staying over and so on to know how they are.

Coyote12 · Answer

Just like everyone else. I also think it's manipulation when he says those words. Let's say that you did move in with him. Then he knows those words worked on you before and will use the same tactic again. Stand in what you believe in and don't let anyone change your ways. Let us know how the break up goes, I'm a little curious lol.

Anonymous · Answer

in your case, yeah. you've only been together for 8 months. it'd be different if it was years.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Get well soon. I know you will. With hobbies and loving friends/family. You also seem to be a healthy minded individual.

Bethany22 · Answer

You're only 18-24, so it's not wasted. If you're not having sex, then to avoid worrying about wasting time in the future, you should be allowed to date more than one guy at once, until one of them wants to actually marry you.

genericname85 · Answer

well of course it's manipulation. that's quite normal in a relationship too. both bartner try their best to manipulate their in such a way that their relationship is moving in a direction they are hoping for. you just gotta identify as his wish and expectation for a relationship. you don't have to agree with it.

TroyDT2 · Answer

"If you love me, you..." is almost always manipulation.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, that's manipulative. It's a strong sign that not only should you not move in with him, you should stop dating him.

SaoirseS · Answer

Anything prefaced with “if you love me, you would…” is blatantly manipulative. As far as I was concerned, it was an instant end.

MoniqueTLC · Answer

Definitely manipulation. Stick to your boundaries, girl, if he's not respecting them and trying to guilt trip you into moving in with him, than that's a massive warning sign.

ohsheeT · Answer

Yes 100And 50% . It would have been cool if would have just said. I have an idea tell me what you thing. Move in with me ... so make you think how many other things has he manipulated you with

EmmaMary · Answer

He's definitely showing a very controlling, manipulative nature... Red Flag.

BlackElph · Answer

Yes it is. He wants to guilt you into moving in together. He's not being considerate of what you want. He's selfish.  You can do better.

Anonymous · Answer

Well he want sex , it's definitely clear from his side. In a relationship guys want that , it can be understandable for 4-5 months but no sex after 8 months isn't a relationship , you are in a friendship and you are taking advantage of him emotionally. He tried to compensate it with some physical gain.

It's no one's fault, You two aren't compatible anyways.

melanieeeB · Answer

Well if he would love you, he would respect your wishes and boundaries lol

Steamnir · Answer

No he is right, u seem like u don't love him so stop lying to yourself and leave

Tomsta · Answer

Not just manipulation, almost sounds like emotional blackmail

litty · Answer

It wasn't wasted. He taught you that love shouldn't be conditional. As Ariana Grande says, "Thank U, next!"

rienna888 · Answer

Honestly i know u hate that but if I were u I’d jump at the chance because my parents are abusive

BJP21 · Answer

100% manipulation. Only move in when you feel its the time to do so. Right now he's demonstrating abuse and control. No decent guy will ever do that and respect your wishes.

UnknownSwede · Answer

Saying "if you love me" followed by anything is definitely manipulative behavior and a red flag of you not beeing fully compatible.

haooy · Answer

And if were not this convincing, you wouldn't have found it unreal.
There is no way you are ever going to get a right vibe about it unless you are ready. So just wait and see if you get comfortable in the future.

fonduegirl · Answer

Definitely manipulative. Especially since you clarified earlier that you are not comfortable with it.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Anything that starts with “if you love me, then…” is

hafinjun · Answer

Totally and it implies if you don't move in you don't love him which will be what he "badgers "you with to do it. Don't move in, move on.

SnowedIn · Answer

Yes manipulation and yes bullshit.

BTCMoon · Answer

It’s not manipulation. That’s merely how he gauges your devotion and love toward him.

AdithyaR · Answer

If your partner gives you ultimatums or makes you prove your love through stuff like that, that's a red flag. Proceed with caution.

Shy_Steve · Answer

It's probably not Manipulation, He probably just doesn't care about what you want that much so either way you should leave him.

Slldjg · Answer

5 months is way too early. It is good to move in before marriage as that is a very good test. But 5-8 months is ridiculous.  Good decision to breakup with him. Assuming he wasn’t a really nice guy

Iron_Man · Answer

Actually you can move in with him and have your own separate bedroom you don’t have to have sex

Twalli · Answer

If you intend to be with him long term you should try living with him first. A year is usually the earliest I'd recommend it though.

MysticDevice · Answer

100% manipulation. "If you ____, then you'll ____" Textbook example.

AngryCarl · Answer

Obviously. What's not so obvious is why you're still stringing this dope along.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it is manipulation. If he really loves you he would accept your terms. He is more interested in crawling in your pants.

dolemite89 · Answer

ya that’s something a psycho chick would say 🤣 weird for a guy to say it

Agape93 · Answer

Oh 100% yeah its manipulation

LazerBean · Answer

Absolutely. He sounds very low quality.

AimeeKyle · Answer

Absolute manipulation.

dustybiker · Answer

Never wise to use love (or sex) as a tool.

LordOfThePines · Answer

Yes it very much is manipulation.

If a boyfriend says ''If you love me, you would move in with me,'' that's 100% manipulation right?

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