Should I confront him?

[Anonymous]

I found out that in the early stages of us dating, my boyfriend also went out on a couple of date with another girl at the same time. He even went as far as speaking about marriage with her on their 2nd date, and he only came back to me after she rejected him.

[spartan55]

This is that superpower that you girls have called: 'creating a problem when none exists'
Not sure how you found out the specifics of what was said on those dates (or if it is even accurate) just drop it ffs. It's irrelevant.

[Asker]

"You girls", seriously? Besides, the other girl is my friend and all of this was revealed when we were catching up since she didn't know that I recently started dating this guy.

Would you be ok if your girlfriend went out with another guy, spoke of marriage with him while going on dates with you, and only came back to you once he rejected her?

[spartan55]

If we weren't committed yet, which we wouldn't be that soon, then what could I say.

[spartan55]

I think the marriage thing is a lie from your friend.

[Asker]

Nope, she even showed me text msgs of him speaking of marriage with her and asking if he could meet her family. He apparently asked her about it on their 2nd date, then even msged her about whether she'd consider him as potential for marriage in a couple of years.

[spartan55]

Who the hell does that after two dates? That's fucking crazy. And you want to be this guy?

[spartan55]

*with this

[Asker]

He asked if there's potential for marriage in a couple of years, if her family would accept him and he asked if he could meet her family.
I know some people who fall in love instantly, but here it wasn't mutual and he didn't know that she didn't really like him back enough but he still proceeded to ask her. Should I be concerned?

[spartan55]

What country are you in?

[Asker]

Canada

[spartan55]

Has he been lovebombing you?

[Asker]

Nope, he only had this conversation with her.

[spartan55]

That is really weird and doesn't make sense. If he is like that, that's who he is.

[Asker]

Does it sound like he was love bombing her?
I mean why would he do that without even knowing whether she liked him enough?
What would you make of this?

[spartan55]

I have no idea, I've never known anyone or heard of any guy ever doing that so soon.

[Asker]

It sometimes happens in situations like love at first sight where people find an instant strong connection towards eachother- rare but possible. But here it wasn't mutual, she didn't like him back enough, but he still proceeded to ask her about this. So she let him down, all of this was happening at the same time he was dating me. It was only after that when he agreed to make it official with me.

I'm just afraid that I'm just his second choice, do you think I might be?

[spartan55]

That's what you are most concerned about?

[spartan55]

Is this guy really your best option?

[Asker]

Why do you ask? He asked her how she'd feel about having him in her life, should I be concerned of that?

[Asker]

Why do you ask if he's my best option

[spartan55]

Because he doesn't sound like a good one.

[Guy13]

Let it be…bringing up past for no reason. It’s really immature.

[slatyb]

Why would you? He hadn't made any promise to you at the time. Relationships aren't a game to be won or lost. If you are unhappy then send it. If you are happy then forget about it.

[NerdInDenial]

What is your objective in bringing up this issue? Do you want him to apologize and reassure you that you are not his second choice?

[Asker]

I want him to know that I'm aware of it and I want to know why he did that, why not ask me first?

[NerdInDenial]

Are you going to accept his honest answer or are you going to break up with him? Is this issue a deal-breaker?

[Asker]

I'm not sure of what to do, but I want the truth since he didn't tell me about this, and I only found out through someone else. What would you do in this situation?

[NerdInDenial]

I understand that it's unsettling to know you weren't the first choice; but, if I were in your shoes, the only thing I would want to know is if he truly loves you. If he does and he has no intention of leaving, there is no reason to talk about this.

[Asker]

Thank you so much, the only appropriate answer on this

[Anonymous]

If you weren't not in a commitment then anyone could have dated multiple. There no wrong in it , women do it all the time , as so men. It matters that after rejection he's with you only.

[Anonymous]

that's what you get for picking up somebody's left over garbage her sloppy seconds after she was done with him that's what you want just remember that

[Asker]

I didn't know this until now. He didn't tell me anything about another girl, I only found out now after she told me

[Opinion Owner]

how long you been with him? how old is he and you?

[Asker]

I started dating him 2 months ago, that was during the time he was also going on dates with her. We're all in our mid 20s.

[SyoZonE]

You should remove the cheater from your life for the rest of your life.

[In_Trance]

No you shouldn't

[Asker]

Would you be ok if your girlfriend went out with another guy, spoke of marriage with him all while going on dates with you, and only came back to you and made it official once he rejected her?

[In_Trance]

The point here is "date".
He went on a date, just like he did with you.
I think you have a misconception that date equals commitment.
It doesn't.

[Asker]

Yeah I get that, but if it's just a date why talk about marriage with her and ask to meet her family? He started going on dates with me first before her, but still asked her about marriage, meeting family etc before asking me all of this.

[In_Trance]

People can and will talk about whatever they want. You can't regulate it

[Asker]

I'm not sure if I"m just his second choice

[In_Trance]

You're not first or second at this point.

[Asker]

The question is why he chose to speak of marriage with her when he was already on dates with me? The question is if I was his second choice and if he's only with me after she rejected him.

[In_Trance]

Why does anyone talk about anything? Honestly, who gives a shit?
You're not a first or second choice; you're an option.
Welcome to dating.

[Asker]

I understand that, but if he was just on a couple of dates with her and it was nothing, would he really bring up marriage and try to convince her to let him meet her family?

[In_Trance]

Again, they can talk about whatever they want. Nobody's business but theirs.

[Asker]

So you'd talk about marriage and ask to meet someone's family on the first/second date?

[In_Trance]

Sure, i see no issue with that.

[Asker]

So you've experienced love at first sight?

[In_Trance]

I'm not sure what that has to do with your initial question but no I have not

[Asker]

Why would someone talk about marrying another person and asking to meet their family if they didn't like them? He barely knew her at that point.

Whereas he had been on dates with me before he went out with her. He was dating me at the same time as dating her, and yet asked her if she'd consider marrying him, and tried convincing her to let him meet her family and not me.

[In_Trance]

We've been over this already. people always have and always will talk about whatever they want.
Would you think if they talked about going to the Moon they're going to board a rocket ship tonight?
It's really none of your business what they talk about and frankly what about the things they talked about that you have no knowledge of?
I think you need to let this this is not the right potential relationship for you. Actually with your mindset you're not ready for a relationship at all.

[Asker]

My concern isn't them, it's him. He was going out with me, then had me on hold, started dating her + asked her all this + even asked her if he could come into her life, then when she rejected him, he came back to me.
Altho he started dating me weeks before her, he asked her all of this first. Also I got to know this coz the girl's my friend and she didn't know who I am with, she started telling me about this guy and how he was too quick to tell her he liked her without even knowing how she felt about him. She showed me text msgs, and that's when I knew it was the guy I was dating- so I do have knowledge about it.

[In_Trance]

If you're that concerned about it then walk away. Problem solved.
It's your mindset and your perception that are causing all of this.
Again, you're really not in the right mindset for this. If you don't like the fact that he has options and you don't you need to change that.
If you want exclusivity then be someone he wants to be exclusive with.
This is on you.

[Asker]

If you were in my place, and some girl was currently dating you, then she just began asking this other guy out + asked him about marriage + asked to meet his family + asked how he'd feel about her being in his life and when he said no, she came back to you as if nothing happened. And you only found out through someone else, how'd u react?

[In_Trance]

Omg... Have you comprehended a single response that I've given you?
What they talk about is none of your business. None! You shouldn't even be listening to it through here say.
If you don't want him dating other girls then change it. Be someone he wants to be exclusive with because right now you're not; hence why you're posting this question to begin with.
You have no control over what other people discuss or don't if they both consent to the conversation no matter how early on in their relationship; that's on them.
The more you keep talking and repeat narratives regarding these simple points makes you look pathetic.
If you want options, go out and get them.
If you want exclusivity, go out and get it.
You're being ridiculous.
I have nothing further to add. Good luck

[Asker]

Lol you're missing the point, the whole argument is that I want to be with someone who doesn't treat me like their second option, and I was only asking this to find out if anyone else also thinks that I was. Anyway, I am breaking up with him, so bye.