Is abandoning your spouse during a crisis (leaving them for dead) worse than infidelity?

Question

They always say infidelity is one of the biggest betrayal. How about bailing out on your spouse during a crisis or life-death situation and running away just to save yourself?

How about if they did this:

His girlfriend/lover of 3,000 years just walks away. From the looks of it, it seems the guy had enough strength to pull himself back up but he's too heartbroken. He lets go out of sadness.

Or running away from them during a robbery? That seems like worse than infidelity.

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

Both are horrific. But, if we're going to answer your question then I think the answer is "yes"; it is worse. The reasons for infidelity are almost infinite but in many ways is choosing something about  another  person or chasing a mirage. The abandonment is even more personal. It's a direct statement of "you don't matter to me" in a way that might not always be there when it comes to infidelity. Again, both are terrible but as a thought exercise, I'd say that the abandoning is way worse.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Yes, it's about the most despicable thing a person can do. I can't even do that for perfect strangers.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

No, I don't think so. This is movie BS and not real life. In real life, most crisis life-and-death scenarios like a cave-in, fire, mass shooting, &c., the only thing you are doing if you hang around or try to "rescue" someone else is create another victim.

I will give you a professional example from firefighting. It is explained to wildland firefighters in the case of an entrapment (where firefighters are burned over by a fire), if you can escape, you should. If you can drop your gear and run to safety, do so. If you for example, have a fat friend who can't run as fast, don't wait for him or try to tug him along. You're not doing anything remotely effective, other than creating potential for an additional casualty.

To further illustrate this point, let us say you and your 200 lb friend are at one end of a football field, and there is an 8 year old with a squirt gun at the same end. You and your friend get a 10 second head start, but if the 8 year old squirts you, you die. Your friend then has his hands and feet tied together tightly, he can barely hop. There is no way he can out hop the 8 year old. There is no way you can carry your friend and move faster than the 8 year old. It's unlikely you can even carry him the entire way, let along at a rapid pace. This is like a fire chasing you up a mountain. Stopping to "help" others doesn't do shit. It is literally a stupid and dangerous thing to do that helps no one in any way. You can't "brave" your way through a wildfire, that's more Hollywood movie BS, just like the hero who gets shot 15 times and punched and kicked 200 times in a movie, then makes the comeback. Fire is relentless. Bullets are relentless. Falling debris crushes two people just as easily as one.

So no, saving yourself, aka "abandoning your spouse" during a critical incident is not worse than infidelity. In fact, it's not bad at all. In a crisis, I WANT my spouse/parnter/everyone to do everything they can to survive and not to worry about me in the slightest and I would be UPSET if they FOOLISHLY ENDANGERED themselves in a misguided attempt to "help" me. This is why people should touch grass and not take life lessons from "The Mummy" or dramatic mis-recreations of actual critical incidents.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/h86qbgFErA0

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

It is interesting, when I saw no fault 'divorce reasons' include if your spouse gets a terminal disease you can leave them, I thought WTF.

That seems pretty bad, someone gets cancer, has a heart attack or other issues so they can use that as a reason to file for divorce.

Crisis more immediate like a shooting, I get that some people have no fear control and either freeze, or flee and don't even care or think of the others. I'd be pretty hurt if my SO ran out and left me with a kid to cover them.

I rate up there with cheating too, loss of trust forever. I can't say it is worse than cheating, but destroys trust just as much.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe not quite the same thing, but I did break up with an ex in a "this is the final straw" moment when I warned him that he was ignoring traffic signs that would not allow him to turn and we ended up running head first on my side of the car, into a concrete stop pole. Instead of ask if I was okay in any way, shape, or form, he only, and I do mean only, cared about the damage to his car. He immediatley jumped out and went to asses the damage, meanwhile I'm sitting there airbags in my face. I realized this was a guy never worth continuing to date. I've been in several accidents over the years of my lifetime and every single time...friend, family, even stranger, I've been asked if I was okay first and shown great care, but the fact someone I'm dating couldn't be bothered is what truly showed me who he was.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Cheat on someone, you ruin your own life. Unless you're a woman, then trash on Twitter say: "Yeah, girl, you go get that!"

Leave a partner for dead in a time of need, and you're the scum of the Earth. Of course, the scum of the Earth on social media will praise you for it - if you're a woman. Or, if your partner is deemed "not woke enough."

Leave your partner for dead WHILE cheating, and run on a Democrat ticket, and you almost assuredly get rewarded with a high-ranking position - no matter what color or gender you are!

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

Even during periods of chivalry a request of accompaniment came with an expectation on the grantors part, of protection."Yes, you may accompany my daughter to the ball.'' was based on the assumption that you are brave enough and strong enough to protect her from unsavory elements. If you returned home without her you were most likely going to die. So what would be the sense of not fighting to the death. Most marriage contracts assume that you would lay down your life for your wife and kids. So abandonment of a spouse in a time of crisis is a betrayal of the highest order.

Jackblue · Answer

This scene proves women always do the opposite of what they are told lol, no of course not, but yes it is certainly a bad thing to do, I though am afraid to judge them. I was in a skyscraper once and we were feeling a minor tremor in the ground, I rushed out very quickly, (no I didn't push anybody out of the way, and nobody there was disabled or anything, nor was anybody there a relative/lover of mine). I thought it was an earthquake and that I was the only one taking things seriously, because everyone else was walking slowly. Afterwards though I felt like a real coward. I feel I would only have the right to judge such a person if I was in that situation and was willing to risk my life to save somebody else.

Subarugirl · Answer

A study, published in the journal Cancer in 2009, found that women with cancer were six times more likely to be abandoned by their partners than were men. They noticed a similar trend among patients in a general oncology clinic. The research also revealed that the older the woman was, the more likely it was that her marriage would end.

This is particularly heat breaking when you realize that having a stable support system in place makes a difference for people fighting cancer. Another study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology in 2013, which calls attention to the fact that single people with cancer don't live as long as those who are married.

CubsterShura · Answer

Depends on the crisis and the reason for leaving. If it is something like an alcoholic spouse who is no longer safe to live with, then yes leaving is justified. If it is a sick spouse that you want to leave because it's just inconvenient, not saying you don't have the right but I would find it shitty. I won't judge whether it is worse than cheating or not. These are very difficult situations and I think it is very dependent on the person and the case itself.

shaysh87 · Answer

It sounds horrific. but you need to realize that there is nobody in the world who would give you forever unconditional love unless it is your mother. if you think your spouse is supposed to love you forever unconditionally, why do you think divorce exists? its best to stop dreaming about the fairy tales that you were raised on and start learning about reality.

Looksnicholas · Answer

I've been thinking of that scene from the Mummy 2 also a few times over the last few months, I also wondered why it kept popping into my head or into my memory banks hahaha of my brain haha 😁

Hmm, I think I like how the Mummy in the Mummy 2 basically loses to Brendan Fraser who has a wholesome wife. Ah well. Anyways, on the plus side, back to your question I voted Yes, but then, I'm pretty flippant with my answers sometimes, like I don't really know 😐🙂

DaisyM23 · Answer

in The Mummy, they were only technically together for a short time because they were both dead for the rest of it...

but it really depends on the situation and how long you're together and what the person values as more serious you know?

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

always felt bad for Imhotep, he was the most passionate and loyal lover ever. I mean, just look, he wanted to resurrect his girlfriend twice. Creds to Arnold Vosloo for is amazing acting.

In a life or death situation humans have 3 default possible modes: fight, flee or freeze. Love mostly hasn't a real impact on which mode you fall into such a situation

aaron210419 · Answer

I wouldn't necessarily say it's worse but they're pretty close. Although I couldn't compare the two separately since my ex cheated on me and then left during a hard time in my life. Right before the pandemic too, so I had to just go to work and deal with it on my own. I couldn't sleep and then when I would I didn't want to wake up, it was like having a sword stuck in my heart and then having to function normally for work and ultimately for myself.

libsaretards · Answer

Abandonment in this scenario is definitely worse. However, I am made of different stuff and would risk my life to protect even strangers so you bet I'd protect my woman. If it came down to me or her, I'm making her escape whether she wants to or not.

TrueConfection · Answer

Not in my opinion. It's a conscience choice to cheat, but it's much harder to override your fight or flight response. I feel like flight is more forgivable than infidelity.

worldscolide · Answer

I took seriously my vows, "For better or worse, til death do us part" Unfortunately it seems most people these days do not understand that.

fembotnpc777 · Answer

If they abandoned the spouse in these circumstances and the spouse had cheated on them first, it's lovely, poetic justice.

Sanamina · Answer

You have to be on the same page on this matter. Some people would do that and some won't. For some people love isn't the greatest priority of their life.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

if you've never watched 28 weeks later, then you should. it epitomizes your question. he abandons his wife and then eats her

Adaeva · Answer

Maybe; maybe not. It depends on the situation.

Is abandoning your spouse during a crisis (leaving them for dead) worse than infidelity?

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