"If you cannot handle me at my worst, you do not deserve me at my best." Do you agree with this statement? Why/why not?

Question

inhua · Accepted Answer

that's assuming a woman at her worst can still be at her best which for many can not be the case. a woman's best may have been when she was 18-20 years old, is a virgin, no credit card debt, still loves her parents, is physically fit and healthy etc and her worst may have been 10 years later, having already been through multiple dead-end sexual relationships, huge credit card, always in conflict with her parents, is unhealthy having accumulated a lot of alcohol, drugs, junk food, smoking, STD's etc.

for a man, his worse may have been in his early 20's being physically unattractive, work a dead end job, stays at his parents' home and plays video games after work and his best may have been his mid 30's with a high paying job, a home, a car, has the body of a Greek god and other women notice him immediately.

the time periods for when a man and woman is at their best is different and of course there are outliers such as young movie stars and professional athletes who have good looks and genes that help them make the big bucks straightaway but for the most part, the best and worst for a man and woman is more or less what I described above. this goes hand in hand with another saying "if you didn't want me in your prime, I don't want you in your decline"

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I TOTALLY agree with statement. As a man, I have a lot to offer a women. Stability, friendship, compionship, security, love, greater freedom...

But I am an imperfect person, and relationships are difficult... requires a lot of hard work and dedication. At times this can be very frustrating... nothing brings out a person's anxiety more than dating. So part of the process is seeing people at their worst... there will be moments of anger, anxiety and frustration. But I like to think normal and stable people spend 90% of their time either above average or closure to their best and far and away from their worst.

Sanamina · Accepted Answer

Thats a tricky question

There needs to be some healthy boundaries to this

For example a narcissistic psychopath could end up with a fully functional member of the society and exhaust that person of their productivity and now we have two unproductive members instead of one.

Also... if ur gonna be a complete psycho pls go be a psycho on ur own without affecting the rest of the society

However if u want to fit in with the society then ull have to ask urself how are u negatively affecting the rest of the society

If u realize that u are objectively negatively affecting people in the society what are u gonna do about it?

Are u actively gonna seek help? Are u gonna do anything at all? Why should someone stick with u and support you when u urself are doing absolutely nothing to stick with yourself and support yourself and make things better for yourself?

If... ur just an unfortunate person who is working towards a better life then yess u deserve more people supporting u even in your bad days. But u have to support the people who want to support you by seeking all the help you can.

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

I agree with this statement and I can give you a very good example. I come from a very humble family we never had much. In my early 20s I met this guy who comes from a very wealthy family. I was interested in him but at that time I didn't have my sh*t together yet and was still fighting for where I am now. I'm self made and started from the bottom I had a very shitty job at that time but already knew I was born for great things. This guy never got in a relationship with me at that time because we were not on the same level and he used to embarrassed to commit to me because of our backgrounds. A few years later I'm doing pretty well in life and the moment he learned I make so much money than him, have my own place and have my sh*t together he's suddenly so interested in me. Now I'm the one who's no longer interested in him. We could have grown together and build something beautiful but because he judge my background and bank account he lost me forever. He couldn't accept me at my worse and because of that he doesn't deserve me now.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Yes, cause everyone has flaws, and moments when they are up and when they are down. If someone only wants to be around you when things are good but take off the second they are bad, then they aren't a genuine lover or friend. Most people don't like flakes who can't handle conflict or little bit storm from time to time in life. It means they lack maturity and certain communication skills. You will never grow as a person if you are always running from issues that arrive.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

That depends how you define worse. I think it’s okay to dismiss and avoid a friend or lover with extreme variations in behaviour but abandoning somebody who is in need is wrong. The only time that is okay is if you do not have the time and ability to help them or they did something bad that makes them not worthy of your help.

petitedollbabee · Answer

I do, because I have bpd, depression & anxiety, sometimes my “worst” is I go through really bad phases that can last weeks or months, where I’m extremely depressed, lack motivation & energy, feel like the world is looking down on me, and occasionally become self-destructive and desperately need support from my loved ones. So if they can’t be there for me during those phases that I go through every now and then, then they don’t deserve to see me at my “best”. I don’t think “deserve” is the right word for this, it makes it sound like it’s a privilege to know me, which it isn’t lol.

Price511 · Answer

Y’know a lot of people think of this as a bad to good scenario but there’s more depth than people think.

“If you cannot handle me at my worst, then you do not deserve me at my best” has an obvious meaning, but has it occurred that maybe it’s cause their best isn’t good for you? At all? Cause if they’re downright horrible to you for no reason at all, you really think their best is gonna be any better?
And that also brings up another thing; loving a person cannot be selective. When you love someone, you cannot really be picky about it. You gotta love somebody as a whole and take the good with the bad or just not. Ignoring the bad is only gonna make you resent it a lot more when it rears its head.

LazerBean · Answer

In theory I agree, but since I have only ever seen toxic narcissists use this statement to excuse their abusive behavior, I'm going to have to disagree.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I think it depends on your relationship with the person you're saying this about.

If it's a friendship or romantic relationship, then I would agree with this quote about trust.

But if it were business, well, there's value a person can bring even if they will abandon you when something better for them comes along. And in that situation you should hope that you both can do that regularly. This is a relationship where growth is more important

NotTacocaT6969 · Answer

A relationship is not always rainbows and butterflies.

There will always be drama, conflict and loss. It’s part of life.

If you can’t handle your SO having a reaction to one of these negative things or the other way around, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Hawner · Answer

Yes, I do agree. There are far too many coupes that get together just because "everything is so awesome and pretty", but then they see each other when they are not at their best and decide to break up. Just that easily.
People are not always at their best 24/7. There will be moments when we are down, sad, depressed, stressed... If you can't handle your partner when in that situation, then him/her find someone who will.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Every woman I've ever heard say that couldn't hold a candle next to the woman who originally said that, so I just roll my eyes and move on to the next one.

If you ain't Marilyn Monroe or her modern day equivalent, your value isn't presumed.

boggboss · Answer

The statement gets used to push abusive behaviour so I disagree

bamesjond0069 · Answer

In theory sure but this is backwards of how dating works. If you don't show up as your best, don't bother me with your worst.

This is the motto of slovenly fat slut single moms everywhere. No thanks, maybe I'd deal with that if you gave me your youth when you were cute and no baggage, now though your at your worst and getting worse on the daily, no chance of ever seeing your best unless you have a time machine lmfao.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Absolutely YES! You take the good with the bad, or you get nothing at all! Nobody’s perfect, you can’t expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to be at their best just for you ALL the time.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on what her worst is.

But the real question is: If you can't handle YOURSELF at your worst, what makes you think you deserve someone else's best? The ability to keep yourself calm in bad situations turns negative emotions into positive traits. If you don't have that capacity, you're trouble.

hahahmm · Answer

No, because it's what people say when they don't aim to be the best and are looking for a doormat they can be worst with all the time. Meanwhile that same person might treat other people they great.. just not the doormat. Don't be a sucker.

HighValue · Answer

People that say that often have bad immoral behavior and try to use that statement as an excuse to be a low quality person and still expect a good person to want them when they lost their value due to their choices/actions in life.

Anonymous · Answer

It's a super douchey sentiment. You almost always see it on a poster with someone like Marilyn Monroe or some such. But it's also the kind of crap that we're supposed to blindly accept when it refers to a woman but would never tolerate from a man. We really shouldn't tolerate that kind of shit from anyone.

CateM · Answer

For the most part, yes. That is if this is a normal person here, but not if this person is toxic

fonduegirl · Answer

Depends on what you mean by  worst.  If it means you assaulted someone and want me to sympathize, ... Then no, hard pass. On the other hand, if it means eating disorder or something, yeah, I can try to support them the best I can.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Um... sure. That is, if by "worst" you mean full genuine crisis and not them being a giant asshole just because or as a "test."

Faith18letsgo · Answer

Absolutely not. If your worst is manipulative or abusive and your best is awesome, tough. I deserve you at your best but I don’t deserve you at your worst.

Jakes310 · Answer

Not really.

We should accept people for who they are, but sometimes people's worst is just unexcusable behavior and they should do better. For example if your partner is normally a nice person but has breakdowns and verbally abuses you, you deserve better

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i don't want a girl that's going to be at her worst all of the time. it's a stupid saying for girls that think they are more attractive than they are

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Some people's best is equivalent to my worst. They can go get fucked and stay out of my life.

TheVigilantOne · Answer

Yes, If I’m in a bad place and you leave me in the dark to fight alone then you don’t deserve to be in my life when I finally find the light.

exitseven · Answer

Oddly I do agree with this. You gotta take the bad with the good just like everything else in life.

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

I do not agree when it is used as an excuse. But I do agree, when you are with someone you love and they go through a touch phase.

Fireguy17 · Answer

it can really depend on what her worst is. Is she coo coo for coco puffs, or just has a bad day here and there. That can make a huge difference.

RealMarek · Answer

I will accept a good woman at her worst, but a good woman would not say things like the statement in question that excuse bad behavior.

spartan55 · Answer

The only time I've heard that quote was from who had no best.

SpringValley · Answer

I totally disagree. If that's some kind of saying, it needs to be re-written.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Nope. This is something only narcissists say outside of irony or jest.

es20490446e · Answer

My phrase would be: "If you are an asshole at your worst, it doesn't matter your best"

PinkRose24 · Answer

No I don't agree. I wouldn't want a guy who is a jerk and makes an excuse for it.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, unless someone is at their worst from the start and not willing to improve. I happen to bump on a lot of those.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Disagree. Some people's worse is a dumpster fire.

TroyDT2 · Answer

It sounds like an excuse for unreasonable behavior.

msc545 · Answer

The woman who says this has warned you. Pay attention to that warning and stay far away.

Anonymous · Answer

That depends. What is her worst and how often is it. Some people's best simply doesn't make for for how bad thier worst is.

OddBeMe · Answer

Speaking as someone with depression- not always true… But generally sure.

Tracker1958 · Answer

Most people are not worth the drama and headaches

purplepoppy · Answer

No because your worst could be dangerous.

USLegionary · Answer

Sounds like an excuse to be shitty

Wise4myage · Answer

Makes sense to me.

socair · Answer

goes without saying and cuts both ways

Luopio27 · Answer

I will never sign this qoute.

dustybiker · Answer

No. I don’t.

In_Trance · Answer

lame

alice_durrant · Answer

Cringe

"If you cannot handle me at my worst, you do not deserve me at my best." Do you agree with this statement? Why/why not?

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"If you cannot handle me at my worst, you do not deserve me at my best." Do you agree with this statement? Why/why not?

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