''If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.'' Agree or disagree?

[kikiki45]

Agree (explain)

Disagree (explain)

Updates

+1 y

Why are there more people in the comments saying that hey disagree, but more people int he poll sayign they agree?
I'd like to hear some explanation from those who do agree.

[UnknownReflection]

Agreed.

I agree with some of the comments below as well. [For example; the dear member who speaks of this factor being an excuse]. That's one way to look at it. Although; i also believe because [the quotes] can be multidimensional and we can understand them differently; it is highly dependable in what perspective we look at it.

The way i personally see it, i can hundred percent agree with this. Because the quote is talking about the moments of life not personality traits. It's portraying the life's challenges. If you can't handle someone's sadness, madness, struggle and pain, leave them alone instead of being there for them while they are at their worst; depressed, failed and broken. Then you don't deserve to be part of their happiness, success and bright lights. You don't deserve to be part of their best moments. When they are cheerful and healthy.

You know; if you can't hug someone you love when they are covered in mud and scars; you don't deserve to hug them when they are clean covered in fancy cloths standing there with prestige. I highly believe in that. Love can't be hypocritical. You must love someone sincerely in every moment; or you don't deserve them.

[Duke07]

If you can't love me in my bad days why should I love you in your bad days. Its pretty simple. We all have moods we all need someone to step up and recognize we need help pulling through a tough time and have our back. Just like I'd have my partners back if she was having a hard day. I need to be mature enough to recognize she's not yelling or upset at me and not take it personal and help her through it. And even if she is made at me I should care enough to know that anger is a secondary emotion cause by being hurt. So she is hurting. I need to love on her and ask her if I'm doing something wrong and talk to her. Figure it out. Grow stronger and move on. Hope that makes sense. :)

[kikiki45]

So you wouldn't be mad if she takes out her anger on you?
For me it's unacceptable.

[Duke07]

If two people yell what does that accomplish? You have to be smarter and see past the yelling. Trust me they feel stupid after. And of cousre there's those that just like to complain or be filled with anger. I simply choose not to associate with those individuals. But if the person realizes they were out of line, eventually they start to follow your lead and pay more attention to why there in a bad mood. Remember communication is key, so is checking yourself by asking questions like "why am i mad" or if you know your mad communicate that to your partner and say something like this. " babe im upset right now, i want you to know its not you. So if im short please firgive me and i may need to just vent to you and can you listen please". I hope that makes sense. :)

[kikiki45]

Agree. But it all gets down to the fact that you should be able to control your anger

[Duke07]

True but you have to understand not everyone is the same. Maybe they grew up in a household where it was normal. Its not an excuse i know but it is a factor cause maybe they aren't self aware. So thats where you and or I step up and show them there's a better way of handling the situation. It can go two ways. They dont care and keep doing it. In which case you need to simply walk away cause they aren't ready for self improvement. Or they are ready for self improvement and they end up wanting to fix that anger they have. But fighting anger with more anger is not wise. The one with a cool head lives a better life. :)

[dancing_in_nebulas]

Why are you making someone deal with your shitty side anyway?

Thats so selfish and disrespectful to your partner.

I get being stressed out on occasion, but there's no excuse to lash out at someone who loves you, because you're having a bitch fit.

Suck that shit up and have self control like a mature adult who isn't going to ruin their lover's day by being an unjustified asshole.

Maybe divorce rates wouldn't be so high if this weak ass generation would quit baby shit like this quote.

You aren't valuable lol, he / she has billions of other people to replace you with.

"you dont deserve me at my best -"

😂😂😂😂

Who do you think you are? Queen / King of Sheeba?

People can't even clean, cook, build, work, be educated, mentally stable, basically mannered these days, have the nerve to act like they are made of gold

😂😂😂😂

[kikiki45]

Perfectly explained, I agree completely.

[lia_98]

so i disagree: one of my favourite poets/writers said " those who only appear when things are bad are not your true friends" his reasoning for this is because, us as people have this tendency of always wanting to fix something when its broken, but pay it no mind when its at its best.

if someone loves you when you are at your happiest when they can clearly see the light you emit. and then choose to stay (because lets be honest, nobody, no matter if you're in a relationship or not is obligated to stay with you.) that's how you know a relationship is at its best, they enjoy your company and love you when you're happy and things are amazing, but have the choice to leave when things get difficult for you.

[lia_98]

so an ideal partner won't try to fix you when youve broken down, but will rather just be there to support you as you pick yourself back up.

[kikiki45]

Who is the poet?

[lia_98]

Paulo Coelho , its in the first chapter of his book "The Zahir"

[kikiki45]

Alchemist is also good.

[lia_98]

ikr! it was such a good book! have you read any of his other books though?

[kikiki45]

Not yet, but I will for sure. :)

[lia_98]

i recomend the zahir and the witch of portobello.

[kikiki45]

Thanks, I'll add it tp my list. :D

[witherwing]

I don't agree. If someone is acting like a raging bitch and someone else doesn't want to "handle" it, I don't think they should have to, but still deserve the person at their best. Adults should know how to control themselves at least to some extent, so I don't think anyone should have to handle someone at their worst.

[kikiki45]

Well said.

[Anon-ymous1]

Yep.

[Paris13]

"Sometimes things Fall apart so Better things can Fall together."
It's Marilyn. Why else?
Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck. xx

[kikiki45]

Thanks.

[Landshrk0068]

Marilyn never said that. The first time it appeared was 6 years after she died

[coachTanthony]

It's the most arrogant statement anyone could say to another human being. Your worst is something I may not want to deal with and saying I only DESERVE you at your best if I accept the worse is STUPID. What if your worse is really something you need to work on and change? You are basically saying.. I don't need to grow.. I don't need to improve.. you need to accept it. I WILL PASS.

[PrincessPie]

Agree, i want someone who accepts me for me, and i know i'm a very loyal person who will do anything for someone if i feel they would in return for me too.

[Mohitsidana]

good thinking

[rjroy3]

I'd rather be with someone who treats me well, because that's just who they are as a person. Not someone who is merely on their best behavior and shit goes sour, because now they're at their "worst". So I guess it's a twofold point.

1. I don't deserve their worst to begin with and their best likely isn't worth it if they're going to be someone who puts me through hell.

2. While I don't technically "deserve" anyones best if we're speaking objectively. Wouldn't they have to be deserving of my best, to have me even attempt to "handle" them at their worst?

It seems like a very onesided statement. If you're at your worst and focused on them being to "handle" you what makes you think you're deserving of their best at all? Not talking about you specifically obviously. But addressing how I disagree with the principle in general.
When I think of someone at their worst I don't think of someone who is just down on their luck. They're actually at their lowest, darkest moment and also their darkest self. Where the anger and all the parts of themselves they don't like comes out. If they vomit that shit on you, then yeeeeaa. That's a sign you shouldn't be with them anyways.

[ScaryCool]

I'm half and half. It depends what their worst is. If they go into some depression because of a family member passing and they sort of lose themselves a bit being human, I don't believe you should just up and leave. Showing you can support them as well as help them support themselves.

However, if they go on a spiral self-destructive path and you happen to be in the way (example: they get drunk and cheat) well then I'm sorry, but I got with you because you were at your best and helped bring out the best of me, so for me to stay with someone at their worst and also bringing me down too, yeah it'd be about time I leave.

[kikiki45]

Thanks for in-depth response.

[Anonymous]

I voted disagree but I think it's a "by circumstance" question. Your partner is not your servant or your parent, they are not obligated to put up with your sh*t. That being said, I think as a society phrases like this contribute to the downfall of relationships. Fairytales are not real. Your partner is a human being with flaws and defects, just as you are. So I think if a person has genuinely given their best effort to help their partner and the other party is unwilling to help themselves then it's perfectly acceptable to break up with them. That being said, I think many people give up too easily on relationships because society has created this idea that your "soulmate" will be perfect for you in every way imaginable. Its unrealistic.

[kikiki45]

Perfectly explained.

[ThatPersonOverThere]

I'm an Iraq vet. My "Worst" is a very bad person capable of doing terrible things.

No woman should have to put up with that in order to "Deserve" to be with me. It is up to people to NOT treat their partners in the worst way, and treat them decently.

So it's not that if I can't handle a violent drug abusing woman that I don't deserve her at her best, it's that she doesn't deserve me period.

It's such a shitty cop out to say "Oh well if you don't accept my atrocious behavior then You don't deserve to be with Me." No, fuck off with that nonsense.

[dothejohnwall97]

You’re a terrorist?😂😂

[ThatPersonOverThere]

@dothejohnwall97 I guess from the POV of somebody in ISIS, yes? I mean, the US military does utilize lethal force in order to influence political action, so calling us terrorists isn't exactly wrong.

[cherryphi82]

In other words, you have been at your worst. Why should any woman put up with you if you are capable of killing simply over some tribalism and philosophical disagreement. Killing/murdering/plundering/raping people is a way different ballpark than being a "violent drug abusing woman". You're a war criminal who's comparing himself to a violent drunk at best.

[ThatPersonOverThere]

@cherryphi82 Not a war criminal no? We largely drove around and wait for people to attack is first.

The military does "Try" to be more moral these days, but any military is going to have collateral damage, especially when fighting against those who don't wear a uniform.

The world is filled with darkness. I am glad that you clearly have been largely protected from it if you think that it's simply matters of philosophical disagreements. I don't make a point to hurt the innocent, but if somebody shoots at me or my platoon (Which you can call a tribe if you wish) then we return fire, and they know that this will be our response ahead of time. So if they don't attack us, they really don't have anything to worry about.

No amount of philosophical agreement or disbanding tribes will change the fact that we have finite resources. Violent conflicts Will always continue until the final days of humanity.

[CubsterShura]

Many people are misinterpreting this quote. While it is true that people should always put their best efforts into their relationships, you have to deal with the fact that if you can't handle them when they're physically or mental ill, going through hard times and is stressed and all... Then you don't deserve them when they are healthy and happy and all good.

No wonder divorce rate is so high these days. -_-

[kikiki45]

That's true what you're saying for mental illnesses.
But Many people use this for general bad behaviour.

[CubsterShura]

You can't really just be with a person and then be treated well by them 100% of the time things do go downhill at times and bad things happen... But yes consistent bad behavior is a total red flag.

[Eva323]

If someone deserves you at your best then they don't deserve you at your worst. You are not absolved from trying to be better. No one should be accepted unconditionally because they're nice sometimes. If you love someone, you'll try to spare them the heartache and stress of you at your worst. You'll fail, but at least you cared enough to try. If you didn't, you don't deserve them.

[kikiki45]

Very nicely put.

[jeremythedrummer]

Its an excuse for shit behaviour. Besides when you are at your worst its your job to control yourself. Sure , everyone has faults. But to avoid improvement and claim "If ya can't handle me at my worst you dont deserve me at my best" instead of finding ways to improve the flaws, is not progressive.

[kikiki45]

Perfectly explained.
It's just a very shitty excuse.

[MScifiwriter]

Personally when I see this on dating profiles, it always makes the girl sound obnoxious. It's almost like they're challenging the guy to see how much he's willing to put up with and only showing her good side when she feels like playing games.

Which is what it comes down to in my opinion, mind games!

[kikiki45]

You've seen this on dating profiles?

[MScifiwriter]

It isn't often, but I do come across dating profiles with that phrase or statement in it, every couple weeks. There have been some profiles that only have that statement in the profiles, other profiles will have other information along with that. But yeah, that statement does appear in a variety of dating profiles I've seen.

[sugarette]

It's really a lousy excuse. I've had really godawful days at school but I don't take it out on my family or friends. When someone's at their "worst" it shows a total lack of self-control when it comes to your emotions. I'm not saying that everyone should be happy-clappy all the time. We all have down days but once your behavior starts to negatively impact the people around you, then there's something very wrong.

[blkhermano]

Couldn't have said it better. Don't portray your negativity on others and say, "here! I know this isn't your problem, nor did you start it, but you fix it!". That's immaturity at its finest. Everybody has bad days, weeks, months, years, but don't let that turn you into a bad person.

[sugarette]

I agree. The problem with this phrase is that you assume that it's someone else’s responsibility to handle you at your worst. The responsibility of your behavior always lies primarily with yourself, and you should take the ownership, consequences, self-critical lessons and possible improvements from them. I have no idea why most guys in the comments are talking about women though...

[blkhermano]

More than likely, like me, they've heard it said to them by a previous ex.

[Anonymous]

I agree. 100%. My ex was with me at my good times but after my suicide attempt he didn’t want to be around me and found every excuse to barely talk to me or be there for me when I needed someone. So I left him. He couldn’t be here at my worst so I thought hell no. I learned the hard way. But it’s true. If they can’t handle you at your worse then they definetly can’t be with you.

[kikiki45]

You're rightabout your situation.
But many people use this as an excuse for general lousy behaviour.

[Philyouup]

I disagree.. and voted as such.. If you mean "at your worst" as in being a bitch, miserable and down right cranky, who wants to hang around waiting for the "good Times" to start.. If you mean a low point in your life or a sickness, then thats another story..

[kikiki45]

This sums it up.

[Lostranza]

I totally disagree especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I think people need to work on themselves before they ever even consider being in a relationship especially if they are at their "worst". I think it is a little different if the person met the person in a good state and abandons them when they are going through something difficult of course i dont agree with that kind of behavior.

[Gianna17]

I agree, people have their ups and downs. I have days where i look like im about to walk the red carpet and others where i can't be bothered to do anything special with my hair, makeup or outfit. If someone can't love me in both states then they dont love me at all. People are like packages, you can't pick and choose which qualities you want them to have and which ones you dont, there simply is no such thing as a "perfect person".

[buttercupshero]

Let's just take a simple example of a woman and her clothes. If you can't her when she's in sweats with no makeup on then why do you deserve her when she's all dressed up, makeup done, hair done, etc. You can apply this same logic to almost anything. However, some people's best is not much different from their worst.

[VincentLaw]

I would agree if it didn't use the word "deserve". It should say this instead:
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you certainly can't handle me at my best"
Because we're not great, and the idea that someone has to somehow earn the right to be with you is... conceited, I'd say

[BrittBratt2416]

absolutely agree! Everyone can't be perfect all the time and people will go through hard times in their life. If someone only wants to be around when everything is going great in their life but then disappears as soon as a storm appears, then that person isn't loyal and it shows they runaway from problems. A true friend/lover is always going to be there, through your highs and your lows, and your lows can prove who is really there for you and who isn't.

[BrittBratt2416]

Sooner or later those people who abandon others are going to want someone to listen and be there when their going through hard times.

[Gendegamo]

A person who handles u at time in worst are the best attitude that I have to show more love. The fact is u cannot be good always as a person because we thinks and acts differently. Maybe its ur best attitude or its ur worst attitude for someone. But for me who stands u in best and worst loves you deeply.