Are all men literally a dumass or am just with one 😅?

[Oceangirl30]

My boyfriend always thinks that I’m complaining or trying to argue with him when I’m just trying to have a conversation with him. What should I do?

[caring__1]

Before you start a conversation, determine your long-term objective. Women will often take a circuitous path, leading guys to get lost. When they are direct, it is generally criticism. Guys often give very little, knowing whatever they give can and will be used against them. Guys are more likely to cut to the chase, leading women to be frustrated that they weren't privy to the details being considered for the decision. Do you wish to talk or communicate? They are totally different processes. Talking is about sharing details, while communication is about seeking understanding. It's common for women to insist their partner needs to learn how to communicate. They claim they're great communicators, while their partners are lousy communicators. Generally, what's discovered is the women are just as dysfunctional as the guys... they just talk all they time.

Find a therapist who can teach the two of you effective communication skills. Knowing the simple basics can have a significant impact on relationships. Certain words illicit certain responses. For instance, "you" statements come across as irrefutable statements of fact that tend to put the other on the defensive. If you want communication, never accuse, assume, blame, criticize, demand, rationalize or tell the other what should or shouldn't be done. Show you care enough to want to see things through your partner's eyes rather than insist on being heard.

If the two of you have the basic tools and apply them, but he still remains silent, either he doesn't feel safe with you or he's not interested in having a healthy relationship with you. If he's not interested, don't continue to kick the dead horse... it's time to move on.

[Oceangirl30]

Thank you for sharing your valuable advice with me 😊❤️

I loved the way you have shared your perspective from both sides 😊❤️ and not getting distracted with the Title 😅 thank you for understanding the main issue and addressing right away!! ( and ignoring my typo err 😅)

I really appreciate your help ☺️ Thank you so much ❤️❤️

[caring__1]

You're welcome. My fingers don't always work properly either. It's easy to hit the wrong key or skip letters.

[Oceangirl30]

Heheh!! sweet❤️✨

[caring__1]

I'll never be able to relate to the bionic texting thumbs of today's youth.

[Oceangirl30]

Hehehe

[Oceangirl30]

Me too ☺️

[caring__1]

You're still young. My son can do it, and he is 32.

[SlothySlob]

Try to approach conversations with him in a different way.

[Oceangirl30]

I have tried rephrasing the statements... Made it sound humours so that things taken in a lighter note... But it seems no use.. sometime I share a small video and bring that topic to discuss but then he comes back around saying I don't want to get there.. you will start again... etc then i shut down...

[SlothySlob]

Is this only when you message each other or in person?

[Oceangirl30]

Message & over a call... In person he literally shuts me down with some or the other excuses... Everytime literally 😅

[SlothySlob]

For how long have the two of you been on bad terms?

[Oceangirl30]

Since a month I suppose

[SlothySlob]

Honestly, I'd need to hear your voice. But that's completely subjective too.
For how long have you two been together?

[Oceangirl30]

Thank you so much for responding. I really appreciate it... We have been together for a year now.

I just want to know why it gets difficult to have a regular conversation with a guy when he is your boyfriend/husband... But conversations go smooth when you have it with a male friend/male best friend? What changes? And why 😅

[SlothySlob]

So, he's been acting like a kid for a month, you've been together for a year...
Have you two been having any sex lately?

[Oceangirl30]

Nope. We both travel most of the time due to work.

[SlothySlob]

It's good that you trust him but, what if he's getting pussy from someone else and now he's pushing you away because both guilt and hope that the two of you brake it off so he can run to the other girl?

In other words, either he can't act mature, or he's cheating. Either case is bad for the future of your relationship.

[Oceangirl30]

Hmmm.. I don't know but makes sense duo.. Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it 😊

[SlothySlob]

Oh right, is he on his phone a lot even when you're around?

[Oceangirl30]

No. When we are together we both make the most out of it.. He uses it only to receive any official calls..

[SlothySlob]

I see, so he either isn't cheating, or this isn't his first rodeo. Now to play my favorite part, devils advocate.
Maybe he's just the kind of guy who is satisfied with only just being there, no words needed.
Maybe to him your voice has become annoying.
Maybe he's comfortable with you enough to be direct and tell you to stop talking, otherwise you just don't stop until he's drained.
Maybe you just drain his energy.

The only thing that I can truly suggest for your case, try talking to him as little as possible for a while. Bare minimum. Two things will happen, either he comes up to you and says what's up, or you get used to it and you're both happy.
Maybe

[Oceangirl30]

All that you mentioned, it could be I must say but the only way I would know, only if he starts talking. Otherwise everything will be just based on assumptions. Which am avoiding.

But I liked your suggestion, "Bare minimum" and you rightly said it will either help him to open up or we both will just get used to it..
I will certainly give it a try 😊

Thank you so much for your time & advice, it was very helpful 😊

[SlothySlob]

The best thing I can say to you, to save you any heart ache, expect nothing.
When you're at ground level, it can only go up.

[Oceangirl30]

I second you ❤️

[OlderAndWiser]

Isn't he the one you selected to date? Maybe you should accept some responsibility for being in this mess.

[Oceangirl30]

Yes indeed 🙂 Where did I mention anywhere that I didn't take any responsibility 😏

If I wouldn't have then not here asking for different perspectives to understand things 😉

You are so good in telling people their responsibility why don't you share some of your wisdom in helping rather than only pointing out 🙂, but thanks anyways for the reminder 😏😁

Older&Wiser sounds a good name hope you use it wisely 😉🙂✌️❤️

[OlderAndWiser]

Your question was "Are all men literally a dumass or am just with one?' Sounds like you are blaming your problems on the stupidity of men. I did not see one word from you which acknowldged any responsibility for this problem.

[Guy13]

You are with the only one. So, what does that make you... Jackass or jacquelineAss

[Oceangirl30]

Hahaha.. I guess m none 😁
why don't you come back with a better one 😏
Looks Like you are one of the dumass who got offended... Oops! Nothing personal bro🤗✌️

[Guy13]

I’m not offended.

I know a case of Pot calling Kettle black as you demonstrated.

[Oceangirl30]

Ohh I see...

[Guy13]

Love is Bliss

Dual JackassNess is Bliss

BJF. instead of BFF. Peas in a Pod 👍

[Oceangirl30]

Hahah!! Peas in a Pod 😂😂 thanks but i guess that is yet to discover 😂😂 long way to go man! 😂😂😂

As I said earlier am none 😂😂✌️

[Guy13]

Alright OceanBreeze

[Oceangirl30]

Hehehe ❤️✨

[Guy13]

In which country is your Ocean. I’m not catching wind of it in discussion ⁉️

[lightbulb27]

I kinda had that problem with my girlfriend now wife.

There's two sides to communications... the giver and the receiver. The receiver may be screwed up such that they can't see it or think they are being "jacked" with because what is said doesn't align with their feelings.

So there is a potential set of problems in his feelings or possibly in the giver. I'm assuming here, the problem is his feelings.

We'll, you're screwed. haha, just kidding. It will take some hard work to communicate, establish trust, and he's going to have to want to otherwise you'll get similar result as trying to push him off a cliff.

I learned to listen and slow down my response to her and accept a lot of what she says even when it hurts. A good portion of the problem was my reaction, which I learned to manage better. Sometimes she doesn't communicate as well or my behavior sets her off, or we don't agree, and I just accept the disagreement after discussing. I think if you can focus on being loving in communication and response, that helps a lot.

[Oceangirl30]

Thank you so much for sharing your valuable thoughts & experience ❤️

I appreciate your help so much ❤️

[FatherJack]

The genders are wired totally differently & one of the main reasons why I intend to stay single , TBH women & men are not that compatible in most respects. Men generally talk much less & are far more direct , using summaries & bullet points. Women seem to relish the little details & add frills & bows into the convo. I have a son , now in Uni & my teen daughter lives me , guess which one had WAY more drama with so called " friends ". She has taken my approach & now has a few , quality friends. Most of these silly disputes were from alleged gossip / rumours / lies.

[Oceangirl30]

As you rightly said, men and women process differently. I guess women we just try sharing how the feel about certain things and in return she wants her partner to understand her. But I get your point her ☺️ Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Well taking care of a teen daughter is quite a fun and a challenge too i must say 😉 Happy to know, with your guidance she managed to make quality friends, to lead a healthy social life ❤️God bless you & your family ❤️✨

[FatherJack]

Thankyou , her & our cat & ferrets are the only things keeping me going. Yes it is challenging being a single dad , but rewarding too.

[Man-O-Metal]

You have to analyze the way he's responding to you. Clearly something is setting him off before the fuse is even lit. Maybe he misunderstands what you say. Maybe you say it in a way that comes off sounding strange. Or it could be that he's just down right stupid. I don't know. But in any case, you have to try and see what he sees.

[Oceangirl30]

Makes a lot of sense. You are right. I will just wait for him to open up 😌

Thanks for sharing your perspective 🙂

[MCheetah]

*Are all men literally *dumbasses, or *is it just my man?

I get correct spelling and grammar is hard at age 33, though...

Anyway, men are both smarter and dumber than women, typically. But I look at this as a "half glass full" situation; men are typically smarter than women. Which means, more women are dumber than most intelligent men. Which amuses me.

[Oceangirl30]

Wow!! Thank you for the correction. And thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙏.

[Oceangirl30]

Would like to throw some more light on the other question too?

Other than the subtitle..

Please do, it would be of great help. Thanks ✌️

[Oceangirl30]

you*

[BeMuse]

Learn how to communicate without complaining, nagging, whining, or bitching... Seems pretty self explanatory. Even your question smears all men with your bitterness and negativity. You don't know how to talk to people.

[Oceangirl30]

Thank you for your time 👍

Well the main title was just merely an expression... People who understood have been quite helpful by giving their valueable feedback... Unlike you!!

It did surprise me thou, most of them who got offended with the main title taking it so personally failing to understand this is just an opinion app😂 and like you most of them ignored the main issue so I could see how little their minds works 😉

But I can understand where you coming from and would take your feedback ❤️ Thanks 👍

[Oceangirl30]

mind works*

[BeMuse]

I didn't take it personally at all. I just pointed out what you do and you have further corroborated your lack of character and communication skills in response.

[Oceangirl30]

Hmmm.. may be your right!! I will work on it. Thanks 👍

[DribbleGodCurt]

Well in my opinion they are usually dumb, i'm lucky, i'm one of the smart one's i didn't know until i got my IQ tested it's 158. My grammar might be bad bc i don't really find it important.

[Oceangirl30]

Hehehe You are very modest❤️ 158 is quite exceptional 😉
That's very kind of you for understanding ❤️✨

Well am new to this app and still learning.. Hope I could edit my Main title 😄😄.. Am surprised to see how some people here take things too personally and make it about themselves, y make a fuss out it and prove something!!! Rather than helping the other. Anyways!

Thank you for being sweet❤️✨ (if it wasn't sarcasm 😁✌️)

[DribbleGodCurt]

It's not "sarcasm" and you're welcome everyone deserves respect and men are usually dull, and you will get used to this app, i started using this not that long ago also but i use the website on my computer and yeah i don't understand why people get mad at an opinion app as well never understood myself.

[Oceangirl30]

Hehe thanks ya❤️
So true..

I find it quite fascinating though, platforms like this if used and understood well it will certainly make a huge positive impact... as you get to learn and share different perspectives (from both genders) ... We never know, one thought can change someones life completely.. and that's an incredible feeling, right! 😊✨
Thanks for being kind❤️✨

[DribbleGodCurt]

Anytime everyone deserves kindness and respect i'm a diplomat so i plan on changing the world and you can't change the world without being positive.

[Oceangirl30]

Well said❤️✨
You are a rockstar 😎❤️

[DribbleGodCurt]

Thank you so much

[NotTacocaT6969]

Find a man who appreciates more than just your body.


This one clearly just gets angry at the fact that you can speak.

[Oceangirl30]

True❤️✨ TBH I feel same at times.

[Oceangirl30]

the*

[DryGermanGuy]

The man is spelled „Dumas“. Literally.

[Oceangirl30]

True 🤣🤣🤣 I second you!!

Shaaayyy Dumbass! 🤣✌️

[Sixgunsound]

I don't follow your reasoning asking if all men are anything because one individual is. Are all men Chinese because an individual man is?

[Oceangirl30]

Your right. I will keep that in mind 🙂
Thanks 👍

[FilmGuy93]

What kind of things are you trying to talk with him about? It could be a tonal thing, or maybe he's just hella insecure.

[Oceangirl30]

Talking in general.. Any topic.. i get the same response 😔 ..

it could be insecurities, hopefully he opens up soon😌

Thanks ❤️

[FilmGuy93]

Happy to help. Best of luck!

[Oceangirl30]

Thank you so much ❤️

[Noahzaid]

Who gave you the right to have a conversation?

you talk when he asks you to talk

👀 ping ping🏓

[Oceangirl30]

Hahaha Right 💯
#saveenergy😅

[TroyDT2]

Dump him. Can't have much of a relationship without communication.

[Oceangirl30]

Hehehe.. I second you ❤️✨

[BJP21]

What is triggering him? Sometimes an area you want to discuss might be normal for you but might be sensitive to him.

[Oceangirl30]

True.. I wouldn't know unless he opens up.. I guess i just have to keep trying 😌

[Rockstarrrrr]

Well, the number of manchilds and guys who are drama queens is increasing yeah lol...

[Oceangirl30]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Backpaker_boy]

the average famous intelligent scientist / famous intelligent inventor recorded in world history such as thomas alva edison, tesla, alexander graham bell and others. is a man.

[Oceangirl30]

No doubt😊❤️
Incredible personality ❤️😊 I agree with you👍

I was talking about men who are stupid 😄

[Alex8736]

does he have a job? does he have his own apartment? and how old is he?

[Oceangirl30]

Hahahah yes to all. He is 39 😅

[Alex8736]

I guess your the one who wears the pants in the relationship

[Oceangirl30]

Hmm. Your right!

[Alex8736]

everyone has flaws so if he gets on the defensive over basic conversation he is hiding something

[TheFlak38]

This is the woman who is nagging her man to an early grave. Then complains that the man just can't put up with her bullshit anymore.

[Oceangirl30]

Ohh no no! I don't get that opportunity you see😅

I guess you just read the Title and not the subtitle question well 😊

But thanks anyways for your thoughts 😊

[spartan55]

Something tells me he is right.

[Oceangirl30]

Hmm.. could be ☺️

[Msputiton]

Nope. Men don't share 1 brain

[Oceangirl30]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 ikr

[JPresidente]

Try using a carrot instead of a stick.

[Oceangirl30]

Ok 🤣🤣🤣

[Oceangirl30]

Btwn carrot is so outdated ya 🤣🤣 I tell you , sextoys are so much fun🤣🤣 specially with our partners 😉 try it with your women am sure you both will love the experience 😏❤️ ❤️

[JPresidente]

LOL……Gurl you got a dirty mind but I love it. My kind of people. What I was saying actually didn’t have a sexual connotation to it. What I was implying was to use a softer tone and different approach with your boyfriend instead of the approach you use now. But I still enjoyed the laugh nonetheless. Rock on. 👊😂😜😎

[Oceangirl30]

Dammnnn!! how did I miss that one 😅😂😂 Shaaayyy 😂😂😂

Now I see where you coming from 😍❤️ Thank you for making it so easy to understand ❤️❤️😍 loved it..

Trust me I did but I guess somewhere am doing something wrong may be.. But thank you so much for sharing your thoughts ❤️❤️

Am glad to know 😄 But better not forget to try it with your gurl tonight!! 😏😜😉😂 Trust me women love it✨😏😍😍😍❤️❤️

Thank you so much ❤️✨

[JPresidente]

Thank you for the tips. I will definitely keep that in mind. 😂😉.

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend. Fun tip - guys are simple creatures. Feed us, give us plenty of sex and appreciate us and we will give you the world. And always always ask in a fun manner without nagging and we will do whatever you ask. 😎😎😎😁😁

[Oceangirl30]

I second you 💖❤️
Thank you so much 😍❤️ ✨

[AimeeKyle]

If you cannot communicate, move on.

[Oceangirl30]

Right 💯👍

[Sparkie460]

Maybe you have to change your tone of voice.

[Oceangirl30]

Wokay ❤️

[Anonymous]

"Dumass" 🤣🤣🤣 oh, the irony!!

[Oceangirl30]

Ikr 🤣🤣🤣🤣 am still learning

[Oceangirl30]

I should have written nincompoop 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Shaaayyy late realisation!! 🤣🤣

[In_Trance]

both

[Oceangirl30]

Heheh