Should someone tell his/her significant other about the married person he/she slept with in the past before dating the current significant other? Why?

[Anonymous]

Never actually cheated but someone else was unfaithful to his/her partner, and the past is the past right? If you want to know my take sleeping with a married person when you're single, I think there's nothing wrong with it. He/she was going to do it with someone else anyways. Feel free to change my mind about this, but honestly I have a firm stance on this. If a woman was to cheat on me, I wouldn't think the guy who smashed did anything wrong unless he's supposed to be my best friend and was sneaking around.

What do you think will happen? Does anyone have experience? Is bringing this up going to cause trouble or is the honesty going to be rewarded? Or something else? Is it different for guys vs. girls?

[Qdbrown]

Many women like to say, none of your business. But most guys fish some history and many people reveal things as they remain in each other's company for long periods of time. People will reveal themselves if given enough time.

As a guy, who has a pretty good bead on things, my thoughts about my girl seeing a married man before our relationship would tell me she has issues controlling herself. She lets her emotions get the best of her. So my concern would be later on when things get boring and old with our relationship, will she be able to be woed away from me taking on another man who was able to get her attention. And for her to move quickly on her impulse to develop those new relations?

ThenI would probably consider the married man she fell for? Was he successful? What did she admire about him? Many woman are attracted to married men, because they seek marriage. But I would investigate if there might be daddy-issuss at play as well? Especially if the man was much older.

I think too many guys want the best from their lot potential mate, and let things, and even red flags slide. There are always reasons, and these kinds of deals gives you insight who you are with.

[Price511]

Well there is always a reasonable question of asking about sexual history and whatnot, along with possibly poking into your past relationships to get a gauge on somebody’s possible problems that you will have to work together in order to solve for your current relationship. You may choose not to answer for one reason or another (which is best to make clear before or immediately after saying yes or no), but the consequences of doing so are from your partner’s own choice afterwards and is no longer in your hands.


If you do decide to answer though, the only good ways I can think of framing this is:
- You didn’t know they were married at the time and shouldn’t really be held accountable for someone else keeping secrets about their relationship status
- You were young and dumb and made a rash decision about having sex with someone without properly thinking about the consequences, and (hopefully) now know better than to make that same mistake again


If neither of these are the case, well then good luck explaining that one, or simply don’t.

[NZGirl07]

I think total sharing about the past and sexual history is a good thing. I guess every relationship is different, but I remember seeing a clip of a married couple speaking about relationship sucess, and they said if someone can marry you (or just happily date you) knowing all your baggage/past history that's a strong relationship.

I definitely agree, and I think some people would also not like the fact that a person has been an other man/woman so that fact should be shared.

[LazerBean]

I agree that it doesn't make much sense for promiscuous people to care. People who are waiting till marriage should definitely make sure the other person doesn't have a history of promiscuity though.

[Twalli]

They would cheat unless nobody agreed to let them cheat. I would sell my farts in a can if I thought there was a market for them. So you enabled them to cheat, which means you are as guilty as they were.