Is it appropriate to show your partner the people you have dated or had sex with?

Question

I got very angry with him because a woman we met on the road was being too chatty with him and I was on silent angry mode. Then after she left, he just said she was his ex when I didn't even ask him and that made me even madder. I told him I don't want to know his exes. Period. And he said fine, but I'm still mad. What's your opinion?

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

Appropriate? I don't know. I probably wouldn't be jealous if a girlfriend met an ex that she hadn't seen in years - unless there was too much affection going on in that hug/kiss. I doubt I would date a girl if their ex was still in their life, unless they were married / had kids together. Past that, if she wants to be mad about who I dated 20 years ago... that's on her. That's her issue. I don't see myself ever apologizing for simply dating someone before I met the current / future girlfriend. I can admit to a mistake or lapse in judgement, but not just for dating somone 5-10-20 years ago.

I would not want graphic details about what they did together. I would probably assume, but not want to know for sure (unless he had some STD or something he gave her that becomes my business if she and I are going to get intimate).

Question - would you have been angry or suspicious if he just went about his business and ignored telling you who this girl was?

Would you be mad if he downplayed it "Oh, she's an old friend", and years later, you found out they had dated and he had lied about who she was? I would personally probably mention who she was, not lie, but just give basic info.

I would be cordial with one ex if I met her. But I wouldn't go out of my way to say Hello or anything (this would be if she approached me). I don't know if I would announce who I was with as my girlfriend/wife - maybe, maybe not - This ex had a BAD issue with extreme jealousy (she even threatened platonic friends with violence, when I was out of earshot, I discovered later), I might just say "This is ________________. Good seeing you, gotta head off, bye."

If that was the case, I would mention to whoever I was dating now "(ex) and I dated for a really short time a long time ago - she had jealousy issues, among other problems, so I didn't want to bring that potential crazy back on you. It wasn't meant to insult what we have."

I wouldn't volunteer graphic detail about past girls, but I'd probably be pretty open about it the basics if the subject of exes came up naturally. Past that, any woman I'd be dating in the future can assume whatever she wants about what we did or didn't do as long as she isn't taking it out on me as if I'm cheating or something.

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

I think you're overreacting. I get that it's uncomfortable but it's a part of life and you're only making it harder in yourself by blowing the situation up to a point where everyone else has to feel your anxiety.

There are guys who do this too. Think about how they're looked at.

CA4444 · Accepted Answer

Well it would probably upset me too (and I could be jealous for a moment) but I would swallow it and forget about it and not show I’m upset as much as possible… we all have a past and it’s basic courtesy not to brag or talk outrageously about it, but in this instance he had little options maybe… If no lies then you can’t really blame him he didn’t do anything wrong and doesn’t deserve you being angry at him

LovingLoverReturned · Accepted Answer

Was she yapping a lot and not giving him a chance to talk?

Yeah I do expect him to introduce you as his girlfriend but lol 😆 😂 🤣 now I realise maybe it is obvious the girl he is with is his girlfriend 💁‍♀️ I don't know... anyway.

Why are you mad, did he flirt with her? I'd be annoyed by the ex but not with my boyfriend.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

He thought he needed to tell you the truth. He was trying to not hide anything. And you're mad.  Get over it!

Pinay_ako · Answer

I’d try to avoid seeing or meeting any of our exes if possible coz I don’t want any drama period.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Sounds like you both messed up. As his partner he should have introduced you to her and engaged both of you in conversation. Wrong of him.

You being in silent angry mode was also wrong. Should have been able to speak up and not feel angry that he’s being social.

AviatorTom · Answer

Why are you upset that he talked with an ex and then told you who she was? An Ex is exactly that... an Ex, no longer important. He has you now and you should be happy with that. Everyone has a past and it's a sign of disrespect and lack of self-confidence to not understand that.

erandal · Answer

I know a couple of my husband’s exes. But they are both ones with whom they separated amicably. We bumped into them, I was introduced, said a few little bits and then we went our separate ways. I would have been upset if we had not been introduced as if I wasn’t good enough to know them but he was honest and open with me and that is what counts.

FinneasWilson · Answer

My ex would do this "oh see her she was my ex" "oh see that one she was my ex" I'm like wtf? I don't care you're dating me not them, should have seen that as a red flag but I didn't. 🙄

Safe to say I'm not with that car crash anymore. 🤣

Keepitreal007 · Answer

I think if it’s a random meeting like that then it’s okay. I don’t think you should’ve immediately gone into angry silent mode, for what reason? You should’ve joined the conversation. If you don’t want to know each other’s ex that should be told ahead of time. Then he could’ve said it was an old friend.

DermalPunch · Answer

Gloree girl, hiiii! 👐 You guys love each other so much and are really afraid of losing the relationship. Are you both very attractive people?

Anonymous · Answer

You’re acting childish lol silent angry mode. Grow up. Chances are just from reading this you two will separate eventually. You seem like you’re one of those girls who can do no wrong, you like to argue for the sake of arguing. You act like the victim.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Personally I don’t care to know about a girls exes unless it’s relevant like if her ex is crazy or is gonna try and cause trouble.

otherwise I don’t give a shit.

Also same opinion as @OlderAndWiser

Amy10223 · Answer

Well, he was simply stating who she was, in case you were wondering why she was being so chatty with him. I dont see why his explaining made you upset. Would you have preferred him not saying anything and then silently driving?

Subarugirl · Answer

That your insecurity is gonna cause a lot of issues and you should deal with that because if you don’t you are gonna self sabatoge

exitseven · Answer

He met somebody from his past. He explained to you who she was. He did nothing wrong.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

You're overreacting. He saw you mad, tried to explain. Dosen't sound like he sought her out to introduce her, just tried to smooth the situation out. would you rather he lie and just say it was an old friend?

LilyoftheLake · Answer

I don't think you should have gotten mad - he was perfectly honest. On the other hand, I think it's whatever they want. If they want to know, tell them, and if not, don't.

DoctorSex · Answer

This is why I don't eat where I sh*t. Lol

Excuse my French. This situation is totally unavoidable and highly embarrassing/frustrating when you love in the same area as your ex.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Maybe through the privacy of internet stalking, but face to face meet ups are always awkward, although if it's a friend group or hobby club and they are 'around' it gets easier with time as long as your partner is acting loyal to you.

Anonymous · Answer

You're right to be, that's a douchy thing for a guy to do.  I mean, yeah he was trying to pre-answer your potential question about who she was, but that doesn't make it right.

Surely · Answer

Would you have been any less mad if he would have said that the woman was a total stranger? Be glad that he was honest with you and remember that the other woman was the ex and you are the present.

peedy · Answer

Usually not because everyone has a past and that is were it should stay in the past because it holds no relevance now

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I don't think it's inappropriate in your case. I do think it's inappropriate if they go on social media and show you who they pulled in the past though.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Thats normal. Most people would be upset if he didn't say anything.

Bmories99 · Answer

No, it's good to talk about it but I don't think showing pictures or meeting them is a good thing.

Still-alive · Answer

yikes... you overreacted like crazy. you need to chill out.

Lifelive96 · Answer

Of course it is not good and it is the reason that i can break up.

sheikalana · Answer

I mean it's definitely an awkward situation to be in but maybe he was also caught off guard and didn't know how to deal with the situation.

Waldoe · Answer

you sound like a spoiled Brat... everyone has an EX... or 20

boredgal · Answer

okay first of all, why did he not introduced you as her girlfriend?

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I can't imagine something like that going well at all.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

It would be impossible because I do a lot of hookers.

fonduegirl · Answer

He didn't "show" her as much as he "clarified" why they were chatty

Mimi1964 · Answer

Be happy he's still briefly talking with her. It's a sign things ended respectfully and you can't treat such a person as a stranger. And he did it in front of you and not your back. All good signs.

Anonymous · Answer

You were made at him (just for being polite to another woman) before you even knew it was an ex. You're a walking red flag.

monkeynutts · Answer

He didn't mean it to be bad, I think it's important to not ignore people.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s not necessary, especially if you have pretty much moved on from them. Otherwise, that information is irrelevant if you have a new partner that you have feelings for.

Libertycityguy · Answer

Would you be mad if he didn't tell you and you found out later

Wise4myage · Answer

That seems very tacky and unnecessary to me.

Twalli · Answer

You were mad at him and him saying she was his ex to explain why they were so xhatty.

IsoUser · Answer

I would tend to think that it's appropriate to give a body count to prospective partner

Alex8736 · Answer

Just think about would it be appropriate if that was done to you 🙂

Celticwolf78 · Answer

Uh that's not even a smart thing to do it's like bragging

Mia-Wallace · Answer

I'm okay with it.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Not a very classy thing to do.

krin_m · Answer

She is an ex, so no need to get mad.

Blackcupcake · Answer

I think you’re overreacting…

blissinanarchy1 · Answer

If you want those people beat up, sure.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

My opinion is you need to work on you.

driven159 · Answer

no your past is your past

Jltakk · Answer

Why are you mad, you won the guy in the end?

dailyoctopus94 · Answer

Sounds like you're being immature.

Xtendable · Answer

I think its fine to know. It gives context

Anonymous · Answer

So what did you want him to tell you?

roy_ricky09 · Answer

at least he told you.

altdbob · Answer

My opinion is you are insecure and possessive

baserunner611 · Answer

Uncomfortable

Fuentes · Answer

Damn you trippin, I would have dumped you

lickysplit · Answer

not a good idea

enocheli · Answer

some times its just best not to date

Guy13 · Answer

Not to me...

msc545 · Answer

Get over it.

Is it appropriate to show your partner the people you have dated or had sex with?

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Is it appropriate to show your partner the people you have dated or had sex with?

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