Do we unconsciously select partner that remind us of our parents?

[SarahS98]

My own relationship looks a bit similar to my parents. Meanwhile I'm more assertive and like things done faster, my fiance reminds me of my father, more passive and avoids pointless disagreements.

We've talked about how it would be like once we have kids. He's against corporal punishment and wants to be the good cop just like dad was. Mom was the one with the strict curfew, lols. I'm fine with creating the boundaries and strict rules.

I didn't realize this but some of my attitude comes from my mother and my fiance reminds me of my father. Do you unconsciously select partners that are like our parents?

Updates

+1 y

Coincidence isn't it? He matches a couple of my dad's traits and I match my mother's assertive, strict attitude.

[quaranta]

Some studies say so. What makes us driven to them is the fact they "look familiar", so, unconsciously, we think they might carry the same qualities we associate to our safe figures.
But that doesn't apply to everyone, for sure. I am a proof of that in multiple ways: my current partner is the complete opposite of my father, in skin color, hair color, eye color, height, body structure, weight, type of chin, personality and social role.
On the other side, I am repulsed by men who remind me of my father, looks and personality-wise, and in general by "daddy" figures.
Probably not a coincidence, but my father is definitely not a safe figure, indeed.

[SarahS98]

There are always exception and that happens when the traits are overwhelming and too negative. If it's a positive trait that we copy or look up to then it's good.

[PizzaPieMamaBear]

Well when we’re young we girls basically pick the guy. So maybe. When we got into our 30s plus the men then pick us so no. So I think this dependent on age… my dad was a man’s man a Mr fix it who loved sports. So that’s what I married. My husband passed away. I’m 40 and don’t think I’ll remarry so I’m just having fun now while I still have my looks, my figure and some energy left lol

[SarahS98]

You're right when you're younger we pick the guy because you're in our prime (our highest market value) at that moment and if we choose right, then you'll use our value to get commitment aka marriage from that guy and have kids. I plan on going after my Master's and maybe a PhD later on in my mid 30's perhaps. By then I'll aready have kids and they'll be older.
If you had a great marriage, already have kids and are at peace then you don't need to remarry. Needless to say sorry for your loss. May your husband RIP.

[PizzaPieMamaBear]

You’re so kind thank you sweety! I think your plan is a great one

[Guy13]

Absolutely as we are attracted or drawn towards what we know

[SarahS98]

Interesting

[Andres77]

Not all of us

[SarahS98]

There are always exceptions.

[Andres77]

https://voca.ro/1iQjxXVteIxb

[SarahS98]

I agree. As long as it's positive qualities someone copies from their parents and finds in a partner then it's good. It's bad when it's abusive traits. Luckily I had a great upbringing.

[Andres77]

Sounds like it. Truly, I’m happy for you and I applaud your parents.

[Andres77]

Success stories are always good to hear

[SarahS98]

Thanks

[Bethany22]

I didn't have a father, but the fact that my mother was the strict type made me want to grow up and have my time to shine, kind of like you I guess. I mean, I could always wind up being attracted to the male version of my mother, as I unconsciously know that despite the strict personality, they may be just as capable as her of taking care of me when I'm sick. But until I actually meet someone controlling like her, I assume that I would prefer a passive boyfriend who finally allows me to assert my needs instead of waiting for the controlling one to notice I need something.

[SarahS98]

I think it depends on the traits and if there are good in them too. If it's all negative then I imagine that would be enough motivation to be totally different.

[LazerBean]

Yes, it's very common. You can Google up studies that have been done on this.

[SarahS98]

Interesting

[disgustingweebtrash]

Womens perfect partner is a dangerous criminal who kills in 1 punch that treats them like a princess

[In_Trance]

No I don't think this is always the case

[SarahS98]

Yeah it depends on the traits though. It's usually good, positive qualities from the parents someone looks up to.