What are some signs that your boyfriend/partner is with you just for your looks?

[Anonymous]

And doesn't care about you as a person, or your personality traits?

[Nightskies]

If he’s making you question that then he probably doesn’t want you for you, just other things. But if you’re an overthinker and have been through some bad experiences that make you question a lot, then here’s some ways to find out.
If he finds time for you, knows your likes/dislikes, you’re not always texting first, he doesn’t mind introducing you to people he’s close to, he isn’t secretive, you know you can depend on him during your struggles if you need him, he’s willing to fix a problem like an argument, & try to see if he’s showing you any of the five love languages.
Everyone is different though, girls & guys. He might have gone through things and might not be able to express his feelings well or he’s a quiet person that’s never gone through much so he doesn’t know how to show you what you would expect him to. Only way to really find out if you’re still not sure is to have a talk & see his responses/actions. People usually act certain ways based on what they’ve gone through or are used to and might not even know some things could be a problem to their significant other.

[ShellyB]

I think it could take different forms like, he could be worshipful and think you are a flawless angel who does everything right, bc he hasn't bothered really getting to know you and just assumes everything about you is perfect bc of how you look, OR, he could treat you as a sex object and only care about the physical part of the relationship or showing you off, and not really want to hear what you say or think.

I have had both of these relationships!! They were both bad in different ways. I think the thing in common is not really wanting to get to know you both good and bad.

[Datboi65]

That sounds like a unique problem. To tell you the truth, it's a very unlikely scenario.

If a guy is only physically attracted to you and doesn't seem to like you romantically, then he will hit and quit. Most men don't like women who are bland, so if you wonder why he doesn't reply sometimes even though you guys hook up regularly, well now you know.

Only time I could think someone having a "trophy wife" is if they're super rich and old. Trophy wives are just there for their looks and nothing else as those guys hire maids and nannies to take care of everything else. Younger men don't date girls who are hot with no personal traits that they find attractive, they just sleep with them and move on.

[TripleAce]

The obvious one would be being overly physical. Only meeting you at indoors places and not really having fun dates. Not doing stuff with friends if you happen to have a social group. Never met each other’s families if you happen to be open about that, if not then it doesn’t matter. I guess the last but not least can be a girl asking what the signs are lol

[Anonymous]

I know I'm gonna get hateful responses on this, but I think every heterosexual man is like that. I think their passion for beauty is simply too strong to rationalize anything else. They will ALWAYS go for the most prettiest one and reject "ugly" ones just because they don't physically fancy them. They justify this ridiculous selection by using "men are visual" phrase. In the end all they want is a pretty, good girl that will support them, be kind to them, provide them with sex and children. Luckily for them there are MANY girls like that, that are pretty and GOOD ENOUGH. "Ugly" girl can never be good enough, they simply do not exist to men. "Ugly" girls are bullied in school just because of how they look. Imagine a line, above are "pretty enough" girls, and bellow "not pretty enough". Men make their preferences based on the selection above the line, only. I don't know if it's biological or whatever, but men HAVE TO find you above the line, it is their first condition. Now some are super pretty, some are kind of pretty, some have something specially pretty about them, but the point is that they are above the line. I've hanged out a lot with male groups of friends to know and hear enough stories on how they catagorize women, and some are very disturbing to be honest. The only time a man will reject/dump a super beautiful girl is if she is super toxic, unstable, etc. But I mean SUPER, SUPER, SUPER! She has to be more ugly on the inside then she is pretty on the outside for them to go next, and even then it's super hard for them. The problem is that not many girls are like that, most super pretty girls are kind of okay so they settle. But don't doubt for a second that an "ugly" girl wouldn't get rejected like a rocket if her personality was just kind of okay. Well, truth be told, an "ugly" girl wouldn't even have a chance to prove her personality because she is invisible to all men who only have their eyes on the girls above the line. Now lets talk about DESPERATION. Unfortunatelly there are men out there who hadn't had much luck in dating, who get rejected all the time and who are still virgins or been awhile since they had sex; these men reek of desperation FOR HOT GIRLS. I call this a "hunting" mode where they only think with one head. I have a friend who is like that, and he is not an attractive man, and every time we go out he is scanning for girls, of course. He claims he wants to settle down, get married and have kids, but the few times I suggested him some girl he said "hmm not my type, I prefer prettier". And mind you that one of them was actually pretty from my point of view, and she was interested in talking to him! This didn't only happen with that friend, happened with others too. Another example was an ex of my close friend; she is extremely beautiful and he wasn't so much. She gotten with him basically for rebound, and kept causing drama and stress and situations with her exes and simply not treating this guy right. She knew that but she had her own justification. She dumped him many times and gotten him back every time. When we asked why is he still with her, he said "I don't think I could ever find another girfriend that is nearly as pretty as she is and wants me back". And I'm not gonna count how many times I heard the same reason from other men too. Of course, she had SOME good qualities besides her looks (like cooking, being kind to friends and animals, responsible and somewhat honest), which made her good enough for him. I simply refuse to believe that there is a "biological condition" that justifies these unrealistic preferences. Men are driven to beauty and sex way to much then I think it's normal. It's as if they go completely dumb and with 0 personality standards when they see a pretty girl. It's like an addiction they can't break. Also justified with "men are visual creatures"... I wonder what idiot came to that conclusion? Because of believing something like that men keep doing it. They surrender to these urges as if their life it's in danger. So that's why they value looks/attraction so much. I don't think they can explain it themselves either, but I would address all men with this to really sit down and think about how this is impacting their lives. Is it really that hard to see women as just humans, beneath that pretty flash where there's just bones and organs? Without skin everyone looks the same.

I know this goes for women as well, but it's a bit less then for men. Women on the other hand have their own wrong points of view that we can discuss on some other topic, I'm only using men because the question was about them.

In short, to answer your question, there is NO WAY to spot the sings, because men give their best to please and keep attractive women close. Whatever good deed he does for you, it could very well be motivated by his admiration and obsesion to your looks, and you will never know.

[Opinion Owner]

I just remembered my first boyfriend when I was 22. I asked him once why does he love me, and he said "because you are pretty and we have a lot of things in common". Notice how he used my looks as the first reason, not the other way around. And if you ask other guys why do they love their girlfriends, in 90% of times they will put their looks as the first reason that comes to mind, espcially if caught off guard with the question. Or they will put in the end, like "because this and that... and well because you are pretty, too". This actually a proven physicological technic used in criminal interrogations to get answers.
Maybe, and just maybe, if a man doesn't even mention the way you look when you ask him this question, could be in it for other reason, but I think it's very rare.

[AmeerX]

Hey whoever you're. I want to ask you something. Please do read and reply.
I am actually not attracted to most girls in my native country. I have tried to talk to so many of them in my university. The one or two I found of acceptable intelligence just jumped the arranged marriage wagon. They were both plain Janes not some hot blondes or some black haired beauties. Just plain. How do you explain that please? My father even looked at one of them and said, "Son you like that 😬 yikes". And I said I love her.

Now, to your question of beauty. I feel like if I don't go after beauty after going through all of this then I am losing on both beauty on the outside and intelligence on the inner. I don't mean it in a bad way but I want someone intelligent enough. I don't want a girl who will be so dumb that she is only fixated about how good she looks, or about how much money she can get out of me or just be plainly fat. I have foregone the religion part. I want a like minded thinker , not some girl who would be praying beads and trancing words all day and or basically kind of a Muslim Nun.

Am I asking too much with this?

[AmeerX]

In my angry letter 💌 when I found out she engaged I told her I would find my gazelle eyed woman. Did I do wrong by asking God to give me someone beautiful one day if not her? Am I supposed to suffer for years because I chose a simple looking girl and turned out she is just stupid or greedy and selfish manipulator?

[pupluv45]

There is one way. Take a look at all the women he has dated. If they are all women a million years younger than him, he's likely dating you for your looks. Dont be surprised if he dumps or cheats on you with a younger woman by the time you hit 40

[Asker]

Omg... Actually he once admitted, when I asked him that he's never dated a girl past her early 20's. Should I concerned?

[pupluv45]

I question why he has only women at a very certain age. is it just purely a coincidence by chance? or is he specifically being shallow and only targeting women of a certain age?

Its understandable if a young guy has only dated young women. Young people tend to date other young people because most of their friends are around their own age. Young folks also tend to get along better with other young folks.

However if he's significantly older in his late 30s - 60s and he only dates girls a million years younger than him or as old as his daughters. He might have questionable character.

Because reality is, if he needs a girl to be in her 20s. There is a good chance he will not be happy with you once you lose your looks when you turn 40.

There are already enough disgusting guys on GAG saying that women over the age of 30 are undatable.

If women are undatable at 30, what makes you think he will stay faithful to you once you hit 45?

You need a decent man with the right priorities and values.

[pupluv45]

There was once I met a 45 yr old guy on here who said she's only attracted to teenage girls. And is only willing to date teenage girls. The problem is once you hit 30, he likely won't be attracted to you any more. And this will happen very early in your life. 30 is still very young.

Physical attraction is a necessary component of dating but when looks are the most important deciding factor on whether or not he wants to be with someone, you should be worried about the day you start lose your looks. will he start looking at other women? will he cheat? will he dump you for a younger woman?

[pupluv45]

Find a man who values personality , character as a bigger priority than age or looks.

For me personally, I will never date an old man who only dates 18 yr old girls. It screams pervert all over.

[Asker]

Actually he's in the age range you mentioned.
He says that it's natural for men to date younger women and that women look their best in their 20's and that he's not attracted to "cougars" or "hags".

To be honest he may be very sweet and nice and we may be having great conversations together, but that's the only thing I don't like about him. How he nitpicks on other women's looks and seems to date only women of that age range

[pupluv45]

You might feel amazing that he's telling you how beautiful you are compared to those old hags. But once you become an old hag yourself, you better be afraid of him dumping you for a younger woman.

Looks will always be a part of dating. But looks cannot be the biggest determining factor whether or not you want to be with someone. There should be more important things than looks. he's a guy with the wrong priorities.

[pupluv45]

if he constantly talks shit about old hags, what makes you think he won't talk shit about your looks once you become an old hag?

[pupluv45]

A man who calls women "old hags" is not a sweet kind hearted man. There isn't such a thing as a nice respectful person who constantly talks shit about how other women look. he's not nice. he's just is good at pretending to be nice. Find a man who has the right priorities and respects women fully.

[Asker]

What a coincidence! I also used to know a 45 year old on this site, who says he's only willing to date women from 18-22...

To be honest, I'm not against age gaps, but it's shallow, immature and honestly kinda creepy too, when a guy in his 40's and 50's that old says that he only dates girls young enough to be his daughter.

Yes physical attraction is important in a relationship, but so is personality, compatibility, mutual interests, goals etc.
A girl, who just turned 18 is very unlikely to have lots of things in common with a middle-aged man. So this shows me that the guy is in it just for her looks and sex...

[Asker]

Exactly, that's not a nice thing to say at all..
Besides, aging is a normal part of life. It's unrealistic to expect someone to look 20 forever. This doesn't mean she's old.. 30 or still young in my opinion

[Asker]

Speaking frankly, that's my biggest fear. What if he dumps one day, when I stop looking young?

[pupluv45]

you're a smart girl. you have common sense and can reason from right to wrong. Just date these guys, never marry them. They don't make good husbands.

You might not have any problems with age gaps now. But just be careful by the time you hit 45, you might find yourself married to a senior citizen.

[AmeerX]

I don't think a person dating a younger girl is disgusting. It is possible he wants kids and a 40 years older woman might not suit him

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

You can date a 30 yr old woman if you want kids too. But often times , men dont date significantly younger women for fertility. Its the looks.

[AmeerX]

I did date a 30 year old to 35 for fertility reasons. But not past that. I am myself younger than that

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

I have seen Even single dads with 5 kids want to date women 15 to 25 years younger.

Usually fertility is not what he wants. Its the looks

[AmeerX]

That's something I have seen men do in where I live quite a lot. They be 45-60 and wanting a young girl. I am just amazed how these girls claiming to look for stability will also marry them. Well, it's there life. God may make them happy with however the couple wants to be

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Not many young girls end up marrying guys in their 40s to 60s. Just the truth

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Nowadays women dont look for stability anymore. In fact large age gap marriages have been on a huge decline since 1900. It went from 30% in 1900 to only 3% today. Why? Because vast majority of women nowadays have an education and good jobs. They can support themselves, they dont need men to support them. Take a look at college, there are more women than men

[AmeerX]

True, but I am not so sure about it. Woman like to feel protected and I could care less but I have experienced rejection from these so called educated women because they got a man twice there own age

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Women are evolutionarily designed to be more attracted to young men who are usually more attractive stronger and faster. If she has her own money, its likely she will take a young man over a old one

[AmeerX]

That's not true. Girls like older men over younger men. They are also not visually appealed like men do. So, no that I don't believe really is the case

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Young women tend to like older men by less than 10 years. If you take a look at marriage data, you will find vast majority of women are married to men on average of 3 years older.

Not 13 to 30 years older.

There is a difference

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

As you can see vast majority of worlds marriages are less than 10 years apart. The age gap is smaller in countries where women get to pick their husbands. Age gap is larger in countries where women dont get to pick their husbands

h
ttps://www. pewresearch. org/fact-tank/2020/01/03/globally-women-are-younger-than-their-male-partners-more-likely-to-age-alone/

[pupluv45]

Though the average age gap between people in heterosexual relationships in the US is about 2.3 years,¹ many relationships endure with a much wider age interval. In Western countries, about 8% of male-female couples have an age gap of 10 years or more.

h
ttps://www. psycom. net/relationships/age-difference-in-relationships

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Cross-culturally, women report wanting partners who are (on average) 3.5 years older than them.

h
ttps://www. google. com/amp/s/www. psychologytoday. com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201904/what-we-know-about-age-gaps-in-dating-love-and-marriage%3famp

[AmeerX]

I actually liked a woman who was 5 years older than me. She wants friendship but not marriage. Either she is pressured by society or she just wants a dominant figure in her life.

I don't know what to say but I love a woman regardless of her age. Just not an ugly hag and I will be fine with her to tie the knot

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Yea but it still doesn't change the fact that most people marry those less than 10 years than them on average.

Im 27. Im not looking for an old man for a husband. Not interested in anyone over 37

[AmeerX]

I am 29 and me neither. And I wish for a virgin 😅. I hope that is also not a problem

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

You probably not successful with women. Nobody is a virgin at 29 nowadays

[AmeerX]

Well, preferably a virgin but non virgin is fine as long as she is a good girl. And don't judge me lol. I think the one I am talking about is virgin at age 36. We come from different backgrounds so we can differ on that.

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

I dont know who is a virgin nowadays. Hard to find one honestly

[AmeerX]

True, I don't know as well. I just think it would be nice. But I think it would be worth it to marry someone who is beautiful at least if not virgin. Ugly girl is not my choice but I did be fine with an average looking girl with less demands

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

I sense you dont have much relationship experience

[AmeerX]

Yeah just two😂. Both times the girls just got on the arranged marriage wagon

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

What culture and country are you from

[AmeerX]

Pakistan. Why doesit matter where I am from?

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Yea cuz no arrainged marriages are uncommon

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

arrainged marriages are uncommon in the rest of the world

[AmeerX]

They may be uncommon but I am stuck between a hard place and a rock. If I had a chance I did escape to find my true love too

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Women in your culture care more about a mans money than other countries. Because women in pakistan usually dont have an education or good jobs

[AmeerX]

You are again assuming too much. Even those in good jobs care more about money. And the girls I am talking about had Masters degree

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Your culture has a history of old men buying very young girls as brides. Or parents selling their daughters as brides to old men for money

[AmeerX]

That happens in the Pathan families not in Punjab

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

It happens because people are very poor there.

[AmeerX]

yes you are right. Thank you for creating tears in my eyes. I told my father everything you told me, even though he is an educated man he won't agree to anything. I am stuck. My siblings are smarter than me. I always thought the Youngest in the family are the spoiled brats in my case I am the sacrificial lamb. I am not feeling relaxed the more I think about it.

[AmeerX]

I don't want a fat controlling wife who only knows how to give orders all the time. Zero personality and zero on looks even and dumb about life

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

women in your culture never get to control their husbands. your culture is highly patriarchal where women are frequently treated like children, abused , raped.

marriage in your culture is not about personality or romance or looks. Its about whether or not your family accepts her.

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

People in your culture also never tend to be fat because you are all too poor to be fat.

[AmeerX]

You are wrong about the woman. I know my uncle's. Their wives control them like Puppets. They take all there salary and one of them even beats her husband too. My mother tells me about it from time to time

[AmeerX]

You really don't have any idea. Males are not as fat as the women here.

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Im pretty sure you're lying. Pakistan culture is very patriarchal. Women are not treated well there.

[AmeerX]

What do you want me to do if you don't believe it then don't believe. My teacher even got beaten by his wife a lot. If it was so goody goody why do you think I am worried sick of the thought?

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

because I watch a lot of documentaries and news about people from your country. i know what your culture is like

[AmeerX]

Do you even use your head? Can't the documentaries all be about some far off distant village even I haven't heard of. I am not crazy yet. I am telling you the truth

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

why would you admit your culture is cruel to women anyways?

i have gone out with a few guys from the middle east and pakistan. 5 out of 6 of them turned out to be sexual predators in some way or form. thats why i don't date them any more.

[AmeerX]

Well, I know who I am. I am not a predator. I am me and I have never been cruel to anyone.

[AmeerX]

And please don't take your grudge on me. İf you had a bad experience with them then they should be sorry.

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

no. because people from the middle east tend to make the headlines for violence, rapes, patriarchy.

you don't realize people read about your country on the news?

[AmeerX]

You don't realize don't have as many rape cases. Stop trying to be so smart. If it was so good why do I not want to marry a native girl in arranged marriage should be a dream come true, right? I would have 4 wives next I have concubines right?
You are seriously thinking too simplistically. I live in the city, not some rural underdeveloped far flung area where women can't say no.

[AmeerX]

I don't treat women like trash.

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Actually men in your culture do have 4 wives. But only rich men can have that many wives. You don't have 4 wives because you are too poor.

[AmeerX]

😂 lol
Now, you are just stereotyping. It is the exact opposite of what you just said 🤣🤣🤣

[AmeerX]

That's exactly what we thought about Arabic men too.

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

its not a stereotype. it is true.

[AmeerX]

You can live in your fantasy world. No thank you, that's certainly not true

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

Why would you admit your own culture is bad?

you wouldn't.

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

women are bought and sold like animals in your culture. treated like animals too.

[AmeerX]

Stop acting like a troll. Nothing like that happens. If that were true then why I am saying I can't see the bride and don't want to marry a stranger

[pupluv45]

@AmeerX

I went out with 6 paki guys. 5 out of the 6 were sexual predators.

[AmeerX]

I get it you don't have to repeat. I am sorry that they turned out bad 😞

[Paul09]

Well does he just want sex from you? Do you do activities together? Do you have plenty of same interests? Do you have interesting common ground conversation? Does he go out of his way to help you out? Is it a 50|50 type relationship? So many questions

[Anthonyrov2048]

Doesn’t ask about your day/ mental health/ do things for you that make you happy. If they only comment on your physical traits. Sex is only form on intimacy you have. All red flags. I’ve done it when I was younger and not proud of it.

[melanieeeB]

He doesn't give a shit about your dreams and personal traits but more if you worked out that week, what you did and what you wear etc

[Flower7]

They give you less attention on days when you don’t look as good.

[boggboss]

They only care about the physical parts of the relationship

[TheSpaceGnome]

Lack of shared interests and hobbies between you and your partner means its definitely just about looks.

[Anonymous]

well I been there for 5 freaking years for her when I could of left at any time. In fact when I had a petrifying fear of her leaving it fucking killed me inside so bad i was balling my eyes out freaking crying and shaking scared out of my god damn fucking mind. does that answer your question

[Opinion Owner]

first thing in the morning and i gotta look at this damn question less then an hour after i first wake up what a "great" way to start my morning.

[Opinion Owner]

try screaming and crying beyond petrified at the thought of her leaving try shaking and being an uncontrollable fucking wreck when i thought she would leave. it's a pain to unbearable to even phatom or comprehend

[Opinion Owner]

by the way that was massive sarcasm being implied at what a "great" way to start my morning with this damn question

[Opinion Owner]

let me give you an example for something i discovered about myself the past several months. there are women out there who are supermodel quality good looking complete 10's but i don't want them for two reasons 1. I'm already head over heels deeply in love 2. because the ones i met those supermodel 10's are shallow all about their looks they have no substance no personality or anything. they have no skills no hobbies nothing they're passionate about. They can't cook or even attempt to cook, they can't sing worth a damn (but in all fairness neither can I but i do write music and make beats, and sort of play the guitar crappy) they can't draw (even though i get screwed up on skin tones in my drawing) they can't even dance that well. all they are is eye candy and i never really cared for blondes always preferred brunettes as an adult. maybe as a kid i liked blondes but as an adult brunettes. in fact my girlfriend's sister dyed her hair blond and i just saw it last night and i was thinking ugg god you looked so much better as an ash brown brunette.

Here's another example on my tiktok i have well over 200+ maybe even 300+ or more bimbos blocked on my account. all of them promoting only fans shit which i have zero interest in seeing any of those scantily clad cheap whores taking off their clothes and playing with their diseased ridden smelly vaginas.

[Opinion Owner]

and if i was in it only for the looks i wouldn't of busted my ass traveling every year to see her hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles. i been there for her through all her worst and best times these past 5+ years and i sure as hell wouldn't of busted my ass making every birthday of hers special which i did every single year.

[Opinion Owner]

among many other things i've done for her. the countless prayers for her well being the good morning and good night texts, taking time out of an extremely busy day just to say hi to her.

let me tell you something some of the "eye candy" that i have following me on tiktok i barely talk to if at all. and i sure as hell haven't told any woman that i love them only D_ _ i who i told and i sure as hell haven't kissed a woman since 2005 and i sure as hell haven't hugged a woman since 2019.

part of me just gets tired of these type of questions so sorry not sorry if any of these things sounds a bit rude or harsh in any way but i know what i been through and how hard i fight to keep her in my life

[TrueConfection]

I can't sing, can't draw, can't dance, and I'm blonde. Does this mean I'm eye candy? 😁🤞 Say yes!

[Opinion Owner]

@TrueConfection no

[TrueConfection]

..💔..

[Sasha0426]

I think he would start comparing you to other women.

[Twalli]

He doesn't introduce you to anyone else as his girlfriend and most of your interactions revolve around sexual acts.

[DiegoO]

We don't date for long someone we just wanna have sex with. The appearance doesn't matter. If there's no real connection, we leave early as we could.

[Anonymous]

All they care and talk about is sex.