Advice: What's your advice regarding this situation with a female friend of mine?

[MCheetah]

There's this girl I know here in South Korea. We were friends for a while, and she has recently started expressing interest in me, to meet up and go out. I wasn't holding my breath because I know women are not attracted to me in that way (it is impossible) and on top of it, she's much taller than me at 6'2"/188 cm.

I really wasn't expecting anything to happen, but she kept insisting on us meeting up and even called me over the phone to discuss it. I first brushed off the idea. But she insisted and even asked me out of a "date" to meet in person (she didn't call it an actual "date," but that's definitely what she meant.) I told her I'm not the type to be paying for her, as if it's a real "date," so we should go somewhere simple, like Baskin Robbins or Burger King or something.

So last Friday, the non-date was supposed to happen and she texts me and says she can't do it. Something to do with her family. So she canceled. I almost actually thought something might have gone somewhere.

So now I'm upset and annoyed by this. I already figured nothing would happen, but she insisted anyway. I was proven right. Like I usually am. I don't even want to speak to her anymore, because I already don't like it when people flake out on me and I usually stop talking to them after that, because they can't be trusted and don't take things seriously.

I didn't text her much this week. Only once, as a reply to her text on Monday. Now she is texting me for this weekend. But I already been flaked on once, with little expectations and I'm kinda annoyed by the idea of it happening yet again.

In-progress portrait I was planning on giving her for Christmas.

TL;DR:
A friend I know is expressing interest to meet up, but has canceled on me once already, which has annoyed me. It's highly unlikely she's romantically interested, due to height and looks reasons, among others.

How should I handle this situation?

The advice posts aren't for everyone, so if you're not interested in answering, I get it.

[ShadezMcgee]

I would give her the benefit of a doubt, man. I k ow a lot about your stance and views on this, but hear me out. Entertain the idea that it was a family issue that caused her to cancel. Granted she didn't give an alternate offer off the bat when she cancelled originally, but I say this can be the way to handle it.

If I were you and she was shooting for a weekend date again, I would set a definite time and place for the date with a call, that way you can hear her voice as she talks and her tone. Depending how she responds, if she sounds enthused then go with it. If she sounds unsure or tries to bring up something else, give her the takeaway. "Listen, I would like to spend time with you, but I only make definite plans. It sounds as though you are unsure of your schedule, so let's just do this another time."

Wait for her to answer your response, so if she does want to meet up she will agree to meet at that time of the date. If not, then just tell her another time and let the idea of a date with her go. If she is serious she will follow through. Women love to jerk men around a lot these days, so if you stand up for yourself and show you value yourself and your time, it will give you the power and send a different energy to women around you.

[MCheetah]

I just wanted to hang out with someone and take my mind off of things. She was the one who called me and wanted to make plans (for a Thursday night, after work, no less), and then canceled. She asked through text if I wanted to meet up on Sunday instead, and I said no. I didn't explain why, but it's because that's my only real day off, and I was too annoyed at the time to instantly accept, considering I rescheduled my whole work day around meeting her and was going to leave work half an hour early for her, since she's like 30 minutes away.

I definitely don't want to be the one to reschedule things, after she decided to make plans, then brushed me off. That makes me feel like a jackass. Or desperate. Or something. I dunno how to describe it, but it's like me apologizing for her blowing me off. Or something like that "not valuing my time" thing you said. If she really wanted to meet up and hang out, she needs to be the one to make things right.

Worse of all, I'm not even the one trying to make this complicated. I wouldn't mind dating her. I just seriously doubt that's on the table. But since it isn't, why is she going through all this trouble and making things so complicated? I don't get it. I kinda feel like ghosting her, to save myself all this BS. I don't ghost people, but it's really annoying me.

Make plans. Then cancel those plans. Then reduce texting me. That's why I feel like just being done with her, outright. I don't like flaky people and don't usually keep them as friends.

[ShadezMcgee]

Perfectly understandable, man. I agree she should be the one to make the plan if she really wants to do the hang out. I also get the idea of cutting flaky people out of your life.

Flaky individuals only care about themselves and treat people like 3rd or 4th string quarterbacks

[KlinkyCoder]

I agree that he should have gave her the benefit of the doubt about the attraction thing, even though it might be hard.

[JDavid25]

I would give her one more chance cause things do come up and it chances the mood you had.. Although, if she didn't offer a counter meet up I would be very cautious.. Unlike me, you seem to have the principle and discipline to back away from somebody when they seem to be playing.. So yeah keep that up and if she insist on another "date", give it a chance but if she does it again.. Yeah might as well call it quits with that meetup.. After that she'll have to earn any trust you had for her in that department back.

[MCheetah]

She offered to meet up on Sunday. I told her no.
Here's the texts, in case I'm missing something here.
https://ibb.co/qNc4Q00
She didn't reschedule anything.
It's probably best to just quit and move on.

[JDavid25]

Oh, well at least she did offer up Sunday to meet.. I think you should take up the offer and sees if she follows through with it.. At the very least.. It seems as though she does feel bad and wants to meet up.. I know you don't have any hope for the situation, but she seems fairly interested in at least hanging out.

[MCheetah]

Sorry. Had to reupload it to censor something.
https://ibb.co/fFGcVpk

[JDavid25]

So she just didn't follow up with Sunday then or is that Censored out?

[MCheetah]

@JDavid25
Not last week. But a few hours ago, she texts me and asks me if I wanted to go skiing with her (she'd drive.) I don't know how to respond to that, but said couldn't afford that anyway. I said we could see if she's interested in meeting up in the afternoon. Still don't know what to think.
https://ibb.co/hWrQbKD

[JDavid25]

Aw yeah, I think you should give whatever she is doing a chance.. She seems to really wanna hang out with you.. For a guy who says women don't like him, you sure do manage to get some big hot mamas... 😂.. I think you should tread lightly, but see what it's all about really..

[ZXCwWRQWz]

If you'll forgive my friend, isn't it rare enough to get a girl in these situations that we don't have to feel like we suggest Burger King for a date? Isn't it a self-fulfillment prophecy if your choice is only like she's "the one" vs. she's a golddigger if you present options like Baskin Robbins and Burger King for dates? Are you even trying? I don't want to encourage simping but isn't your fear of abandonment going a bit too far here?

[ZXCwWRQWz]

* [...] forgive [me] my friend [...]

There's being smart to avoid the worst opportunities and there's being afraid to have any. And I think you are not navigating this line so well if you'll forgive my blunt opinion.

[MCheetah]

I respect your opinion. I still refuse to get taken advantage of, though. We're just friends and I know my physical limitation with women.

[Fryday_Knight]

You have three options.
You say it is impossible for women to be attracted to you, so if you truly believe that you should just reject any advances made towards you. 'Friendzone her'

If you have doubts two new options come up. You could either plan a nee date that works for both of you, or kick the ball in her camp and let her suggest a day and go from there.

You can also just call it quits and cut her off and find someone who takes it more seriously and doesn't flake.

But it's the first time something might actually have come up. I would give her another shot.

[meetkitty123]

You really need to take a chill pill man you're way too uptight. Things happen in life that can't be helped. Take her up on the second offer but tell her not to bail on you. Dont be so negative. Just go with the flow. For heavens sakes puts your ckaws and quills away! You're coming in on attack mode looking for a fight. Thats not good. No one likes I'm vulnerability but if you come in swinging you're about sure to knock everything down before you can even get anywhere. Breathe man relax! And stop insulting yourself!

[RealMarek]

So, my girlfriend actually had to reschedule our first date. If I would have held it against her I sure would have missed out. Sometimes people have circumstances that come up with little ability to avoid, especially when it comes to family. She’s reaching out to you, so if there is any mutual interest at all why not take a chance? I think meeting somewhere casual like a coffee shop and keeping things relaxed is a good idea for the first date. You can choose whether or not to get more involved in terms of additional dates and emotional investment after that.

[A_Bell]

Tell her straight up and calmly that you were a little annoyed she cancelled without much notice but you assume it was something urgent. Then never mention it ever again. No whining. No score keeping.

This demostrates your confidence and maturity while also laying down bounderies.

If she bolts, good for you, she wants a groveling beta not a man.

But also, no one likes a sniveller.

[SlothySlob]

Personally I'd be 3 chances, then you're out of my life.
If you believe she's not romantically interested, don't approach it as a romantic date. View it as a friends hanging out.

[MCheetah]

Thanks. Although I don't know if I have enough patience to deal with someone flaking on me three times. People used to do that to me a lot back in Philly, and I got fed up with it and erased those people's numbers off my phone and unfriended them on Facebook.

I actually *did* want to hang out with her, as I don't have any nearby friends here in Korea (co-workers don't count to me). The way she - a woman - was pushing for this, makes it seem like she was interested romantically, cause girls don't usually do this. But like I said, considering how I look and being three inches shorter than her, that doesn't compute or make any sense at all. I guess, I'm confused about many of her intentions and still too angry to outright ask her what those are.

[exitseven]

Damn, that sucks. I know you have gotten the shit end of the stick and I had hoped this would work out for you. If you want, give it another try and if she blows you off then forget about it.

[MCheetah]

Thanks. She didn't meet me yesterday either, so I doubt we're moving forward.

[Emiliamazing]

I think you should take this opportunity to be sociable and see what happens. If you're not approaching it as an actual "date", then you are simply giving another individual a bit of your time. It's how friendships are formed.
if her intentions are clearly for more than a friendship, you must decide if you would like more than a friendship as well.

[Fuentes]

First time I let it ride, 2nd time I will block the bitch for playing

Also if a bitch seems like she is tryna give you some South Korean pussy and you out here being negative, they got diff cultures in the US your negativity is whatever but there I bet they like wtf Is wrong with this guy and he talking he's not gonna pay haha how you gonna go to whole another country and imploy western women issues with women over there hahahaha don't ruin your chances.

[MCheetah]

South Korea is way more Westernized than you think.
Besides, it's not an actual date and we're only just friends.
And I NEVER pay for people for anything unless I feel like it. That's for suckers.
Also, she's quite tall. And those same rules about that apply over here.
And TBH, Koreans don't date non-white or non-Korean men anyway. Westerners would call them "racist," even though it's not the same.

I fully expect that it's just a friend thing. But even among that, I hate when people are flaky about this stuff.

[Fuentes]

Lol ill pay for a cheap meal to fuck a bitch ain't nada wrong with paying 10$ & true I believe they don't most azns don't unless they live in the US lol but she probs not lookin to date, she probs wanna smash her a black American man hahaha

[Theabcking]

Just tell her, okay, but if you cancel again, I am done with you.

[LazerBean]

I think you specifically should just accept that you will always be alone and cut off all contact with women.

[backdoorman]

If I were you I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She may have had a very valid reason for cancelling. Give her another chance. You'll never know until you try.

[4ngelic]

give her another chance

[JesseJayNeak]

Go for it and then give us an update