Confused over a female friend?

[Anonymous]

Over the last few weeks, I have been wondering if a good platonic female friend has a slight crush on me or is just very super comfortable with me and sees me as a close friend.

- She said "I love you" to me on the phone at the end of a conversation a number of times
- She stopped herself saying "I love you" to me on the phone when I could hear her daughter in the background
- She has called me babes once, she does call everyone honey and sweetie and darling

We spent all of Saturday and most of Sunday together, we just met up both days, no staying the night.

When we were on her sofa our legs would be touch or her knee on a bit of my leg and I realised as she showing me her poetry and some work bits we are working on I had my arm around the back of her sofa and even resting my hand on her knee at times.

When working on her laptop she sat sharing the same chair so we were pressed up against each other and she leaned right into me for a while, nothing intimate but too close for female friends.

She is completely comfortable with me touching her hands, arms, back even resting my hand on her knee for a while

She does sometimes touch me back during conversation but it's more like brief touches on the arm or to get my attention and she has once grabbed my arm and we walked a while arm in arm in the park for a little bit.

She is a big flirt though and she did mention that a guy she was messaging did not reply to her that she has been talking to. I got the feeling she fancies him a bit at least as she was annoyed he never replied to her that evening and if I ever mention a woman she will change the topic or not really want to talk about it. In the park where there was some live music we were singing a love song to each other in front of the guy she is interested in.

I think she is just super comfortable with me and see's me as a good friend or does she have a little bit of a crush on me even though she says she fancies this other guy?

Updates

+1 y

One other amusing thing i forgot when we were talking Friday evening about going for a walk on Saturday she referred to her having to get ready for her date on Saturday morning which was us meeting and then we spent the whole day together until midnight.

My other female friends do not do any of what i mentioned above so is this her being friendly-flirty, has a secret crush or am i just seeing something that is not there and this is just her being very comfortable with me platonically?

[AmandaYVR]

I can't tell by what you've written here. I think it could be either one.

Why would a woman say "I love you" without any physical relationship between you - no kiss, etc? I think you should just come right out and ask her if she means "As a friend, or something more?" Girls are not necessarily direct. They do have platonic friends that they care about. How did you meet her? A few weeks in and she loves you, eh? Is it really love, and has she spent enough time with you getting to know you well, to know this? Ask yourself that. And put yourself out of your misery, and go in for a kiss or say, "I'd like to take you out on a date." Find out. It is possible you'll get into the friendzone, or already be there, and as much as some guys do enjoy having a friend of the opposite sex, there are many who felt they put way too much time into someone, not knowing that it was never going to go further.

[Asker]

We have known each other for about 9 months and met walking our dogs in the park and became genuine Platonic friends. We have spent a fair amount of time talking on the phone and she always wants to hang out with me normally with her asking when i am free and wanting to spend time with me 1 on 1. What I have mentioned above has only happened in the last 2/3 weeks which has thrown me off and made me wonder if she wants more.

It seems to be a change on her part, suddenly giving me signs of wanting more, no female friend has said to me "about our date the next day" or said "i love you" and she has never done this before. We are close and she trusts me. We talk every day on the phone and this morning she called me and said "i just wanted to wish you a good morning". She has mentioned i am her crutch and she does rely on me a lot with the covid-19 community group we run. With her bringing up about us having a date and her saying "i love You" really made me think she might want more. All the time she mentions how we are such good mates, a lot, its like she says it so i do not get the wrong impression like she loves me in a platonic sense, then she mentions about us having a date which kind of contradits it?

[Asker]

Honestly i always saw her as a platonic friend and never expected more so this does surprise me. We run a covid-19 support group so i think she has seen a different side to me compared to before and really gotten to know me much better.

From a female perspective with her saying "i love you", "babe", and how our next doggie walk was a date and her being a big flirt (she is a natural flirt) how would you interpret this along with them showing interest in another guy?

I was thinking about referring to us getting together as dates instead of as just friends to see if she shuts it down or clarifies us as being mates. Such as "lets have a dinner and movie date on Wednesday" and being serious so she knows i mean it. when she mentoned about us going on a date i was receptive and she was happy so we went for our doggie walk the next day alone. Should i just flirt and say we are going on dates? I would think if she does not object she would be receptive but she does call me a mate all the time so how can i tell if she is just being a natural flirt and see's me as a mate or is really wanting to date me and mentioning how we are mates as she does not want me to reject her? I would of thought even if a woman is a natural flirt she would shut me down quickly if i started mentioning "dates" or would a natural flirt start saying "i lov you" or mentioning us having "dates"?

She is receptive to me flirting with her quite obviously and i think the only way i can figure this out is to physically escalate? Apart from physical escalation (i. e. going in for a kiss), any other ways to really figure her out?

[AmandaYVR]

Well that was all good detailed info you gave, yet it doesn't tell me anything more. This is really all on her for sending mixed signals. No man, after knowing a women for 9 months, should have to be guessing to this degree. I want to go have a talk with her, not you!

Are you in the U. K. or Australia or New Zealand? 'Mate' means very little in those contexts... right? I mean, it's like the American 'dude', 'bro' or even 'bruh' nowadays. They've become very watered down. Even I say, "Dude!" back to guys on the TV or on GAG. (But I know, mate is a friend.)

I rarely suggest communicating over text when you do see each other in person, but in this case, maybe you should just say something very, very direct over text. "Are we dating here?" "Do you want a romantic relationship with me?" and you don't even have to say anything else. The situation does warrant it. And you won't have to look into awkward eyes, in case it goes that direction.

The recent turn in her behaviour could very well be due to her seeing you in this management sort of role. Not that 'Oh, she's all about status' and crap like that, but more of a basic human behaviour, which is that attraction is often most pronounced when we see our partners or potential love interests, really excelling at something. AND, she sees the humanitarian in you - double whammy.

[Asker]

Ah we are in the UK. That could make sense. She does act more caring than other female friends and I just feel there is a tad more. If we are with another female friend she gets jealous if I play fight with the other friend or that woman does something flirty to me.

[ExtrovertedSeasoning]

Your points are pretty much everything a woman/girl does when they have a crush on someone, If she is comfortable with it and is talking to you about your dating life that makes it very difficult. I can read everything there is to know about someones feelings just by looking them in the eyes. I think that she may fancy you but if you dont ask her out NOW her attraction to you will be gone as fast as the wind changing directions. If you two get along really well and you've known her for a long time i would avoid building the relationship to girlfriend status unless your ABSOLUTELY sure your relationship will stick for a long time. Long story short, If you want to date her too then go for it, be strong. but if you think it best to withhold from it, do so. TRUST YOUR GUT or you will make possibly the biggest mistake of your love life.

[Asker]

She is a natural flirt and quite extroverted, so until the last few weeks i just assumed she was saw me as a close Platonic friend. I added some details to one of the ladies who replied above, but correct me if i am wrong, but the only way i'll know what my friend is really thinking is to physically escalate. I feel like she is giving me a green light to proceed physically if we are alone, but in public or around others she does not like it. I am right in this assumption?

[ExtrovertedSeasoning]

If she is giving you the green light or you feel like she is, show her you like her too or tell her. It seems to me she might be finding it hard to show you how she feels. As a guy you need to lead. Something my dad has always said is "don't die wondering" which means it is better to ask her out or do that thing you've been wanting to do rather than letting the opportunity slip.

[Asker]

I'll quote you "It seems to me she might be finding it hard to show you how she feels." That might make sense as whenever she has said "I love you" or do something she thought I might misinterpret she did say how I am a good mate, I think the only time she did not say that was the last Friday when she referred to our doggie walk as a date.

What makes me wonder if she is just being friendly is how my friend and her daughter have mentioned how she is friendly and guys have misinterpreted her friendliness as wanting more.

[ExtrovertedSeasoning]

Hmm i see, I do understand what you mean there is a chance she considers you a friend. However i do strongly believe that if she is doing all that she might have a crush on you. If you read over what you've said before, she is touching you, sitting close and pretty much ontop of you occasionally, calling you a really close friend, these are all signs of someone who has a big crush on you. And the facts she talks about her dating life like that is a subtle way women try to make someone jealous so that the actual person she likes will try to get closer to her. I really do believe she likes you as more than a friend and you should ask her out on a date, a proper one. Dont even look at my age because i've been studying for a long time around the subject of anatomy and how the female and male brain works. Please do believe me when i say she does like you.

[Asker]

I think your right, recently I have noticed she gets a bit jealous, well goes quiet and tries not to give me a dirty look if I give another woman too much attention/compliment/play fight and just in a platonic/friendly way not like I am trying it on with anyone else.

I got a feeling a little while ago how she did not like me working away from home where I would see her just at the weekend or less due to a job. Also she seemed a bit reluctant to take a recent evening job as its 7 days a week and in the evening so we would spend less time together but I told her to take it as she needs the money and I want her to be happy.

I think you could be right here.

[djmzes]

Simple

[Asker]

Interesting, i am guessing by your post you think she might like me more than a friend or have a crush on me?

[djmzes]

I said nothing. You said everything.
The real question to ask is it love or your hormone speaking?

[Asker]

A good point, no it is not my hormones, we have been Platonic friends for the last nine months and i just do not see her in that way.

Maybe I have grown on her, and she feels closer to me and has started to see me as more than a friend.

[In_Trance]

Tell me you've been in a relationship for the better part of your life

[Asker]

I have been in a serious relationship for the last fifteen years, and I have never looked elsewhere or looking elsewhere, plus she is a natural flirt so i didn't really take her seriously. Now I feel foolish having the obvious pointed out lol.

[In_Trance]

No... its all good. Makes sense.