Yet another female friend giving me mixed signals.

[Anonymous]

So I have yet another female friend giving me mixed signals. I find her physically attractive, but there are aspects of her personality that are a big turn off and have saved me from developing a huge crush on her. Thanks to that I have a much more objective view of our "relationship" than I have had with any of my other female friends, and I am now asking this question out of sheer curiousity and not tinged with secret hope.

Anyway here's the deal. I met her 20 years ago when she was dating my best friend. We were never really close, and saw each other only about 3 times from the time we met until about 2 years ago when she found me on Facebook. Since then we've become very close friends. She describes me as her best friend, and like her brother, and I have told her I am like her "gay bff.".. (I know when I'm in the friendzone haha!). I mean it seems pretty clear that she is not interested in me romanticly, and apart from the fact that she is hot, I am not interested in her in that way either.

BUT: She does things that make me think she is not being honest. I started noticing it right away, but thought it was in my head until recently when other people have been commenting on her behavior . She is very flirtatious when communicating "in public" on Facebook (as well as in private) but when people point this out she gets very defensive and insists we are just friends and that she would never go out with me, and then lists all the reasons why; especially stressing that I am like her brother and that it would be gross.

Now, I'm OK with that, and I find it all kind of amusing, but sometimes I think its a bit over the top... like the quote from shakespeare, above. Especially since in private we have very frank and graphic discussions about sex, turn ons and turn offs, etc and lately she has taken to walking around me in her underwear and/or topless. What the hell is going on in this girls head?

Oh yeah she also took to saying "I love you" and calling me sweetie, honey and babe about a year ago, but I have experienced that in the friendzone before so its not unusual for me... mostly what is confusing me is her apparent need for my appreciation of her sexuality and her vehement denial of any sort of attraction towrds me.

last but not least, I'm really not sure what I would do if it meant she IS interested in me, because as I said there are aspects of her personaility that I would find VERY undesirable in a romantic partner. so please let me know what you all think of this situation... is this girl crazy or what?

[Jessisright]

Honestly she sounds like a HUGE flit. In my eyes, she's one of two things. She's either a) Treating you exactly like that, a FRIEND. And she must be super comfortable with you to be parading around topless. Even so, I say that in small doses because I have a lot of guy friends and I've never done that. b) She's teasing you. She knows she's 'hot' so she tries to flaunt it around because its a confidence booster. She knows that you guys are friends and she won't need to commit to you. So in otherwords it's a huge confidence booster to see your jaw drop at all her flaunting and antics. In some weird silly little way, she knows you're her friend, you won't do anything. So all she has to do is sit back and act in whatever way she wants. Sorry to say, some girls are very manipulative.

[Asker]

yeah, she is VERY comfortable around me haha! This weekend she said to me, "its too bad I'm not sexually attracted to you, otherwise WE could date". I was like, "yup. too bad." I think it is hilarious though because I've told her on many occasions that while I would certainly have sex with her, I would NEVER date her. so that fact that she is always bring up what a great couple we would be if only she were attracted to me is very amusing.

[AustinMan]

This is one confused or manipulative chick, maybe both. I think you need to make a choice: sex or no sex. If sex, then tell her how all her parading around topless et al is affecting you and, while keeping your guard up, see what happens. If no sex, ask her to keep her clothes on around you and to treat you like a friend, not someone she can tempt so she gets the chance to shut you down.

[Asker]

I think she might be doing that, trying to tempt me just so she can get the ego boost of shutting me down, but that's not gonna happen. I don't WANT to go out with her and she doesn't do casual sex. It doesn't actually bother me that she walks around half naked, I just don't understand why she does it if she doesn't want to have sex and I have made it clear that I don't want to date her.

[coffeprince]

Holy crap?