My boyfriend won’t have sex with me anymore?

Question

Me (28) boyfriend (29) have been together for going on 3 years now, we live together. So the problem is; he has suddenly stopped wanting to have sex with me for the past 3 months he has almost stopped completely. It started off with us being intimate 3 times a week and slowly decreasing to once a week, to once a month I was afraid that this would happen now it’s almost been 2 months. I am afraid of turning into those loveless couple that don’t give each other affection anymore but that seems like where we’re headed. I am feeling quite resentful towards him cause every time I try to initiate something sexual he stops me, it’s happened too many times. And before you jump to conclusions he is 100% not having an affair with anyone.
I’ve tried talking to him before about how meaningful sex is to me but it’s useless. I honestly don’t know if I should keep him around or just find somebody else to fulfill my sexual needs.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

All our choices are for reasons, so it's important you discover his reasons. He'll only share the truth if he feels safe, so don't accuse, assume, blame, criticize, demand, rationalize or tell him what he should or shouldn't do. Don't make it all about you... let him know you want to see things through his eyes.

Have you changed in any ways important to him, including increasing the pressure you put on him? Have there been other changes in his life that may be adding stress?

Is sex always the same way? If so, it can become routine, mechanical and lose its emotional connection.

Have him define intimacy in a relationship and share what he values about it. Do you primarily focus on orgasm or sensual connection? Performances can become a chore to be tolerated at best.

It can be helpful for him to see his doctor and explain the changes from his perspective. Couples therapy can also be helpful.

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

It could be something medically related, like a sudden decrease in testosterone production, or other conditions. Do any of these apply?
Common causes for loss of libido

If none of this is going on and he's not having an affair, how are you getting along on a daily basis? Do you still love each other, in other words? If you do, there are different options to discuss, and if you want to stay with him, will you be content to pleasure yourself going forward if finding a "lover" isn't acceptable to both of you?

Not knowing more than your post, it's difficult to say. However, since you brought THIS up: "I honestly don’t know if I should keep him around or just find somebody else to fulfill my sexual needs", it doesn't sound like you'd have much emotional difficulty dumping the guy. Sounds like you're ok to find someone new.

Paulalove98 · Accepted Answer

That's terrible gee... have you thought of possibly going to a couples counseling or trying to rekindle that sexual chemistry somehow by surprising him? Trying something new? Also communicating how much this is hurting and bothering you, and you need him to put some effort forward to figure things out in this relationship.

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

There's something going on with him and he needs to fix it.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

From someone who cheated because I wasn't getting sex in my relationship, I would advise you against that.

If this is a guy you want to be with, try to work this out. I cannot know fully what's going on with you two, but for starters: guys like to be the initiators of sex. You constantly trying it, and voicing your complaints will only make him want sex less.

You have to increase the draw for him to want to have sex with you. The question is, are you as attractive as you were when you first met? Have you gained weight? Are his demands at work greater than they were before?

Being tired from work, coupled with a partner who has let themselves go a bit can kill sexual desire.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Love and companionship isn't about sex. Im married 10 years and sometimes, between the hassles of kids, work and life, going for two to three weeks without sex isn't uncommon. I've learned that my perception of happiness evolves with time.

Also, some men dont have a sex hungry crave. At least for me, its important I have an emotional connection to make sex worth it. Sometimes my wife wants to fuck bad but if im feeling used, taken advantage of, or just plain ass exhausted, no amount of sex or even hardcore blowing is gonna make me happy.

Sex shouldn't be seen as a commodity for trade. Rather, its the culmination of partners working together towards a common goal, the "frosting on the cake" so to speak.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s important I think more to me to have sex. Men feel loved or cared for by that action among others, but more so w sex. So the fact that he isn’t having sex w you says something serious. You’re quite gorgeous from your pic. Maybe things have become routine. Maybe he has interest in other women. Most men won’t stay in a relationship w out sex, so I wonder about that. He may not be cheating but again maybe he’s interested in other women. Especially at this age, much younger, sexual prime yet he doesn’t want to. Especially w someone as beautiful as you.

DopeTurtle · Answer

When you talk to him about it, ask him what’s going on his mind, his life, his perspective on things, what ambitions/ goals he has for himself, etc.

It seems like something is weighing heavily on his mind and if given the opportunity discuss it, it might uplift him. If that doesn’t work then maybe the relationship may require more sophisticated approaches to solve it

Alex8736 · Answer

i am not the one in your shoe's so i am not at liberty to pass judgement but is there anything you always wanted to try in bed that he objects to or is there anything he ever wanted to try with you that you objected to? I'm not asking for anything detailed but it might be one of the reasons but that's just an opinion

Stevefiveo · Answer

Well, it sounds like you have told how important this is to you. You can try one more time and explain to him that a boyfriend's number one job is to satisfy you sexually 100%. Ask him what you can do to change things. If he has no answer, tell him that he has to figure it out or you will find someone that can. Good luck.

JPresidente · Answer

He may have low testosterone, masturbating to porn or just busy with work/school. If he continues down this road and you feel that your needs are not getting met, then I would strongly consider breaking up.

shroy · Answer

Convince him to go to the gym and eat healthy that way his testosterone will increase and that can benefit you because high testosterone means high sex drive in men.

stratford · Answer

Is he watching porn? Are there perhaps things he would like to do in the bedroom that you have said no too, or kinks / fetishes he has mentioned?

Anonymous · Answer

Unusual for a guy I would think. It's normally the woman. I presume there's a reason. Maybe emotional, maybe physical, or maybe a secret.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, it sucks that this happens. Considering you've tried multiple things to get the point across including initiating sex and being rejected i don't blame you for considering cheating on him. It only makes sense.

Fleet7635 · Answer

Maybe it’s a hormonal thing like testosterone friend. But if getting fucked is that big of a deal then you should let him know because maybe he’s struggling with something and embarrassed

Guardian45 · Answer

This can be a problem in couples where one partner has a much higher sex drive than the other. Is that your case?

andre-48 · Answer

That happened in my last relationship too. We just ended up drifting apart and that was it. I like my sex too

swettannie · Answer

you won't be happy if nothing change. i'm sorry, but i feel like your relationship is doomed

Anonymous · Answer

My ex was like that too I ended up getting fuck friend behind her back but eventually she found out and dumped me

HateyouxD · Answer

he's gotta be cheating. I'd fuck someone else tbh

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Breakout The Toys!

joeldalton · Answer

Have you talked to him about it?

Anonymous · Answer

Souplike it’s for you to dump him.

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