I told my boyfriend I don't want to have sex anymore. It's ending our relationship, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm a Christian but I've been in a sexual relationship with my boyfriend for about 10 months. For a few months, I've been having feelings of guilt after sex and it literally seems like I'm being sent messages from God to stop having sex before marriage.

I told my boyfriend about this and he said we can work on it together a week ago but yesterday, he brought it up again and said he doesn't think it'll be possible and that he'd not be able to cope. We cried on the phone for hours. He said the chances of him cheating are high and he might get frustrated if we go through with it. I appreciate his honesty and I love him very much.

He's a good man too. He kept begging me to help him; to compromise because he didn't want to loose me over something like this. He literally cried very bitterly and I almost folded but, I kept thinking that if he didn't want to loose me, he'd be willing to go on this journey with me. I told him we are allowed to fail because we're trying to stop and it's obviously not going to be easy.

I'm just really disappointed because he is a Christian like me and I didn't expect this answer but then i also totally understand because he is big on sex.

I'm really confused... If you've ever been in a situation like this, please help. If you've not please what do you think can save us?

A Relationship without sex but a good standing with God and peace with yourself.

A Sexual relationship but with a constantly disturbed mind and fear.

[wysiwyg2525]

So your at fault here and you have double standards. Sex before marriage... you already committed the sin there no going back to being a virgin. Stop looking at porn and masterbating. Stop hiding behind religion. Its not god telling you to stop. If you read the bible sex is all over. Its just frown upon as your growing up in an old school patents. Call it quits with this guy but you will have the same situation with the next guy. Sex plays a role with all guys. Your just feeling guilty because you got caught or you have a crush on someone else. This guy deserves better then you. Sorry but not sorry. If you were a holy roller you should of never slept with him to began with. Good luck.

[Ghostykill3r]

If you do not want to have sex, and he says that's a deal breaker. Then just break up, he's not right for you. Obviously talk about it first, make sure there isn't some compromise that would work for you both, but at the end of the day the two of you just might not work together.

[Asker]

Thank you...

[zariahdp]

Honestly you should’ve never had sex with him to begin with. If you’re religious like you say you are you would’ve never gotten into sex in the relationship to begin with. Why feel guilty now? You’ve already slept with him. You just need to leave him.

[Razp_Sorbet]

While I don't agree with the whole no sex before marriage thing, nor am I religious. I think you need to end things with him. If he's telling you he will likely cheat if you don't have sex with him then that is manipulation and is absolutely not ok.

[SnowedIn]

I don't think anything can save you for two reasons.

First, he wants the sex. And he's unwilling to validate your want and need. Your want and need is VERY legitimate. He should honor that. You said it yourself: "I kept thinking that if he didn't want to loose me, he'd be willing to go on this journey with me" and you are 100% right.

The second reason is that he's demonstrated that when things are difficult, he's not willing to do the hard thing or go the long haul. He has effectively demonstrated that you can't trust him.

So, those two things (he doesn't value you and he had destroyed the trust between you) mean that the relationship should be entirely ended.

[Catarine]

You have quite a sticky situation here. I'm not here to judge you and also I'm not religious but does it really still matter to god if you already did it with him. If you feel guilty about doing it or not the deed was done and there's no going back now. He sounds like he really doesn't wanna lose you and you seem to feel the same. Maybe you two could start being intimate without penetration if your religion would allow that or you two could marry sooner than later if you two would be up for that. Other than that I can't think of anything else than to break up.

[Snedger____]

Sorry to say this explicitly, Its his dick and your pussy. God doesn’t give a shit !

Do you think Jesus stand up in the sky watching you getting fucked and thinks “Oh man it’s pretty bad sex, let’s send her a message”

Come on, it’s 2023!!! Stop the bullshit mentality and seek help (not from your church)

[Asker]

You can give opinions respectfully without being a douchebag... and I don't need mental health. You probably do though.

[Anonymous]

That's a tough one. It's one thing to enter into a relationship knowing it will be sexless until marriage, but quite another to be in a sexual relationship and then end the sex. He's been honest about thinking he will cheat. Unless you are ok with that, I think you need to end it, and then find another guy and be clear about the expectation of no sex.

[slatyb]

You and your boyfriend have fundamentally incompatible values. You let other people tell you how to run your life, and her doesn't. Find a man who shares your values.

[Berethor]

I think that you should keep having it and it's pretty hypocritical to stop doing it at that point.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why are you letting an imaginary sky wizard ruin your relationship? Stop believing in fictional garbage, problem solved.

[bamesjond0069]

Was he your first? Makes a difference with what to do.

[Anonymous]

It is the religion that lingers in your subsconcious that tells you this so yeah... religion is complete crap, the only thing that it does is making people feel quilty, don't worry you will become more sexually open at around 30

[Iron_Man]

I’m sorry to hear that

[Asker]

Thanks...

[Iron_Man]

You’re welcome

[KrakenAttackin]

Fuck you and your "no sex" relationship.

[Anonymous]

Obvious troll. Reported!