Am I being controlling?

[Anonymous]

My fiancé has a new female friend from work that he’s been messaging for a few weeks now. We made an agreement a week or so ago about him only talking to her at work and staying off his phone at home so he can focus on his family and because I don’t know her or trust her and I don’t see the reason for talking to another female everyday other than your wife. I don’t care that he has female friends but I know all the other ones and they’ve been friends for years versus a few weeks. It’s causing a lot of issues for us because he sees it as a control and mistrust of him so he stands his ground on he should be free to talk to whoever but I don’t trust her. I do feel like she says some stuff that’s flirty like if she does him a favor at work she says that he better love her for it or tells him she would be sad if they weren’t friends anymore. I know he would never cheat on me but the fact that he can’t refrain from replying to her on his off days (three days a week) is a red flag to me. Am I being crazy?

if I’m being crazy or controlling then I genuinely want to know so I can work on those issues but this has been a boundary of mine since before we got serious. I’ve always been a firm believer that men and women can’t JUST be friends and that if they weren’t your friend before us then they shouldn’t be a friend after us.

[boggboss]

You are both being unreasonable what he is doing is clearly causing proboblms that should be spoken about but I would never stay with a partner that tried to make me agree to coming off mu phone when at home also u keep saying you don't trust her but u don't need to trust her lol if like u claim u trust him and know he won't cheat whats the issue unless u don't trust him which is a bigger issue

[Asker]

Because I don’t see why he’s need to be in contact with another woman constantly. I don’t want to be with someone who is constantly on their phone every waking minute talking to other people instead of spending his time at home. Im not asking him to stop talking to everyone. Im asking him to stop talking to ONE female that I don’t know while he’s at home which is 3 days out of the week

[boggboss]

Which is a fair enough request but again if u need to set a rule that he can't talk to herbwhich is controlling then what's the point of the relationship as your essentially saying u need to set rules to ensure u are happy and its not aomthing he cares about

[Asker]

Because setting boundaries is healthy in a relationship if we’re both going to have to compromise on stuff that we aren’t happy about. I made it clear from the beginning that I didn’t agree with making new female friends and talk to them all the time before we even got into a relationship. Having to set boundaries to ensure both people are happy and respected is not a reason to end a relationship. I’m putting his feelings above my own by compromising and trying to find a way for us both to be happy and have freedom. I don’t care about his other female friends because again I know them.

[boggboss]

But clearly these are boundaries that he feels are toxic or a overstep because he is telling you so and for me no if u need yo compromise by stating who your partner can or can't talk to this is a relationship waiting to die because if he disagrees with you he will ether ignore your request or do it behind your back again if u trust him that he won't cheat what is the concern this is not me saying ehat he is doing is right as in my mind if he chooses to be with u he must know what u will like or dislike so by him having new female friends he is kinda making a stamens if he knows u will be unhappy

[Paul09]

I mean there should be limits on how much time he spends on his phone period. It is a little strange.

[dudeinohio]

I think you are being reasonable