I realized that I am controlling and don’t know why I am like this or how to fix it?

[Anonymous]

First off I just want to say I don’t want to be like and didn’t even KNOW that I was like this until I got into a serious relationship.

I am controlling and hate myself for it. The reason it is hard for me to stop is because the controlling is my way of eliminating my own anxiety (I have server anxiety)

how am I controlling? I basically ruin relationships my girlfriend makes with new friends. Why? Because In my head I always come up with a reason… such as oh no that girl is too into her looks and will draw attention to men and then you’ll be approached by guys all the time because of your association with her.. and because she’s single and likes to mingle she’ll expect you to entertain these men with her

She had a falling out with her old friends whom I was good with.. I guess I trusted them. But all these new girls seem to not meet my own checklist which isn’t fair to my girlfriend.

I feel like I could understand WHY I am like this then I could have an easier time stopping this horrific behaviour.

I’m not abusive physically and I make my girl happy.. it’s just I have this major control problem and desperately want to figure it out because it’s exhausting for me to live with this and it’s super horrible for my girl to put up with.

[FilmGuy93]

It sounds like you've already identified the problem; you are anxious. I think you should probably look into some kind of either medicinal or natural pathic remedy for your anxiety. I know that when I was suffering from anxiety, I started taking something called "Ashwagandha," which is basically this natural supplement that I guess filters the cortisol out of your blood and then I changed my diet.

I changed my diet by reducing carbs and added sugars.

Cortisol is the hormone that causes you to feel stress. People who suffer from anxiety basically produce too much cortisol and it floats around in your blood. Most of your brain chemistry actually comes from your gut, not your brain.

Making those changes literally kept me from dropping out of law school during the worst of the pandemic. If it worked wonders for me, I'm sure you could benefit from it as well!

[Anonymous]

You already did figure it out, you said it right here:

Quote: The reason it is hard for me to stop is because the controlling is my way of eliminating my own anxiety

What you have control over can't hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Why you do it is because you’re insecure. You’re simply afraid of her leaving you or hurting you. The best thing you could do is get professional help. See a therapist.

[RuthlessAggression]

We tend to get a lot of our character traits, from our family

it's called genetics

[slatyb]

Get some counseling to explore your insecurities.