I want a cat, boyfriend does not, can he really stop me?

Question

When I moved in with my boyfriend 2 years ago he told me that he doesn't like cats, which I already knew, and that we won't be getting one, which I said was fine as long as he doesn't get a dog, which he agreed with.

Now, I really, really want a cat, have been for some months and this longing won't go away and I know it never will, and I've tried to talk to him, explain my feelings to him but he's adamant.

A friend of mine recently had a cat give birth and one of the kittens is so beautiful, my friend said I can have her for free but my boyfriend is adamant and said that I agreed to this but I feel that if he cared enough about me he'd relent on this one little thing, but he won't

If I just get it while he's out, can he really stop me? Should I do this?

TruthBringer · Accepted Answer

"if he cared enough about me he'd relent on this one little thing, but he won't" Dear Lord... This is what we call  GASLIGHTING . So just because he doesn't want a cat in the home means he doesn't care about you? What are you, 5 years old? What makes you think the world revolves around you that you have to get everything you want? Jesus the ENTITLEMENT...  If you're going to force your want onto him, that shows you don't respect him or the relationship. If you were my girl and you got the cat despite my disapproval, then I will end my relationship with you for these reasons: 1. Not respecting my opinion. 2. You don't know the concept of compromise and communication within a relationship. 3. The fact you put a cat over me shows me that in the future, you will repeat the same thing but with different things.  Just get out and have your cat since that is more important to you than a relationship. And here you are claiming he doesn't care enough about you. Projection at its finest.  Thank you for making me appreciate my girlfriend even more simply because she has some common sense which you obviously lack.

mstbooblover · Accepted Answer

Odds are high that the cat will be mistreated if your boyfriend really doesn't want one, not to mention an endless series of useless discussions to face. Maybe you should wonder why you really want a cat. Keep in mind that the situation of the household will change dramatically once you have children. Odds are high the cat will be neglected. An animal is not a toy.

I don't know neither of you both, but sometimes, when a guy claims hard and loud he doesn't want this or that animal, he melts away once it's there. Up to you to understand your boyfriend and yourself.

BlueScorpio · Accepted Answer

Sorry but you live together, it needs to be a mutual agreement. If he bought a dog would you still be okay with that even though you asked him not to? He made an agreement with you on no pets, so you should respect his wishes to not bring in a cat. It's either you have your own place so you can have a cat or just deal without one. I remember I wanted a new dog after many years of my dog passing away, but since I was still living at home at the time my parents said no to another dog. I just had to deal with it even though I really wanted a puppy.

Prettygurl12 · Accepted Answer

You live together? Then no. It'd be different if you didn't live together.

If you lived separately then he can't dictate what you can and cannot have in your home. But you live together and he is allowed to have a say in what is in his home.

If romantic partners are at odds on something, then the one who says "No," is the one who wins. Just like the decision on whether or not to have kids. If one wants them and the other doesn't, the one who says no is the one who wins.

coachTanthony · Answer

No he cannot stop you. He can leave you though over it due to lack of respect. Then you end up the cliche of a cat lady.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

If you do, you might come home one day and find the cat mysteriously disappeared.

godfatherfan · Answer

And if you cared enough about him, you would respect him and not get the cat. See women, it works both ways as you are not the only one in the relationship. If you are thinking about getting a cat, even though he has very specifically stated he does not want one and that has not changed, then you are really not interested in staying with this guy. You need to unpack that. If you truly loved this guy, you would not be thinking about getting a cat against his wishes. If I were him, I would end the relationship the minute you brought home that cat. here is hoping he does if you do.

Nomina · Answer

When I was a teen, as a Christmas present to myself and went and got a dog. Told no one. Just came back with it. My mom was adamant against another dog. We already had 2 at that point. 2 big ones that stayed outside.
But the one I got was a small one that would most likely be an inside dog. And she didn't want that. Dad said I could keep him, she was pissed.
But she fell in love with him eventually.

There are plenty of people who refuse to get a pet then love it over time.

I'd get the cat. For a trial period. Kind of like fostering a kitten. After a month, we reassess.

Anonymous · Answer

You have an untrustworthy character. You're gonna subject the kitten into a troublesome situation. And, the cat will feel those bad vibes making her unhappy. Don't be surprised if your boyfriend gets very upset and gives you an ultimatum. The poor cat will suffer at the hands of your disappointed boyfriend because of your stubbornness and unwillingness to stick to an agreement.

Anonymous · Answer

Ok so if he said well I want to fuck other chicks besides you would you be ok w that? Completely different analogy but you’re trying to use his love for you against him, that’s a fucked up thing to do to try to make him feel guilty. To say well if he loves me he’s let me do it. No that’s not how it work, you’re just being selfish. Get a cat if you want. See how that turns out. Is it potentially worth losing him over? I think you told him he can’t get a dog simply out of spite, not cause you don’t like dogs. You were just being childish. You made an agreement, even though as I mentioned before you told him no dogs simply because you were mad about no cats, not cause you hate dogs. Regardless you both agreed to it. I guarantee you if he came home w a dog you would t be happy w him.

Anonymous · Answer

If you want him to break up with you, sure.

Look. Women like you are stupid, so let's be as clear and simple as possible to give you the BEST chance you might understand.

He said he didn't want a cat. That's his choice. YOU AGREED.

You had a condition about a dog. He agreed.

HE HAS KEPT HIS PART OF THE BARGAIN.

And like one of the truly stupid women, you think "oh just because I said something and we agreed, doesn’t mean I can't just break that agreement."

You know what else is an agreement? Monogamy. You're proving your word doesn't mean shit. He will absolutely dump your ass for this and he'd be right to do it.

goaded · Answer

"I feel that if he cared enough about me..." Why do you think he feels any differently? Don't you think if you cared about him you would keep your promise? Since I saw this the other day...

Rania05 · Answer

You already made an agreement about not getting a cat and you're going back on your promise, he can rightfully gets upset and feel as if you don't love and respect him enough which also seems the case to me. If I have a boyfriend and he pull this out on me, I'd feel my patience over working out the relationship thinning like never before.

SnowedIn · Answer

Can he stop you? Physically? Maybe not. But should you? No. First, you agreed not to. Yes, you're allowed to change you're mind, but you had an agreement. Don't break that -- you'd set up for trust issues. But, flip this: if you came home from the gym one day and there was a puppy, how would you feel? No, just don't do this.

whereismyjohnny · Answer

No, you shouldn't do this. You live together, therefore it's something you should both agree on. You said that you talked about this already, so you should keep your promise and respect your boyfriend. Also, think of the cat's well-being. It deserves a safe and loving home.

slatyb · Answer

Do this if you want to end the relationship. You agreed when you moved in that you would not have a cat. Now you are thinking to understand violate that agreement

Actually, you should end it anyway. You're relationship is not loving, it's adversarial. Move out, then get a cat.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

It needs to be a joint decision. Also taking in a cat especially just from a friend is a lot of money, you need to get them desexed and vaccinated which can be very costly.

I hope you friend gets their cat desexed. We don't need any more unwanted kittens in this world.

abc3643 · Answer

He can't stop you from having a cat.
But, he can stop you from remaining his girlfriend - which I would do if I was him. Not because I dislike cats - I love them - but because you are part of a couple and making a decision like that is something of a "couple decision" - especially if you two live together.

wysiwyg2525 · Answer

Just get a cat and surprise him. Your not Ina dictator relationship are you. It don't matter if it's home. It is now your home as well and you should be able to get that you like. He will learn to love the cat you will see. Live life to how you see fit. Don't waste your time on pity answer of your boyfriend.

shoujogal · Answer

Well from generations to generations from my father's side were cat lovers.
If he will want to live with you he shoul'd accept the cute kitten for you'll will be with eachother n maybe for a long time or ever.
Or choose between the kitty or him.
That's just my opinion.
🐈 For us our kitties are our our babies or like part of family.
Our boy kitty is not a kitten anymore but still looks like it and the cutest... 🐺

Pyrofox · Answer

Maybe ask if not a cat and you don't want a dog why not get the animal that is between both? A bunny?

As to the cat I'd say definitely DON'T get it without his permission or he might just ditch ya entirely. As it could be seen as a gross over stepping of boundaries. And that would throw into question also would he come back.

David_Kek · Answer

I mean you live together, and you agreed. He can't stop you, but he can leave you for betraying him. I don't have an issue with cats, yet if i said i didn't want one and my girlfriend agreed and then got one anyone behind my back, i'd leave her ass. If you're prepared to disregard your agreements on the small stuff, then nothings stopping you on the big stuff. It says you can't be trusted.

Still-alive · Answer

your options here are quite clear... don't get the cat... or get one and break up. if you wanted one you shouldn't have agreed with him to not get one. if you get it despite how he feels... well its going to really damage his trust in you. its also a bit disrespectful to go against your word... so yeah.

annabananna · Answer

Once I got a bird even though my husband didn’t want it. I got pregnant and he was stuck cleaning up the bird cage because I didn’t wanna breath in the bird stuff while pregnant. Looking back I should have never gotten the bird. It wasn’t fair for him because he didn’t want to care for a bird.

Grond21 · Answer

Of course he cannot stop you. But if you had self respect, if you respected him, if you respected your word, you would not do this.

Of course you could get it, and then he could just kick you out of the house. After all, you can't stop him so why shouldn't he do it?

bolverk · Answer

Do you really want to end a relationship over a cat?

Remember - You moved in with Him, its a case of 'His home - His rules'.

You know he doesn't like cats, if you get the kitten I can guarantee the you will be homeless by days end.

He has set a solid boundary, why can you not accept it?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Get a cat.

I really wish people would stop dating people who are mentally different from them.
You are both missing out in your perfect matches.

Why screw over 4 people's happiness just to settle? :l I just don't get it, are people really THAT convinced perfect matches don't exist?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Unfortunately, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are incompatible on this issue. It's not really your fault nor his.
If you REALLY love cats more than you love your boyfriend -- which, not really anything wrong with that; it just is what it is -- then break up with him and move out.

PainusNdeeAnus · Answer

Get the fuccin cat and then beg for his forgiveness then parent trap him with the cat all it will take is one lazy afternoon and the cat to come hop on his lap and make those cute little “mew mew” noises and he will be hooked

trust me I used to bring stray animals home all the time because my mom wouldn’t let me have a pet the only time it didn’t work is when she realized that puppy was actually a coyote

LiamJHayden · Answer

You agreed and now want to change it. If you do anyway, he might just end the relationship, or at least be so resentful that he will plan to leave when he's ready.

By the way, cats can be insanely destructive. I had one that was trained. She calmed down by the time she was four, but I still had to repaint half the inside of the house and reupholster my sofa.

Mangospacho · Answer

This sounds very volatile. If he’s adamant about not getting a cat and you move in anyway, what do you expect him to do? Change his mind? I’m just saying the way things are headed, if you do get a cat, after he’s put his foot down on his decision, that cat is going to disappear under “mysterious” circumstances. Don’t do it. Just find a cat guy.

LazerBean · Answer

He can't stop you, but he can certainly dump you. Which is exactly what such a jackass move would call for.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

Should you break your promise (a really bratty thing to do) and bring an animal into your home knowing that your boyfriend is going to neglect it?

No, you should NOT do that.

The cat deserves to be placed in a good home where he/she is loved and welcomed by everyone who lives there.

ShellyB · Answer

I don't think it would be a good idea for the kitten's own good for you to bring it into your home if you don't agree, it also might be really bad for your relationship, it is the level of thing that could end a relationship. JMO good luck!

curiousaboutthis · Answer

I don't think you should ruin a relationship over a measly kitten, lol. maybe get a dog and a cat. I've had two cats before and they were horrible, maybe your boyfriend has had the same experience.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

He can't stop you but it might put a stop to your relationship. You live together, you should agree on things. You already talked about it and now you have changed your mind. I doknow why he doesn't want a cat, but it might be a dealbreaker for him.

Adam1978 · Answer

Well yes if you value your relationship it should stop you, taking that cut little kitten home is disrespecting his wishes. And if you do that you can just dump him.

jshm2 · Answer

Kiddo, you've moved in with him - not the other way round. Unless you're telling me you're paying 69% of the lease - it's his house, his rules.

Ninania · Answer

You really want to break an agreement with your boyfriend? Why don't you cheat on him too? You clearly don't respect him enough to keep your agreements.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

You're being selfish. You agreed to not get a cat. Now that you want a cat, he has continued to ask you not to. Please respect his wishes.

Disrespect like this is why men are walking away from dating.

FreyaRed · Answer

Tell him owning an animal is an adequate hobby and who he is for you in his perception, when he claims to determine what hobby is good for you and what is not.

TrueConfection · Answer

Cats can live 20 years. That's a lifetime commitment. It's better to wait until you're settled permanently. He can't stop you, but he can kick you out if its his place.

alice55 · Answer

Take thé cat and je ll most likley love him my grandfather don’t like cat but i took mine with me when i move in (i m there for the holliday ) and he ended up loving them and find him adorable

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't date anyone who hate cats or animals in the first place. I do a lot of voulenteer work and raised so many kitten and puppies. If you raise them right cats are sweeter than dogs. My cats are always so clingy and lovey dovey. They never scratched , attracked.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

He can leave you. When my ex-fiance got a dog, it turns out I was FIERCELY allergic to it and could no longer stay with her. She was about to start cheating on me, soon, anyway.

Subarugirl · Answer

Okay so you live together. Are you on the lease? If not then no. If you are then you could. But ask yourself if getting a cat is with the end of your relationship.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

How would you feel if he gets the dog?  if this is not the man you repesprct and love, better now than later.

DiegoO · Answer

If you knew he doesn't like cats why did you compromise yourself with him? He was honest about it, but how honest are you with keeping up with his personal view.

purplepoppy · Answer

No pussy, no pussy. Or try asking him why not, he could be allergic or have ailurophobia

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

You shouldn't get a cat unless he agrees with it, in the end its the cat that will suffer.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

You can either not get the cat or you can get the cat but risk losing your boyfriend because you didn't respected his wishes. Remember relationship is about compromise

Twalli · Answer

If he pays anything for wherever you live, yes. He stops paying, it defaults, you're homeless with a cat. You made this deal. with him. By your logic he could go out and get a puppy and you could do NOTHING about it.

spartan55 · Answer

If you want him to be your ex boyfriend, then go ahead.

Surely · Answer

If he is allergic to cats. Then what?  Depending on your boyfriend. You and the cat might be out on the curb! Depending on who holds the lease.

Sasha0426 · Answer

Would you be ok with him getting a dog if he really wanted one? I mean, if you cared about him, you would be ok with that.

dowser19 · Answer

I'm the opposing gender, but I have a brother&sister cat team, and they're more valuable than any female human on Earth nowadays ever could be.😃I'd get the cat and dump him. That way everyone wins.🤗

EaterPeter · Answer

This whole idea of moving in with someone is wrong. Why people do that to themselves. Get a new place neutral. Not his / hers not yours. A new place. You all's

Stevefiveo · Answer

You knew this was a hard rule before you met him so it sounds like he would be really mad at you and would lead to a break up.

joeldalton · Answer

You can do it if you want to cause serious damage to your relationship over some selfish want.

ManHater · Answer

women compensate this idea that having a car is a good substitute for their emotional needs and can cover for having a child for a time.

Danmanly · Answer

Not cool to get the cat, i would be pissed. A pet can restrict your lifestyle, it’s a responsibility that can cramp your life together. It’s going to cause problems between you two.

Juxtapose · Answer

If you want to be his ex-girlfriend then go right ahead!

dudeinohio · Answer

You already agreed not to get a cat. Backpedaling is dishonest.

Nattt123 · Answer

I don’t like cats and terrified of them so maybe he is scared of them

I want a cat, boyfriend does not, can he really stop me?

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I want a cat, boyfriend does not, can he really stop me?

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