Me and him have been together for 4 years. His mom is a huge cat lover, a lover of all animals. I am not entirely sure what his issue is, considering the fact that he just owned a cat and love it, and was raised around cats his childhood. (his dog did too) The big issue for me is the word ''let''. Its like im a child and he's a parent. He also STRONGLY REFUSES to get a cat. I already have cheap and safe way to adopt one. His own mother offered to give us the cat that we were living with prior who loves us and our dog. If I try to talk with him about getting a cat, he just has some weird outburst to change the subject or to interrupt me and tell me to never talk about it again. Its as if we are deciding on having 3 kids, and eloping! its just letting me get the cat. Is there some weird dramatic reason why men hate cats? He turns into a drama queen over everything but this is what gave him his crown. He has not given a legit reason for why not.. what do I do? And whats his deal?
Boyfriend won't let me get a cat? Why is this all over the internet? What is his problem?
Boyfriend won't let me get a cat? Why is this all over the internet? What is his problem?
I love animals and cats in particular, and I constantly get compliments from my customers that I'm very good with their animals.
Having said that, I don't have any pets and I've banned my roommates from getting pets. Did I suddenly become evil? I'm I a control freak?
No.
I'm living in a rented house. Cats can cause significant damage (particularly if they pee on the carpet - if they pee once, they'll keep peeing and you can never get the smell out - even if you can't smell it, they can, and they'll pee there again and again. A landlord can charge a large amount of money to fix this.
But the bigger reason is simply this: both myself and my roommates are busy people with demanding jobs that require that we're gone a lot - and sometimes we have to travel for work. They also have money challenges (which I don't have right now, but I've had before), and pets can suddenly get VERY expensive. For example, if the dog down the street attacks your cat, you could be looking at a HUGE, unexpected vet bill. And my roommates are the type who would pay that bill and then not be able to pay their rent - which makes it no longer just THEIR problem, but now MY problem.
Cats can tear up furniture, they can get sick or injured, and they need constant care - which means constant money. When you're making just enough to pay your bills with no savings and little ability to save, it makes NO sense to take on additional responsibilities and expenses.
You also have issues like: they want a cat, but they're unwilling to have a smelly, messy cat box in their room (I wonder why), so they would want it in a common area where we could all enjoy the smell and mess. That includes any house-guests. And when they're gone for 3 days, who gets to be responsible for THEIR pet? Why, that would be ME. Except I might not be around either, which means something bad could happen to the cat, or the cat might make a mess or tear things up or even die because it is alone and locked in a house for days by itself.
The bottom line is that a pet is a tremendous responsibility and a significant expense and even comes with various risks. I'm not willing to accept those responsibilities and risks - and I shouldn't have to.
By the mere question about shutting you down about owning the cat. We can only offer suggestions. My initial thought is he is tired of cats being around. Assuming he has been around many cats growing up.
TBH though & because you put this out there. . . I'd be concerned that he acts this way towards you more often than just the cat issue. If it was the cat issue alone that's different, then he has had a bad experience of some kind w/ cats & you may have to suck up that you won't be able to have a cat. But since you say "a drama queen over everything," it sounds as working through a multitude of issue could be difficult down the road. I've always enjoyed having a "main squeeze," & it seems your lives are very entwined, but as we all know - communication is very vital & for a person to learn a different way to communicate. . . I suggest - consider moving on. Sorry
He’s being immature, you need to demand an answer from him, I wouldn’t be able to accept him being a drama queen or controlling, he’s an adult and so are you, so you shouldn’t let him get away with dismissing you like a child? I’d be furious, dismissing someone and not being able to elaborate on an answer is plainly disrespectful and primitive. Maybe he feels a cat would just be too much responsibility with everything else? Guys in general shouldn’t have anything against cats.
"Do you want to go for a swim?", "No, not today". "Do you want to have a cup of tea?", "No, thank you". "Do you want to get a cat?", "No".
The only reason you'd want a detailed explanation of why he feels that way is so that you can talk him round to doing something he doesn't want to do. It's annoying.
@goaded Because I find that really selfish? Obviously the cat is imortant to her, so that’s why she deserves more than just a “no”. It’s not all about him and what he wants, she matters too and he should respect her enough to give her an answer if she aks why.
It's really not that difficult, she wants a cat, he doesn't. There is no desire in his heart to posess a cat. That feeling is not there. He does not have the feeling he wants a cat.
None of this means he hates cats, or he hates her, it just means he doesn't want a cat, and he's not willing to pretend to want one just to please her (which is what she's really upset about).
If she really wants him to hate her, she should keep ignoring his feelings and pushing for a cat.
Maybe he had a bad experience? You mentioned he had cats before so maybe when one passed it effected him a lot and he doesn't want to deal with the pain again.
Not all men hate cats. My boyfriend loves them but doesn't want more because we can't afford more cats. Maybe your boyfriend is worried about expenses as well.
Ask him again and don't settle for anything other than an answer. You need to be able to talk to each other especially over trivial things.
First of all, all guys don't hate cats. Second, your boyfriend is being a royal prick about this? Something is up that likely has nothing to do with the cat itself... it doesn't add up when he, you know, USED TO BE A CAT OWNER. I am a big believer in choosing your battles carefully in relationships, but if I were you I would dig in on this and demand some real answers. Because if he gets his way he won't ever have to compromise or justify anything to you moving forward. You don't seem like the typical bitchy girlfriend who rags your boyfriend about everything... I'm pretty stumped about what his deal is. Sounds like one of those 'conversations nobody likes' needs to happen.
Some people will push to control you as much as you allow. The cat might just be symbolic of a deeper need to be a control freak.
Conversely, he might have had an experience like mine. I like cats, but the ones I have had liked to chew on cables. I had to replace multiple MacBook and PC laptop chargers before I finally had enough. Now I have only dogs.
@goaded I am not. he hasn't even gave me a answer... as i told another commenter If I demanded it or forced it I would have just got one without speaking to him at all and say here You will have a cat.
What is your good reason for wanting a cat? Is it a better reason than his just not wanting a cat?
Of course, you can just go out and get a cat, but then you run a very high risk of him leaving you for ignoring his feelings.
Like I said in another message, I think what you're really upset about is that he won't pretend to want something he doesn't, just to please you. If you can't deal with that, perhaps it's time to reconsider your relationship.
If you are living together and he doesn't want a cat then you should not get a cat. Cats can be destructive to furniture and other possessions, then there's the litter box. Also some people are allergic. I don't know what his objection really is, it could be any or all of these things or something else. If you really want a cat, maybe you should move out and get a cat-friendly boyfriend.
I don't blame him! I hate the stupid little bastards! They scratch up everything, walk through and play with their own shit and then jump on your kitchen countertops, piss all over everything and make it stink to high heavens!! Who needs that? It's a waste of fur!! And it's not even GOOD fur!!
I would talk things over with him and ask him why he won't let you get a cat i find it kind of strange since he was raised with cats. I think if he truly loves you he would bend and let you get a cat.
I love cats. People are smarter who have cats. Guys with dogs laying around home. Watch sports all freaking day. He doesn't want one because he's lived with mom. Cat-loving mom.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
You could also say "girlfriend is demanding to get a cat, when I don't like them. What is her problem?"
He's being no more unreasonable than you.
Just because you want something, doesn't mean you get it. Should he have to be miserable having something he doesn't want?
well if you can owe a cat im sure you can adapt to a new cat... thats why its unreasonable
now if someone never had cats, or was allergic to cats... id be on his side but thats not the case, he's owned cats, his mom as, he's being controlling treating her like a child and he's the adult, the doesn't let her do anything he has to have good reason, and I just dont want to because I just dont want to is not a good enough reason
I really disagree If i demanded it i would have gotten a cat after he gave me a good reason (which he didnt) and without even asking so no its not both ways.
Try to get an answer from him. I get that some people may not want cats, but if he refuses to communicate his reasons and also behaves controlling, you got two red flags there.
Can he afford one? They're high maintenance. Also, if he hasn't proposed to you yet but still wants to use you like a wife, that's wrong. The cat is the least of the red flags I see here.
You want to do something that affects both of you, he doesn't, so who's being more unreasonable, him for saying no, or you for insisting that it happen anyway?
Cats are sort of annoying. That's probably why. They are also a big responsibility. They are a pest to local wildlife and need to be kept indoors at all times so they have to be very well toilet trained etc.
I think I read somewhere that men actually are more likely to have a cat than women. He really cannot forbid you from getting a cat (though I think if he doesn't want one you must accept full responsibility for taking care of it.)
He probably grew up with a dog all his life and probably hates cats because they aren’t dogs or at least they don’t act like dogs. I see a lot of people with this stupid mindset and I hate it.
Ask him what he has against cats, cause I personally love cats even though I don't love cleaning a litter box... wait maybe that's why? litter boxes are really nasty.
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