In the UK, when someone (usually his friends) tells a guy that he is 'whipped' by his girlfriend, it often means that his girlfriend wears the trousers and tells him what to do. It's often said as a joke to tease the man for allowing his girlfriend to control him. So why should people stop telling guys they're being whipped by their female partner?
Because it is small things like this that perpetuate and dismiss abusive behaviour towards men.
Whenever I hear someone telling a guy he's whipped, it's often because his girlfriend has prevented him from going out and seeing his friends for example. But wait a second! If you heard your female friend's boyfriend wouldn't let her out to see her friends ever, I think alarm bells would ring and they'd be swiftly told that that isn't acceptable behaviour. So why aren't we doing the same for guys?
Teasing the guy saying he's whipped almost blames the man. It makes out that he's allowing himself to be 'whipped', that he's weak and allowing a woman to control him. It doesn't come down to that. It comes down to the man being in an abusive relationship. It says more about the girl he's with, not him. I'd like to think that you wouldn't blame the victim of an abusive relationship for allowing it to happen because that's not how controlling relationships work. These guys need their friend's support, a friend to say to them that his girlfriend's behaviour isn't healthy, not to be teased.
It is not a healthy relationship to be told what you can and can't do. It's not healthy for your girlfriend to tell you that you can't see your friends or if you do get to see them, you come home to a huge row and stroppy attitude which makes you not want to go out again to avoid the drama. It's not healthy to be told you can't talk to certain people or being made to delete your social media.
I'm not ignoring the fact that when you get into a relationship, there may be some small adjustments and you may have boundaries which are totally acceptable to have, such as asking your partner to text you when they get home so you know they're safe. But I see time and time again, women crossing this line and micro-managing and monitoring their boyfriend so much, that it's like a full time job. That's not healthy for either of you!
There is a worrying amount of guys who are totally oblivious to this unhealthy behaviour. They aren't warned of red flags like girls are and I think this perpetuates domestic abuse against men, by women.
So my message to men out there, if your male friend often says to you that he can't go out because of his girlfriend or tells you some information about his relationship that doesn't sound right, ask yourself how you would view the situation if your friend was a woman and her boyfriend was treating her that way. If after that, you feel like it isn't acceptable behaviour, speak up!
For any women reading this, you're not your boyfriend's mum. You don't have the right to tell him who he can talk to, where he can go, how often he goes out etc. That is controlling behaviour and that would not be accepted if the roles were reversed. He has the right to continue living his life like he did before you came along - you're a big addition to his life, but you're likely not at the centre of it. The issue lies in your own insecurities, not your boyfriend, so instead of trying to control every aspect of another person's life, start taking responsibility for yourself and get help.
Thank-you for reading and I hope that it's altered at least one person's perspective. If one more person can be more perceptive to domestic abuse against men, then I've done my job.
P.S. This has NOTHING to do with fetishes.
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