Why we need to stop telling men that they are 'whipped' by their girlfriend (Page 2)
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I think it applies mostly to european and American guys because of their education (don't know about Asian and black though) for instance were i live it's nearly impossible to control a men or tell him what to do, what you can try to do is manipulate him (which works generally)
I think you are right in some ways. It does lead to unhealthy relational behaviors between partners, yet, it probably was unhealthy to begin with. No one can tell the other what to do, they can suggest. But the path they take, if they don't want to consider there partner is up to them. However, bring it back to the whipped thing. I think the words are wrong, I think it's more considerate of the other person's wishes. If I feel it's merited, then I will gladly accept. If not then no.
If you had a female friend that said that her boyfriend doesn't let her out to see her friends and he made her delete her social media etc. Would you laugh and say she's being 'whipped' by her boyfriend?
No, I would say... you have a choice to stay or leave. She's choosing to be in that situation. I know a couple women in that instance who said it was annoying, but loved that fact that he was so dominant and demanding, that it's the point of a turn on for them. So unless, he is physically forcing her to stay or threatening her or anything else.. it's usually her choice to accept that. She can fight back, leave. Whatever else.
So you're blaming her for being in the controlling relationship? A genuinely abusive relationship doesn't work like you're assuming it does and it doesn't always have to include physical abuse.
I didn't blame her, I just simply said she has a choice. Ask most abuse victims they will tell you, they made the CHOICE to leave because of there kids were in danger... or they made the CHOICE to leave because they couldn't take it anymore and were unhappy. It's not an easy choice, but it is a choice.. hell my mom was in a very abusive relationship with my dad.. and I even got into fist fights with my dad for things he did to my mom.. but she chose to stay with him.. your not telling a random dude that's never experienced this... I know what I'm talking about from experience
You just do not understand! For a multitude of different reasons differing on sex, people sometimes don't get out of relationships like those.
Such as the controlled being of low self esteem, or being afraid of their well being.
Again, please review cases to where people of those instances finally made the choice to not live that way anymore. I know it's hard to break fear.. I've been afraid of things in my life that I said I would never be able to over come. But I have. I made that choice to not let my fear win. Most things in life are a choice, only things that aren't are being born and dying those thing will happen eventually. My mom stayed with my abusive dad because she made the choice to stick it out for us kids. Probably the wrong choice, but she choose to stay there. And now to this day, she would tell you, it was a choice.. and countless other women I've talked to who have been in the same situation would say the same thing. All I'm saying, in my opinion, that's an excuse to not move on, create change, and better yourself from a bad situation. More fear of the unknown, then anything else.
If I'm being whipped, then it better be hidden from prying eyes and in the bedroom.
In all seriousness, a relationship is a partnership not a one way street and people who don't get that are missing something.
i agree with you man! there should be respect, trust, love and caring from both sides!
Whipped in the bedroom, wow, That would be really great.
'Whipped' is more of an American term, no? If I feel a friend is in that situation I think making the point in a lighthearted, jokey way isn't the worst thing one can do under the circumstances. It is a way of making a point without drawing any blood.
Honestly, it seems to be a more generic term of most English speaking countries. We say the same thing in Australia. Another one we like to do here is say "she's got his balls in her purse".
You're quite right. Thank you Coca-Colonialism!
Guy who I love is controlled by his girlfriend. I tried to help him and end this abusive relationship and now he ignores me. Just because I don't care what he thinks about me anymore, I would say this way. Although no, he will continue to be with her, as she reminds him his abusive mother
If some bloke is pussy whipped that's his problem , if he really is going to let someone stop him from going somewhere he wishes to go then he really is spineless and he knows it.
Grow a pair , and don't ask for permission in any case.
As someone who is considered “whipped” I don’t feel like I’m in an abusive relationship at all. She’s the girl, so as the guy it is my duty to make sure she’s happy. If that means staying in with her or taking her out with me I’m more than happy to do so :)
Just had to say "here, here" and add a touch of nuance. Your point is well made.
To be fair, the author of the "MyTake" has a point as well. The real problem is that there has developed a tendency - against all human experience - to posit the relationship between men and women as purely adversarial. That men and women are, for all intents and purposes, opponents. It is pure nonsense and your brief, but excellent reply, makes the point.
When we care about another human being we do things for them. We make sacrifices for them and we take pride in that.
It is called "love," and in all the contemporary debates and discussions it gets lost. More to the point, it is a choice. We cannot help what we feel, but we can help what we do about it.
Water seeks its own level and each man and woman will act in a way that best accords with their notions of love and morality and right conduct. The author of the MyTake is right to the extent that a woman or a man who is not taking the happiness of the other into account is not truly in love. There lay the gateway to abuse.
@Billybob643, however, have the better of the argument. What makes us happy in a relationship is about the relationship with the other person. How other's may perceive that is a matter of stark indifference - and certainly is not their's to judge.
Great reply!
ITS TIME TO STOP!(FILTHY FRANK VOICE)
@derek2017 Sorry, I have no idea what you are trying to say - other than that you are trying to say it LOUDLY.
@nightdrot https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k0SmqbBIpQ
watch this
@derek2017 Uhmm, that didn't help clarify matters. Thanks, though.
@nightdrot im just trying to tell you to stop being whipped...
@derek2017 Uhmm, my girlfriend and I have lived together for 11 years - we don't want to be married - and have three children together. She - and my three little munchkins - mean everything to me.
She is kind and supportive. She somehow knows when I am worried or nervous and will come up and hold me. When I get on my high horse - and I do that a lot - she just rolls here eyes, smiles and kisses me on the cheek. She works hard to give me a home that I am proud of. She forgave me when I could not forgive myself. Oh, and the sex - amazing. She is a loving and steady mother to our children - the latter the most beautiful gifts that any woman can give a man... and that barely scratches the surface of what our life together has meant to me.
If that is being whipped - more people would wish that they were so whipped. In any event, you might do well not to pronounce on relationships about which you know nothing.
@nightdrot well damn! thats a fine ass wife! how are you whipped then?
*wait, i might have misunderstood this! Do you mean sexually?
Ohh mate seriously ? that is sickening , and you are only 23 , seriously mate time to wake up big time. Don't let yourself be treated like that , plus 100 % she will leave you anyhow as you are simply not leading. The man must be the leader.
@molonski2 we lead together. But if it’s a choice between making my girl happy or doing what I want I always choose making my girl happy.
@nightdrot well said. Men find it hard to live with a woman, yet without them, many are lost.
The old cliche that's quite true, "behind every successful man is a good woman." I agree with that, then you have a great lover, friend, and companion. Long lasting marriages, before I went away for a business trip, my wife would give me all the sex I could want. Makes me look forward to coming home as soon as possible.
@molonski2
@Badballie Thanks for your kind remark. The idea that men and women live in opposition to one another is an outgrowth of the "me" culture. That tendency to define the world in a sort of winner take all context. When in truth we are never better when we share and think in terms of the other person.
My girlfriend has given me more happiness than any man has any right to expect. It is happiness that spans the spectrum from moral to intellectual to emotional to sexual. The feeling of her in my arms, the look of her smile, the feeling of physical connection and intimacy when I am inside her, the way she makes me feel like I am ten feet tall.
There is no way I can ever repay that and when I do things for her - both asked and unasked - it just barely scratches the surface of gratitude.
As someone whipped by my ex-girlfriend, and the final nail in the coffin being her sexually assaulting me when I didn't want the sexual advances, I full-heartedly agree with this entire thing. And dismissing male victims is a serious problem.
Good take but truth is men do need a kick up the backside on occasions. As the saying goes, behind every great man is a woman nagging him to death.
Yes, they may need some persuasion to do things sometimes but that's different to preventing him from leading a normal life because of your own insecurities.
Not true. Nagging just drags men down generally.
Yeah. Without a good woman many men sorta wander aimlessly doing whatever.
It’s true.
You're whipped... wah pah!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgzRFX7bTzwThis is a great documentary:
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x72olk7So should the saying " Happy wife , happy life " be banned because it comes from the same place as being whipped.
Note: that's not the meaning of whipped, well at least in the context in which guys use the term 99% of the time.
Yeah, I guess you're right about the happy wife, happy life thing.
Your meaning of whipped may be different to mine as slang terms often mean different things in different parts of the world. The way I have described it is correct in the context of my own surroundings and experiences of witnessing its use.
Lol finally someone has balls to speakup against woman behaviour... if I will kiss yea for that (of course with your permission)
I agree with the one who said "it's either control or be controlled."
Even if you argue that there are healthy and unhealthy ways of going about it, that's just how it is.
If my buddy is pussy whipped we let him know, we dont abandon a fella easy
Lol yet another girl that doesn't understand how men work. We help him by teasing him, thats how we do things, teasing is the best thing for him. And yes, if a man is whipped, it is his fault for being weak
basic summation of what this girl has said:
STOP TELLING MEN THEY ARE WHIPPED SO WE CAN WHIP THEM HARDER!!!
too many men have low self-esteem and desperately try to boost it by treating other men like crap... it's so pathetic
too many men have low self-esteem and are so desperate for a girlfriend they become whipped.
There's an old saying that DEFINITELY applies here and actually also applies to a LOT (though not all) girls in bad relationships. It's fallen out of favor because it doesn't fit the P. C., SJW narrative, but it's true nonetheless. Here it is:
"There are no victims. Only volunteers."
That's why guys give a lot of crap to their friends that are whipped. Most of them deserve it.
Nobody deserves to be abused.
Very true. I agree with that. I also think no one should volunteer for their own abuse. People have an obligation to themselves to get out of such situations.
You can't comment on something you've never experienced. Victims don't want or choose to be abused. Maybe read the end of my most recent myTake to get some idea of what it's like so you can be less rude and ignorant next time. The Red Flags Of Domestic Abuse ↗
That first statement is DEFINITELY not true. You most certainly do NOT have to experience something to comment on it. If that were true, there would be no point in learning. The whole idea of learning is so you don't HAVE to experience everything. Also, I'm not suggesting that victims choose to be abused. They do not. But if you CAN take a decision to leave a situation and you do not, THAT is called volunteering. Now there ARE situations where it becomes dangerous and possibly impossible to leave a situation, but frequently there are many warning signs before that event horizon is reached. It is most useful to try to understand the signs and to get out sooner.
At any rate, this take was about guys being whipped. When guys say that to their friends, it's frequently because their friend is allowing his girlfriend to make decisions for him that he should take himself. We tend to point that out to our friends in no uncertain terms. You'd be surprised how often that helps break the cycle. Though, clearly, not always.
It is true though when people get in a new relationship and never go out of the house unless they have permission lol it is real
You either control or get controlled. I don't like that reality, but eventually everyone either accepts there's no escape to it or keeps in denial and bringing harm to both themselves and those around.
Perhaps, but the most critical form of control is the control we exercise over ourselves. It's that whole "power vs. force" thing. Self-control is power, control over others is force. The best control we can aim for is a self-control that inspires others to follow in our stead. That way we all grow together, and nobody walks around slumping their shoulders all subservient and meek. Just good humans on the mutual path to betterment. And anyone who doesn't wanna play nice gets shown to the fucking door and given the boot.
@SomeGuyCalledTom Putting the focus on the individual won't discard the fact there'll be always power imbalances in relation to each person we interact with.
@SomeGuyCalledTom Say, as long as you can have the power to figure out a way to not only slump other people's shoulders but make them believe that's legitimate or even benefical, no one's going to stop you unless that person is stronger.
Oh yeah, power imbalances aren't going away. My point is more that people who feel out of control often overcompensate by trying to control others, as another commenter noted. People who obsess over controlling others often have the least control over their own lives. That is not a denial of the fact that status dynamics will always shape human interactions. I'm just of the opinion that people often chase status in unhealthy ways that ultimately collapse in on themselves.
@SomeGuyCalledTom well said.