Anxiety over boyfriend cheating in LDR?

Anonymous

Background: My boyfriend lives in England temporarily, but up until 2 years ago he lived in his home country. He’s visiting there for a month. The first time I went to see him, we were just friends and became something more. It’s also worth mentioning we were childhood friends. While there, we got into a conversation about my anxieties over this girl he said he once loved. She was his iPad’s background when we began dating. He reassured me multiple times that he doesn’t see her in a romantic way anymore. They’re still friends, and I don’t mind that. I don’t want to be controlling nor abusive.

Story: He gets to his home country, and his way of communicating was very vague and uninterested. To be fair, he has been traveling 40 hours with only a couple hours of sleep. I wouldn’t have thought twice about anything if he left it at that. I asked if he was going to see his friends. He replied with “They don’t know I’m here, and I can’t be bothered to say anything right now. But I will go surprise [girl he said he loved].” One of his guy friends is upset right now bc he wanted to go over and say hi but my boyfriend ignored him. He hasn’t said anything to me all day.

I’m honestly not too sure how to calm myself down. I don’t want to say anything because I know it’s coming from having the fear of abandonment and past experience. But I can’t help but think he still loves her and is using me as emotional support for the time being. His mom said he doesn’t feel anything toward her, but she’s not him. Are there any tips to not let my anxiety take over?

Updates
1 y
Just wanted to add that they never dated!! They were only ever friends. I was his first for everything!
Anxiety over boyfriend cheating in LDR?
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