Is it bad I don't want kids because I don't want to have ties with him forever if it doesn't work out?

[Anonymous]

[quaranta]

It's not bad, you are actually making sure the kid grows with a proper childhood without disastrous situations of parents arguing and splitting, single mother in poverty and bad psychological state and whatnot.
However, it doesn't mean you shouldn't have kids "ever". You should just live together with your partner for some years (4-5) during which you both develop good relationship skills, communication skills and introspective skills, ready to tackle what doesn't work in the relationship time to time instead of letting it cumulate through "forgiving and getting over it" (that doesn't work, it doesn't rebuild trust and connection).
After that time you'd be able to say this relationship can last for the next 10 years or not, as long as you aren't constantly hoping he "will change" (he won't), but if you are capable to imagine the relationship in 10 years to work as it is already in the moment, after 4-5 years of living together, then that grants a much more stable perspective than a 1-2 years partner you didn't develop a "familiarity" with yet and didn't come across with most of your mutual problems yet, neither tested what happens after the initial infatuation phase ceases to give "that spark" and you are left with the "real" relationship to deal with (many couples don't survive that).
Just don't have a baby after only 1-2 years of living together because that is pure gamble and the effects of this choice fall on the newborn who actually didn't even ask to exist. Rahter, have it later to be more sure of the stability of the situation and the type of father you would give to the kid.

[Anonymous]

That’s certainly a reason. I have heard so much crap for this but I wouldn’t want to be tied down to kids more so than a man. A part of me wants kids. But I don’t want to be tied down I don’t want to have to sacrifice. I’m the kind of person all I want is freedom and the ability to be spontaneous. Plus this world is terrifying and I don’t know if I have what it takes to raise a child and properly love them and teach them everything I know. I grew up with a mother who stayed home and cared for me constantly. It helped me in so many ways but I saw what it did to her. I would want to give my child that but in reality I would want to be more than a mother. So I agree with you I don’t want kids either. However I want to be married and I want to fall in love and have a fairy tale. But this is real life and that is beyond rare so yeah I understand not wanting to have to try and raise kids with an ex or in a broken home. Another thing it seems like a way to protect yourself from further hurt if the unthinkable happens which is only natural. I for one used to think that I shouldn’t get married in the future because it may not work out. But then I realized that I couldn’t expect something to possibly work if I didn’t believe in it. So my advice is not to base this decision on fear. Make your decision to be or not be a mother on what you actually want or don’t want. As far as relationships go some work some don’t it’s based on the two people and time will tell.

[Mansearching]

Ok. My soap box will open a little.

Yes having kids is a personal choice and a big responsibility. Having kids with someone you love is a blessing. If you and him have kids (no matter how many) its not about the 2 of you. It'll be about the children. You 2 would have to be adult, not fight in front of kids, give and take on situations that occur.

Now if you don't love him enough to have kids, either make him wear a condom or you get on some kind birth control. If not never have sex with him.

[Guy13]

Whether to have or not have children is a cyclical thought so do not give up on the idea…we all go through your thoughts.

When one meets a partner that is both Wifey and genes worthy, having a child becomes a priority. Having the career, “the world sucks so bad”, overpopulation, parenting abilities, costs and margins, “my body will never be the same”, they consume too much time ETC… seem to vanish into thin air.

[AviatorTom]

That's not a good reason to not want kids. More importantly, the desire to have kids should be a positive thing, not a negative thing to not want them.

[Summeroflove]

Well having children is a personal choice that you have to make. I would say the trust issues is where the problems are.

[Anonymous]

That just means you do not want kids badly enough in general. And that is completely fine. I don't want kids either but not because my partner or trust issues, I just don't feel it in my gut that I want it, if that makes any sense. I see my life now as good as it can be, I don't want to lose or sacrifice anything just for the sake of having children, as if we're programmed to have them. I don't see children bringing any more happiness then I already have, only risk of misery that cannot be reversed. In general I think many people opt in for having kids because of two reasons that are equally wrong: 1. Because of their partner and 2. Because they are bored/unhappy/forced to follow the rules. The desire to have kids needs to come deep within and once it comes you'll know it, you'll be sure, and you'll be willing to take any risk because the desire is just too strong. My friend recently had a baby with anonymous donor and she gonna be a single mom by choice. She wanted a kid for years but never could find the right partner, so she just decided to do it herself. I think that is a clear sign that someone really does want kids no matter. And I guess those who do want and also find the right partner are rare, but we should never feel pressured to feel worthless if we never get to that point. Kids are not necessity! Life can be wonderful without them!

[SphynxUK]

I don’t really get where you’re coming from. Relationships end for any number of reasons, and Indint see why in some cases you wouldn’t still remain friends or even acquaintances if you still got on, kids or not.
I mean, it’s not hard to open the door to him and say goodbye to your kids as they go off to his for the weekend is it? (For example).

[Anonymous]

I would say it depends, if you're in a newer relationship to be reserved is practical as it takes a long time to know each other, I would even say it goes as far as you don't truly know the person until you live with them.

If you've been dating long term and your concern is you don't want kids because you to be tied to him then it sounds like you are the problem as its stringing him along.

[BJP21]

You should even be in a relationship to begin with if you are with someone that does.

"because I don't want to have ties with him forever if it doesn't work out"

You need to make every effort even if kids aren't a thing.

[blueonblack22]

You can do what you want. But more and more western people are saying “oh I don’t want kids because of this” or “oh I want want kids because of that”.

Is this healthy for our society’s future?

[Flower7]

It’s never a good idea to have children before being married. So if you’re just dating right now, then yeah, your decision is perfectly reasonable.

[midnightmoon05]

With that attitude, yes.
when in a good relationship, I don’t think it will end.
if the relationship is not good. No sex. Move on.
life is not that complicated.

[melanieeeB]

No of course not, having kids is not a must and it's better to not have one instead of having a kid that you might hate in the end lol Anyways kids aren't necessary in life

[FilmGuy93]

Makes sense… although I do think you have to be more clear about what this means. Marriages don’t always work out, but you probably aren’t going to turn down having kids with your husband just because you might get divorced one day.

[jshm2]

That's as retarded as thinking you don't want to go to school and get an education in case it "clouds" your mind later.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I think your reasoning is wrong as we can't predict the future.

If you seriously think this man isn't worth being a parent or you don't see him being long term with you then I think its stupid to have children by him.

[dustybiker]

Makes me curious. Why are you with someone you dislike that much?

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with that. Suppose you have kids and for whatever reason it doesn't work out it's not like you can put the kid back where it came from and then be childless once more.

It's a mindful choice.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. It means you're in your late 20s with the wrong guy. Or you're traumatised by past relationships, lack trust, and are punishing him for it.

[TacosRAwesome]

It's kinda bad. You need to get to the bottom of it.

[Tracker1958]

Get a hysterectomy, you will never have to take birth control anymore and you will never have period cramps again.

[joeldalton]

That’s about the dumbest reason not to have children.

[altaboy]

I say, if you aren't sure then don't have kids.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

No. I'm an antinatalist. Kids, in the current age, ought to be adopted, not born.

[KrakenAttackin]

Actually, that's how a lot of men think. Having children with an awful woman is pure misery.

[Jmmmfi4]

You're a girl your purpose is to raise kids

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

You can drop the kids in orphanage.

[Anonymous]

Bad for him I guess

[In_Trance]

you should keep your clothes on

[LiamJHayden]

That is actually a good reason.

[scooogy]

Same here

[Fuentes]

No lol

[Saamee]

Yes it's bad😑

[Anonymous]

Yeah.