Pls Help Me I Beg, What Should I Do If My Partner Is Busy And Never Gives Attention Like We Used To?

[Anonymous]

So this is my first relationship….

On the first three months is was very lovey dovey, both of ud experience it for the first time (holding hands, hug)

But after the new year, i never get the attention as used to, usually we text a lot but right now we only text a bit each day… and the replies i get are unenthusiastic replies… but i keep on texting so we can text everyday

It’s because my partner is busy (attends 3 uni at once)…

My partner told me he wants to be in a relationship that is burdening…. That’s why im trying to understand the situation (busy)…. But if i keep on doing this its feels very one sided….

Even when we met, my partner talks to me unenthusiast, and its hard for us to find time to meet….

i trust my partner that there isn't a third party as my partner is really busy (3 uni at once)

What should i do? Everyday feels so suffocating and lonely…. I keep waking up several times in my sleep in the middle of the night… and everyday my heart beats faster due to fear that this relationship might crumble…

Before the new year it was very wonderful…. We both give our attention equally….

I really love my partner and im grateful that i met my partner…. I wanna cherish my partner…

Pls i dont want this relationship to end…

[kylee2437]

Stop texting him every second of the day. You are at a grown adult age where texting too often is very immature. You need to find your life back that you had before you started dating him. Go venture outside of your phone. Go make your life interesting again. He’s most likely unenthusiastic because you are no longer interesting and you are up his ass all the time. Go a few hours without texting him, surprise him with a call to update him about your day and ask about his.

[Asker]

I didn't text every second, but daily. Because my partner told me its okay to text daily, but my partner might reply late.
Should i test not texting for a few days? Might it disrupt the relationship?
But isn't relationship about maintaining communication? Even my partner doesn't have time to phone call/maybe he’s unenthusiast to call me

[kylee2437]

@asker don’t go a few days without texting him, but more so make the conversations important. You don’t need to update him about what cereal you had today. Go do things for yourself that you can talk to him about , surprise him with a call. I always say quality over quantity. To me it seems like you are so invested in this relationship that you lose what makes you interesting and now he’s not feeling this relationship.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice.
So more than a few days? Only texts when its something important? But if its this way, i might not know what my partner is doing…. I dont even know when we can meet… as my partner is always busy…

But yes you are right, i feel my partner saw me as an interesting person in the beginning, but not anymore now…

[kylee2437]

Well if your partner is always busy and never making plans for the both of you, consider if this is even something you actually want. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Maybe ask him if he would like to do something with you because you want to see him? See what reply you get. If he says he’s not sure because he’s busy or something along the lines, again consider if this is even something you want.

[Asker]

Sorry. But what do u mean by “this is even something i want”?

It looks like my partner is going to be this busy for a whole year… so does this mean, limited text with him for a whole year?
I really want my partner to miss me too, back to loving me and being enthusiast cuddling me…
I’m new to relationship so i dont have much experience…

[kylee2437]

So , just because you like him doesn’t mean you need to be in a relationship with him if he isn’t giving you what you need in a relationship. If he’s super busy for a whole year, how are you supposed to progress this into anything serious? You two are going to drip away from each other if you aren’t keeping each other stimulated in terms of dates and such. That’s what I mean by saying “is this even something you want”

[kylee2437]

Drift* not drip

[Asker]

So basically its unfair to me…
I also keep thinking that way, im trying to hold myself to keep loving my partner while he’s busy… but i dont think my heart can handle…
Everything i do will be a mistake…. I can't keep texting as i will be more uninteresting…

[kylee2437]

It’s unfair to you because you know you are settling for less. Only you can change that for yourself by not settling for less and going and finding someone that gives you what you want. You can like someone, but if he isn’t putting in effort even when he is busy, is that love?

[Asker]

Even though my partner is not a bad person, has a good personality…
I should consider leaving as im settling for less?

Cause he told me he wants a relationship that isn't a burden, that means he doesn't want relationship to hindrance his busy time. Thats why im trying to understand the situation…

I dont know how to talk to him about this, i dont wanna regret leaving a good person… Its not easy for me to get a good relationship…

[kylee2437]

So he may have a good personality, but that doesn’t mean he is relationship material. He has a right to not want a overly needy relationship, however if he using that as a reason to not put in basic relationship efforts such as making time to hang out/ go on dates with you , then he’s just not relationship material but using you because you are probably 100% a good person that deserves the best. Don’t let your like for someone get in the way of what you need out of someone to feel happy about the relationship you are in. He’s saying he doesn’t want a relationship that is a burden, but you also have a right to feel the same and in my opinion from what you have been telling me, this relationship has been rather a burden to you since you aren’t getting the quality attention you would like.

[Asker]

So its not my fault for always acting needy towards him?
What im experiencing is very logical? I’m not being selfish here?

[kylee2437]

I don’t know your relationship entirely but if he isn’t making time for in person meet ups and such, then this isn’t going to be a great relationship.

[Asker]

How about if he makes time for meet ups and such, but rarely texts. Is it the same thing? won't turn out to be a great relationship?

[kylee2437]

Yes because maybe he’s just not into texting. Quality over quantity

[Asker]

But its gonna hurt so bad, i can't bear leaving up…. I’d be so devastated…
Is there no other way?

[kylee2437]

It may hurt for a while, but having a partner that is there for your needs is just as important. You like him because what you imagined he could be, however he isn’t giving you what you need, which is another reason to limit texting also because unfortunately you fell into the routine of texting him and now it’s a habit that you have to cut away at

[Asker]

Can i start by stop texting for a few days first? And see how it goes? Then initiate a text asking when will he have a bit of time to meet?

I really can't leave him immediately like this….
This is my personality, once i get attached to someone, i want to fight for that person, i dont wanna leave that person very easily…

[Asker]

So in 4 days there’ll be a chinese new year eve dinner, and the last time i met him, i told him if he can come and join my family’s dinner? And he said text him near that date and he’ll see if he can….

[kylee2437]

So if I were you, I would disappear without explanation because honestly it’s going to look like you are playing games. Just be less frequent with you texts but check in.

[kylee2437]

I wouldn’t disappear*

[Asker]

So still texts daily? But very little texts?
Yeah u are right if i suddenly disappear it may sound like im playing games and could create a misunderstanding…

And how about my cny eve dinner that i explain above?

[AydenHazor]

Have you talked to your partner about how you're feeling? While you need to be understanding of his buddy schedule, he should also be making an effort if he wants to be in the relationship. If you let him know how you're feeling, he ought to put in a little more effort

[Dav1dTh0ma3]

My dad went through a lot of girls, to find the one he really wanted. There's nothing wrong with ending one, especially if you wind up coming back to them. Sometimes a break is just what's needed

[JustCantSleep]

Sometimes people get busy. They don't get time.
Ask him when he will have free time in the future.
Don't jump to conclusions

[Anonymous]

Sit down with him and try to get the bottom of why he changed. Their has to a reason.