I don’t feel like my boyfriend cares about me enough. How do I explain to him without sounding selfish?

[Anonymous]

He forgot my birthday even though I’ve told him the date multiple times. He cancelled plans with me to play video games. He doesn’t buy me gifts even though I bought him one for Christmas. He doesn’t make enough effort to see me. We don’t live far at all. Obviously this conversation would have to be over text since he’s too busy with work, school, and video games.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Dump him.

You can't 'win' fights like this. Relationships are supposed to be easy for the first few YEARS.

You can't have arguments about 'why he doesn't value you enough' because it's evident he won't value you enough' to have that adult conversation.

Dump him because you deserve more than someone who makes it seem like work to spend time with you. There are plenty of good men out there who would treat you properly, but they won't approach someone already in a relationship/situationship. You have to make that space in your life first to accept the love you think you deserve.

[cheetocandle]

You have made it to easy on him giving him wifey benefits without being one. Get rid of him and go let him play fart night.

[Guy13]

Sorry. Experiencing our Partner is the best teacher. As you and your boyfriend have grown, from lust into relationship, personality and character become more apparent.

Sometimes. these discoveries are heart-breaking when our partner can not see beyond him/her Self in their daily living. Often such discoveries can both severe emotional and lustful aspects that founded the relationship.

[kylee2437]

So why are you still with him?

[Asker]

Even before I break up, I still want to talk to him first. I can’t find the right emotions to express.

[kylee2437]

@asker I feel like there’s no need to talk to him about it. You listed so many qualities that he would honestly need to make major life changes for him to consider following and usually men like this aren’t willing to make such change. He’s keeping himself busy for a reason

[TruthBringer]

@kylee2437 Asked a good question. And I'll ask you a slightly different one:

Why did you decide to be in a relationship with such a person, in the first place?

This literally reinforces the stereotype that assholes always get the girls. Are you trying to tell us that there aren't some nice and caring guys in your life who won't neglect you?

So why this guy? Because he is a 'bad boy' who gives you the tingles? Because he puts you on edge and feeds into your crave for drama & anxiety? Believe it or not, but this is often what makes women chase men. Who leave them in doubt and anxiety, because the other way around is perceived as "boring".

This is exactly why I tell guys to stay 'toxic'. Because it's the toxic guys who often get the women. Hence why nowadays every single woman claims to have been with a "narcissist". This goes to show that if women in their collective truly went out of their way to seek genuine caring men, you wouldn't be here asking this question.

Sorry Anonymous, but you chose him. And therefore, you have yourself to blame. Want a good guy? Maybe start looking at the guys you chose to friendzone.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I mean, there's a lot of different ways to tell him. Tell him that, while you're sure he does love you, you're not seeing any signs that he does. You can list the reasons you gave as reasons why you're not sure if he does and that it's not even about getting presents for the right occasions, it's just that you're constantly feeling like you're not a high priority to him and you don't enjoy being made to feel like he's just a forgotten part of your life. Tell him that it hurts you to feel like he doesn't want to spend time with you anymore, if he ever did, and that you want to be with him more but it doesn't seem like you're ever important enough for him to make the time.
I imagine you can rework a few things in there to make it a bit more tailored to your relationship, but I think that's one way to be open and honest with him. And if he insists that he does love you and he shows it in just talking to you whenever you guys talk, tell him that it's not enough to just talk because it just feels like you could be replaced with a chatbot and he could still have that company. If he's treating you like a kitchen appliance he never uses, it's not a fun feeling and I wouldn't stick around him if he can't make the changes and compromises you want to see in the relationship.

[girlypop00]

Communicating your needs is not selfish.

Even if those needs sound selfish, as difficult as it is, sometimes people just aren't for each other.

His love language could be different from yours. Or maybe he is not that interested in you anymore. Or perhaps he got "too comfortable" in the relationship and isn't trying anymore (depending on how long said relationship has been)

Definitely communicate your needs. Encourage him to communicate what his love language is. If it doesn't match, move on. Please don't neglect your own needs.

[SnowedIn]

I had the same question as @kylee2437 . She's right. And I read your response to her. You are NOT going to get any satisfaction from him. He's not going to learn from you. Or care. Talking to him is going to frustrate you. You will gain nothing and he will listen to nothing nor learn from it. The irony is that you'd have to tell him he's too busy for your over text because he's too busy for an in person conversation. You're not his girlfriend, you're a convenience. End it for your own sake.

[Adam1978]

You dump him. Because he clearly doesn't care about you. If you need to nag about things like your birthday you certainly are with the wrong guy. No need to discuss things. It will only lead to him saying he will be better but fail because he really does not care. So you will have wasted another couple of months.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I’m very sorry you’re going through this, you deserve someone willing to give you the same amount of effort you give in your relationship. Everything you’ve mentioned tells me that this man does not love you. I pray I am wrong. Tell him how you feel, be honest with him and with yourself. There’s nothing wrong, nor selfish, with communicating your needs.

[Orion76]

Shelfish? Are you kidding me, now is the time where you are in center of everything he does, his friends should miss him right now not you. But to answer your question no you cannot possibly explain to someone how to care that happens at a very young age. Good luck

[FilmGuy93]

Having needs is not the same as being needy. It's not an unreasonable ask to hope that your partner will remember your birthday. Just tell him directly that you need more time with him and try to come to an agreement. Otherwise, just leave him.

[Anonymous]

This seems painful
Why do you ways your life and time don’t yo ever think you will never find a new men lol
You can find one within a week jsit let him go and Juno into finding someone you deserve. Forget him block him don’t even try him to tell you
why he did this and that it’s all excuses

[In_Trance]

you need to communicate more often. and clearly.
Leave out the crap "he doesn't buy me gifts" ... that's nonsense
An effort to see you... yes, talk about that
TALK about it. Don't text it. It's texting... not contexting; the message will get lost

[CubsterShura]

Tell him what you wrote here. Tell him that you don't see the care and effort from his side and therefore find it a waste of your time to be in a relationship with him. Dump him.

[Smirl]

The only thing you need to know is whether you are feeling the way you "expected" to feel going into the relationship or not... If yes, then hold on , try to communicate and come to a negotiation together, If no, go look for the type of relationship you actually want and dont settle for something that is not for you.

[RavVid]

Every guy knows you have to pay attention to your girl's birthday. I think you have a dead horse here.

[loverdoser1]

Dump him, you can’t make him care. Actions always shows how the other person feels.

[Stevefiveo]

I doubt he is going to change. Also, by explaining what you want is not selfish. You are not asking for anything unreasonable.

[LiamJHayden]

If he chooses video games over you, he doesn't really care.

[Jamie05rhs]

I would just go ahead and break up with him. Obviously he doesn't give a shit about you.

[Anonymous]

It definitely sounds like he's definitely taking you for granted. How long have you two been together?

[starsNstorms]

How long have you guys been dating first and foremost?

[Asker]

We’ve been friends for 7 months and started dating 4 months ago

[Anonymous]

Get a new boyfriend! Not like there’s a shortage. Your boyfriend isn’t even giving you the bare minimum.

[Anonymous]

The only thing you need to do is dump his sorry ass.

[SexyRedd1966]

He doesn't just move on

[Iron_Man]

Wow that’s mean

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

He probably doesn't

[Anonymous]

Lol why do you want him? Just dump him!