Would you forgive a cheating spouse if it happened years ago?

[Anonymous]

Would you forgive your spouse cheating if it happened years ago (10 years) and now have children? Would you fight or would you leave?

[Aerissa_Jade]

Maybe I am strange, but I am wayy more likely to forgive if they apologize right after it happened than to stay with me and then later on I find out by chance myself.

It is like I may never have found out and they wanted to keep it secret forever and in that case the odds of me forgiving are next to null.

If they confess ten years after the fact, its slightly above null.

If they confess right after its a 100 times slightly above null he'll be forgiving.

It is never good odds but the odds can be significantly increased by doing it sooner.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I’ve forgiven my ex of 10 years for cheating so many times. He even had a baby on me. I forgave him, became cordial with the baby mother, loved the baby like my own. We are no longer together mainly because I feel like I deserve better, beyond the cheating.
I guess it depends on the person. I always knew my worth so I didn’t stay because I couldn’t find better- but because I felt like a part of a relationship was leaning to forgive, compromise, and accept flaws. Cheating is different but I forgave and let it go. But again- I’m different. Cheating is a definite no to some people.

[Backnforth]

People make mistakes, so if they were honest and told me straight away and we worked it out, there might be a small chance of forgiveness. But if I found out 10 years later, and they were hiding it and lying the entire time, that's waaaay worse and would never deserve forgiveness. But I don't have kids. If kids were involved, I'd probably stay with her for them, but I'd be sleeping with other people rather than with the person who broke my trust.

[SteveSmith1985]

Absolutely not.

If she's been lying to me for years... there is no reason whatsoever to think that she's not still lying. She obviously is fine with you "not knowing" so I could never trust her again.

To me, this is uncomplicated. It being a long time ago is not a mitigating factor at all. She's a liar and a cheater who is content to deceive you. How can anyone stay with someone like that?

[Guy13]

If it was ten years ago and you are still together then it should be clear that this person still has feeling for you. People make mistakes and that is what this person did. And they recognized it and changed years ago. What's the issue.

[Sasha0426]

You’re not suppose to betray someone you claim to love and force them to live a lie.

[Sasha0426]

Don’t lie in their face saying you love them when your plan is to go out of your way to hurt them.

[Guy13]

@Sasha0426 hey hot and passionate cold snow bunny ⛄️….. It probably was one of those life things.
There’s no need to destroy Present after 10 years of Obedience. Obedience is good and rewarded rather than punished, unless, punished is reward. Whatever feeds Obedience best is the better Choice.

[TrueConfection]

I'd probably file for a divorce, but I have a question.

In this situation you are describing, would I have known for the past 10 years about the cheating or would I have just now found out that the cheating took place 10 years ago?

This just determines my level of wrath.

[Asker]

You just found out you were cheated on 10 years ago by your spouse

[TrueConfection]

Ok, somehow that's worse. I would feel like all the happy moments were lies over the past 10 years.

[cryscrys1]

10 years ago?
That’s a very long time. And it’s supposed she learns it after 10 years what happened?
Cheating is bad and there is no guarantee it only happened 10 years ago. That’s the problem with cheating. I don’t see relationships this heavenly supported if they cheat leave why question it. Nothing crazy to change life paths. Unless you are registered for an organ donor and he matches your kidney well stay why not

[mstbooblover]

After so many years, that would just be history no one can change. What would really have changed in the woman I loved? It's actually only an information, although I probably still would moderately like to understand. Mind we are just humans and no machines.

[mstbooblover]

Meaning I certainly would forgive, at least if that information wasn't given specifically to hurt or insult. In some other circumstances it may even be exciting...

[bamesjond0069]

10 years ago and now we have kids? I'd probably stay BUT ONLY if I can dunk on the bitch. Like id demand to have everything my way and I'd sleep around on her anytime I want going forward. If she wasn't down, I would absolutely leave 100% and not be supportive of her at all or as little as possible.

[Anemone978]

I would be pissed if I got told my guy cheated on me 10 years ago... There would have to be a lot of talking and explaining.. if it was a mistake yeah I could forgive it... if he was just messing around... i don't know...

[Jamie05rhs]

You should never forgive a man cheating on you. You need to have higher standards for yourself. You're worth more than that.

[Sasha0426]

Cheating is never a mistake.

[pethouse]

I also agree that cheating isn’t a mistake

[Jamie05rhs]

Sasha is right!

[DizzyDesii]

Nah fck them. We’ll coparent cause we gettin divorced

[hIopinionated_]

Never. It would be over as soon as I am aware of the cheating and I’ll also be upset I didn’t know sooner. For, if I knew, I never would have had kids with him

[billmunch]

Sure, no problem. I have zero problem forgiving cheating. Cheating isn't a deal breaker in a relationship with me, so long as she doesn't do it with my friends or get pregnant

[Sasha0426]

I’ll ask if I’m allowed to cheat on him. Because if he’s allowed to hurt me, I can hurt him, right? It’s only fair 🤷‍♀️

[exitseven]

Years ago I would have said No, No way but the older I get the more I realize that people make mistakes. If it was a one time thing and it never happened again I might try and forgive her.

[Sasha0426]

If knowing cheating is going to hurt your partner and make them feel betrayed, how is that a mistake?

[exitseven]

@Sasha0426 I think sometimes people don't think that far ahead or maybe think they won't get caught.

[emmaa1]

Minding your age, were you just too young for anything serious, were you even married? most cases Cheated before would cheat again.

[loveslongnails]

When did you find out about it, now or have you known for 10 years? If you're just learning about it now and nothing has happened in the past 10 years to indicate there's been any cheating, and you've had a good marriage, why blow it up now?

[LiamJHayden]

Forgive, yes. Stay with, no. Forgiving a thief does not mean you have to let the person have free run of your home. Likewise, forgiving a cheater does not mean you have to give her the opportunity for a repeat performance.

[driven159]

Does not matter when it is cheating kick them down the road and for ten years you have been lied to If you were not good enough then you're not good enough now. And it makes the last ten years a waste.

[Keishio]

If you haven't split up and it's been 10 years I feel its unfair to continue to bring it up. You either have to let go or leave. If it still bothers you after 10 years then you should have left years ago

[LovingJo]

It depends on the circumstances, why they did it, the proof they could provide and how the relationship between us, was at that moment in time. 💯

[Stressyalaire]

He should have come clean right away. I can forgive but not forget. We would have to part ways.

[EmmaMary]

We would quite simply have been divorced ten years ago... Period.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I took the question to mean you just found out ten years after the fact, not when it happened.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't give a shit WHEN it happened! If it happened, she's GONE! PERIOD!

[DizzyDesii]

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii Exactly!