Would you forgive a cheating that took place many years ago?

[Anonymous]

Like maybe more than 30 years ago, move on or still can't forget the cheating?

My dad cheated on my mom while he was still married to her and me and my siblings were young. As a resul we had another sibling. My mom indeed suffered for it and they fight all the time I remember that. The years went by the family embrace my sister and she was welcome into the family, especially because my half sister mom died while she was in her 20´s. We did not see her very often just from time to time whenmy dad bring her with her to visit us on the weekends and also the siblinbg took some family trips with the family, few times.

My dad passed away 6 years ago and since he died my half sister started to get distant from us as the only reason she stoped by my house to visit was due to my dad mostly. Now this sibling became a mother herself this year and we throw her a small baby shower in the family and we jsut met the baby, my very first niece. Im a Catholic and even though I never accepted my dad cheating my mom because my mom suffered a lot and when she fight with my dad for it she took pills to relax when she fight with dad. Years and time had passed and my mom well she forgave my dad and accepted the daughter when she was alreayd grown up but like a saying "she forgave but not forget what happened many years ago".

The thing is one of my autns (mom sister) she is very Christian, goes to church and a bit close minded in certain beliefs. She is against gay stuff, she does not like early 20´s boys or girls having tattoes, as a tattoo makes a person look cheap and with a doubtable background, of course she is against giving birth control pills against teenagers as that is like allowing teenagers or young people to have more sex and forher that is not acceptable.

An of curse she is against 100% cheating regardless of the cause that makes a pereson cheat on their partner. She says God is against adultery and we are going to be punish for that.

Updates

+1 y

My aun know of course the history my mom had with my dad when he cheated on her and impregnate the mother with my half sister. I was telling her that today that my half sister was coming to the house so she can introudce to some relatives her new baby, she wanted us to meet her. So my aunt told me " "Your mom is a saint. Maybe becuse Im narried. Knowing that my husband is dating another lady while being married and have kids with her must be hard to swallow. when the relationship is not going

Updates

+1 y

God is very focused in regards of adultery and the Catholic church not even preaches about it when they lecture their followers" Like I said my aunt is a Christian not a Cahtolic, as the way Christian preaches is totally different than now Catholic priests preaches their followers. I mean the cheating took place more than 25 years bu tmy aunt like make me believe that how come my mom forgave my dad and that God do not accept adultery.- I told my aunt that happened long time ago peopel move on.

[Anonymous]

Something like this happend to my family. It was about 4or5 years ago and I was just a 21 years old young boy. I was arragont, ambitious, full of vein and tech savvy.
I had made a thing that could keep track of things. One of it's applications was GPS. Just to see how accurate it is, i put it in my father's car...
When I saw him there, I realized what has happend. I was in such a rage that i could easily kill someone. Hopefully she didn't came out and i couldn't find which house my father left.
After that hard day- only day in my life that i cried- I was going to that neighborhood to find that woman, although i hadn't saw her and never saw her.
I didn't talk to my father for more than a year. Even when he talked to me, i igonred him. I lost one-third of my weight just in two months. And my hands were shaking all the time.

It took 4 or 5 years for me to get over it completely. Tbh i have forgotten it entirly until i read your question bc it remind me the same question. I remmeber that time one of the questions besids "why my father did that?" was: "is it possible for us to forgive him someday?"
And the answer is YES we have forgotten him (it wasn't easy at all).

[D_Bone_Steak]

I was going to ask how is it currently effecting their relationship... but then I read.

I'm atheist so something like not liking tattoos gets reduced to 'just her opinion.'

Tbh, I'm lost at this point. Ahh, the title question saves me... I don't think it's a matter of forgiving or not at this point. I mean you can learn from it... that cheating causes a shit ton of fights and problems, or even a half sibling, which a whole nother set of financial obligations or attention appropriation or hindrance of it to a child that doesn't deserve to be ignored. Other than that though... fuck it, it's in the past... that's your half sister and still your sister. What is there to forgive? It's in the past, no longer a, or, causing a problem (unless it's this religious stuff making it one), and just chill.

[Maria1290]

It big blow especially that long ago depending how I would of found out. If she told me who it was with if she was with a family member or “friend” vs I caught her red handed or through someone else. My ex I caught her red handed couldn’t get past it.

[Asker]

The incident took place like 30 years ago wehn I was still a little girl and now im 48 but we knew about the cheating whnwe were little it is not a recent thing

[Maria1290]

Oh ok.

[Maria1290]

Thank You for MHO.

[SarahsSummer]

Of course I'd forgive. Especially if the cheater was my dad and he's no longer with us.
With all this talk about region and your aunt, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention, above all else, God teaches forgiveness.

[Apope16]

There are no correct answers here. Both sides are right. Perhaps empathy and love and understanding can bring you all together. If not... thats okay. there's nothing wrong with that. Just destiny. But this is really the fault of the father. He was the one responsible for being loyal.

[lightbulb27]

Wow... well first off, quite a hot new photo, got some wow factor on that!

"Do not judge or you will be judged". That aunt needs to get over it and put her arogance aside and re-read her Bible until she understands the "love" part. Christians/Catholics can just be pig headed pathetic slugs sometimes. I'm a Christian, that's how I know.

I think I would, but there is no way I could know unless I was in that scenario. Generally what happens is it blows the family apart. I think your mom is on the saint side for keeping the family together. Bless her heart! Glad to hear you accepted the other girl as well, not her fault.

[Asker]

The cheaingtook long time ago and she found out when we were kids it is not recent we just found out. My aunt just aid my mom is a saint for forgiving my dad back then. Of course she forgave but not forget what happened

[lightbulb27]

I read that and I agree. forgive, forgetting not possible. nothing else can do... he's gone, it's the past. Not easy to forgive though... takes a strong spirit to do that.

[Strider929]

This is something that happened in my family. A couple of years ago my father cheated on my mom. Long story short, they are still together but it was Hell. Their relationship with each other is still not the same, but he made a real effort to build back up what he destroyed. Now it's not like your story where he had a child with the women, but as a Christian, we preach mercy and forgiveness. I hate my dad because of what he did. I'll be real. I don't like him touching me since. But i still love him and i have to ask God to help me continually forgive my father. No God doesn't like ugly. But that's what Jesus died for. For the forgiveness of sin: including adultery.

[markscott]

I'm a little unclear about the forgiving. You dad did the cheating, not the child. So, yes, it's time to forgive your dad, long past time. And it's past time to fully embrace the child into the family, no matter what some members may, or may not, think.

[silent69]

Im to very against cheatingMy ex of 23 years cheated on me with because that we divorced cause i couldn't see her the same. Belive me i tried to make it work but just couldn't forget. Its possible to forgive but no matter what i just can't forget and that interfere with our happiness. I always put her in a pedel stoll like if she was a queen cause that reflected my image. I did think of treating every girl i would meet after our divorce like hoes and also cheat on them. but i just couldn't i believe when people cheat Karma ia always going to come back around

[Ripper_E]

If I were with someone and they cheat, but they tell me immediately, MAYBE we could move forward from that. Maybe i'd forgive them and we'd grow stronger. MAYBE.
If I find out 30 years down the road, they are dead to me. I can't trust them. In my eyes I lived a lie for 30 years. If you can keep that a secret for 30 years, how am I to believe you don't have more.

[Asker]

Maybe I mis understood the cheating happened like 5 or 30 years ago and my mom knew it when when i was young is not a recent thing. My aunt the christian one, was telling me tht my mom. hr siste ris a sait for had forgiven my father long time ago.

[Ripper_E]

Just because your mom forgives doesn't mean you have to, but not forgiving doesn't benefit you. He is still your father and he's gone now.

[Sameer990]

What ur dad done was not good but now he is no more so forgive him as you dont know what were the circumstances that time..

I know giving and opinion is very easy but he is no more so no point of blaming him now coz nothing can happen so forgive him and leave the matter to GOD

[Asker]

The one who suffered the most was my mom and he forgave my dad and my half siter was embraced by the family. My dad is no longer with us sure and even though I di dnot like what he did. I believe that is no reason to feel grudges. as my aunt pointed she is so christian that said my mom is a saint for forgiving my dad. My mom forgaver but not forget.

[TonyBologna25]

Maybe I could forgive them after that many years, but I couldn’t be with them. That’s a huge breach of loyalty, trust, and respect. I could never be happy again with someone who did that to me. I wouldn’t put myself through that anguish of being paranoid, hurt, and betrayed for the rest of my life. I’d need to move on and forget them because I value myself enough to realize I deserve a better life than that.

[Anoniemus]

I would not personally. I would accept the sister but my mother comes first.

If my husband cheated on me, we’d be divorced and he can find someone else.

[Asker]

My dad is gone now the cheating took place like 30 years ago when I was little and my mom found out 30 years ago it is not a recent thing

[ERICtheRed84]

I've been through a similar situation. My dad had cheated on my mom before I was born and then again while I was in highschool. I didn't find out about either infadelity until my junior year of highschool. I didn't think I would ever forgive my dad for betraying my mom but after time, I felt compelled to forgive him. I ended up being the only 1 of 3 children to forgive and reestablish communication. And I'm glad I did cause in 2012 my father passed away.

[Miristheiss]

No, if I find out wife cheated 5 years ago... divorce.
If I find out she cheated 30 years ago divorce.

[Asker]

I mean my mom found out 30 years ago while we were still young she hasnot found out recently she found out 30 years ago and me and my siblings were little back then.

[ScottSummers]

i would eventually forgive so i can move on easier but i would never be again with that person
the situation you mentioned is a bit dif since your dad passed away, sometimes its just the best to let go of some things and move on

[AngelLily]

As a Christan I would have to forgive but I definitely wouldn't be with the cheater also your auntie sounds pretty normal to me.

[TheLawAroundHere]

In my world, murder and infidelity have no expiration date.

[BestUserName100]

Maybe if there were strong feelings and no one/nothing was better around.

[moparbreed]

Yes that was in the past another try is always worth the risk

[Pedrodad]

I have ,,, that's way too long to carry a monkey on your back

[Asker]

indeed byt some poeple say my mom is a saint for had forgiven my dad but that happend 30 years ago

[ivbnlknfru]

It's in a good person's nature to forgive, but it will also be a reminder as long as the daughter is around so it will never be forgotten...

[pizzalovershouse]

Each person is different you have to choose what works for you that your gut feeling says

[Exorcist_Rampage]

I've never had a wife cheat on me but if I did, I'd be mad and not sweep it under the rug.