About two weeks after my husband and I married we went on a honeymoon to Vegas. It worked out good because his childhood friend was getting married there as well so the trip served two purposes.
While there he was invited on a bachelor party. We knew the guys planned on going to a strip club in which my hubby did not want to go. I thought the guys were going to think I did not want him to go and since I was the new wife I did not want this reputation so I talked him into going.
After he went we met up, and I do not know how else to explain this, but I instantly knew more than what I was comfortable took place. I questioned him in which he said he just got a public lap dance and then went outside because he was so uncomfortable (I did not believe this).
Once we were back in Canada I said one of the wives messaged me and said their husband told her they seen my husband go into a private room. My husband began to tell me the truth, he touched the strippers butt and boobs (twice). husband touching stripperNeedless to say I lost it. It has been 7 months and some days are great and some days aren't. I feel super betrayed. Some days I look at my suitcase and come super close to packing it. I know other couples go through worse (actual cheating) but we were only married two weeks! Also, I am a little bit over weight (size 10-12 jean) and I feel I will never be able to amount to that experience or give him what the stripper gave him because she was obviously smoking hot.
Anyways, I am desperate at this point because I love my husband so much but this is taking such a toll on me. (one last thing, when we were dating for about a year I found out early in the relation he had "sexted" an ex a few times. It was very short but I found out 9 months later when I was using his computer and she popped up. I forgave him and two years later we were married.
I am just worried that lying and this lying means I married someone who is dishonest and I am just fooling myself to think he has changed).
Please give me insight on "husband touching stripper" (I am desperate)?
oh my goodness I would freak out. I wouldn't even let him go to the strip club, I don't care if all his friends think I'm crazy, I just don't want that temptation out there, even if he's faithful he is still a man. Not saying anything less of men, I would totally consider grabbing a beautiful strippers ass in that situation too, hence why I don't go to strip clubs, or bars or clubs. I stay out of those situations that are more geared towards singles.
I understand why you are upset, especially because you did have reason to question his faithfulness earlier in the relationship. But don't feel bad about yourself because of this.
The thing I find questionable is that he didn't tell you about sexting his ex until you found out, and he also lied to you about the stripper situation. I would bring this up immediately and ask if there is anything else he has been keeping from you. If he tells you more and he can promise to always be honest and whatever terms you need then I think you can work through it. But if you find out more and it's something you can't handle, then it might be best to end things. Otherwise if he says nothing, I don't know, can you handle the paranoia?
I consider that cheating. Sure, it's not as bad as getting a bj or fucking the girl, but I would not want to be with him. I don't care if it's her job to do that. He should respect me. Basically, this is how I see it.
If he can't do that action with his mama or his grandma watching, then don't do it behind my back. That means: no sexting, no lapdance, no grinding, no kissing, no exchanging nudes, no trying to pick up other women (doesn't matter if he fails or succeeds), no oral, no touching, no sex. Cuz I consider that cheating.
It's up to you. He has somewhat of a shady past honestly. I wouldn't really trust him from the info you gave. Good luck.
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3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
thank you for commenting. I have days where I feel I can forgive him and move on and then days where I say to him pretty much everything you just said lol
Guys see it as no big deal. But if you were to go to a male strip club and touch on the guys dicks or if you gave a lapdance to another guy, I'm sure he would freak out.
I've been cheated on though. I don't have much requirements for guys just to not cheat on me. That's pretty much it and I'll date the guy.
You really do seem like such an amazing woman. I hope perhaps with some counselling the two of you can work past this. He’s going to have to earn your trust back.
He didn't wanna go, so he wasn't comfortable being married and going to a strip club because you may not like that, it may be considered as cheating. But you let him go, making him think that it was ok with you, that you really didn't care what happened as long as it didn't cross the line. In strip club you're gonna tocuh and be touched, especially if you get a lap dance, you knew that, and he knew too, so your acceptance made him think you were fine with that. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not blaming you, it was just a misunderstanding between the two of you. I think you need to let that go, don't throw away your marriage like that. It's already affecting it, so the sooner you let it go, the better. My opinion is that it was a misunderstanding, so you can let it go, talk about it, or get a divorce, but you can't keep it alive, you have to put an end to this, because it's hurting your marriage.
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3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
For some reason everyone who has commented is saying I knew touching was going to happen but where I am from you get in shit if you touch the strippers. We had discussed not touching, just looking (obviously we knew she would touch him)
I don't know how you touch but dont touch. you're reading way to into this. Id be pissed at you if i went FOR you and then you got mad at typical behavior there. He didn't want to even go. You have a good guy just take a deep breath.
Why would you encourage him to go? Strippers always force lap dances... especially on a slow night! It's no big deal!
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4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Because I wanted him to have fun with his friends and didn't want his friends to think I wasn't "letting" him go. Where I am from touching a stripper is a big no no
should I cut him a break for touching or for lying? Or both? I am desperate for a guys input. As much as men see this is as "no biggie" is as much as I see it as a big deal and hurtful, but then again I am a female newly wed and I guess I just pictured it being all rainbows and butterflies for the first six months lol
I'm confused here. First you didn't want him around strippers. Well later on you didn't mind it. And now your upset. He got a lap dance. So freaking what? Did they have Oral or sexual intercourse? According to you, no. Come on you know how men are and how they go gaga around a "hot" woman. They are very very visual. He didn't want to go start out with. You are in no position to complain if you ask me. You insisted that he go knowing perfectly well what goes on. I don't think he did anything wrong. Strippers are paid to give lap dances. It's a tease!!! Hello.
Insecurity really amazes me.
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10 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Ignorance and your inability to read the question posted amazes me. Also yor lack of empathy :) please read through before commenting again but just to help you out I'll mention again I didn't care he went to a strip club the TOUCHING and LYING is what bothered me
What laws get broken if he "touched" a stripper? If it was a casual touch, not sexual then sorry nothing can be done. And obviously the dancer was ok with that.
Now if he paid for anything sexual then yes it's a crime. But just from your words, he didn't.
You did let him go to a gentlemens club after all. Uh hello!! Anyone home? Guys around dancers dressed provocatively. Why do you think many spouses are against their guys going to those places? He didn't go on his free will, you pushed him into it.
Do you honestly think he's going to leave you for some dancer he paid to give him a lap dance? I'm sure these dancers have been around many married men. They could lose their jobs if anything shady happens. Yes some places and some dancers are ok with touching. im only saying with the clubs at my state, well each place had their own discretion with that. I wouldn't know anything where ur at.
Hope you learned something. Next time, don't talk him into going!!!
I never said anyone gets arrested for touching but I have known guys to get forcibly removed from the strip club I live near for touching. And you sir are rude and are not making me feel much better so I don't even know why you commented. You say insecurity amazes you? You must be pretty insecure to comment on some vulnerable strangers marital problems and say things like "anyone home" and other sarcastic remarks. Other people had useful things to say and weren't mean. Maybe you should followe their gestures. I never would have turned to one of these websites if I knew all these things you are stating I must know. Well I never will again because of an asshole like you.
I was just telling the blunt truth. Sorry if I'm just a blunt person. I was just giving my honest insight. You were the one who posted the question. Not me. What exactly were u expecting me to say? I never said it was ok it not on for him to go to a place like that. He went because you enabled him to after he said he wasn't comfortable. Calling me names isn't going to win you points either. Now granted, if he did go to a stripe joint, after you objected and did whatever he did, then I'd be on your side 100%. But that wasn't the case here. All I'm saying is, if he says no to something, respect it.
And let me ask you this, what if I went in public, committed shop lifting and got caught. Would it be fair for me to expect sympathy from you? Most likely not! You would probably say " what were you thinking?"
You were just as a party to this situation as he was. I'm just tired of how it's always the guys fault.
I do hope you two can work it out and stay strong.
This is way different than shop lifting. He touched the woman and then lied about it. When I asked him what happened he said he got a public lap dance for 80$ and that was it, instead he paid for a private dance which was 250$ by the way. And asking if someone is home and poking fun at my very heartbreaking and unpleasant situation isn't bluny it's rude.
And some woman may always make it the guys fault but I'm not that type of woman. I love my husband very much and he is a wonderful and caring man. However, he lied and lied and lied until I could trick him into telling me the truth. He actually suggested I went on medication and made me feel crazy for not believing him. He would have rather me go on medication than to tell me the truth! I left that part out but since he did nothing wrong and it is all my fault I thought i could help you see my side a little bit
I apologize for the condencending way I talked. It was childish and out of line. My agree the lying part was wrong on his end. Hard to trust a liar. I hear ya on that. I didn't mean to hurt ur feelings. I think ur a really nice person. Just hope you two can work things out. Want everyone to be happy.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Even though I do not know how to help but your insight and responses from others made me realize how I have taken my own marriage for granted. Recently I was dealing with my own emotional cheating, my own feelings. It was going on for 2 months until I realized the guy friend I was talking with was testing me with sexting. I couldn't continue being his friend although I miss talking to him as a friend, until I read your post today. I think I rather lose him as a friend than having my whole marriage crumbled down. I deleted everything, from our messages to emails. Reading your pain, I don't think I want my husband to feel such pain and bertrayal. Thank you again for giving me this much needed slap of realization. May you find the answer you need soon, much love and stay strong ❤️
I think maybe I'm just naive but I just can't see myself getting mad in my husband got a dance and touched a stripper.. Like, they're STRIPPERS, that's pretty much why people go there.. I think it's meaningless and harmless.
But I do understand why you're so upset, I guess you need to decide is your marriage worth throwing away over a Vegas stripper?
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Asker
+1 y
thank you, I guess I really need to ask myself that question
Look, what he did was wrong. But that doesn't really help in terms of what you should do going forward. You need to decide which action is more likely to lead you to a better life: 1) forgive the guy and move past this, 2) leave him, or 3) stay with him but continue to dwell on this and bring it up and let it make you miserable. Those are (broadly speaking) your options. Now, it would seem to me that if you DO decide to stay with him (which would be either options 1 or 3) that option 1 would be much, MUCH more pleasant for you than option 3. So that leaves you with options 1 or 2 as your best call. You need to decide that based on how much you love your guy and want to stay together. But I CAN tell you that the option you're currently choosing (3) seems by FAR inferior to another option you DO have, and that's option 1.
I think that's what all guys do on bachelor parties. Even married ones. You should honestly talk to him and have the conversation none of you want to do. 'So, where is this going?'. He should know that you feel that way. If he tries to stop you it means he cares about you, if not I'm affraid not. And when he married you, he knew you didn't have the stripper body type, he's not expecting you to change, he loves you the way you are. What are your thoughts?
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Asker
+1 y
Thank you for responding. I agree with you, and we have had the conversation/fight of me leaving he he begs me to stay every time. I'm just trying to rap my head around the lying and touching that took place. I always thought strip clubs were no touching, and he must have known it was wrong if he lied about it. I am seriously trying to suck this up and get over it because I know it isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things when people are out cheating and what not. But what if this is a red flag that he might some day cheat? He must be ok with cheating and lying
Then why would he beg you to stay? He loves you honey. Guys are guys. I mean, yeah he went to the strip lub but it was a bachelor party and I think it's normal to touch. I know that If I were you, I'd probably act 'cold' towards him for some time and I would show him that I deseve better than those strippers. And yeah, natural curves are better than those stupid silicone barbie dolls at the strip clubs. All guys should get that.
It was a bachelor party, he was probably drunk, and he was at a strip club with his friends. It's normal for things to get a little out of hand and for u to be pissed about it. Tell him that you're still upset about it and why. If you don't, you'll just continue to be mad at him and he will just think you're crazy.
the situation that husband can't control his emotions towards infactuation , and that certainly suggest him to be dishonest towards ur marriage but frankly speaking i think u should take a strict note on that thing and make ur husband feel of it as well. Also about ur looks it doesn't matter as ur the same woman that he has married and u will be the same in the future as well
First off don't blame yourself cause you are a little over weight, secondly you are almost as bad as some of the door mats I have heard about in the past. This guy sounds like he is cheating if you really want revenge tell him I am going to go up to a guy stripper and touch his butt and chest lets see how he reacts he would probably dump you right away if you did that. Leave now and he has sexted his ex's while in a relationship with you that's pretty bad.
You told him to go when he didn't want to-perhaps he knew something like this would happen. I saw your response to AleDeEurope-but this is like putting a fresh marinated steak in the middle of a homeless shelter and expecting no one to eat it... that ain't gonna happen.
Don't blame yourself, sweetheart. I promise he loves you despite the fling at a party for his friend. I'd assume a lot of guys get dances to feel "included" since that's what you typically do when you're there.
First of all, I’m really sorry that you are in this position. I would be extremely hurt if I were in your shoes. What troubles me the most is that he has been dishonest with you. The sexting is not OK! A lap dance is bad enough, but the fact that he went into a private room is absolutely a betrayal. I do think you two can work past this though. Perhaps counseling?
oh my goodness! I would never let my husband go to a strip club! I don't care what anyone says! I'd rather have a healthy marriage instead of getting approval from friends :)
Sounds like this could be the real reason why he didn't want to go to the strip club. He has a weakness, we all have , maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with hubby, don't judge him ,, think you may have a weak spot !!!
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
the stripclub is for single people lol , I don't know why these married people go there , then again I don't know why married people do a lot of the things they do , if I was married I obviously wouldn't have a reason to go to the stripclub
You can't blame him entirely, you almost encouraged him to go. What he did was wrong by the fact he lied but you seriously can't blame him. That's what happens in strip clubs.
u give money they take u to a private room where they dance and strip for u And u can touch them as much as u want in the time. its a private lap dance. some strippers have sex with people u should be happy that didn't happen. u can't talk a guy into going to a strip club and not touch any girls its like going to a club and not dancing
Ok we must be from a very different place because like I said you are not allowed to touch at all, private dance or not, and I think should feel lucky he didn't do that because not only would I be leaving but I would be taking half his shit and his balls ;)
Then u have shit strip clubs where u are from. i think thats so pety to take half of stuff that isn't urs. i think couples should leave with what they had and split only what they bought together
The biggest problem here is that he lied... What a way to start off your marriage.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Try to remember, those girls, are just being paid to not only look good but to dance on men... they don't WANT to do it, they just do it for a paycheck (an easy one)
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