I'm married too... Not ideal I know. But I'm not here to be judged I'm here to try and understand how the male mind works . After 27 years of life I still don't understand you men! Lol
well... As I said, I'm having an affair with someone I work with. Happened out of the blue, it wasn't planned. It really did just happen ( cliche I know)
anyhoo, at work we just say hi and chat about work like we always did. Fine by me.
We see each other maybe every 1-2 weeks outside of work which again- fine by me.
The thing that I'm having trouble with is the zero contact we have between meets. I mean texts, I'm not allowed to text until he does first- we can go days without one. Then a quick missing you, are you free Saturday. His reasoning for this is his wife sometimes has his phone, I totally get that. But surely there must be opportunity to send a quick message? He's done it before and at the beginning I heard from him most days.
We've spoken and he said it's because the coast isn't clear. But I think there has to be time when he's alone?
My female friends think he's just not a 'texter' and uses texting as a tool to arrange things rather than a risky way of communicating with his lover.
When we're together it's fab. He tells me what he truly feels,we chat loads and he's pretty amazing ( it's not just sex) he's spike about us being a 'real couple' and told me that he loves me.
Still- without the communication in between I feel anxious and worried that this his just his technique ( he's in an arranged marriage and has been unfaithful before, one night stands though )
I guess what I'm asking is- WTF is going on, but from a male view point?
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If this arrangement works for you, good for you, if it can save your marriage... although, it begs the question, if you're not happy in your marriage, why stay in it?
You say that this situation is not ideal, but if I were him, I'd go for a married woman, too:
- I don't have to see her all the time
- She'll be discreet because she has something to lose
- I get to spend only sweet quality time with her and she reserves her bitchy times for her husband
It think he could contact you more often, but the reason he's not is the same reason why he decided to go with a married woman: he doesn't want a second full-time relationship. He wants a few hours every week or so of quality time. Don't expect more and it should work well... until your husband finds out. But if you try to demand more time and attention, he'll run away. I hope this helps.