My boyfriend has undiganoised autism and due to this he is obsessed with my weight. I have lost some weight since being with him?

[Saraemily]

He is also scared that after I have a baby that I won't lose the baby weight and remain "fat". His mother's side of the family also put doubts about me in his head saying things like they cannot see any difference to my weight which is making him anxious and am left to deal with the anxiety caused by them. Do you think this relationship is worth carrying on?

[Anonymous]

The weight shaming is concerning for sure. Unfortunately I see that a lot from my girlfriends mother towards my girlfriend. Her mom is a former eagles cheer leader and as such expects her daughters to he in cheer leader shape. Which is insane. At one point my girlfriend even started trying bulimia to keep up with her moms grueling standards. The weight shaming and look shaming has been a constant. I am constantly re assuring my girlfriend of her beauty and constantly trying to tell her she can relax and her mother is being ridiculous. There are times it gets old. The problem with the pregnancy weight concerns is well.. some women don’t loose the weight. Pregnancy changes the body on so many levels. If he is being that superficial its going to put unnecessary stress on you the whole pregnancy. How will he react if you gain more then average during your pregnancy? What if your belly Carrys bigger then average? Well he be judgey about that?


And then there is that he is autistic. Not to be mean. But when it comes to having kids with him that would be my biggest concern over anything else. Do you want to continue that bloodline? Bring a disabled person into the world? What if your child is VERY autistic and you end up having to care for them the rest of your life and worry about who will care for them when you die?


Due to multiple hereditary issues in my family I refuse to have kids. My personal decision of course. Doesn’t have to be yours or anyone else.


In my opinion the weight shaming is an issue and in my experience won't stop. That’s something you have to decide if you want to live with or not. The autism is something to consider when having a baby with them. Definitely some things to think about.

[Anonymous]

Your fault for having a kid with someone like that. A couple of things. The woman I deeply love of five years she has a gorgeous body but there were a few times when I grew concerned about how much weight she lost since she suffered from an eating disorder for a long time and i didn't want her relapsing and I was concerned about how much weight she lost for health reasons i didn't want her to be underweight either. My concerns were purely for her own health benefit not for looks. I've dealt with women who were so shallow and superficial their narcassism got to a point I couldn't be around them anymore. And i sat there thinking if these shallow narcassists gain 50lbs or 100lbs their face would be fat their tits would be small as they are now and their stomachs would be gargantous size and I would laugh at their swollen egos and swollen heads get crushed and brought back down to reality since they couldn't be vain and self centered and self absorbed anymore and then they would suffer depression and no longer have the ego boosts they get from desperate simps.

[Saraemily]

We do not have a child together at the moment but it is really a cause for concern should I fall pregnant by him, yes from childhood he has been told by his parents to always 'look your best' but I have told Tom that does not mean every single day and have also told him I sure as hell ain't going to look my best after having a baby, as you can image with autism he finds it difficult with change.

[Opinion Owner]

why are you even with him for and don't sit there and tell me you love him because no one can love someone like that especially with how immature he is and how immature he behaves. here's a newsflash no one is going to look like they're 20 when they're 80 or have the same face and body when they're in their 80s as they did in their 20's

[hornyvirgin]

trust and created a strong base for my relashionship is important for keeping the intact

[CMeow]

If you plan to get fit and stay fit, sure stay with him. If that lifestyle isn’t for you, be honest with yourself about it. He and his family will not be happy with you if you are overweight.

That’s a pretty problematic thing— because if you do have a child, the family will impose that thinking on them. Growing up to believe your value as a person is tied to your weight is damaging and difficult to unlearn. It’s also problematic for you because it sends the same message— you are not as lovable or valuable as a person if you’re not in shape. If everything else is perfect and you want to be together, the only answer is to get serious about getting fit, to avoid hearing any toxicity from the family.

[AmyHew1tt]

Unless he changes his mindset, I think this is going to end up a very unfulfilling and sad relationship for you. It's fair for a partner not to want the other to be obese, but just putting on some weight, or not being able to lose it all? Especially for women, and unless you have an Olympic champion metabolism, that's asking way too much.

I don't think this will be a healthy, happy relationship, especially not to bring a child into one day, if his ideas on weight pass on to it. That can be extremely harmful. So I would really recommend either talking to him and making him see he has to turn his head around or find something much better.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Most women lose the baby weight quick. He shouldn't even be worried about it.

[AmyHew1tt]

@TheSpaceGnome and when they don't, it's often a hormone imbalance, which isn't their fault and needs care to rectify. Either way, I don't think I could ever relax in a relationship where a guy is fox-watching every pound on me.

[sunflower00]

Autism or not that’s pretty toxic and isn’t going to make you feel great in the long run. He either needs to get his act together and stop being like that, or honestly I think you should leave him. Unless you wanna put up with it that’s totally up to you. But it’s hurtful, people go through weight fluctuations throughout life and naturally as you get older you gain more weight. Is he gonna leave you? Do you want to be paranoid and scared of a little weight gain? It’s an unhealthy obsession of his

[SnowedIn]

You asked if the relationship is worth carrying on. No. It's not. You and your body are going to change. If your profile age is correct, it's going to happen soon, and dramatically -- and so is his. Unless your desire is to be his doormat and also his caregiver then I'd rethink this. It's one thing to love someone and ancillary to that love care for them but you yourself wrote that your weight "is making him anxious". Hell no. Not your job to keep your weight anything other than healthy for you -- certainly not for his anxiety.

[virtual_girl]

A lot of women are mislead themselves by thinking "I'm eating for two" and just eat, eat, eat. Then once they have the baby they don't have time to work off the weight.

A baby doesn't need two people's worth of calories to grow in the womb it's very, very small. If you get pregnant, eat how you normally would and don't take it as free game to become a binge eater for 9 months and you'll be fine.

If you wanna leave your boyfriend, that's fine... Just don't diagnose him with autism by claiming "undiagnosed autism" or try paint him as some villain for voicing a realistic concern as means of justification.

Walk away if you want, or not. I think you're being overly senstive. What guy wants their girlfriend to get fat?

[AMS700CX4u2]

No you are fighting a losing battle. I also am autistic and at one point my family was trying to sway me away from my fiance'. At some point he has to chose you over his family. I had to make that choice. No one thought we would last a month. I have been married 50 years. My father told me the night of our wedding to distance ourselves from both families. Live your life.

[Screenwriter]

If a boyfriend is "obsessed" with ANYTHING, that is a major red flag. Undiagnosed autism? Then how do YOU know it's autism?
If a man's family and the man himself are causing you anxiety, what is the point of being with him and around them. Exit, stage right.

[ShellyB]

Well I try to be careful answering questions like this bc everybody has bad days or sometimes focuses in one way and another day it does not seem as major, however if your relationship is typically the way this makes it sound, I would break up immediately. JMO!

[Red-Blaze]

You need to talk it over
And make it clear if he can't love you for who you are, not your body then you just can't be with him, and he will have to choose
Sooner or later humans get old, if he cares for looks more the you, then his not worth keeping as painful as it may be
You should not be with someone that is bother ength to hurt you on it over maybe helping with it if needed, in a postive way

[AydenHazor]

Unfortunately autism is may explain why he's obsessed with a partners weight and if she'll get or be fat, but it is not a valid reason to create a toxic environment in the relationship, which this does. It sounds like a mentally unhealthy and unsupportive place for you. If you're considering getting out, do so

[melanieeeB]

I don't think that his fear of you "getting fat" has anything to do with his autism and more with him being an asshole lol

[melanieeeB]

I wouldn't stay with him smh

[Anonymous]

Break up with him. Once someone with autism has a fixation, it’s extremely hard to reason with them. He is going to make you spiral into a severe eating disorder and he will feel no remorse about that because in his head he is 100% correct in telling you to loose weight. It’s not worth it. You’re on a runaway train

[TheSpaceGnome]

If he is undiagnosed, stop calling him autistic.
No weight gain is permanent.
You might get permanent stretch marks if you don't use coco butter on your belly though.

[Saraemily]

@thespacegnome he says himself he is and he admits he has autistic traits as it runs in his family he just hasn't been officially diagnosed and his family agree he has it due to similarities his nephews have as they are autistic as is his mother

[Deliciouscookies]

Consider your well-being and if the relationship is supportive and healthy. Have an open conversation with your boyfriend to address any issues.

[Shamalien]

People end relationships so easily these days

[Saraemily]

Is this directed at me or him?

[virtual_girl]

You, you're the one asking internet randos if your relationship is worth carrying on over something so trivial

[Saraemily]

@virtual_girl thank you for your advice but I would like no more advice from, have a nice day.

[bamesjond0069]

I mean being overweight is shameful. Not sure what that even has to do with autism.

Everyone should inspire to eat their fruits and veggies. Cut back or fully remove processed junk food... and have physical activity they do regularly, a sport or something. Sedentary life or going for a walk is not physical activity any more than flipping the channel on the tv.

[Saraemily]

@bamesjond0069 wow seriously suggest you read up on autism if that is the case

[bamesjond0069]

I've read about it. What's it have to do with weight loss?

[Saraemily]

The fixation/obsession that people with autism get maybe? That could range from anything, hence my point of this question, keep reading cos clearly you missed that bit out

[bamesjond0069]

*gets with autistic person*
*is upset they are autistic*
Smh.

Maybe you should be more accepting of autism if you intend to be with someone autistic.

[Anonymous]

My wife suffers from fatphobia as well, she seems totally convinced everything including the most ridiculous stuff will make her fat.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

How do you know he's got autism? Do you have a medical degree in that field?

[Saraemily]

He has a lot of autistic traits and it runs in his family but he has not officially diagnosed. And FYI am a registered nurse🙄

[Iron_Man]

You better have a serious talk with him

[Saraemily]

I have talked with him about it but he has basically told me he doesn't want a fat girlfriend and that fat girls are a huge turn off for him and is scared he won't find me attractive if I put anymore weight on and that he has been raised a certain way of how a women should look.

[Iron_Man]

How long are you going to walk on eggshells you better think long and hard if a guy threatening to leave you because of your weight

[In_Trance]

smh... undiagnosed means it's not a thing. he's just an asshole

[malwins]

I personally get driven by guys that r picky like that lol

[Anonymous]

Too many red flags here. Dump him.

[Saraemily]

I do love him but this obsessiveness with my weight is learned behaviour from his parents and his autism doesn't help this thought process either so it is hard for me to end it with him cos this is the only thing in our relationship that causes an issue.

[AMS700CX4u2]

So do you ever ask him if he's putting on weight, turn it back on him

[Saraemily]

@AMS700CX4u2 he is a naturally skinny guy and he eats more than me and doesn't put weight on

[AMS700CX4u2]

A woman's metabolism changes after childbirth. If you choose to stay and do deliver, it is going to take some discipline to get the weight off. You can do it. Is your mother obese? Genetic tendencies

[LazerBean]

Obviously not.

[Saraemily]

@LazerBean registered nurse my love 🖕

[LazerBean]

If only you put as much thought into your relationships as you did your nursing course.