BULLSHIT! Men change all the time. This is about control. You probably bend over backwards for him.
I was married to man like this. It doesn't change. Stonewalling is a very ingrained habit.
Does he also...
if yes... you have two options. Make your own happiness and ignore him and learn to be satisfied with a superficial relationship or... leave.
If you do he will come begging but it will still be in an egotistical way.
If what I say is correct, he was wounded and not properly loved or even some sort of sexual or romantic trauma ages before he met you. It's unlikely he will deal with it and being vulnerable is likely a fate worse than death in his psyche.
Now, you can get around him with set-in-stone boundaries and being unflinching in your requests, calling out his behaviour BUT you will have to break up with him and be genuinely gone. In that time, you build up your self-worth and your self esteem. Identify and establish your boundaries.
Understand this: unless he wants to address his manipulative behaviour, the sources of it and learn to relinquish control he will be this way and you will be his emotional punching bag.
He will continue to devalue you for the rest of your life until you are a shell of who you used to be.
I hope I am wrong and he is just a bit stubborn. If he isn't as how I described that just wait for a calm time and ask questions about why he feels he is the way he is and can't change. Just get him when he is in a mode to talk and listen.
He shouldn’t shut you out. Then seek comfort afterwards. It’s toxic and the beginning of a bad cycle for your relationship. I’d leave him and tell him to sort his shit out and don’t call me when he’s figured it out.
It's going to be a hard life!
You are running into a wound in his heart or established belief he doesn't want to open or change. It shows inflexibility. There's nothing wrong with establishing boundaries to protect oneself, but this has emotional ties and pain. Basically... do not stick your finger into where the bullet hit me!
If you want to clear this all up, theansewr is in his childhood trauma and conditioning. These things turn up in emotional, intimate relationships.
You know part of what you have and it may be difficult to live with, unless you accept that.
I've said that more than once to a girlfriend. Why is it bad? It depends on what specifically you're talking about of course. But... if you are trying to get him to change something he has zero interest in changing... then this is a fully-appropriate thing to say. It really comes down to WHAT he is saying this about as to whether you've got any cause to be legitimately upset with him or not.
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Okay there is a HUGE difference between your boyfriend saying this about something that was made known to you from the jump, ie I told you I was a gamer when you met me so you shouldn't get mad that I do it for hours and using this phrase to end all arguments or discussions about everything.
Without context, it sounds like the latter. This is his crutch to get out of dealing with any situation bc he can walk away and end it with no real conclusion or explanation of whatever his problem is. This gets old real quick. Let him know this. You should be able to talk things out like adults.
It is not bad. There are people who have that attitude and they don't change. In your case, if you already knew your boyfriend was always like this then you should thought about it before you got into a relationship with him.
Now, you can either accept it that he will be like that or you can make the decision to break up and leave the relationship.
That's statement should only apply to things like when you're partner doesn't like your interests or life goals etc.
It shouldn't apply when the person is being deliberately toxic and refusing to work on that. So if the issue is that your partner shuts down and doesn't communicate when there's a problem that's a major red flag and isn't something you should put up with.
First of all, this is what I hate about people asking questions on here, you're willfully withholding a massive amount of information.
In regards to the first question, everyone has certain things they're going to never change.
Secondly, you should break up. That's abusive behavior.
its a part if the truth all should be going with from the start. the inability of most to actually accept, understand, and comprehend "this is who, what, and how i am. take me as i am or not at all" is a fair sized part of why i gave up on dating. oh and sorry, not sorry but this is one example of when women say they want the truth but their actions prove otherwise and that most can't handle the full truth, maybe some partials or smaller ones.
Not bad. That’s just basically what it is. You need to take a person for who they are. To expect them to change is not only going to make you disappointed (because they won’t change, at least there won’t be a lasting change) it’s also a rude. Like ”yeah I wanna be with you but then you gotta change this, this and that about yourself”. Like no.
Your update isn't so bad. Some people actually need space to process to not project and react and respond negatively. If he's full on neglectful then yes this is bad. But just looks like he needs to calm down to me sweets
It means he won't change anything or compromise, so don't bother with it.
Leave him. That love is one sided
if its about a toxic habit, like he has severe anger issues and rages occasionally and then says "this is who I am. Take it or leave it"then it can be a red flag. Meaning he has no intention or will to correct himself
Not hurtful at all. I don't want them to change. The point of dating someone is to find someone who takes you for who you are.
I’ll admit. It’s a serious thing to say and I haven’t said it for years but, us guys choose the dumbest times to use that line. Unfortunately, it means he’s checked out of the relationship.
I don't know this to me sounds like some emotionally immature brat.
Would you like to talk about it? If you do follow me
Gurls, ya gotta know, you can't CHANGE A GUY. Nor will he change for you. People seldom truly change anyway.
I don’t know it depends what he is saying it about.
It is the truth. People rarely change and if they do, they have to change, you won't change nothing so don't even try.
It is better than having someone hide it for years and then blowing up.
It’s trash, a literal Vantage ultimate, super easy to spot.
The only person that you have a chance to change is yourself.
If he offended you, leave.
It means they are not willing to change nor going to change. Leave, it only gets worse.
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