Am I wrong for telling my boyfriend that he shouldn't read my messages between me and a girlfriend?

Question

If a man goes into your chat with a girl friend and sees something that he doesn't like. Is it right for him to have a problem with it, when he didn't respect your privacy. So I told him that he shouldn't be in the chat at all because a girls chat with her female friends is off limits.

My friend and I love kdrama so we often send each other reel edits of the actors and characters we like etc... and he has a problem with sharing reel about the male characters with her. However he knows I enjoy kdrama and normally get joy from watching them. He told that he doesn't feel comfortable with me posting stuff about them so I stop but what was in our chat was before he spoke to me about it so I believe I'm not wrong for him snooping and getting hurt.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I would say that it's understandable for you to feel upset or frustrated if your boyfriend read your messages without your permission. It's important for both parties in a relationship to respect each other's privacy and boundaries. While it's natural for individuals to feel curious or interested in their partner's life, it's not okay to invade their privacy or read their messages without their consent.

In terms of the content of the messages, it's important to have open and honest communication with your boyfriend about your interests and hobbies, and to establish clear boundaries and expectations around what is appropriate to share with others. If he has concerns or discomfort with certain content, it's important to listen to his perspective and try to find a compromise or solution that works for both of you.

Ultimately, it's up to each individual to determine what they feel is acceptable behavior in their relationships, and to communicate their needs and boundaries with their partners.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I would never even share my phone password with someone like that.
Why would he pick up your phone and spy on your messages? Insecurity, control?

It's a huge red flag when people don't trust each other. Trust is the foundation of love.
You can't hold onto someone by keeping them on a leash, following them around, spying on them, and telling them what they can and can't do. That's toxic behavior.

Does he also sneak around and go through the drawers in your bedroom?

If I were you, I wouldn't leave my phone lying around for him to access. I might even change my password and tell him "Too bad" if he didn't like it.

definitelyNotHer · Accepted Answer

Okay so this is a little difficult so please bare with me.

Your boyfriend seems to be a very insecure and jealous person if he's upset with you finding actors and celebrities attractive, I'm sure he finds celebrities and models attractive (and If he watches porn, pornstars as well) so him acting that way is unfair and a bit controlling and you may want to either have a conversation about that with him or consider if your relationship is worthwhile.

Now for him looking at your messages, I'm a firm believer in trust in relationships. If you can't have trust you can't really have anything in a relationship so unless he has a real reason to be searching through your texts he really shouldn't be, and the same to you. Respect your partners privacy but also don't be secretive, like I said unless they give you a reason to not trust you, you should trust them.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

Not wrong at all. As others have already stated, it’s an invasion of privacy and crosses a boundary that he would likely want you to respect if the shoe were on the other foot.
If his “motive” for snooping is over a tv show then I’m sorry but that fcking ridiculous. It’s one thing if you’re talking about other men that are actually attainable like some dude you saw at a bar or work, but a fictional tv character? Come on now. You have the right to talk about what happened on the last episode of whatever, and if that’s cause to make him uncomfortable then he needs to grow up.

AviatorTom · Answer

No, that's your private communications and he has no right to look at it. Similarly, you have no right to see his private communications.

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah, that's a violation of your privacy

nitsuj86 · Answer

So you want him to respect YOUR privacy, but you don't respect his. In your other messages, you say that "Girls talk about everything" well maybe YOU are saying things about him that he doesn't want you to tell everyone. Or maybe your messages are disrespectful to him. IF he didn't see them it wouldn't be an issue, but you are obviously doing things that he doesn't like, and hiding it doesn't make it ok.

You didn't respect his privacy, and expect him to respect yours.

If you love this man, then do what he asks and stop asking a bunch of idiots on the internet what you should do. Couples should be able to go through each others stuff, if you are worried, then you are hiding things that you shouldn't be.

Women go through men's phones all the time.

Jdjfjcjj · Answer

I don't know what the hell kdrama is but I'll answer like this..
Should he snoop, no, but you not even being the least bit concerned with something he says he uncomfortable with should be pretty eye opening for both you and your boyfriend.

Also, are you saying that you accept him looking at all other messages just not those from your girlfriend?

Or was that an attempt to gain favor with everyone reading your post? Present yourself as a super accommodating girlfriend with just one small line in the sound or is this truly the case?

Moose304 · Answer

You are not wrong. With that said are you telling all of the story? A lot of people both male and female throw red flags all over the place with their texting habits. I'm just a few weeks shy of being 65. If I was much younger and dating and she was throwing red flags I am going to get to the bottom of it. If she can't be honest with me, our relationship would not last long after this. This is something I tell people all the time. Pay attention to red flags and have enough strength to break up if the other person continues to throw them. I should also add to speak to someone with some wisdom and make sure it is a real red flag and not a figment of an overactive imagination!

TomMarks · Answer

If he trusts you so little he feels the need to spy on ANY of your messaging, that is a bad sign. Secondly, not sure I know the type of drama you’re talking about but that’s irrelevant, if he knows you’re talking about stories he shouldn’t get mad over them.

Controlling your messages could lead to other things. Next may be keeping you from talking to friends or even family on the phone or in person.

It’s not like you’re messaging some other guy trying to hook up behind your boyfriend’s back. He should respect you enough to allow you privacy with your friends messages and conversations.

Pegases · Answer

No, your entitled to your privacy. You both are, and he needs to respect that. I imagine there is a bit of distrust between you two, and that isn't a problem that is ever solved by invading each others privacy. The solution is to start with why he distrusts you, if you feel the relationship is worth salvaging. But again, invading each others privacy never solves the problem long term.

hahahmm · Answer

Yes & no. The reason you want to hide stuff is you don't think this boyfriend is going to be the guy you're with 5 years from now or 20 years from now. Yes, you have a right to privacy. When you meet the guy you really want you won't feel this way tho because then it will be more important to win his trust than to have secrets with your girlfriends. And if you earn that trust then he won't even be trying to snoop on your messages anyhow.

magiusX26 · Answer

2 wrongs here. 1st if you feel you need to hide something (besides say for a surprise party) from your SO then its very likely wrong. his not respecting your privacy/snooping through your phone is also very wrong as if he feels the need to look through it, then there is a problem.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

I went through my girlfriend's texts with a friend once and they were talking some major shit about me.
I also caught her talking to some other guys. As much as it hurt, I realized I probably shouldn't have done that.
It violated her privacy and I figured I'd rather be happy and ignorant than pissed off and aware. If she wanted to break up or cheated on me, I'd cross that bridge when I get to it.
No more going through phones for me

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

That's an invasion of your privacy and a weird thing for him to get upset over. Here's the thing, even if this is the first time, have a discussion with him about boundaries, if he doesn't understand about your privacy, it may be a sign that this relationship isn't worthwhile for you.

Anonymous · Answer

You are correct. The chat was innocent, it's not like some actor or your girl friend are a threat to the relationship. He stopped (wrong) and he took offence.

You can't complain about the smell if you opened the drain and crawled inside the sewer for a look-see.

MementoMori777 · Answer

The invasion of privacy is wrong but if he is suspicious about something I can understand to a certain point, personally I would just ask about my suspicions not just grab her shit and read it

slatyb · Answer

"Goes into your chat..." How would he do that? Don't share your phone.

Gibbons44 · Answer

There was a question about that here some 2 montgs ago.

We all agreed there's no need to keep messages hidden from each other.

Not even banking info, except passwords/authentication devices - why hide that from people you love?

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. You're entitled to your privacy. If he doesn't trust you, one of you needs to leave.

Orion76 · Answer

Absolutely not, he shouldn’t be looking through your phone and messages phone period.

HighValue · Answer

People that want a happy relationship shouldn't have social media, or should only have joint accounts. Problem solved.

Mangospacho · Answer

Nah. He should be allowed in because that causes more drama and it’s only fair that we all enjoy your drama since you and your friend love drama too.

LiamJHayden · Answer

No, you are not wrong. You need a private place.

Am I wrong for telling my boyfriend that he shouldn't read my messages between me and a girlfriend?

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