Why are so many people hung up on age?

Question

Why are so many people hung up on the age thing? If two people are compatible and have fun what's the problem? Some people would give up on a chance of happiness because of an age difference? They would rather be treated like crap or be miserable with someone in their age group?

My last girlfriend was 18 years younger then me.. I know what you are thinking "what could they possibly have in common " ... well I have news for you. We had so much in common it was almost scary. We had such a great time together.. she ended up getting her dream job in a different country so that's the only reason we broke up because it would be silly to live in two different countries and be together.. we are still great friends to this day.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

So…. I want to really tiptoe through the tulips with this, because I mean no offense, but I have to call it like I see it.

Unfortunately, women are often treated in such a way in society where they can believe their value lies much in their looks. It hits some folks better than others, but it’s probably fair to say most of us look better at 20 than we do at 50. But men are kind of brought up to believe our looks are secondary to other qualities, and whether it’s true or it isn’t, the common trope is that men tend to age better, so that’s the belief a lot of people are walking around with.

(Just to keep this light, here’s Bill Burr with a hilarious routine about how the ladies come out on top in the end😂)

https://www.youtube.com/embed/jLWWxIxg--E

So, anyway…I think it’s also fair to say that, generally speaking, when a guy dates a considerably younger woman, everyone is quick to say he’s a manipulative pervert and she’s probably got “daddy issues.” The energy isn’t quite the same for older women with younger men a lot of times, that’s more of a “you go, girl!”-scenario. I’m not talking about minors here, just two adults with like a 10-15+ year difference. The older female-younger male relationship isn’t necessarily validated by others in that it’s built to last, but it’s not usually seen as predatory, in my experience. Young men are apparently less helpless and less prone to manipulation, according to some? Haha, I don’t know.

So with all that said and those dynamics established, I think the big internal fear of many women is aging and being replaced by a younger woman, so seeing older men and younger women together is just kind of triggering. I’m just guessing, I don’t live in their heads, but that’s my outside observation. Meanwhile, seeing older women with younger men is empowering and reassuring. And when I think about it, the people I most often see being upset about an age gap in a relationship are women. I don’t typically hear dudes talking about it, it seems to be a largely female-driven complaint. Like anything, there’s a limit before shit gets a little weird on a physical level, but at the same time, isn’t love supposed to be about two souls connecting? If it’s a superficially based relationship, I get it, but if two people are in love, shit, as long as you’re both consenting adults, you won’t hear boo from me.

I wouldn’t be surprised to see things change now with women becoming increasingly powerful in society. Some CEO lady can be rolling around with young arm candy just like a dude can, and I say “get after it!” What other people do simply isn’t my concern, so I’m not going to object anyway, but I think we’re used to it being a one-way street because the social dynamic was different historically than it is today.

NostalgiaSenpi · Accepted Answer

Because people are dumb.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sounds like something someone your age would say 😂 maybe don’t focus on it or you sound like a creep…

personally I don’t really care. If you’re both over 21, you’ll be smart enough to know what you’re getting into. But I don’t have a whole lot of empathy for a 45yo who gets fucked over by a 23yo… zero if she’s 18-20.
my thing is that a lot of older men specifically take advantage of young women when they have little to offer themselves. If you’re a particularly well off and responsible 49yo dating a 25yo, cool! You bring something to the table where you lack youth. (Because that is a valuable asset that you can never buy back) so many men waste a woman’s youth and innocence… though most typically I see them doing that to women under 21 or even 15-17. It’s usually men who are emotionally stunted, less mature than a man her age. A man with a low paying job, debt, misuses finances, and takes advantage of her while draining her emotionally.

if you bring her something… then that’s good. She has youth on the table, what do you have to offer? That’s just the reality of it. A man her age has potential to supersede you or at least be average of your ages income bracket and wisdom once he gets there; so you have to be better than average to give her something worth what she’s sacrificing.

annabananna · Accepted Answer

Their can be challenges in an age gap but if you live the person enough to work through the challenges then go for it. Even if the person dies ten years before me I’d rather spend 30 years in a good marriage than 20 in a mediocre or unhappy one.

Apple1996 · Answer

Being in a relationship is much more then just having things in common. That's more of a friendship in my opinion. Opposites attract for a reason cuz they thrive off of being so different.

And you actually have to love them and want to form a lifelong relationship. With a big age gap it means that it will not be lifelong since someone will end up dying wayy before the other person.

Avicenna · Answer

Most people don't care what consenting adults do. Remember that GAG isn't ncessarily representative of the real world.

by the way, it's not always the case that much older men are taking advantage of young women- it's often the other way around.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because most people are stupid and hold preferences like it’s this most important thing and sadly all they are doing is limiting themselves from someone that might be amazing to them , I don’t really hold age as a deciding factor , if her and I have great chemistry and connection and we are both attracted to each other that’s all that matters , of course I draw the line for underaged girls but if she turns 18 and she still wants me I am down lol

TheorionMage · Answer

At the fundamental subconscious 'root' of the issue, centers upon 'fecundity' and 'fertility'   ... humans are atavistic-ally driven to seek out the most-'advantageous' potential copulatory opportunity.  
 
 These 'advantages' are physical desirability (allure) & fitness (ie youth) and... secondarily, 'resources' and status to give progeny nutrition, safety and life skills to their own maturity to perpetuate the species'.  
 Hence, the social emphasis on superficial 'glamoury' from which to 'seduce' and retain a partner-  
 "Quid Pro Quo" literally, 'this, in return for that'. 
 
 The reality IS... more often, both males & females 'settle' for partners 'below their actual social value' ... until and unless 'someone arbitrarily better' shows inclination further on.  
 
 NOT 'noble' or 'romantic' but pragmatically 'true'.

Haha456 · Answer

just a wake up call:

you can't grow old with someone who is already old. At some point, you will find yourself married to a senior citizen by the time you hit your 40s. Don't expect someone significantly younger to stay with you once you get old either.

Statistics have proven large age gaps are significantly more prone to divorces than marriages with smaller gaps.

AdithyaR · Answer

The issue is less of the age gap and more about the actual ages. For example a 15 year age gap can be 35-50 or 20-35
But the difference. Both 35 and 50 are proper adults with life experience and maturity to manage themselves.
But in the 20 and 35, the 35 holds an unfair upper hand in the power dynamics. At 20 you're still not mature in most cases, not even fully developed psychologically either. Hence it's less likely for the relationship to be balanced as one partner is more vulnerable to manipulation and less likely to have their own proper identity.

And also in general much older individuals who go for partner at the 18-19 basically give off two red flags:
1. They can't get anyone their age as people their age can detect their toxicity, so they look for naive individuals who can be manipulated.
2. The chances that the only reason they stop at 18 is due to the law. Chances are they'd go for someone younger if they could.

xoxosilentgirl · Answer

Its rare to see someone with large age gap compatible and have something in common beside their sexual attraction. There are, but only a few, and its pretty difficult to find. Maybe people just don’t want to roll the dice, they want something certain.

Nikki1989 · Answer

There are many reasons for this. One of them is people form a bond because of common interests, and it is unlikely you will have many common interests with someone 10, 20 or more years older or younger than you. At some point, you will drive each other nuts.

Sour-rose · Answer

Maybe because common or not, age can be everything and could get you tricked or killed? If one's age is much younger than yours, it could mean their mind ain't mature yet. And with that being done, things can go very VERY badly. For both parties.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

The issue is lifespan

Humans don't have a lifespan cap, but the average person today has lifestyle habits that put them 6 feet under at about 80-100, with some rarely living 1-30 years longer.

Would you want your SO to be alone for the last 18 years of your life?

Now I could be wrong, you could be like me and know how to defy aging, but thats rare.

LazerBean · Answer

Because it's practical. You date for fun, it sounds like, but some people are trying to find a life partner. And an ideal life partner is not more than likely going to die 30 years before the other.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Seriously? A 28 year old girl and a 70 year old man sounds more like scammers trying to get his money after he dies. And don't give me this shit that it is not about the money. Some toad marrying an old man is purely about the money and his will.

DaySpring · Answer

Conditioning. Same reason people love religion. Conditioning. Same reason I only know 1 language.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

You can't use cherry picking to draw a general conclusion. Age matters. Exceptions don't change that.

noohair · Answer

Age is just a social convention to try and control people. I don't follow most of that crap the society want to shove down my throat.

Ben487 · Answer

I wouldn't let that bother me. If you have been successful with younger women go for it. I am impressed when I see an older guy with a much younger wife.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Think of it this way. If your daughter is 18 or 21 years and a dude that is 20 to 30 years older than her tells you he's interested in your daughter will you be cool with that or look at him like a damn creep?

exitseven · Answer

Because it sucks to get old. You don;t move the same way you did in your 20s and you get tired easier.

Anonymous · Answer

Age matters and nice lie are nice to hear  She found her dream job etc etc after all she didn’t found she dream husband at you.. you still lost

LiamJHayden · Answer

Because they are. As long as they are not meddling in the happiness of others it is best to ignore them.

Danael31 · Answer

And why do YOU mind what people think? I think people should stay with people their age. Otherwise that makes me uncomfortable. MUCH.

Anonymous · Answer

Same reason they are hung up on everything else. This is social media age. People not only judge on what thier partners are, but also thier perceived value to the rest of society.

gag36627 · Answer

People have a point here: you are seeking for a life partner. So we have to consider the age too.

Why are so many people hung up on age?

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