Are you meant to really be completely in love with someone to marry them?

[HappyWoman34]

Or can you think that ‘Good enough, is good enough;’ and still be happy? I’ve been in love very powerfully, four times in my life. These men were special and felt right in a way that no one had before or has since. It’s like all those feelings are switched off now; haven’t been activated again. With anyone else. I’m not in love with anyone anymore.

[caring__1]

No one will ever be perfect. The key is to determine the difference between "must haves" and "nice to haves." When you're young and inexperienced, you really don't know what works or doesn't for you. You can't assume what works for others will work for you. As you gain more experience, you discover subtle differences that have great impact on you, so you're looking for more than you did when you were younger.

This is one reason senior relationships are so hard to find. The older we get, the more set in our ways we become. This limits the pool of available potential partners. For instance, I choose tranquility on my farm to the hustle and bustle of city living, even though the majority of women shy away from the extra challenges of living in the country full time. I know I'm choosing to limit my opportunities, but I've discovered the satisfaction of tranquility on the farm to far surpass the non-stop search for extremes.

There really is no advantage of marriage to senior men, as women often focus more on a guy's potential than valuing them as they already are. The potential cost of a divorce on a retired man cannot be undone. Even without marriage as a goal, would I choose to be in a long-term commitment with someone I wasn't completely in love with? If you're talking about no fireworks from blind infatuation, I'm no longer interested in fireworks and blind infatuation. As long as I am comfortable with a woman who seeks no more than she brings to the relationship, and mutual respect, consideration and enjoyment exist, along with clear, open, honest communication, I'm realistic enough to not expect her to be arm candy. Can I completely love her? Yes I can. Will it feel like adolescent love? No it won't. Actually, it will feel better, even without the intensity, as we won't constantly worry if we are measuring up or will be rejected or abandoned. Stable love is more meaningful and long-lasting than thrilling love.

[brandon1122]

Its better to marry a person you fully love

[Genie23]

Yes, I'd NEVER get married unless I am head over heels in love and trust him blindly. Marrying someone just for being good enough is setting for something. That's not a good thing because your partner will feel at some point that you don't love him/her and that marriage was like a compromise and it's unfair to marry someone you can't give your heart and soul and express your love until the end.

[MrOracle]

You had all the feels with 4 different guys, yet no marriage. What lesson do you take away from your experience?

Here's a hint: those feelings you felt wasn't love, it was infatuation. Yes, the feelings were strong, but it didn't lead to anything, because infatuation isn't anything to build a marriage on. It's one of the least important factors for the success of a long-term relationship - and your own experience bears that out.

What ACTUALLY matters in a long-term relationship or marriage is the following: his morals, values, and life goals being very compatible with yours. Two years in, if those things don't align, all the things that gave you such strong feelings in the beginning will not be enough to keep you together.

Feminist society teaches women to go for Chads - the hot, popular guys that all the other women also want - and Chads bring the feels in the beginning, but Chads don't commit and they are rarely even monogamous. Chads don't take women or relationships seriously - they can replace a woman so quickly and easily that there is zero motivation for a Chad to commit.

Real love has the good times and good feelings, but it's also about sacrifice, hard work, and putting your partner (and children) ahead of yourself. Real love will come with serious problems, hard times, and bad news at times, but it can also bring you the greatest joy. But there's no such thing as the Happily Ever After fairytale - that's just a lie Disney uses to sell merchandise.

[Anonymous]

I think I would just pick whoever is good enough and be happy. I don't expect perfection. Sounds like you should have locked down one of those special guys that slipped away when you had the chance. Those kind of feelings probably don't come around again.