Is marriage a necessity for two people who love each other?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My girlfriend and I met over 12 years ago when I was at a really low point in my life. It was almost like a movie and while I will spare you the whole story, she means more to me and makes me happier than I ever thought I would be ever again or ever thought I could be.

We are actually both pretty traditional but we decided - much to the dismay of our families, particularly her dad - to move in together, but it was under the assumption that we would get married. Yet we kept putting it off and putting it off.

Then my girlfriend got pregnant. The first of the three most beautiful gifts a woman has ever given a man. I love my little munckins and would do anything to protect them and care for them and for my girlfriend.

During this whole time we kept talking about marriage and it took on more urgency once my girlfriend was pregnant. Then finally - again to our mutual surprise - we realized that we did not want to be married.

We think that what we have and share is natural and beautiful and the idea of an expensive ring, a big ceremony and a permission slip from the state was artificial and contrived and somehow diminished what we have. (The religious question - we are both Catholic - to be sure is something that we have not fully reconciled in our own minds.)

Yet were you to see us, we are a happy and loving family, with all the ups and downs that come with it. As I say, I would give my life to protect them and a marriage license would not make that more or less the case.

To be sure, in our early days we were a bit crazy, but that was mostly because of what I was wrestling with and I was blessed enough to find a woman who cared so much for me that she was willing to push the envelope. I quickly learned - and she always knew - that the best sex you have, and our sex is still quite "wild," is the sex you have with the person who means something to you.

That said, would I even suggest our approach to the world? Nope. From a sociological and historical perspective marriage is good for society and good for man. (One indicator - married men and women have longer lifespans then their non-married counterparts.)

Still, no, I don't want to get married. At this moment, when I wake up and feel the most beautiful woman in the world at my side, and when three little munchkins run up to me when I get home shouting "DADDY!!!", that is what I want. Because I have never been happier and I don't see what a pricey ring would do to make that better. Not least because you can't improve upon perfection.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

It's not a necessity.
But with marriage, you make a very solemn public pledge. It's also a legal contract. Which means that deciding to get married is a serious decision. It means that you are certain. At least that's the way I view marriage.

I had many monogamous relationships with girlfriends, beginning when I was 16. I liked them a lot and was infatuated. But I never had any intention of settling down for the rest of my life. It wasn't until the second half of my 30s that I started thinking about finding a life partner. That meant making a commitment to one person for the rest of my life.

I met my future wife when I was 40. I was very careful and didn't want to make a mistake on what I considered the most important decision of my life. She felt the same way about the seriousness of marriage. I married her two years later and we've been happily married for 25 years.

So, although I don't think marriage is necessary, it makes you think very hard before entering into it. I think that, in itself, strengthens the bond between two people.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

Not necessary for love but since it is a legal contract there are legal benefits from it. It is why people have fought so hard for it to be legalized when they themselves could not legally get married.

Best legal arrangement if you have children or plan on it, you also pay less taxes if married in the US, that if just living together.

I myself though have wondered if people are married if they are more likely to work out issues as compared to not being married. As when not married, it is easier to just break up and split up. Would love to see a study on that, as it seems many people these days do not want to work out issues. It is my way or I'm gone type attitude, no compromise.

loves2learn · Accepted Answer

Not really but it’s a nice gesture of commitment.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

There are some legal and social advantages to being married to your partner but I would not call marriage a "necessity." If you have been careful in selecting a partner and you are not rushing into a marriage, I think it is a wonderful sign of commitment.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

The commitment, love, life shared between two people trumps any damn piece of paper (marriage licence/marriage certificate) that's just legal man made.. also a big money maker.

Diodoro · Answer

I have to preface this by saying my views on marriage have recently changed in the past two years and I respect the institution of marriage and a good marriage is one of the most beautiful things in existence between a man and woman.

That said.

It's not a necessity and in many cases it's a detriment to a relationship because the two individuals aren't equipped to handle a marriage.

We're in a society today where well intentioned people will get into a marriage, only for a woman to listen to her single friends who don't give af about her marriage that she should leave or threaten leaving if she doesn't feel "happy"

Happiness is a fleeting emotion but people treat it like it's a state of being that you can achieve and live in permanently when you can't. So they will forever chase it and devastate the world around them searching for something they can never attain.

That's the primary reason at least for a man today he should not get married. Too many women talk about their relationship to people who have no business knowing, nor any investment in the success of her marriage

There's a variety of reasons why marriage is not necessary and in many ways can actually get in the way of the happiness of two people in a relationship who are currently in love. Because before marriage when both people are free to leave at any given point in time with no punishment for doing so, you could simply focus on the state of your relationship in the love between you two. You can focus on having a good relationship. When you're in a marriage you can't. There's the outside pressure of marriage in any argument

HighValue · Answer

No. Marriage is mostly bad, especially for men. It means that no matter how bad things are, the woman can steal half of what the man has earned.
Anyone considering marriage should agree to a prenuptial agreement, otherwise they are showing that they just want a contract that lets them legally steal and abuse a man.
A prenuptial agreement is good for the woman too because then she will know that the man isn't just staying married to keep his earnings, he is staying because he genuinely wants to be together.

slatyb · Answer

Of course not. It's a legal status and may have positive and negative consequences. The most obvious are tax consequences. In the US, marriage may reduce or increase the total income tax paid by the couple. The marriage penalty is worst when two people earning approximately equal incomes marry.

There are also implications for property acquired during the marriage.

Think hard before marrying. Even if you are deeply in love and want to commit, it may be better to not become legally married.

Lexigirl96 · Answer

Necessity depends on what you’re trying to achieve! Statistically, couples that cohabitate are more likely to separate. This can be hazardous for kids, since divorce (or a cohabitation equivalent) can be a really large set back for them emotionally, socially, and in school. If you have short term vision of your relationship with no kids in the options, no bigee. If you want to start a fam, you should take advantage of the government benefits to make your situation stronger, and you should add more stability to your relationship

Jhonrembo · Answer

In my opinion it is requested. Unfortunately today's culture encourages individuality and encourages the possibility of living together and not getting married. The family loses the precious value it once had. See it all over Europe in the US and also in Japan. People also get married much less and also bring in too few children so the population goes down from year to year. Marriage has great value both for stability and for the children to come later. The package falls apart much more easily when the couples are not married and any small crisis can unpack the package. People want less effort today want to enjoy fast here and now. The world is made up of families made up of father mother and children.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s a pledge and it’s supposed to mean something. It’s about sacrifice and devotion.

But considering what our world has come to I dunno anymore. Divorces skyrocketed during the 60s revolution and peaked in the 90s. Infidelity became more socially “acceptable” by society. And now there are “open marriages”. I am seeing more and more couples on dating apps.

I can understand the temptation of wanting someone else. The thrill of it. Is there a healthy method to satiate that desire without damaging your marriage? I dunno.

However I do know for 100s of years people wed early and stayed with their same partner for lifetime unless they passed away early. I sometimes how common infidelity was in the 50s and earlier. Was it more common than we thought and people just kept it under wraps? Or has society changed by blasting everybody with sexual imagery which puts us in a position of temptation?

KrisPW · Answer

If you are going to live together, love each other, and are committed, then yes you should. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just a court document if you don't care too much about anything more than that. But you really should have that protection should anything happen to one of you.

Maybe a medical / power of attorney both ways would suffice as well if one of you is really against marriage? I'm not a lawyer so don't know how much those would cover.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

A necessity it is to some but a necessity it isn’t to others as well as myself. To me marriage is like a hurricane, there is a lot of blowing in the beginning & when it’s all said & done your house is gone. To me love is stronger without the legal bullshit.

kiki0101 · Answer

yes if you want the love to grow. Marriage maybe viewed as just a contract but the contract gives a lot of benefit and confidence. When in just love, you are not bound to anyone and you can leave whenever you want but when you are married it is harder for you to leave. Also marriage is an institution that raises the next generation.

ArchivalMars2 · Answer

Define marriage first of all; If by "marriage" you mean the legal forms and tax benefits etc. then I'd say you can make the argument of how it may be necessary especially for the family as a whole. If by "marriage" as in you cannot truly love each other and be a couple or family without it then I say no it isn't necessary.

Seinna · Answer

A marriage is not necessary for love and love is not necessary for marriage.

Marriage itself is necessary to many people and not needed by others, it's just not really that relevant to love itself. Marriage is a contract, legal or spiritual.

People used to understand it long ago but I guess not anymore.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

No, it's not. A couple can be happy together and live normal lives without being bound by paper, religion and government. There are partners out there that are together and have their own kids and live together.

Probably saves most headaches if things don't work out in the end.

joe2511 · Answer

No, not necessarily. I have seen happy long lasting couples that have been married and not married. It matters more about your relationship and how you relate to one another, deal with conflict, and are respectful to each other. I think many of us get swept up in the image of marriage from culture and media but fail to put in the work or effort with their partners.

Blackcupcake · Answer

no… you don’t need to sign a piece of paper to fully commit to someone, forever. however, the whole thing with engagement, the party and stuff could be fun so that would probably be the only reason why I would want to get married. cause if a guy has my love, he will have all of it without any papers or labels needed to “validate” how we feel about each other

Kaamraj · Answer

Love can come and go, marriage is an institution and in 2022 there is little reason for men to get into it. More than 50 % of marriages end in divorce, with women initiating more than 70% of it, and men paying 97 % of the alimony and mostly women getting sole custody of the child. So why get into a deal where the other party is incentivized to break it. Women on the other hand, need marrige as a form of resource transfer.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

Yes except it becomes illegal for guys to waste women's youth and bodycount and for women to use majority of men's money. I personally think marriage is the only way for women to know that the guy does not use you for sex. Your boyfriend could leave you after 10 years when you lose your youth aka your dating value while he lose nothing. Divorcing costs guys so much and this is why they can't just leave their wife for stupid superficial reasons but it is also big risk for guys.

Shayedd · Answer

Absolutely not. Marriage has evolved into a selfish event and legal fraud. It was originally created for land/power/bloodlines. Now it's just something people do because everyone else does.

SMH.

Fact: The #1 cause of divorce is marriage. 😁

Luopio27 · Answer

A female friend of mine has two teenage kids and been engaged for decades. When I asked her to marry the one she is engaged to, she said she wasn't ready.

The way I see it, marriage is nothing compared to the commitment of raising up one or more kids.

laurieluvsit · Answer

If they are going to have children than I would say yes, but if not than not a must.

TallAnon · Answer

Not at all, it's really just there as a pop up "You may not be able to return, please save your progress before you continue". Once you both click confirm, you're both locked in. You could also just party up and do quests together without being bound.

Waldoe · Answer

it is mainly for finanacial security... example... 2 couples love each other, move in together and build a life, 1 couple is married, the other is Not... many years and children later the woman dies, for any reason... the womans family comes and gets the kids... leaving the man completely alone... no rights... legal or otherwise...

djmzes · Answer

Simple

oliver4love · Answer

Dear it's depends at where you live and how your society and your family think about your relationship but if a boy and a girl love each other deeply from heart ♥ then the last and best step is marriage...

Anonymous · Answer

There are lots of discussions around this topic. What I often think is that marriage has always been the foundation of a family. It has lots of benefits, tried over the hundred years. Maybe humanity will come up with a new style out of all these opinions, or maybe we will turn back to the things that have worked before and brought some kind of order.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Half a century ago sure. Now it's not really needed. Even for financial reasons. If you've been with someone long enough you're treated the same as a married couple.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Of course not, if anything it’s the other way around. Loving each other is a necessity for getting married… well, if you want to stay that way, it is. in my opinion

menina · Answer

It is if they both want and believe in marriage, otherwise it isn't. I've seen many couples who have been together for years without getting married and they're happy.

mstbooblover · Answer

Actually if this is an issue, it's mainly because of social and religious stress. Nevertheless, some people may consider being married as a proof of involvement.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. Marriage is just a religious and legal contract. I can stay devoted without all the pageantry.

JasM0 · Answer

No, but it does afford privileges to your spouse that unmarried people aren’t afforded without additional legal measures.  Regards

Fireguy17 · Answer

no, many couples are very happy in a long-term monogamous relationship without the benefit of marriage. Both parties have to think the same way, or it can lead to problems.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Not necessarily if they both have great careers. But if they never marry will they get any benefits when the other dies?

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

It may/may be not between them. But from a societal point of view, marriage is a settlement. It comes with its pros and cons.

Cubus · Answer

Marriage is a sign of commitment. If someone wants to have marriage with you then it's a sign he wants to spend rest of his/her life with you and you're not just "one of the fish in the sea" who can be replaced.

AviatorTom · Answer

No, marriage is not for everyone. An in love couple can live together without marrying. They could even live separate lives and still be in love.

Phoenix98 · Answer

For me it is. i don’t care about a price of paper but there are personal reasons among other things as to why I find it necessary.

GingerGuy · Answer

Not at all. Doesn't "prove" anything, nor does it mean you can't live "happily ever after" still without it.

VikingWarLord · Answer

Lifelong Monogamy is the BIGGEST SCAM (aside from Religion) ever perpetrated upon Humanity.  Read "SEX AT DAWN" by Cacilda Jetha and Christopher Ryan.

samuel665 · Answer

Well I believe it’s necessary otherwise it’ll be easy to to get separated because there were no valid contract…maybe and also marriage is a party where couples celebrate and their families dance too

Fayeleo · Answer

As long as the society still requires certain type of "legal forms", yes it is necessary.

exitseven · Answer

No, it is a legal construct that includes certain rights and privileges. If you have kids it clearly defines the family unit.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

No. It IS necessary if one or both of the parties wants to married.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Not really a necessity. However I think marriage is best if there are children involved.

dustybiker · Answer

I’ve known people to have more love through trust than processed commitment.

Hassan_8 · Answer

Yes if they want to stay together till the end and have children.

whosnumber1 · Answer

no it isn't. marriage doesn't define love and it doesn't make you love more or less. it does give people a bond and the union does become something special.  but it is not a necessity for love

jshm2 · Answer

Well... it's proof that you actually do at the time.  But these days it's more a contract

KatherineJ · Answer

If marriage is what two people want, then yes. But people can be in love (and date) without marriage.

Caramelpie · Answer

Yes. Otherwise the rest of the relationship is wasted on nothing.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely not, marriage is just a piece of paper. It can however, be an expression of love if the couple feels it’s right

genericname85 · Answer

obviously no. the reason people do that are psychological and financial in nature.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

If their intention is to stay together for life, they should get married. If they're not prepared to make that commitment, they should not.

Jintendo18 · Answer

It’s good if you plan on starting a family, but even then it’s not necessary. Even then it’s meaningless to a lot of people from what I can see.

Naughtyboy71 · Answer

Marriage is for two people but men think the papers men he own her and she must obay him not true it a team decision .. no one owns any body

Better_off_here · Answer

it is not just about having a piece of paper that says we legally are a couple, it is a bond that two people give one another and they are showcasing this to the world.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Absolutely not. In fact such "legal union" has been known to destroy that love. I believe in the ceremony, but not the paperwork.

dragoblack · Answer

No, not a necessity, but it's a social ritual that has its' upsides & downsides when it comes to legal paperwork & documentation

bamesjond0069 · Answer

No. In fact i think legal marriage is anti relationship meaning if you go that route you're more likely to experience problems.

Is marriage a necessity for two people who love each other?

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