Been a loner too for most of my life. With frienfs it's more about quality than quantity for me.
I have great friendships but we all live so far apart we have to make plans way ahead and only see eachother about 3 times a year. Double that if phonecalls count.
Relationship-wise it's high and dry for the most part..
I've felt a great lonelyness for a big chunk of my time after age 15 up and untill about age 27, something snapped into place. But by that time the party was my socialcircle and the random strays I met through there kept me afloat, at one point the survival-formula was "One hug a year and just keep moving your feet".
Now-a-days I feel more and more like it's okay to be alone, I think maybe I've gotten so used to it, I am numb to it. Or maybe I've just grown out of the angsty seach for connection.
Still trying though, but it gets harder with age as others expect more from you the older I get and I have no excuses for not being enough, my inexperience in some areas are just a red flag when caught in the open. Usually though it's the mystery that keeps people engaged and draw others attention. That's my wiggleroom.
the only time i feel
lonely was during Christmas and New Year celebration (noche burna and media noche celebration) these past years because it's jusr me and my sister in the hpuse to celebrate. other than that i don't think so. i do feel romantically heartbroken from time to time but i bounce back immediately because i have Jesus. thankfully even if i'm crazy about romantic relationship and when i say crazy i reqlly mean to say crazy the hopeless rimantic kind 😭 i remember me and my ex first eating out together as gf-bf was in KFC and my romantic ass i keep the bones that we eat inspired by a chicken commercial.
i don't throw flowers given to me by my ex i keep it. whwn mu ex was sick before and we are waiting for results he sllep soundly while me awake feeling so lonely because i was so scared of the result my mind is imagining negative things but my faith back then is not steong
anyway as what i was saying even if i'm hardcore when it cones to romantic love the top most important being to me is Jesus and what's amazing is that i don't feel any sort of sexual bond it's just a love of a servant to her King/Lord
so yeah He is my top most priority and the ine i cannot live without. in other words in general i don't feel lonely but i like human connection. i love spending time with people the only difference from an extrovert is that i am not the one who initiate to have a get together for instance, i don't care of dropping peoole who inthnk are meqn i cannot stand mean people and i also cannot do successive goong out i get exhausted from the interaction i have to recharge and i love my alone time with my SO just the two of us not group of friends. my life with Jesus is magical never boring full of hardships but deep in my heart there's thst sense of peqce
My way of getting good friends is to avoid wasteful people like druggies or drinkers or gluttons. I briefly hung out with a few gluttons for some months cause they were my weekend connection but I later left that community. You also have to choose the type of friends you want, do you want impersonal people or people who tell you their secrets? Do you want a crowd or a one on one connection? Do you want intelligent friends or humanitarian ones? Do you want religious friends or secular ones? The first step to finding friends is to figure out what you are looking for and than isolate your time to the ones who match the criteria you set.
One way is I would sometimes chat with strangers while busing to work, one woman told me
she moved to the city a week ago and only knew one person. Another told me she has cancer. They also have clubs like Toastmasters, meditation classes, charity meetings for volunteers. I’ve had guys approach me at libraries and I also visit church or I did before the pandemic.
I like being alone. People just slow me down, then when it comes to every problem in life, people are the problems. Since I moved to this town, I havn't made any friends and with all the drug dealers and drug addicts, it's probably best I don't. I do get lonely from time to time,
I don't have any friends, my family is all dead. I get a lot more writing done though. I get a lot more done period. The only problem is, one day being by myself all the time is going to bite me in the ass. I'm gonna drop dead in my place and no one will know. Other than that, people aren't worth the time. I have social anxiety and I think that's a sign to stay away from people.
Opinion
31Opinion
Not really. As someone that's an introvert, I prefer being alone most times :)
Do I get lonely? Every blue moon, but it's rare. I'm so used to being alone and single, I've just learned to find ways to distract my mind so I don't get lonely. I have a job, lots of hobbies (exercise, video games, hanging out with my friends, reading...) I don't really have time to feel lonely!
It sounds difficult, but finding ways to distract yourself and bring you happiness will keep you from feeling lonely.
I don’t think there’s a person alive who hasn’t felt that way man, so just internalize that thought and reach out to someone who’s also lonesome
Go join one of the billions of discords and try making small talk. Especially listen and then reply. When you get in that cycle it's easier to get better.
And get some excersize. Go for a walk. It can help with those negative thoughts. If it doesn't. At least a little fresh air is a positive thing.
Practice practice practice. You'll be ackward at first but keep going. Nobody cares about the mistakes you make if you learn from them.
Yeah but I’ve come to realize that there’s positives in it though even with how uncomfortable it can feel at times. In June it’ll be a year since I cut ties with all my friends and a good portion of family. I’ve gone in and out of loneliness since then but it doesn’t compare to the type of lonely I felt while I was consistently around the wrong kind of people. Surrounded by a crowd but still very alone. Being able to be alone is a rarity within itself and seems a lot less sad to me than people who can’t stand their own company cause they dislike themselves or struggle with codependency to the point they would rather stay in dead end relationships and keep toxic people in their circle. There’s a lot of those and shit I was even one of them for a brief moment
Loneliness is most likely why I'm here on G@G.
I'm married with a grown child, and lonely as can be.
It's fun to interact with others.
As long as I recognize the trolls and keep myself from rising to take their bait.
In the past, I haven't been great in recognizing them at the outset and just ignoring them.
I left G@G several months ago for that reason. I had had it with the trolls. I needed a break from them.
Hopefully I'll be able to handle that aspect in a better manner and stick around.
@Haha456 A person would think that, wouldn't they?
The day I said, "I do" at my wedding almost 30 years ago was the beginning of the longest, loneliest period of my life, which continues to this day.
I'm not complaining, at all.
Just stating the situation as I experience it.
I should have left immediately after getting married.
Instead, a kid came along.
Well, here I am today, among at least some friends here on G@G, trying to avoid the trolls that have driven me away from G@G in the past.
Just having a warm body in the same house does not eliminate loneliness.
It sometimes can heighten a feeling of loneliness.
I'll be 65 in several weeks, with many severe physical ailments that require my dependence on my wife, who, in her utilitarian way, does take care of me to some extent, as a nurse might do.
A wife in terms of being a partner in all walks of life, she is not.
I now need her assistance as a physical caretaker.
I was there for her and the kid for the last 30 years.
She's mostly there for me now as a caretaker, nothing more.
Period.
I've attempted greater connection between us over and over throughout the years.
It hasn't happened yet.
The chance of it ever happening is very slim.
I keep trying occasionally, though.
I'd have thought that I should've had this kind of stuff figured out in my life by now, but life happens and before you know it, you are where you are, and that's the way it is.
Looking back, my advice to anyone would be:
"NEVER SETTLE!"
Appreciate what you have. Often times , single folks who are unmarried just get sent to nursing homes where they get abused and neglected. Appreciate the fact that you get a back massage when you need it and someone to cook dinner for you. Its better than being in pain and knowing that nobody cares about you. Being in so much pain that you can't cook but have to waste money ordering delivery.
@Haha456
I do appreciate the help that I have.
A back massage or a listening ear from her is too much for me to hope for at this time.
I have a source of food and a chauffeur.
I consider myself to be lucky at having that.
Someone to share my life with, and to have their life shared with me, which was my goal in marrying, was not to be.
Oh well, maybe I'll come back and do it all again after this current stint on earth has ended.
Who knows how this world really goes around, in all of its manifestations.
It's nice conversing with you.
Thought has been provoked.
A response was elicited.
Life has been lived.
I'm not yet gone.
Cheers!
Life is not perfect. I , myself, am having a very hard time finding a man to fall in love with. Yet I crave children and a loving family. I've considered marrying not for love but for stability and a family. But no modern young man would marry without romance. Times have really changed. During your days back then, marriages was more about taking care of each other. Nowadays, romance is the only thing people care about.
I really fear spending the rest of my life in solitude, being uncared for, having no family. Nobody to celebrate birthdays with. Nobody to have Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with. Nobody to console me during my darkest times of my life. Nobody to give me a hug when I need it the most. Nobody to bury me when I die. It gets harder and harder to make friends as we get older.
Thus I'm planning on having a child as a single mother. Its the only thing that I can do to prevent myself from being in complete social isolation. At least I will have the joy of having children. Life is not perfect. We should not have that expectation that we must all have a perfect life. But we try our best to be as happy as possible.
@Haha456
I feel for your plight.
When I look back at many marriages of the mid-20th century, I see a lot of what you've described, just partners going through life together.
When I was your age, I was an absolute, confirmed, I don't date, bachelor.
I occasionally felt lonely, but it was nothing like I have felt for the last 30 years.
Then along came my soon-to-be-wife, on a chance meeting
She knew how to get exactly what she wanted.
I don't blame her.
She's human like the rest of us.
Marriage wasn't what I had planned for my life.
Yet it happened.
The kid happened.
Life happened.
Age is happening.
Having a child is the most soul-sucking, non-return on investment that I've ever experienced.
Children are all-take until they're gone.
I know that many women express the thought that having a child which will bestow upon them undying love will fix everything for them.
That isn't the way things really are.
A parent is on 24 hour everything duty.
Most of all, 24 hour concern for the child's wellbeing.
Maybe if I'd wanted a child, things would have been different.
My adult child of 25 who no longer speaks to me is moving out of our home tomorrow.
I'm hoping for a newly evolved relationship with my wife in the near future.
We'll see what happens.
I wish you the best.
@nolabels
"Going through the waves together" is better than dying all alone. In my opinion, having someone stable that cares for you is better than floating from one relationship to the next relationship then onto the next. At the end of your life, there's nobody that you can rely on. there's no one that you can trust. Life is more than just about excitement, passion and fun. Humans also have need to feel safe, taken care of , as if someone has their back.
But if you feel chronically lonely in your marriage, perhaps your wife simply doesn't want to be married to you but simply feels obligated to. Just remind her that even though she might not be in love with you. Being married to someone for 30 years (basically almost a lifetime) is a tremendous thing. there's a lot of sentiment that goes into a marriage that has lasted that long. Unless you've treated her unfairly then this might not apply.
About your grown child, kids tend to know if their parents value them. Never have children if you do not want children. Kids will always know where they stand in their parent's eyes. I don't ever intend to speak to my parents after I move out. Living with them has been pure hell.
@Haha456
How would anyone who has died alone (which inevitably we all do in the end) be able to compare their experiences with those surrounded by loved ones when the end comes?
Speaking as a devil's advocate, maybe those who spend their last days alone can find a connection to spiritual realms that may not be possible for those who are constantly distracted by people being around them.
I'm not saying that that is necessarily desirable over having the distraction of people being nearby.
I'm just saying that everyone's life experiences are different.
I've had 6 family members and two close friends pass already this year under widely varying circumstances.
All different.
All their own stories.
All were the way it was.
There has been unfairness dealt by both sides in my marriage, unfairness which I truly believe has been born of misunderstanding and frustration, not hatred.
We can laugh and joke, and share in life's little joys and aggravations, but we are not intimate.
I know little more of her than I did when we met.
I try to let her know who I am.
She has no interest in sharing herself with me, and very little interest in hearing who I am.
I don't seek to blame anyone.
I seek to make things better.
When I met my wife, people to my left and my right were telling me to give life a chance and open up to someone.
I did.
What followed, followed.
I need someone to take care of me now, and I'm glad that I have people and assets to see me through as the days pass.
I do what I can in return.
If I'd remained a bachelor, who knows what condition I'd be in.
There's a great chance that I'd already be gone.
The older I get, the harder it is seems to be to figure out how to live, beyond adhering to that which is logically and morally right.
I hope you receive that which you need, and also that which you desire.
I hope that it treats you well.
I work at a nursing home. Its filled with the elderly who have been either abandoned by their families or simply don't have any family to care for them or have serious illnesses that require constant 24/7 medical monitoring. Its filled with neglect and abuse. Nurses who do not prioritize their patient's needs / desires but rather only do things that only at their convenience when it serves themselves. Patients who develop significant pressure ulcer wounds due to being bed ridden for too long (its completely preventable) . An elderly woman begging to use the bathroom while nurses are too busy to tend to her. Another elderly patient begging to go back to bed in the morning but the nurses' are too lazy to do anything. An old man in a wheelchair wiping his nose with his bare hands because he knows the nurses won't care enough to get him a tissue.
As for myself, I'm only 27 and I'm already feeling the consequences of being single. I offer to work on Christmas / Thanksgiving holidays (while all my other coworkers want holidays off) because I don't have anyone to celebrate it with. I arrive to an empty silent apartment on a daily basis. Staying at work on these days distracts me from the fact that I really don't have anyone at all. I've been through the darkest moments of my life without anyone willing to listen. I've been through years of misery without a hug. I've been through years of back pain without a massage. If I had someone to even do even a tiny fraction of these things for me- would've made the biggest difference.
Everyone is born into human existence and leaves human existence all by themselves. But knowing that someone loves and cares you by the time you leave earth makes the biggest difference.
There are a lot of people out there who die without anyone that cares for them. No kids who call on a regular basis. Nobody to visit them. Nobody cares if their health got worse.
If you're lonely, go look join a bingo club or a community senior center. There are so many resources that you can take advantage of.
You have a child that you could've developed a loving relationship with. You both could be hanging out and doing things together. Sometimes you gain more reward when you look to serve others than to constantly only look out for your own self interests.
@Haha456
Although I believe your intentions in this conversation are good ones, you speak as if you think you know me and everything about me.
You don't.
I stated that I'm lonely and that I'm not complaining about it.
That was and remains my response to this question.
I'll address your last two paragraphs, strictly as a means of showing you that seemingly catch-all cliched phrases about senior centers and "you could have, should have" pronouncements have meaning only when applied in their proper places.
My circumstances absolutely do not fit your most recent message.
I no longer drive nor have the stamina to get to senior centers, even if I would want to.
If I did have the ability, I'd go fishing, not visit senior centers.
There's no such thing as "lonely" when I'm fishing.
I have a child that I did not want, with whom I've tried my utmost best at connecting with since the day he was born, telling myself that I'll get out of a relationship only so much as I've put into it.
We're like night and day, and he has never wanted anything to do with me.
I'm willing to visit his world and make attempts at doing so.
Not so the other way around.
He moved away from home into an apartment today.
I imagine that's the last I'll see of him.
I love him.
I won't miss him.
I think its time to be honest... you had 30 years to go seek friendship. You had 30 years to get a divorce. You didn't. It was your choice to stay in the lonely marriage.
Your attitude towards parenthood "children just take take take take... " proves everything about you as a parent. A parent's role is to give to their children. A parent's role is not to take from their own children or to see what they can obtain from their children. No good father has children only to see what their children can do for him. I can tell just by your attitude towards parenting that you are not fit to be a father. Nor do you have the desire to be a father.
[I have a child that I did not want, with whom I've tried my utmost best at connecting with since the day he was born, telling myself that I'll get out of a relationship only so much as I've put into it.]
sweetie, you can't be a decent parent if you do not want your child. Its like saying you tried your best to be a good husband to a woman you absolutely hate. No amount of "trying" will ever get you to the level of a decent parent. Its very uncommon for a child to grow up to absolutely hate their parents unless the parents did something very wrong to them.
Being a parent is work that comes from the heart. A parent makes sacrifices because they want to, not be cause they feel obligated to. If you think being a parent is just a job where you clock in and clock out , you're never going to be a good parent no matter how hard you try. And I'm sure you understand what I mean after having been a parent for so many years.
@Haha456
sweetie (in your parlance),
You have no idea what you "think" you are talking about, yet I know exactly where you're coming from.
I've encountered many people, young and old, some far younger than yourself, who have the gift of great insight and the ability to articulate it in a thoughtful, helpful manner.
Don't consider yourself counted among them.
Who the hell do you think you are?
Grow up.
Look in the mirror every once in a while.
Acknowledge what is there.
Get back to me in about 30 years, that is, if you've grown any at all.
@nolabels
Wisdom, maturity, knowledge does not necessarily come with age. Often times, age means nothing but a number. A mature individual is someone who is able to acknowledge their own mistakes instead of constantly looking to blame others. Its pretty clear that you cannot do this despite your age.
@Haha456
Once again, you have no idea what you're talking about and need to look in the mirror.
I've gone over every scenario that you've brought up so many times in my head before I ever heard of Haha456 that trying to enumerate them would be impossible.
I'd tell you where to go, but my guess is that you're already there.
Sometimes. It’s not because of lack of romance, I just miss hanging out with some of my old friends. I’d imagine it would be even lonelier when I move out of my parents’ house. Hopefully, I become a better person in my 20s.
kinda in between i made friends but didn't invest so have few of them left, maybe one and family. its hard to make new ones.
I think im both engaging but a loner that doesn't want to be lonely.
go figure...
go make friends and learn how to socialze. heal the inner child!
If you trawl through the YouTube videos that deal with male lonliness, you will see that your current situation is so common that it is normal.
Women have become so hateful, hostile, unapproachable and legally dangerous that research has found that about half the male population have given up.
I do not know what to suggest if you want to change your situation.
The Female Collective (think Borg Collective) burned me so badly that I have been a MGTOW monk for 22 years.
Also a loner... except when I was in relationships. My fault in relationships was picking the wrong partner. Since I know that's an issue then I'll never marry again. I'll be a great friend but I still REALLY need my quiet place where I can shut everyone out for a while.
m nope... not now
but I know how some of that can be... as I've experienced it through childhood and teens
I have friends and family. I am good with having someone in my life, but it's not necessary at this point.
I love doing trips/travelling on my own. I get great enjoyment planning things I want to do.
Most of the time, no. I have several friends whom I've had for 2/3 or more of my life. But sometimes late at night, especially since I lost my one remaining dog.
I don't require human interaction go the degree most people do. I could see no one for months and never get lonely. After a year or so, I might start to feel it.
It's sex I crave more than companionship
To a degree. I have really good friends but I still end up spending a lot of time to myself. For the most part I don't mind. However it would be nice to at least find the right woman or intellectual companionship
Sometimes it happens.. Being surrounded by many but still feel that loneliness
I was so busy with my career and raising my kids I sort of got away from all the friendships I had. My kids have grown and gone and I really have nobody that I can just hang out with
Not particularly... I'm alone, but I wouldn't say that I'm lonely.
I do feel lonely every once in a while, but it's not how I feel most of the time.
Only men are lonely nobody cares about us until we die then they move on to another man to confide in
Women don’t get lonely whenever they need company or sexual satisfaction a man can easily be found, for us men however life is a very lonely journey until death. Sex at least for me isn’t even a possibility, nobody cares to get to know me or be my friend. All I know is being alone
Most of my life!! I THOUGHT I found THE ONE back in `91 until the bitch started cheating on me 10 years later!! Haven't had anyone since then!
I've been a loner too, but I never let it get me down.
Loner is probably my second name. There are Not that very many people to associate with in the real world in at least not unhealthy manners.
I feel loneliness now and wish I could feel happier
Of course, that's all I ever feel. I deserve my situation in life on my own, but that sinking feeling hits hard and stays every day.
I have my set of friends, both online and offline, but I still often consider myself a loner.
I'm conflicted. Sometimes I want a girlfriend and friends, but then I see how rotten people can be and thank God for being introverted.
Well the only to know if its common is if we ask the entire world
Honestly if it weren't for social media I would not feel lonely.
Used To, It Comes & Goes
But It's Ok To Just Feel Things Sometimes
Feelings Matter
I have never felt lonely.
Get a dog.
Hey, that's some top notch life changing advice.
@MidnightOwl57 Thank you
I’ve been feeling lonely most of my life
I feel lonely, because really I am.
Been very lonely lately...
Sad too...
😢 ❤️🩹
Every second of every day
You are a man, this is normal.
Yes a sense of cold, hard reality.
i feel the same sometimes. be strong
Everytime.
Same, buddy
Nope.
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