Is it better to just accept that cheating can and will eventually happen?

[Anonymous]

People are their own beings with their own thoughts, feelings, wants and desires. Nobody in a relationship has any obligation to stay with you and if they feel they can do better they will.

I find it rather silly to believe that pure sentimentality can keep a relationship together if someone can do better then their current partner or that infidelity won't happen if things hit a crossroads.

And understanding that I realized I have essentially 2 options. Either I can allow myself to be paranoid about whether my partner will cheat on me, eventually becoming overly controlling and turning it into a self fulfilling prophecy. Or I can accept that I have no way of stopping them even if they do cheat, that they probably will eventually and just enjoy the ride while it lasts.

This is part of the reason I feel open relationships make more sense these days, not as an excuse to sleep around, but understanding that nobody is obligated to stay or have sex with me.

[OlderAndWiser]

Your attitude explains many divorces. In good marriages, people made commitments and they work to honor them. They don’t quit just because of the new blonde receptionist at the office. There are people who are married for 50+ years who have never once cheated. If you can’t understand that, your parents did something wrong.

[Asker]

You couldn't be anymore wrong. My grandma is not only older then you, had a marriage last longer then you and she flat out said that the only reason it lasted that long was because she realized that once her husband went out of their house she had no control over what he did and as long as he did right by her and their kids, she wasn't gonna stress out over it.

[OlderAndWiser]

And one example proves that the entire human race operates that same way?

[Asker]

It proves that YOUR way is neither the only way nor necessarily the "Right" way.

[OlderAndWiser]

True, but I NEVER SAID that my way was the only way or the "right" way. So. . . so what?

[MJackson1234]

It's really what society normalize. So the western world has better education, economic standards, health care, etc. Promiscuous behavior is acceptable and encouraged, cheating is acceptable and we just do the whole couple counseling and if I get caught there is no prenuptial then good luck to you. France illegalized paternity tests without the mother consent and I am sure you know why. Hence lower birth rates, less people are getting married, and even less people are living together or passing ten years mark for a relationship. Then you go some other countries that their situations are horrible but they have better family ties, marriages are healthy and birth rate is fine if not excessive. It's not a personal thing but rather what the society agrees on. So it depends where you live. That's also why Thai fever is takinf over Sweden and passport boys is growing in the US.

[Asker]

Right, cause at this point it's becoming pretty obvious to some people that expecting that kind of discipline from people is just not realistic. And really the thing you brought up with France in particular is what really gets me.

I'm honestly not against swinging and open relationships, its just so much around it is so underhanded and deceitful. Not allowed to get a paternity test so for all you know you're raising someone else's kid, and even if you find out the kid isn't yours you're still tied down out of obligation so you're not even allowed to leave, and when you realize that pretty much all responsibility for a child and a relationship falls on the dude that means the woman has no accountability so she can just do whatever she wants.

To the point where a woman can just cheat in front of a mans face and he can't do jack about it, you might as well be her slave at that point. And to think some women have the audacity to get upset at men saying "Fuck it" and going to other countries to find a potential mate, to the point where some go full on racist calling non western women idiots.

[MJackson1234]

Yeah if I was a guy in the western world, I would never get married. At best I would live together after consulting with a lawyer. I won't do open relationship and all that. 1 out 4 people have an STD. They say they use protection but everyone I knew that did open relationship or swinging there was always one of them or both that violated that protection rule. One of the reasons for divorces or breakups open relationship is someone wasn't using protection.

[Asker]

Eh im not saying just sleep with whomever, I actually talked to someone on this site who is in an open relationship and she flat out said that the only way an open relationship is gonna work is if everyone involved are friends. Even among people who believe in it random encounters are just not ok. So it would be like a poly group.

[MJackson1234]

I have seen this:
1). They get jealous. They might smile in front of you but complain how you paid more attention to someone else when they are the primary. But I can tell you some of the bad stuff I known from friends that did that and stories I heard from randoms.
2) A lot of times they were cheating and ready to. So they changed the dynamic of the relationship to not lose out on itching their itch, worried about getting caught, or feeling guilty.
3) Someone always catches feelings. Especially, if they get treated better by the other partner. All of the sudden they want out and want to be solo with the other person.
4) Protection wasn't used. One person at least did it without.
5) Time. You are neglecting someone. Especially if kids are involved.
6) One of them is getting a shitty deal. They sleep with a couple of persons while their partners is sleeping with half the planet.

[MJackson1234]

7) One wants to close backup again. Typically, the ladies when they get older. Hubby is still banging hotties and now she can't can't sleep with as many young guys as she used to. Not to mention she wants to have kids.
8) Emotional connection or support. A lot of times it's the hubby that connect emotionally. The wife of course finds it pretty easy to get laid. I want some and they line up. But the hubby has swoon and charm. So you no longer feel special and worse when that person is younger and prettier and then the ultimate nightmare when he becomes a happier, better lover, and more confident. That's when you know you were the reason for all his shortcoming.
9) This one I heard it on a YouTube story. The happily husband that was excited to accept the open relationship after six years can't even touch his wife. The overall too much excitement that she got out of it and the way she allowed herself to be treated, he can no longer be with her. Amazing marriage till then. Loves him greatly according to him. She makes double what he makes and closed the marriage right away when a hint of discomfort from his part and did everything to make him happy and make it work. After a year long of trying and therapy still can't kiss her. So he wants a divorce.
10) Someone got pregnant.
11) Someone did something they never done with their partner or worse even after doing it with other people they still haven't done it with their partner.
12). You agree to just have this poly family but then one person wants to add another.

[Asker]

Which is why i ask, why make thigns so complicated, the way i see it lets just be friends with benefits, if we catch feelings we'll worry about that when we come to it.

[MJackson1234]

I don't disagree. The statistics don't disagree. Marriage rates are continues to fall.

[boggboss]

So you would cheat on your partner in a monogamous relationship

[boggboss]

I think understanding that it can always happen is vary true but thinking that it will happen is extream

[Asker]

And i see you're also someone who blindly trusts others thinking they will never betray you.

[Asker]

Is it? I think its very healthy to expect it. If anything its extreme to think someone will wanna ride the same dick for 20-30 years and never get bored.

[boggboss]

Lol the same way I would be happy to fuck said pussy for that same amount of time nobody said in blind trust u would understand that if u read what I typed the only way this makes sense is if u would also see yourself cheating in that time

[Asker]

Cheating would imply going behind their back. Personally if im just fed up with a relationship im just breaking it off or ghosting them.

[boggboss]

My point if u have the option and choice not to cheat whybassume that's inherant to you only and every women is just by default going to cheat

[In_Trance]

Wdym by better?

[Asker]

I mean would it be easier to just accept that your partner is probably gonna find someone else eventually

[In_Trance]

They'll find someone else if you give them reason to find someone else

[Asker]

You place way too much value on pure sentimentality.

[In_Trance]

Whatever you think... good luck