Is it sometimes hard to distinguish falling in love and real love?

[Anonymous]

Two years ago I got out of an rocky relationship. Till this day I still question what on earth was that relationship even about, what I saw in him, what attributes I liked about him. I can't really come up with clear answers except that things happened and falling in love. We had practically nothing in common and if I had stayed longer, my years would've been drained for nothing. So what was all that love declarations for, what was I loving?

I'm now better at distinguishing just falling in love and actually real (mature) love. However, can that still be hard to distinguish?

Updates

+1 y

Nowadays I don't want to only experience ''butterflies in the stomach'' and strong admiration for someone but actual true love that continues growing even till old age. I want that type of love.

[Anonymous]

You're talking about the difference between subconscious stimulation
and having what you really want.

Most people never date who they really want because they never take the time to write out the relationship they want. Most people just rely on their feelings and think that is how they should make decisions about love/relationships.

I don't know what mature love is but I do know you're talking about a relationship lead by a joint vision vs a relationship solely lead by feelings.

[Asker]

Your last sentence is correct. When I said mature love, I mean the relationship lead we share similar goals, are there for each other in both good and bad times, tolerate our flaws, it leads to forming a family and we're there for each other till old age.

[Asker]

This time I don't want a relationship where you see everything perfect, you admire them too much... all that to end after 2-3 years.

[Opinion Owner]

Same. That's why I created a whole philosophy on relationships. I found that every relationship that ends does so because of a lack of a conscious, joint vision or the act of being out of harmony with such a vision. But most people don't have a joint vision. Everyone has a vision for themselves and their relationship but the issue is it isn't definite, conscious, nor mutual. Fights don't happen due to disagreements, they happen due to lack of joint vision. Where there is no vision you will find chaos. The philosophy is that simple however requires an above average awareness on matters of the mind.

[saint_reezy]

Relationships are all about whos more invested. If two people are equally invested then real love.

[Asker]

Then that makes sense why a nearly perfect relationship in the beginning where everything was good ended after only 3 years. I was into saving money and he was into wasting money on new video games, shoes, fishing stuff and then had debts. At some point it seemed like I was dating a teen, not a grown man that invested into a serious relationship.

[DermalPunch]

People are mostly at ego level in relationships. If it feeds your ego it isn't usually real love. Some people can only operate at ego level. Hence why relationship mainly suck.

[Asker]

yeah it's when someone just want the good days and focus too much on high admiration, they forget that eventually they have to see the person's flaws and find out they share nothing in common.

[DermalPunch]

Well, maybe or they just want the high only. They are self serving. Once they have to reciprocate selflessy they ghost or dump.

[shades777]

its the same thing its just that there's no school for being and expert on the topic so we all kinda wing it unless we have first hand like a married father and mother

[Asker]

No it's not. If you take away initial attraction and intense emotions (putting them at the pedestal and too much admiration), sometimes you find out there never was any important things you guys had in common, no goals established, no stability, you don't even know how they handle bills, no nothing... it was all just admiration and lust, which was confused for love.. hence the term ''falling in love''. That's not actually love.

[Asker]

Love would be going beyound just passionate love (beyond the ''Oh I want to be with him/her love''... just emotions, nothing else) and actually tolerating their flaws, dealing with them even at their bad moments, not just wanting the good days.

[LiamJHayden]

Not for me. Falling in love is emotion. Real love is a conscious choice.

[AlexEfron]

We don't fall in love. We fail in love.

[Anonymous]

Nope.