Where to find a good man that will take me seriously?

[Anonymous]

It seems like nowadays, most guys just want hook-ups and don't care to get into a serious relationship to eventually marry the girl.

I'm about to turn 22 (which many would say is still too young) but I would be willing to marry a guy (right now) who is mature, respectful, serious about forming a family, and can provide financially.

The problem is where;( where can I find this man.

Definitely not at my college….. all the guys here just want to hit it and dip.

Any advice/guidance would be very much appreciated!

Thanks

[Sunssong]

No such thing as mature. Girls need to stop with that. Conditioning is the only thing. If he is a certain way it is due to his current conditioning. It's his current self-image.

Look I created a whole philosophy of lasting, fulfilling relationships.
What you need is a vetting system. Most people go by feelings and waste so much time. Don't do that.

I'm not a girl but if I was I wouldn't sleep with the guy for probably a year. Whenever you met a guy you should be looking for two things:
1) Strong desire (doesn't mean sexual attraction)
2) Definite Intentions (do u know what that means? I dont think most would)

Where do you find this man?You find him right here on earth. Stop wondering where and open your eyes and look around. He's somebody you see everyday or month. Like that Reba song:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/p14-lNyBovM

Look a winner never quits and control your mindset. It you don't you'll quit everything that's worth anything.

[Asker]

Yea you are 100% right. I’m a Christian, so I’m not having sex with the guy if I’m not married to him yet. That’s the good thing about no sex before marriage. You will really know if he’s with you just for your body or if he truly loves you as a human being. If he’s the one, I guess he will respect my decision and wait until marriage. Hopefully I will be able to find someone like this.

Anyways, I loved your very detailed and thoughtful response! What an adorable song you added lol

[Sunssong]

Thanks for MHO. To be clear, finding someone who wants the same thing as you and has a burning desire for it is the so called easy part. That is like 5% of the philosophy; and technically I left out the spiritual/Biblical component of said, "Easy part". I say all that because you seem open minded and very serious about your future. If you ever wish to know more, let me know. Having a clear, mutual goal and both desiring it intensely is not enough to ensure a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

[inhua]

good men aren't hard to find. there's plenty of them however they get overlooked in favor of men who are taller, are better looking, have more money etc.

a lot of these good men are now deciding not to follow these unwritten rules that limit them and instead they choose to be a bit more selfish for themselves

if you really want to find one, places like church, libraries, book fairs, science fairs etc. would be a good place to start or you make your vetting process more strict and by strict, you put more emphasis and focus on the controllable factors like character and personality, values etc. not superficial factors

[Asker]

Thank you! There’s one thing I wanna address about your answer.

So my friends also said the same thing about me going to library/church to meet a good man. But since men there tend to be more well-mannered/keep to themselves, are they even going to want to approach me like the fu** boys on the streets willingly do? Like I feel that the church/library men wouldn’t want to be creepy and so would end up keeping to themselves.. and unfortunately Im not someone who would approach a guy… :( I think it would be masculine of me to do so

[Sunssong]

@asker why do you think guys would be turned off by you approaching them? Are you sure that's not a limiting belief that is causing self sabotage?

[kylee2437]

My advice is to date down. Stop going for men that are typically your type or your “dream guy” . The guys that are dreamy are usually the men that will not settle down and typically use women for sex because they can. Do not give into sex easily. Let a man realize what he needs to provide to you to keep you happy. Waiting to have sex will also lead you to a better answer on if this guy is for you or not.

[Asker]

Yea I would totally be down to date down. It’s just that I don’t know where to start. Like where do I go to find a good respectful man with a decent stable job? I’m not looking for a millionaire or anything

[richardcory]

I'm uneasy about the phrase "give in to sex easily". It implies sex is something women do for me. That isn't how it should be. Have sex when you BOTH want it, its never something to trade

[Anonymous]

Its same situation with me. I dont know where are such men. Mostly i attract non serious, non commital partners. I want to get married too but guys arenot taking me seriously they are mostly into physical connections. I am so tired. I am so frustrated i dont know what to do. Sometimes i though that i would be single my whole life and will die single too. When i see people getting married to their love.

[Asker]

Yes I feel and understand your pain!
My friends say oh like go to church or library and you’ll find a good man there.
But then it’s like okay I go there…I’m definitely not gonna be the one to approach them…. what if they see me and don’t approach me cause they don’t want to be creepy…I don’t know ;(

[Sunssong]

I met a girl on here like that. She now has found her guy and is happy. The men you're looking for you walk pass every week, month.

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes i thought of suicide. I feel like no one loves me. No one will marry me. I am getting old.

[Opinion Owner]

@Sunssong nobody took me serious here too. Im just tired and fed up.

[Opinion Owner]

Mostly men that i approached and mostly men approached me they were mostly married or with someone else but still played with my emotions and at the end they left me hanging. I am just tired.

[Opinion Owner]

What's the point of playing with my emotions? If you are already involved with someone else.

[Asker]

Suicide is NEVER the answer!

Someone here mentioned dating apps. Have you tried any Christian dating apps? There might be good men there looking for serious relationships

[Opinion Owner]

I have tried everything dear. Am i that much worthless that these guys kept me as a side chick.

[Sunssong]

The girl I met on here said all the same things. She was suicidal too. She has a guy now and is happy. She was the same age group as you.

The main obstacle you're facing right now is that you've never been taught how to control you emotions. Most people don't use their own minds. Mind meaning inner activity or movement. There is the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. The subconscious is the part you have to take conscious control over in order to change and also control yourself. Conscious mind is the gateway to the subconscious.

If you felt it was possible for you to find your love, you'd be a whole different person. You wouldn't be suicidal or depressed. You'd be getting up everyday excited to find out if today was the day you met your husband. Worry and doubt is the problem. You are worrying and doubting and that is causing fear and sadness. In fact, if you felt you already had your husband that would be even better. Key word felt and that's regardless of present results.

The nervous system doesn't know the difference between what's real and imagined. So if you're thinking about doubt and worry, your nervous system thinks it is real right here and now. It only takes things as fact. That's why movies are so good. Our system believes in what it sees even though our conscious mind knows it's a movie.

If I were you I'd try to start thinking stuff like this: "I just got married to my husband and everything is great. How does that reality feel?"
You gotta start feeling and thinking something other than the worry and doubt.
Plus you are programming yourself.
If you start thinking positive and do it all day long, in about 30-60 days it will be hard for you to think negative. It will feel unnatural or fake. Seriously. Do it for 90 days and you'll never go back.

[Asker]

@Sunssong are you single? Because I think you would honestly be the perfect fit for her. It’s rare to find men who think like you.

[Sunssong]

I am and I appreciate that, thank you.

[OlderAndWiser]

Slightly older guys will have more serious intentions.

[Reorx]

Men like this are either working, at home or invested with family. Some of us still go to church. The game (deception) weeds us out. Im not sure about others, I like to spend time at my local park or volunteering for my community. You'll never see me in a club, I'd rather go to a museum, stellarium or the library, wine tasting etc..

[Asker]

Thank you for your helpful and thoughtful response! :)

[Anonymous]

This is a problem of women's own making.

Half of marriages end in divorce and 80% of them are initiated by women.

Men get screwed in divorce court and child custody.

Marriage and commitment do not offer men nearly as many benefits as in the past.

Women have set the expectation that casual sex is the norm. Modern women are very promiscuous, so sex is easily available without all the pain and drama of marriage. Women know now that if they don't put out, the next woman will.

In other words, women have made commitment too costly and sex too cheap.

[Massageman]

Start at the local hardware stores, in the departments where they have a parts, NOT the department with finished products. Real men can build "A something" from a bunch of "nothings". Or maybe the camping department, too.

Start at the produce and meat departments of your local food stores. Real men can do the same thing with food.

Start at volunteer efforts in your area. Real men aren't afraid to help others. Maybe Habitat for Humanity, or on a short term mission trip to help tornado survivors, or a local food pantry (I work at our church one every Saturday). Or volunteer at the local dog shelter/humane society office. You will get cuddles, if not from a good guy, at least from the doggies!

I wish we had met about 40-somethin' years ago. Good luck - I wish you well in your quest for Mr. Right!

[HighValue]

Do you have a good moral past yourself?

Because you need to be a good moral person with a good past to get a good man for long term.

And date someone 30+. By then it is much easier to see what kind of person he will be in the future because he would have already established his habits and his long term physical traits will show by 30 too.

[lorenzomichael]

Well you find him on Amazon. The thing is there isn't any one place to find Prince charming, and nothing good ever comes easy. But there are guys that want a nice girl to marry and have kids with and they just might be at the college you attend. I'm sure you don't know every guy there.

[richardcory]

A lot of people in college are still figuring out what to do with their lives, too young to settle down. You might find someone older, or someone how is already settled in a career by 22, in a trade of some sort.

[Ryfyle]

They already killed themselves, they're gone now. Or you can look for older jaded men.

[Asker]

But why did they kill themselves?

[Ryfyle]

When your a disposable tool to keep society running, and not really human, its real easy to kill yourself.

[Anonymous]

The guys working in the trades would be nice for you. I don't know if you date blue collar workers though?

For me its easier to just be a loser.

[BarryLiverstone]

I have some advice but I’m wondering what are your goals for life and relationships in the next five years. Like tell me a successful outcome and a failed outcome in your mind.

[Danny_dan92]

More than likely not on the internet

[Iron_Man]

Try Christian Mingles

[Sunssong]

Dude... Every time you say this lol. But you're not wrong.

[Iron_Man]

@Sunssong thanks

[In_Trance]

Depends how you quantify "good"