How do I find a good, quality man?

Question

So I'm so sick and tried of young men treating me like total shit because I'm not "slutty enough" (actual reason why I got rejected) and today it hit me when my crush was telling me he'd rather have his right hand and being sick on my new shoes whilst telling me how I should be living my life.

I deserve SO, SO much better, honestly I'm not one to big myself up but I'm aware I'm freaking hot af and I've always stayed humble about it in the past. I'm a extremely hard working, driven young woman who's intellectual and well mannered but unfortunately I can't ever seem to find a young man around my age with the same standards as me.

I think I'm better off dating older men between 26-28 as they usually have their shit together and are more knowledgeable of how to treat a good women. But because of my past fails attempts in relationships with men I'm very inexperienced and I've not even kiss a guy before nor dated one and I don't know how to be around older guys and are usually shocked when I tell them but I've never had a boyfriend.

ptwiryeo · Accepted Answer

I'm not certain you're going to find what you're looking for in men 26 to 28 either. You might get lucky, they do exist, but generally, men don't mature past the looking for sex phase until they're at least 30. And some men don't even mature at all. Beauty is sometimes more like a curse than a blessing. You probably have men throwing themselves at you and promising you the world but when you really get down to it, all they want is sex.

I, myself have always strived to be different than other men because I could see at a very young age how men flocked towards the pretty girls and how they were treated in return. I never wanted to be treated that way so although I would find myself desiring a woman because she was beautiful, I always needed more before I could consider dating her.

If you want a quality guy, you just need to be patient. They're very rare and when you find them, you may not find you feel a connection with them. Just because he's a quality guy, doesn't mean he's the right guy. Patience is everything and the type of man you're looking for will be a man of integrity. He will take the time to get to know you first. If you decide you want to take things further, he'll ask if you're certain, he'll hold you when you cry because he truly cares, and he will never try to take things further when they're making sure you're at the same level first.

I don't know that there's a formula for finding a guy like that, so all I can say is be patient, he does exist.

TripleAce · Accepted Answer

I bet because of this
"I'm freaking hot af and I've always stayed humble about it in the past. I'm a extremely hard working, driven young woman who's intellectual "

you think you deserve all that... and probably go for guys that seem like a good catch, physically... and that's where the problem is
drop you standards just a little... go for a guy that sees you as the best he can get, as a good catch.. like omg this girl is the best thing in my life...

then you'll have a good relationship... and no dating older men is a cop out... its exploiting your youth for a relationship

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Wait until your 25-26 years really trust me your 20 until 25 set a career goal or any goal. When I was 19 until 25 I was working like a horse so freaking hard bought my first apartment and planing to open my own business meanwhile I met the right guy while searching for apartments we share so much in common...
How to find a good quality man? Be patient that's the key , self first make your goals come true then he will come in your way.

Now , if you think my opinion is not for you, you can find any guy who you might think he has " qualities" but still down the road you might think you were wrong etc etc so at least be careful start dating around observe guys. Don't settle for one right away keep looking basically. That's what dating is about.

neverminditstess · Accepted Answer

You just gotta keep looking. Go to a place where you know intellectual men will be. Dating older men has benefits, but you'll also have to deal with the fact that they have many more responsibilities.

ChronicThinker · Answer

By being quality yourself. It’s pretty easy.

HereIbe · Answer

Okay, here is how my wife found me, and I like to think I'm a "good man". She went online. You will need a thick skin, but it can work. Here is how her profile started:
"A man who finds a wife finds a good thing." That was the FIRST line in her profile. She was 100% no bullshit, 100% stating EXACTLY what she wanted in very concrete terms. Then she backed it up. She had no tolerance for anyone who wasn't going to START on those terms. She had a specific time limit from meeting to goal, as well. If a man (me, in this instance) wasn't aboard with all that, he (I) was free to move on. She had to wade through a LOT of bullshit to get to a husband, but she persevered.

The method:
1) DEFINE what you want in totally concrete, non-emotional language. Don't say you want "someone to love", DEFINE what that means in real actions.
2) STATE IT UP-FRONT. Do not beat around the bush. Do not bother to "advertise" yourself. Just be completely honest. You don't have to say how much "fun" you are, for example. If you have an age limit, SAY IT.
3) STICK TO IT. That means being willing to let the "fun" guys or the guys who make your pussy wet just go--unless wet pussy and fucking actually is your real goal, of course.
4) Be willing to look at men who are TOTALLY UNLIKE any man you've been with before. I am the total opposite of every man that wet my wife's panties for years, years that she now admits were failures at trying to find someone. I'm a nerd. On the surface, I'm DULL as water much of the time. I am not "fun". I like to do math. I read theology and play D&D. On the other hand, I am constant. I am faithful. I am ADORING and APPRECIATIVE. At the end of the day, she has come to appreciate someone who really wants to be with her through everything, through her mood swings, her crazed schemes, through all she does. She was dating boys. She married a man.

PS: You might want to reconsider the age range to include men up to 45 or so (50 might be too much for you). Might, or might not.

Mr-Nice · Answer

The main thing is to not be hurried into sex. Get a guy who respects where you are right now. Another virgin might be a good alternative to an older guy. First love is always the deepest. Good to find a guy who will fall as hard you you inevitably will.
But if you do go with the older guy option, find out about his past relationships. You want a relationship guy not a fuckboy. Relationships guys will normally have a history of long relationships that span over 2 years. The most recent relationship should have ended over one year ago (You don't want him on the rebound). With older men be skepticle if he says hasn't ever had a long relationship or had one in the last 5 years. This could mean he doesn't want to commit and is playing the field.
Don't give him sex straight away. Make him chase you. Make him invest time in getting to know you. Make him show you how much he wants you before you give him the prize.
Find out his idea on marriage. Me that don't belive in marriage don't want commitment. Basicaly avoid losing your virginity on a one night stand to a manipulative play boy who knows all the right things to say. Actions speak louder than words.

FinalVow · Answer

looks are skin deep. not trying to doubt your claim to being intellectual but you should know that. personality matters perhaps that is your problem or lack there of as the case may be. Do you rely on your looks over your personality? Sounds like no. When "looking" for a "man" are you going based on looks (not talking about simple crap like oh that man is huge no thanks or oh that man is a twig hard pass) stuff like: Muscles, perfect hair, face, body, tan, etc etc etc etc etc etc? if so that is your problem. the "good looking" guys are generally very shitty people. It is the guys who are "average" or "below average" who are generally good men and have a matching personality. Also the phrase "I'm aware I'm freaking hot af" is a really fast way to contradict everything you typed. Not saying it is wrong to say it being self positive is a great way to build confidence and self esteem and what not. Though from what I have seen for some reason not keeping it to yourself makes you "shallow" and blah blah blah. good luck to you and a word of warning. if the phrase (I am a good guy comes out of anyone's mouth without a sincere explanation why they think so. run no truly good guy titles himself as one he tells people who he is and lets them decide.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly girl you juat have to keep looking. You sounds like a great girl who knows what you want and how much your worth. Keep looking through the trash till you find a man worth of you. As for looking for older guys that might be good but the problem is still there. They just want into your pants.

It is rare for someone to want your heart these days. Just recently with my last girl I got my first kiss and she did also. We waited till we were boyfriend and girlfriend before even doing more than using hands. Sadly we did not work out but I hope to find a girl like you who knows her worth and is waiting.

For guys I suggest telling them that your waiting till you get married. That gets rid of a lot of creeps. For the rest show them your serious about waiting and they will push and then run.

Keep you to yourself till a worth man comes along. Also do not worry about missing out on sex and kissing. It will be so much better when it is with someone you love than a fling or some one who does not fully love you.

ZakMyth · Answer

Age shouldn't matter (maturity speaking) I've known some dumb 30 year olds and smart younguns, and you can sometimes pick them out from one another by observing how they behave towards you, don't get me wrong us men do show off time to time when in presence of one who we admire,
But there's a difference, to tell from someone who is actually interested in YOU, and someone whos just into you, is noticing how their mind acts towards you vs when you're not around, or "if" they text (or tell,) you good morning or goodnight or what not, whenever they wake up. And how fast they try to "sexualize" the convo, whether they do or not. It's all just mix match opportunities, it all depends on the one your looking for, age shouldn't matter in this case, (besides the obvious too young is too young lol.)
Hence, I'm nineteen, I've been through things that some 30 year olds haven't, and it goes both ways too. If all that made sense then blessed be, if not well I hope it has helped you in the battles you go through and face.
-ZakMyth

KAF87 · Answer

I hate to be "that guy", but older men can be just the same. Also not all older men have their sh! t together.

Generally speaking older guys that are worth having will either not care about experience, or will be inexperienced themselves.

I wish I could say that dating is easy, or that practice makes perfect, but it is too random for that. I find it best to look for people who would accept who you are, make sure they are genuine. Trying to change or be something you are not never leads to happiness.

0112358 · Answer

I'm not sure if you will have better or worse luck with older guys. On average, more older guys are looking for a relationship versus hooking up. On the other hand, older guys pursuing younger women often want that to -avoid- being serious. My guess is it's sort of offsetting. Most young AND older guys will just want to fool around, with a minority wanting more.

I would say that relationship oriented older guys are even -less- inclined to wait around to get sexual though.

As for how they treat women, it's probably … more consistent? You are more likely maybe to find young guys who are just self absorbed, but also more likely to find young guys who would do everything for you.

4nication · Answer

"I'm a extremely hard working, driven young woman who's intellectual and well mannered"

No offence, but I don't think any of these are that important to guys. Sure, they're better than being lazy, dumb, and rude.

But frankly, looks are (as you probably well know) important to guys. And also that you're fun to be around. Both men and women are more attracted to rule breakers than to "good girls" or "good boys".

Regarding finding a good guy... I think older dudes can be just as sleazy as younger ones. I don't know... I feel like if I observe men, I can usually form a first impression of whether this guy is trustworthy or not. Slimeballs just have a sort of deadness about them. Like all the bad stuff they've done has left its mark on them. So I guess you don't want that. But you're a woman, so you probably still want some danger to spice things up, am I right?

Anonymous · Answer

Talk to women who are on dating sites, and dating apps. It doesn't matter what age the guys are, they just want girls who fuck. They don't want a relationship. Why would they want that? Those days are over.
They say that a woman over 40, has a better chance of getting struck by lightning, than getting married.
Back in the day... the only way a guy could get laid, was to get into a relationship. But times have changed. Now women are on Tinder and just DTF. So why would a guy go through the pain of a relationship?

HRiva · Answer

See you should be confident about yourself and yes you are right you should never let others opinions about you make u feel bad... but when you know about yurself you should not speak in words ( exp i am hot or i am well mannered etc) here you have to be mature. You know who you are thats really great and good and you are humble too thats good... and regarding guys i will say a mature guy will understand you ( maturity doesent mean age ) i mean otherwise emotionally mature guy and all u have to do is to be yourself but you dont have to proove to others by words your actions will proove them and yes always believe in yurself and always stay humble and good :)

jean_A · Answer

You say you are not full of yourself. But you are full of yourself. But I don't care. You are 20 guys still try to figure out the irrational behavior ow women that age. Give them some time sheeess. General advice dont go for the top 10%douches. And take responsibility for your situation and behavior. Also approach man yourself. Try to find how you can identify good man. Try different types and try different attitudes. it's really just the same as anything in your life actually. Although I'm not a whoman. So I cannot tell for sure how you experience it.

jmorrow · Answer

You are gorgeous and you're still young. Unfortunately there are probably more assholes out there than there are good guys. I don't normally stick to this, but it's a very good way to keep from finding assholes... don't jump into relationships. If you find someone you like, befriend them. Find out who they are personally before wanting something more. The best way to know how they will treat you is by how they act towards other women. If they degrade women in general, they'll never fully respect you. Just be patient and look for the guys who are humble and respectful to everyone. They may not be as flirtatious or confident as the asshole types, but once you get to know them, it will show. Keep your chin up, darlin'. The good guys are out there.

attics · Answer

Aside from finding a 'nice Christian boy' I don't really know what to say. It's easy to say that you should wait and that the right guy will come along, but I doubt you want to hear that. There's not much else I can offer. There are nice guys out there (and a lot of them even come without fedoras and neckbeards).
Don't stand for any treatment you don't deserve, and don't change how you are to suit other guys. I'm sure you knew that already but a lot of people need to be reaffirmed of that [:
Good luck for you

jessicake · Answer

Okay, first I wanna say YES GIRL REALIZE YOUR TRUE WORTH! I don't know you but I’m proud of you for taking that step! second I wanna say, I’m not sure where you’re finding these men that sound so awful, but there are men out there who will be willing to treat you the way you deserve. I suggest you try and make friends first to get to know them without having that extra layer people often add to themselves to look good in front of other when attracted. Keep believing in yourself!

Anonymous · Answer

Actually in my opinion, I'd better wait and not be so desperate to find one, but men this quality usually won't approache you first unless he knows you like him, so it'd be quite difficult to find them. My advice is go and live your life you can do without a man and if you think you found him approach him and don't wait for him, and most importantly take it slowly because most guys are jerks but they try to put an act in front of girls, so wait till you know everything about him, and don't compromise and lower your standards for anyone, because given time they will eventually turn back to the jerks they are.

WhereAmI · Answer

Well I won't be flying our to England anytime soon so...

Actually, I can't even fly due to my tinnitus possibly getting worse. I do plan to take a boat trip on the Queen Mary to London within a couple years though. That's a long time so you'll have to survive without me babe. lol

Realistically, don't be shy about being inexperienced and just find a nicer older guy.

Sarisalive · Answer

You are being honest with yourself and valuing yourself, and their is nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't rush into relationships with others that you don't know very well. Become friends with them first before even thinking about dating them. Also, you should try not to fall in love so quickly.

Idontknow012 · Answer

I say the same for girls, nowdays they are all sluty and only care about parties, if you are rich, painting the hair blonde and having big nails...

I hate discos so much that if the hottest girls ever invite me i will reject, just want to watch movies in my couch

Bluedream13 · Answer

Oh, you wanna have respect for yourself? Fuck you, eat shit, you need to be a slut --- says the world. The world as it exists today is run by satan

You have the right idea, older men generally will have their shit more together, but keep in mind that you don't want one of these assholes grown old either. There exist young men who would treat you right.

If you wanna find a hot guy that isn't shallow as fuck... well it will mean a lot of sifting. Focus more on personality and look for someone with strong moral character, isn't that what women care about anyway and us men are supposed to be the shallow ones? Lol

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