How would you encourage someone to be a strong and a self-sufficient person?

Question

Let’s say, you care about people who aren’t self sufficient and always have problems that they handle poorly, so when you are in a position to help, you help even though they never or rarely ask for it,

but you know that every time you help - it’s temporary, they’ll always need your help because they don’t know how to help themselves.

What to do? How would you help them strengthen themselves? How would you help them become independent and self-sufficient?

Is it a better help not to help at all and let them learn how to deal with life alone? Isn’t it betrayal?

Or will it make them stronger people?

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

First of all, people are not going to change just because you want them to change, so any pressure on your part will likely backfire.

If you want people to feel strong and self-sufficient, then facilitate their exploration and discovery rather than spoon feed them. Help them to discover the answers by asking them what result they'd like to see, what options might be available and which option makes the most sense to them. Let them know you're there to be a sounding board and be supportive of their choices, but you're not there to do it for them.

We aren't born insecure. Those feelings are planted on us by our parents and society, due to their incessant overprotectiveness. It's challenging to let go of early indoctrination (where we were taught we were too stupid to think for ourselves). Help people believe in themselves rather than be quick to rescue them with handouts. We either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. If you give them a fish, they'll have a meal for a day... if you teach them how to fish, they'll have a meal for a lifetime.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I don't get involved, the truth is you really hard to help others, that cannot help themselves or are unwilling or unable to help themselves without creating some degree of dependency.

You know the old adage, if give a man a fish you feed him for a day, teach him to fish you feed him for a lifetime.

So if your idea of helping is to do it for them, then you are really not helping them. But you teach them how do it for themselves, then wash your hands of it and let them go forth on their own.

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

You can't.

By doing things for them, you're enabling them and making it clear by your actions that they can coast while you clear away obstacles.

They have to want to be strong on their own, and deal with things on their own.

Also, unless these are children (which means you need to teach them how to do those things), then it isn't your responsibility either.

If they're grown adults that refuse to grow up, that's their own fault.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

No matter how hard you try, if they don’t help or push themselves, your efforts to help is futile.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Some people just like being taken care of as apposed to being self sufficient.
I tend to gravitate towards more independent women because of my schedule.
Odd hours, 24+hours as well as being out of town quite often.
I did have a long term relationship with a women who did not like to be by herself, going shopping alone, making decisions.
At the time I was fine with it, she was very smart,, well educated,, great job, smoking hot, always dressed nice, great in bed, every guy's dream.
Now I would probably think twice about it as my life is different.

dynamicyandere · Answer

That’s difficult, as it’s very much a personal choice.

You can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves.

But if they do want to do something to change their life, you can offer emotional support, encouragement, and guidance.

Love and a bit of tough love too.

Give them the guidance they need, but allow them to do the work required.

If you do everything for them, you’re robbing them of the character growth that is supposed to come along the way.

But also, if they aren’t asking for help, there is no need to force your help on them.

Let them know you are there for them, and allow them to come to you.

That’s how I’d go about it.

Normally, I just lead my example and people come to me for advice, and I give them some guidance that I’ve learned from my own experiences.

Andres77 · Answer

If they are not in a relationship, then I would remind them of their dreams and encourage them to follow their dreams. Some people think that they need a partner to complete them but that just means that they are going into a relationship not whole. One should not need another to be complete.. each individual should be complete before they ever consider being in a relationship.

They should seek out other complete people. If the dating candidates are not complete people, then they should politely decline because that person is not ready. It is just going to end up in a divorce or any other form of heartbreak and failure..

devilish-cutie · Answer

you explain them ways you use to be stabile and self sufficient

ohsheeT · Answer

Well if you know the person needs help on something. Before it even comes up what ever it might be. Say hey before we go and do this I have to take care of blank. What ever it is let them watch the way you do it deal with it or whatever and let them learn what ever it is your helping with just make sure your the voice only let them do all the leg work . And what ever it is then need to experience it before they can understand it

Lionman95 · Answer

By making them decide when we meet up. Like let´s say we meet for lunch I make them decide what´s for lunch where we go or if we cook at home and what we do.
I´d make them take the lead and challenge them in different aspects.
For me it´s more of a though experiment though. I´ve never actually tried it out.

JonesT10Apr · Answer

if they ask help then do or explain about it...

if they don't ask just watch carefully and know or understand their mistakes...
then educate...

some people unable to be independent... they need always others help...

for your help and advice make u angry or feel to yell be in your limit and take care of yourself with peaceful mund

JeffersonA · Answer

For a woman you need about 6 poeple boys and girls cause if it is just one she only gets a small bit of confidence.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

Whatever you do, don't enable them. Sometimes the only way to teach someone to take care of themselves is to give them no choice

msc545 · Answer

Mentoring them through difficult tasks might be the only way.

Agape93 · Answer

Show them hardship, and give them the metaphorical tools to prevent it happening again.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

What could you possibly know about struggling?

Alex8736 · Answer

The final choice is theirs. It all comes down to the willingness

LitanyofFears · Answer

I would let them know I have their back, and always in their corner.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Teach them how to do stuff for themselves

Charliefretz329 · Answer

Just give them positive reinforcement

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Don’t be such a demon. Just be the demon

justabuddy · Answer

Little hints and lead by example.

How would you encourage someone to be a strong and a self-sufficient person?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How would you encourage someone to be a strong and a self-sufficient person?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.