In the past I’ve been cheating and now I’m fixated on this one guy, really love him…can someone change or is it always once a cheat is always a cheat?

[Anonymous]

Before, I used to speak to different guys and hide texts or mute. It was never sexually I cheated.
I’ve found the one, I’m in love with him and I will not look at other men.

Him and I have not been together for that long, I messaged my school crush like 3 months ago (I wasn’t with my boyfriend at that time), he replied to me recently because he had not been active on Facebook. So I spoke with him for a bit out of curiosity, we were going to face time (no flirting at all) but I messaged him saying I’m in a relationship and I can’t speak to him. I did have a phone call with him for about 10 minutes, just to basically catch up but then I know it’s not right. My boyfriend don’t even talk to girls like that and I don’t talk to guys like that, that’s just our boundaries, sure we do have opposite distant friends or associates.

I’m just proud that I done that and did not get tempted to speak to him further, I really love my boyfriend and hope to not break up with him.
I wouldn’t do anything to put us at risk of me losing him. He has been cheated on few times previously by other women and I know I won’t do that.

I also don’t want anything to come back to me which I think maybe it will in the future, I was stupid in the past and done things without considering other peoples feelings..

[lightbulb27]

people change when they want to and implement new patterns and rules they choose to adhere to.

If I throw a cream pie in your face, you may feel like a cream pie for a while. But you aren't one, it's just what you got hit with. You may even make terrible mistakes thinking you are a pie, but it's jsut the residual effects of the original unfortunate events.

That's trauma and training in life. Once one realizes and corrects the underlying issue, they are free of it to live to their full potential again. It's that simple... You are not what happened to you.

Jesus, is one such solution, for setting free those trapped in the emotional prisons established by the world. Choose your path and navigate as best you can.

[rukus88]

You are a cheater, period. weather or not you have cheated on him or not is irrelevant to that fact. For this case however, you may not have "cheated", but you have betrayed him, hands down, and no amount of self justification (or lying to yourself) is ever going to change that. You disrespected him on a level that is evidence to your hypergamy, and inability to love unconditionally. If you truly "love" him, give him informed consent. You can either A. tell him what you have done and admit that you have cheated in the past. or B. Leave him alone before you do more damage.

[Anonymous]

I think people can change but they have to really want to. I think to really answer that question- you would have to be at a hard post i your relationship and then see how you will react in that instance. Some people use hardships as a way to justify negative behavior.


So basically only you can answer that for you because everyone is different. I’ll say yes people can change but it’s all in a mindset. Is the change only until they’re cheated on? Or until they hit a obstacle in the relationship? Change is really about self control in my opinion.

[Decoded93]

Just be honest with yourself and with the boyfriend, focus on the intimacy between you two, try to build a good relationship