Does my daughters dad deserve to talk to her via ft or should I cut all communication?

[Anonymous]

My daughters father hasn’t seen her since January we broke up in March a have been off and on we’re in two different state he went off to play basketball claiming he was doing so to put our little family in a better position basketball didn’t work out due to him getting injured…. now he’s in ATL still promising to make things good for us only for me to find out he’s partying living the life chasing females I think he’s in a new relationship due to a picture I saw…any way he has not sent money or anything else for our daughter all he does is FaceTime her…now he only FaceTimes her while he’s at work in the am I guess he’s tryna hide the communication from the chick he’s dealing with…. at this point I feel like I should cut off communication our daughter is 8months she deserves better…what do you all think?

[Anonymous]

It’s just FaceTime, not like he’s breaking promises or anything she’ll really remember right now. I know part of you is trying to protect her but I think a bigger part is some resentment towards him on your end.
He’s out partying, dating, etc while you’re being the real parent and all he gets to do is FaceTime then disappear. I’d be pissed too. I won’t lie, it sounds like he’s being pretty shitty rn, but what you don’t wanna do is something you’ll regret. As someone who grew up with a single mom and a pretty shitty dad, I can say that I’m glad my mom gave him a choice and he chose not to take it.
If we had FaceTime back then, that’s one thing she wouldn’t rob me of.
She didn’t intervene with any of his efforts, the only thing she didn’t do was force me upon him. He had to come to us, and if he didn’t then that’s for him to live with, not her. On top of that, once I got to a certain age I was able to see the truth for myself. If it ever came to that with your daughter then she will learn as well. But for now, consider it like coparenting, since it’s about her mostly.

[Asker]

I completely understand what you’re saying my issue is he takes screenshots to post them and act as if he’s so active I hate that our daughter is no show pony I dealt with the same thing as you with my father and it broke my heart I felt like I was not good enough to have a father it was like why does he not care about me I just don’t want to put my daughter through that I don’t mind him moving on just don‘T neglect our child she should come first not me nor another woman he did abandon us though he left to supposedly get on his feet for us now it’s like he don’t gaf about us it’s just so much I just feel like he’s going to let her down 🥹

[Opinion Owner]

“Get on his feet for us” “don’t gaf about us”, that’s your pain, not your daughters. I’m telling you this because so much of your words imply you still love your bd, and you’re mad at him right now but what if he were to come back? Even if you can’t envision forgiving him now, you’ve got a kid together and you’d be surprised at how much you wanna make a family lifestyle work. Do I think you should take him back? Absolutely not but we’re human and it happens. So don’t act on your own personal grievances with him at this moment, and let him talk to his daughter. He isn’t doing anything wrong by posting a screenshot of his daughter, some men don’t even do that, let alone reach out for FaceTime and rather go awol.

[Asker]

I’m just saying what he said he said he was doing for his family of course I love him but that’s fading because he doesn’t seem to care much about his own children no matter what is going on he should do for his kids not just FaceTime them he has money to buy new clothes liquor etc but at the end of the day he can talk to his daughter but he will be going on child support I am a full time stay at home mom I’m not working yet I’m still getting everything for our child it’s not ok she’s OUR RESPONSIBILITY

[Opinion Owner]

Your feelings are valid and you’re 100% correct, your kid is his responsibility as well. The financial aspect can easily be settled with child support, so don’t worry about that. It’s the emotional part that you have to really consider before making your choice.
Since he’s not living with you, FaceTime is all he can do at the moment, and it’s only been a few months. I personally don’t believe it hurts anything to let him see her as long as he’s consistent about it, because what you don’t want is for her to start growing up and feel resentment towards you for creating an obstacle for her to see her dad. Even as an adult, you wish your father was more involved and you feel an emptiness from his absence, so knowing that feeling first hand, why risk that future for her as well? You want your hands to be completely clean when she starts being able to understand what’s going on, assuming he doesn’t shape up by then. To be able to say “I never kept him from you, it was his choice not to be involved”.

[kylee2437]

This depends on how old your daughter is. If she is physically FaceTiming him, herself then I think it would be rather a horrible move to not allow her to do so, as she doesn’t understand any of those issues you have explained and you would only be convincing her to hate her father for adult based reasons.

[Asker]

She’s only 8months and I feel like if he truly cared for her he’d do for her I just don’t want to break her heart I don’t want her to have a broken promise relationship with him I don’t want her to have daddy issues

[kylee2437]

@asker yeah I think it’s safe to say, cutting contact isn’t a bad move for now. She really doesn’t understand and him FaceTiming her is making him feel like a father even though FaceTiming a child is not playing a proper parent role.

[Asker]

Exactly it’s like he feels like all he has to do is call then he takes screenshots just to look like daddy of the year I don’t want to play a part in playing with my child’s feelings

[kylee2437]

Yeah I totally agree. Plus it seems like completely inconsideration that , that is not a proper way to interact with a baby if you want to build a proper relationship with the baby.

[SnowedIn]

As a kid whose mom used me as a pawn in a divorce I'll answer you that yes you should allow her to talk to her dad if she wants to.

Be the bigger person about this.

[Asker]

She’s 8months

[SnowedIn]

Don't use her as a pawn.

[Asker]

I’m not I just don’t want to waste her time bonding with a man who is not going to be there

[SnowedIn]

He's still her dad and you can't make that go away. Protect her, yes, but don't cut her off.

[slatyb]

I think your daughter is entitled to a relationship with her father.

[Asker]

But does he truly care if he’s not doing anything for her? And doesn’t even plan on seeing her?

[slatyb]

It's not about him or you. It's about her. She's too young now but it won't be long before she will either want to talk to him or she won't. If she does, you should let her. You are there and he isn't. She will understand that.

[Anonymous]

Seems like your arguments is coming from a place of you being hurt by him, not what’s best for your daughter. What he deserves or not is irrelevant, it’s what’s in the best interest of your daughter that matters. And it is best for her to keep in contact with him. If he’s calling her every morning then that’s good. She sees him everyday and gets to know him. Value every contact she has with him, unless he’s a danger to her then it’s beneficial for her to have a relationship with him no matter what you may think of him. And make sure you do not speak badly of him to her.

[Asker]

I simply feel like he’s doesn’t really care about our daughter it really has nothing to do with me I don’t want to break my daughters heart I want to protect her at all cost